Once upon a time there lived on Thessia a little asari maiden, the prettiest creature who was ever seen. Her mother was excessively fond of her; and her grandmother doted on her still more. This good woman had a little blue riding hood made for her. It suited the maiden so extremely well that everybody called her Little Blue Riding Hood.

One day her mother, having made some cakes, said to her, "Go, my dear, and see how your grandmother is doing, for I hear she has been very ill. Take her a cake, and this little bottle of honey mead."

Little Blue Riding Hood set out immediately to go to her grandmother, who lived outside the city.

As she was waiting for the bus, she met with a krogan, who had a very great mind to eat her up, but he dared not, because... it was a goddamn bus station and it was full of people, god, are you dense or something? He asked her where she was going. The poor child, who did not know that it was dangerous to stay and talk to a krogan, said to him, "I am going to see my grandmother and carry her a cake and a little bottle of honey mead from my mother."

"Does she live far off?" said the krogan.

"Oh I say," answered Little Blue Riding Hood; "it is five stations from here, at the first house you see from the bus stop."

"Well," said the krogan, "and I'll go and see her too. I'll go this way and go you that, and we shall see who will be there first."

The krogan stole car and put the pedal to the metal, breaking the speed limit several times on the way, and the little maiden sat on her bus, entertaining herself by reading a copy of Fornax she had found under the laundry basket.

It was not long before the krogan arrived at the old woman's house. He knocked at the door: tap, tap.

"Who's there?"

"Your grandchild, Little Blue Riding Hood," replied the krogan, counterfeiting her voice; "who has brought you a cake and a little bottle of honey mead sent you by mother."

The good grandmother, who was in bed, because she was somewhat ill, cried out, "Slap some omnigel on the lock, and the door will go up."

The krogan slapped some omnigel on the lock, and the door opened, and then he immediately fell upon the good woman and ate her up in a moment, for it been more than three days since he had eaten. He then shut the door and got into the grandmother's bed, expecting Little Blue Riding Hood, who came some time afterwards and knocked at the door: tap, tap.

"Who's there?"

Little Blue Riding Hood, hearing the big voice of the krogan, was at first afraid; but believing her grandmother had a cold and was hoarse, answered, "It is your grandchild Little Blue Riding Hood, who has brought you a cake and a little bottle of honey mead mother sends you."

The krogan cried out to her, softening his voice as much as he could, "Slap some omnigel on the lock, and the door will go up."

Little Blue Riding Hood slapped some omnigel on the lock, and the door opened.

The krogan, seeing her come in, said to her, hiding himself under the bedclothes, "Put the cake and the little bottle of honey mead upon the stool, and come get into bed with me."

Little Blue Riding Hood took off her clothes and got into bed. She was greatly amazed to see how her grandmother looked in her nightclothes, and said to her, "Grandmother, what a big crest you have!"

"All the better to headbutt things with, my dear."

"Grandmother, what big legs you have!"

"All the better to charge at things with, my dear."

"Grandmother, what a big hump you have!"

"All the better to survive in the wasteland with, my dear."

"Grandmother, what big red eyes you have!"

"All the better to see with, my dear."

"Grandmother, what big teeth you have!"

"All the better to eat you up with!"

And, saying these words, this wicked krogan fell upon Little Blue Riding Hood. But the Little Blue Riding Hood took after her mother, so she pulled out a shotgun and vanguard charged the krogan into the sun and then she lived happily ever after, the end.


This was shamelessly ripped off - ahem, inspired by Charles Perrault's version of "Little Red Riding Hood".