If I died, I wonder if you'll realise how much you loved me,

or how much you didn't...

A lone tear ran down the man's cheek as her words repeated itself again and again in his head. It has been 5 years since she left. 5 years full of regrets and of 'what if's and also... 5 years he had been without a woman.

He still remembered the last look on her face before she left. Then, he assumed that she would return as she always had after a few days. He knew that she loved him and he loved her but he was foolish and self centred. He always chose things like tennis or training or his teammates over her because he knew that whatever he did, she would stay. In the end, she would try to understand and then proceed to forgive him and he had taken advantage of that.

Sometimes, he wished that he could remember how it felt when she kissed him goodbye that day or the feeling of her tiny body holding him. He remembered how she tried not to cry in front of him. She had always been like that. Considerate of his feelings till the very end. Did she want him to tell her to stay? Would she have if he asked? If the other times when she did break down, if he truly tried to make her happy instead of returning to his past habits, would she even thought about leaving?

We can't keep doing this.. I give up, Tezuka-senpai. You need someone else who can understand you more than I will ever do..

If he had caught her hand before she left the door, would she have stayed? Would she still get up before him, make him breakfast according to the diet set by Inui, make his coffee, prepare his lunch and welcome him home with the smell of delicious home food from the kitchen like it had been for the 3 years before that? Why had he taken advantage of her love and her soul? He took for granted that she would always be there and after a while, stopped putting that much effort into their relationship. She was always complacent to his needs and he tried to be complacent with hers but he was too focused on other things. Other things that now mean so little to him.

*Mou! Kunimitsu-kun, matte yo!*

The tennis king chuckled sadly at the sound of his personal phone's ringtone. Back to the days before they moved in together and to the days in high school, they were happy. He was even playful with her sometimes. He secretly recorded her with his phone just to annoy her at the time. Now, it was the only way he could hear her voice. He closed his eyes as the ringtone closed in on the end before it repeats.

*... I love you...*

It was one of the first few times she said it. He could still remember how she blushed bright red with a pout when she said that and then glowed radiantly when he kissed her forehead in response. He remembered how he held her hand tightly and proudly as he walked her back to her grandmother's house.

Swallowing his saliva in his throat the the tears that threatened to fall, he picked up the phone.


"Buchou, you need to come to Seigaku Primary School now. I would tell you over the phone but I think this is something you have to see for yourself."

Tezuka let a tired tone enter his voice. Ever since she left, he started to let slip on how emotionally broken he was to his high school teammates.

"I do not have the time for idle things like that, Momoshiro."

"Just come. You won't regret it. If you do, I'll drink Inui's new improved formula." This made Tezuka curious. Momoshiro was not the type of person who would just volunteer to drink Inui's experiments especially after Inui graduated with a masters in Biochemistry.

"I'll be there."

Maybe watching Momoshiro suffer will get his mind off things.