Hi everyone! Here is a new story I started, and I'm happy you're here reading it. Let me know your thoughts!
Olivia looked across the table at her partner and smiled. Despite being an Irishman, sometimes he couldn't hold his liquor. She had agreed to go out for a drink with him after another long week, and they'd met up with Fin, Munch and Casey. Fin had left after one drink, claiming he had plans, and Olivia didn't press him because she was worried that he'd actually tell her where he was going. Fin kept his private life under wraps for the most part, and Olivia always suspected she should be happy about that.
She focused her attention back on Elliot. Right now, he was telling a really bad joke, and he was the only one laughing. Elliot knocked her leg under the table. "Liv. You don't think that's funny?"
Olivia rolled her eyes. "No one thinks it's funny."
Elliot leaned across the table slightly, a big smile still pasted on his face. "C'mon. You're my partner. You're supposed to have my back."
"OK. You're hilarious." Olivia rewarded him with a big smile, and he leaned back in his chair, giving her a goofy look.
She saw the look on his face, trying to figure out what was on his mind. She gave up, figuring he was just a little more drunk than usual, and shook her head. "I think it's time for me to go home." She stood up and grabbed her jacket.
"Liv. It's only 8 o'clock." Casey complained, placing a hand on her arm. "Just stay for one more."
"Sorry Casey. I'm done. It's been a long week already and I'm tired." She pulled on her jacket. "Thank God tomorrow is Friday."
Casey made a pouty face and Elliot stood up.
"OK. I'm ready."
Olivia furrowed her brow, looking at Elliot. "I didn't say you had to go."
"I'm going to walk you home." He said in a matter of fact tone. Like that had been the plan all along.
Olivia cocked her head slightly. "Elliot. I don't need you to walk me home." She smiled. "I'm armed, remember? And besides, I'm more sober than you."
Elliot pulled on his black leather jacket. "Stop being so stubborn."
Olivia started to object again, but Elliot snagged her arm and she realized he wasn't going to give up. Elliot always felt it was his job to protect her, even though she had the same training as he did, and he knew she was perfectly capable of defending herself. She shook her head, wondering how drunk he really was. She only lived 12 blocks from the bar, and she figured she could get a cab for him when they got there. That way, she didn't have to worry about him trying to drive home.
"OK El." She relented, giving him a big smile. "I'm not going to fight you."
Elliot watched as she turned back towards Munch and Casey, thinking about the smile she'd given him. It always hit him squarely in the chest when she smiled just for him. When she smiled like that, it lit her whole face and he was always amazed at how it transformed her.
He realized she was looking at him and he nodded. "Yep."
The both turned towards the door and walked out of the bar, turning in the direction of Olivia's apartment and heading down the sidewalk. They walked along, their strides falling into their natural rhythm like they usually did. Their shoulders bumped as they walked. The cold air was refreshing after the stale air in the bar. As they walked, Olivia realized that maybe Elliot wasn't as drunk as she thought. He seemed to be keeping pace with her, and he wasn't rambling like he did the few times she'd seen him get really drunk.
They walked in silence as they often did. Sometimes it seemed like just being near each other was enough, and they didn't usually resort to idle chit-chat. Olivia burrowed her hands into the pockets of her jacket and shivered slightly.
"Cold?" Elliot asked.
"A little but I'll survive. It's just a few more blocks."
Elliot wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her body into his. Olivia tensed slightly, surprised at the contact, and her stride faltered a little. Elliot caught her with the arm that was securely wrapped around her and they kept walking. Confusion swarmed through her, trying to dissect what he was thinking. She was trying to make light of it; write it off as something normal friends would do. But she and Elliot had made an art form out of building a wall between them. There was a long list of rules when it came to their partnership and their friendship, and one of the main rules was that they didn't touch.
But God, she wanted to.
She felt herself melt into him slightly before she came to her senses. He was married…off limits. No matter how much she wanted him, she had to keep reminding herself of that fact. She pulled away, grabbing his arm and pushing him away from her, trying not to make it awkward.
"Next thing I know you'll be giving me your jacket." She said.
Elliot was slightly disappointed that she had shrugged him off, but he knew that he'd broken one of the rules between them. He could tell he had shaken her slightly by the way she'd pushed him away but had quickly covered it with a joke. The alcohol in his system had made him a little bold…and he had just wanted to touch her. In his slightly inebriated state, his willpower was low, and he'd been unable to resist the urge that he'd been burying deep down for years. Years of staring at her from across their desks…years of catching just a whiff of shampoo when she stood a little closer than usual…years of looks passing between them. He wanted her. He had for a long time.
But wanting her was wrong. He had a wife at home. A wife that accused him of being in love with his partner…of having an affair. And he denied it vehemently. Because truthfully, he had never touched Olivia. At least not in the way she was accusing him of.
"Are you going to Casey's party on Saturday night?" she asked, and Elliot looked back over at her.
"What?" He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't realized she was talking to him.
She bumped his shoulder again. "Casey's party. Are you going?"
"Nah. I don't like Halloween parties."
"Didn't you see the email? It's an Un-Halloween party. No costumes. That's the point." She gave him a sideways glance and a quick smile. "Besides, Halloween is Friday night, so the kids will go trick-or-treating that night." She was sure Elliot had some nice neighborhood get together to go to with his wife, and that Kathy wouldn't want to come to a party full of cops and lawyers. "You're not going to come, are you?"
"Nah. Probably not."
She felt a small surge of disappointment. She liked spending time outside of work with Elliot; sometimes it gave her a small peek at another side of him. But like she did so many times before, she pushed it down. Those feelings had no place. Besides, if he did come to the party, he'd have Kathy in tow and that would completely ruin her evening.
They walked in silence for a few minutes. Elliot kept stealing glances at her, but she was focused on the sidewalk ahead.
"So, you're going to go?"
Olivia shrugged. "Yeah. I promised Casey I would." She looked over at him.
"Are you bringing anyone with you?" he asked. He stared straight ahead when he asked her, hoping she'd say no. And knowing he had no right to hope for that. But he was jealous and possessive when it came to her. He knew he didn't have the right to be, but he hated the thought of her going out with someone else.
The thought popped into his head. One he'd understood in an abstract manner for years now. Every time he watched her go out on a date with someone else. Every time he'd watched her went home and he wondered what she was doing that night…and he'd been forced to go home to his wife.
"El." She said, sighing.
"Never mind." He cut her off, not wanting to hear the answer.
They got to Olivia's apartment building and she took a step up onto the first step and turned towards him, noticing she was almost eye to eye with him now. She leaned over slightly, a small smile on her face, and peered into his eyes, trying to assess how drunk he really was. "Do I need to call a cab for you?" She joked, even though she was partly serious.
"Nah. I'm going to sleep in the cribs tonight. I'll just walk from here."
She raised an eyebrow. "You're sleeping in the cribs? What is it this time?" She was immediately sorry she asked, because she saw a strange look cross his face, and she knew that he must be fighting with Kathy.
"El. I'm sorry." She rested a hand on top of his shoulder. "I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."
He looked back and forth between her eyes, seeing concern for him. She was still leaning towards him slightly and he was a little overwhelmed by the look in her beautiful brown eyes, her intoxicating scent, and the proximity of her body to his. "Liv." He said, his voice choked.
Before she knew what was happening, Elliot had snaked an arm around the back of her head and was kissing her. He kissed her softly at first, his lips barely touching hers. When she didn't resist, he tangled his fingers in her hair and opened her mouth with his, sucking at her bottom lip, deepening the kiss.
All rational thought left Olivia's brain. Elliot's kissing me.
She had been a passive participant up to this point, but the feel of his mouth against hers sparked a long hidden desire in her, and she started kissing him back. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip and he met her tongue with his, kissing her with renewed passion. She moved her body closer to his, running her hand around the back of his head. She heard him moan against her mouth and she felt a rush of heat flush through her body…followed quickly by a thread of guilt.
She pulled away quickly…Elliot losing his grip on her as she pushed against his shoulders. "No." she whispered and she saw the look of confusion on Elliot's face.
"Liv." Elliot said, his voice still thick and low. He took a step towards her again but she held up her hands.
Oh my God, what have I done?
She shook her head. "I'm sorry. God. Elliot." She took a step back, trying to distance herself from him. "I'm sorry."
Elliot's couldn't wrap his mind around what was happening. He'd kissed Olivia…and she had kissed him back. The only thought that had been running through his mind was that kissing her felt so right. It was everything he'd imagined. But then she was pushing him away and she was apologizing. He looked up at her and saw she had gone up another step, her back still to the door.
"You're married." She choked out. She put a hand over her mouth and he could see she was still shaking her head, as if the was trying to erase what had just happened. "I shouldn't have…" Her voice trailed off as she heard a noise behind her. Someone was coming out of the building and she turned slightly, snagging the door. She gave him one last look, distress written on her face. "I'm sorry."
She ducked through the door and was gone.
Elliot stood rooted in place, trying to wrap his mind around everything that had happened in just the last few minutes. He sat down on the steps, his head in his hands. He'd let his control slip and for one amazing minute, he was glad that he had. And then he wasn't.
There had been a time that he thought that if he could just kiss her…just once…and get it out of his system, then things would be OK. This unquenchable desire to have her would perhaps ease. But now he laughed at himself for his naiveté. He'd only ignited the fire, remembering the deep pull in his groin with just one kiss…one touch of her lips against his.
And now he wondered what damage he had done. He knew she was upstairs, beating herself up for her role in this little scene. When she had no reason to. This was all on him.
But she had kissed him back. He couldn't deny that. She had moved in closer to his body. She had wrapped her hand around his head. She had teased his mouth with her tongue. She wanted this too. For a long time now, he hadn't really doubted it. But having the actual confirmation now was something different. And it was a dangerous thing.
Because the fire was ignited now, and he didn't know if he had the power to control himself any longer. He considered going upstairs, but he was afraid now of what he would do. He couldn't get that kiss out of his mind, and rather than try to talk to her, he was afraid he would try to kiss her again. His control was weak tonight, and he wondered if he'd ever really get it back. He wondered if she felt the same way.
Ultimately, he stood up and headed towards the precinct. On the way, he thumbed open his phone and sent Kathy a message, letting her know that he wasn't coming home. Again.
When he was done sending that message, he found Olivia's number and dialed it. He knew she wouldn't answer, so he wasn't surprised when he got her voicemail. When her heard her message, he closed his eyes, pulling up a picture of her in his mind. When the phone beeped, he opened them again. He hesitated, knowing what he had to say.
"Liv. I'm sorry. I don't know why I kissed you but it's not your fault. It's mine. You don't need to apologize. I just…lost control. It won't happen again. I'm so sorry. Just…call me back please." The recording time ended and the call hung up.
He thought about what he said in his message. The truth was that he wasn't sorry. Not at all. He knew he should be, but his only regret was that she felt it was her fault. And if he knew Olivia, she was up in her apartment agonizing over what had happened.
It had also been a lie when he told her it wouldn't happen again. He knew he couldn't promise her that. Because he wanted to kiss her again. And so much more.
Olivia shut her apartment door quickly and locked it, not sure whether Elliot was close behind her or not. She let out a huge sigh, and sagged against the door, her hands moving to her lips. They were still tingling from the kiss…and she let out a small moan as she thought about Elliot's lips on hers.
She hoped he was smart and didn't follow her up to her apartment. Because she wasn't sure what would happen if he pounded on her door in that instant. There was a really good chance that she would open the door, pull him inside, and kiss the hell out of him. There would be lips and teeth and tongue. There would be clothing quickly removed…and frantic sex against the wall…on the floor. God, anywhere. She just wanted…she wanted his hands on her. His mouth. She wanted him between her legs.
And that was so wrong.
She pushed herself off of the door and headed into the kitchen, taking off her gun and badge and lying them on the counter along with her cell phone. She dug under the sink until she found what she was looking for; a seldom used bottle of Scotch. She grabbed a glass, and quickly poured herself a drink, downing it before she could even think. She needed to shake this off. To get these thoughts out of her head.
She jumped when her phone started ringing, and she knew it was Elliot. Of course it was. There was no way she was going to answer it, because she couldn't trust herself not to tell him to come upstairs. She looked at it for a minute, until is stopped ringing, and she let out a sigh of relief.
She left the kitchen and headed for the bedroom. She stripped off her clothes and started a hot shower. She needed the soothing warmth to try to calm her thoughts. She stepped into the spray, bracing herself against the wall and dropping her head down. The hot water poured over her.
He's married. He's your partner. He's your married partner. And your best friend.
She thought back to herself as a young college student, involved in another illicit affair. The man had been 10 years her senior…and married. She thought she'd been in love. And he had told her that he loved her too. But in reality, he just loved the sex. And the ego boost from having a young co-ed fall for him. She thought he'd leave his wife for her, but she was such a fool. When she made a scene, insisted that he make a choice, there was no contest. She'd been heartbroken. Another failed relationship; another man that had let her down.
What was wrong with her? She'd gone on lots of dates between then and now; she'd slept with lots of different men. She'd even had a few relationships. But in the end, she ended up falling in love with a married man. What did that say about her?
Had she flirted with him? Let him know how much she wanted him? She had always tried to be careful, but there was an undeniable chemistry between them. Maybe she had let things go too far.
She shook her head. No, she wasn't going to let this happen. She was going to forget about the kiss. Chalk it up to a drunken misstep. She would pretend like it never happened and they would go on as before, rules firmly in place. She would watch what she said; be professional at all times.
She stood up, her resolve renewed. Elliot probably wanted to forget the whole thing as well. He was probably calling her to tell her that it was a huge mistake and to remind her that he was married. That was good. They could both just pretend it never happened. She didn't even walk to talk about it.
She toweled off and put on her pajamas, and crawled into bed. Yes, she was just going to let it go. It never happened. She pulled the covers up and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breathes.
But her body couldn't forget. She wanted him more than ever now, and she ached for another kiss. Despite her best efforts, she knew she wouldn't be sleeping tonight.