Stones Around The Grave (Prolog)

Title: Stones Around The Grave (Prolog)

Author: Faith Harris

Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffy cast or the show…although I occasionally borrow Xander and Spike for my own amusement…

Dear Buffy,

God, Buffy. I don't even know where to begin. Yes I do. Now I remember why I'm writing this. I'm writing to tell you something very important.

I hate you.

Bet you never thought you would hear that from good old Xander Harris, right? I was in love with you. Madly. Believe it or not, I'm not mad about you rejecting me. I'm used to that. I'm used to you crying to me, and then going to Angel. Or whoever else you wanted to go out with.

This is very easy to explain. I hate you because you left. You went to wherever the heck you went, just because you had to kill your stupid boyfriend. Just because you couldn't handle the fact that you had to kill the person who was going to send us all to hell.

Oh, by the way, I have some news for you. I was supposed to tell you that Willow did the spell to get Angel's soul back. Hurts, don't it? Having to kill someone you love. That's why you should have been there. I wouldn't have had to kill them.

Yeah, how does it feel now? Knowing that because you left the Hellmouth opened! And guess who was left to clean up all the garbage that you left? Us! And that's why they didn't survive. That's why Spike and Drusilla, and all those other vampires changed them. They changed Will, and Giles, and Cordelia. And it was your fault! If you would have stayed, they would be here with me! Not staked! I had to kill each and every one of them! Except Will. Oz staked Willow. I sure hope you found what you needed to find when you left, because there'll be nothing for you to find when you get back. Nothing. And you know why? Because they're all dead.

Oz killed himself after Willow. He looked at the dust on the ground, and then at the stake in his hand. When we went back into the library, I couldn't stop him. He had already shot himself. Silver bullet through the mouth.

God, Buffy, why are you so selfish? Didn't you even stop to think what could happen without you here? No, probably not. You were probably too self-absorbed to think straight. Not even Cordelia is that selfish. Correction. Wasn't. She wasn't that selfish. When she was alive.

I'm leaving town too now. But I have a good reason to. There's nothing here anymore. No friends, no loves. God, unlike you, I didn't even have a real family. By the way, did I tell you your mom died trying to protect us too?

I'm going far away now, and I'm never coming back. I'm never going to look at their graves. And you know why? Because they all have none. Except for Oz. I made one for him, where the library used to be, before it collapsed. There are no other bodies to bury. So there are just stones, big stones, circling around Oz's grave. There's even one for me. Because as far as I'm concerned, the old Xander Harris is dead. He died when he had to stake Giles. The only father I was ever close to having.

I hate you Buffy.

Alexander Harris