Sunday, 3.10.2004

Wow, my last entry mentioned talking to Malfoy. That hasn't happened, since I've spent the last two weeks in Dubai. Malfoy probably doesn't even remember me by now. I didn't even have time to send him a note, or gifts, or something begging forgiveness for whatever I've done that I don't even know. (I'm sure there is something.) The potion case exploded in a big way once Jacob disappeared. Evidence surfaced that he was involved in not just moving completed potions, but also had a hand in obtaining many of the ingredients, setting up laboratories, and hiring unscrupulous potioneers. The operation is enormous and, as it turns out, involves a large corporation in Dubai whose controlling interest is owned by none other than Draco Malfoy. I'm supposed to go and bring him in for questioning tomorrow. I think this might be the end of our friendship. I've never really hated my job until now.

Monday, 4.10.2004

Of course Malfoy has disappeared. Narcissa said he was off working on his business dealings in Switzerland. Her dismissive attitude reeks of lying, but I'm certainly not going to call her on it. At least it's given me a reprieve.

Friday, 8.10.2004

Malfoy turned up in the Auror Department this morning with Jacob Martinson in tow. Then he spent an hour and a half in the Interrogation Room with Auror Pitera because he refused to speak to anyone involved in the case and wanted "an impartial party" to hear the whole story. At the end of the day, he walked out without a backwards glance, apparently free to go. I swear Pitera looked at me and shook his head pityingly - what the hell is going on? I need to talk to Hermione, but she's visiting her parents tonight. It figures.

Saturday, 9.10.2004

I might have got tired of waiting for Hermione and went to confront Malfoy at the Manor. He refused to see me and sent a message via house-elf that I was a clueless halfwit whom he would not speak with until I grew a useable brain. I was tempted to take out the iron gates and storm the house, but that might not constitute growing a useable brain. I guess it's back to Hermione.

Sunday, 10.10.2004

I feel like an even bigger idiot after talking to Hermione. I need to talk to Malfoy even if I do need to Vanish the gates to the Manor. At least I don't work tomorrow.

Monday, 11.10.2004

Before I could storm the Manor, I got an owl from Malfoy requesting to meet me for brunch at the Flightless Fwooper. Apparently it's an upscale restaurant, despite the name. I got there expecting... Well, I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't Malfoy acting like my charming best friend again. He was polite and seemed pleased with himself, which is unusual, but the irritated tension he'd possessed for the past month or so seemed to be gone. He ordered enough food to feed four to six people, plus an interesting alcoholic juice concoction that I probably shouldn't have consumed, except that it was delicious. He asked if I'd figured it out, and although I wasn't sure, I assumed he meant the case, or his involvement in it, at least.

I told him what I'd learned from Hermione, which was part rumour and part taken directly from DMLE documents. I'd asked if it was true that he'd only been dating Jacob because he suspected him of illegal activities. He corrected me that he'd been dating Jacob because he was hot, but that it had quickly become apparent that Jacob had gone into their relationship with a different motive. Malfoy had apparently caught Jacob snooping in Lucius' office shortly after they had begun dating, and everything Malfoy had done after that point had been with half an eye to discovering what Jacob was up to. "Frankly, I set him up. He was easy to fool into thinking that I was a foolish playboy without a single thought for business. I gave him limited access to my personal files, allowed him to wander the Manor at will, and basically gave him enough rope to hang himself."

Of course I was bloody irritated. "All along? You knew ALL ALONG?" I may have shouted at that point because he gave me one of those frowns that make me feel about five years old, even though I was perfectly justified with the shouting thing, thank you very much. Anyway, he replied with, "Of course. I wouldn't date someone so boring in the sack without a very good reason." I may have gaped at him for a few minutes after that, because picturing Malfoy in the sack with Jacob-well, frankly, I was just picturing Malfoy naked and that was quite enough to make me forget most of the rest of the meal.

Back to the subject at hand, however, he told me he'd done plenty of digging into Jacob's background (I already mentioned he knows everything about everyone) and he apparently had some big plans that he hadn't the funds to complete. Jacob had planned to get his hands on some of the Malfoy holdings and use them to his own benefit, thinking the family had so much that they wouldn't even notice. I admit, I had that own idea not long ago. It's wrong, of course. As Malfoy said, "If it involves a Malfoy, not a single coin changes hands that we don't know about." I suppose it's how they've stayed rich all this time, even though the war and the reparations payments afterwards.

Even so, I can't bloody believe he let me think THE WHOLE TIME that he and Jacob were madly in love. "You couldn't have mentioned any of this?" I think I managed a rational tone when I asked that, even though the glasses on the table might have rattled a bit. "Potter, you're far too transparent to keep a secret" was his reply, and then he added that he wasn't absolutely certain about Jacob until my return from Dubai, when Jacob supplied me with the Dreamless Sleep. He added that he was still extremely vexed with me for that whole fiasco and perhaps I should have let him know I had a problem before being hospitalised etc. I wasn't sure what to say to that. Still don't, actually.

Anyway, he said he had to hand it to Granger for keeping his name out of the official files, because it had bought him even more time to feed Jacob enough line to hang himself. Jacob was busy selling his potion-making ideas to his investors, using Malfoy companies buried (he thought) so deeply in a paperwork tangle that tracing them would be impossible, and operating under the assumption that the Malfoys would never find out. And if his activities ever came to light, he'd planned to blame Draco for all of it and pretend innocence.

"So Jacob was setting you up while you were setting him up?" I shook my head at it, trying to wrap my mind around Malfoy's Slytherin mind. "That's about the whole of it, Potter," he said and gave me one of those smiles that turn my insides to mush. Of course, I had to ruin it by blurting, "I don't think I could spend months sleeping with someone that I planned to stab in the back." I'm kicking myself for saying it now, because Malfoy's expression went cold again and he threw down his napkin. "No, I don't suppose you could" was all he said before he got to his feet and stalked out.

Now I feel completely wrecked and I have no idea how to make any of it better.

Wednesday, 20.10.2004

I haven't seen Malfoy since our brunch and I don't think there are enough chocolates in the world to make amends. While I don't understand his ability to carry on a pretend relationship with someone he planned to-okay, fine, what I really have a problem with his him sleeping with Jacob, whom he didn't trust and didn't even like! Who does that? It's so cold and unfeeling and... I don't know, I guess that's my real problem. I know the Malfoy who has feelings and plays Quidditch with me when I'm going stir crazy, and who sits at my bedside when I'm going through Dreamless Sleep withdrawals and I'm just wishing he'd been having a relationship with me this whole time instead of- Merlin, I guess he was having a relationship with me, I was just too hung up on him being with Jacob to value it properly. Obviously sex with Jacob didn't mean anything to him, but spending time with me did? Is that what I'm supposed to learn from all of this? Because I get it now, but maybe it's too late. Or is it? Luna is planning a Halloween Party and I know she invited Malfoy. Maybe I can salvage this. Maybe.

Saturday, 30.10.2004

I'm so bloody tied up in knots I can't even think straight. (Oh wait, I'm not straight. Har de har har.)

Sunday, 31.10.2004

I kissed Malfoy. I pushed the bastard up against a wall and I held his face in place and then I kissed him for what seemed like ages (and bloody hell, it was even more brilliant than I'd imagined - I'm thinking about enshrining it as a Pensieve memory) and when I pulled away that he looked just as shaken as I felt, even with the glitter on his lashes and in his hair (he was dressed as an Ice Prince) and it was amazing for about ten whole seconds. Until he punched me and Disapparated. Thus ends another eventful Halloween in the fucked up life of Harry Potter.


Monday, 1.11.2004

Today is All Saint's Day and I don't know any saints, but if any of them are around and listening. I could really use some help with this Malfoy situation. I spent twenty minutes trying to gain admittance to the Manor during my lunch break (since Malfoy has apparently taken a leave of absence from the Department of Mysteries) until a house-elf popped out and threatened to "turn my entrails into stew" after which he banged his head repeatedly against the iron gates and apologised, but he'd been ordered to say those very words by Master Draco. Honestly, the man is impossible!

Tuesday, 2.11.2004

I'm off to commence Operation Stakeout. He has to leave the house sometime.

Wednesday, 10.11.2004

Perhaps he doesn't have to leave the house. Ever. I'm about to drop dead from lack of sleep and Malfoy keeps sending back my owls. I think I need to attempt more drastic measures.

Saturday, 13.11.2004

SUCCESS! I had Luna invite Malfoy to tea and then I popped in unexpectedly and may have hit him with a Full-body Bind before he could escape. (I'm hoping he forgives me for that one day.) Luna wandered out of the room because she's just that wonderful and I finally explained my feelings to Malfoy whilst his eyes flashed a promise of painful retribution, but at least he listened to me. I explained that I'd been jealous of Jacob the whole time and that I was stupid not to appreciate his friendship and I was sorry that I wanted more, because obviously he didn't feel that way about me and then I said I would really appreciate it if we could go back to being friends again because I missed him terribly. And then I asked him kindly not to destroy me before I cast a Finite Incantatum. He didn't hex me, which I count as a win, but he did shake his head and say, "You really are an idiot" before he vanished again, which I count as... I don't know. A loss? A draw? Why is he so confusing?

Sunday, 14.11.2004

I just spent the past four hours snogging Draco Malfoy on my living room sofa. I'm not quite sure it was real. I've pinched myself six times and each time it hurts, so I hope it was real. We still haven't talked at all. He rang my bell, I opened the door, he slammed me against it (I think I have the imprint of the knocker on the back of my skull, but it's okay) and then he kissed me. And kept kissing me. We eventually moved inside, and then down the hallway, and into the living room to the sofa... My lips feel raw. But good. Very very good. I can't stop smiling, really. All he said was "Goodnight, Potter, I'll see you tomorrow" before he left. I think things are improving, although they certainly aren't any less perplexing.

Monday, 15.11.2004

Bloody hell, I've been sent to Edinburgh! Of all the fucking luck, just when things were getting interesting with Malfoy-whom I still haven't talked to, for fuck's sake! This investigation had better wrap up quickly. I sent Malfoy a message and I hope he understands.

Tuesday, 16.11.2004

I'm going to be fired. Malfoy showed up in Edinburgh, dressed as a woman, of all things, and he's insisting on occupying the room across the hall and greeting me with a friendly wave and a coy French accent each time I appear. So much for being incognito here, although I've changed my hair colour, hidden the scar, and swapped my usual spectacle frames for some larger tortoiseshell things that cover half my face. I suppose it won't hurt my disguise to be continuously hit on by a hot blonde. Someone is knocking.

Wednesday, 17.11.2004

I spent many delightful hours snogging Malfoy on my hotel room bed last night, although he is keeping the groping to a bare minimum, threatening to tie my hands to the bed if I don't keep them to myself. When I asked why he said he wanted me to be sure that I wasn't planning to shag him for "ulterior motives" and then added that possibly there would never be any shagging at all. My dick was not at all happy to hear that, being harder than fucking DIAMOND at that point, but he is the one in control. I'm not complaining. It was also rather fun wandering Edinburgh pretending to be a happy couple (with Malfoy in his girl disguise) while tailing a suspected thief. Malfoy turned out to be quite helpful in pointing out places the suspect would likely go. The man is likely carrying stolen goods, but he hasn't attempted to unload them yet. He seems too nervous and edgy. Tomorrow we might have to use different disguises, as I think he was watching us at one point.

Saturday, 20.11.2004

Malfoy and I finally had an actual talk without snogging each other senseless. It helped that we were in a public place with a table between us. I took him to dinner to thank him for helping me nab the thief in Edinburgh (honestly, it would have taken much longer without Malfoy pointing out the most likely seedy places for him to unload the stolen merchandise) and we spent most of the meal chatting. He admitted that he'd been attracted to me for a very long time, but never suspected I might feel the same until I left for Denmark. By then he was already involved with Jacob and wasn't sure how to disentangle himself. And then I apparently acted like a prat and he was annoyed enough to carry on with his original plan. I can't really argue with that.

Wednesday, 24.11.2004

Snogging is good, but touching is even better. Touching is very, very, very good. Malfoy may have given me a handjob today. In the loo. At work. I am going to be so very fired.

Friday, 26.11.2004

Turnabout is fair play, I think. I visited Malfoy in his office this afternoon and brought him off through his trousers. He pretended to be miffed, but that dazed, very happy look in his eyes negated his petulant complaints. At least I won't be fired alone.

Saturday, 27.11.2004

Malfoy had to pop off to Austria to take care of a manufacturing foul-up. I offered to come along, but he promised it wouldn't take long. I suppose I've been neglecting Ron and Hermione and should probably come clean with the turn my relationship with Malfoy has taken. Merlin, I'll most likely be grinning like a loon the whole time.

Wednesday, 29.11.2004

Malfoy's "quick trip" has taken a turn for the worse. Apparently there is some sabotage involved, or something. I offered to come and assist, but he's working with the locals and doesn't want me jeopardising my job for him. Funny how that doesn't occur to him when we're having near-sex in the loo, but I suppose I appreciate the sentiment. We're busy in the Aurors right now anyway, with people getting mental due to the impending holidays.


Friday, 3.12.2004

Blowjobs are the best thing ever. Literally, the very best thing, especially when they are sprung upon one late at night when one isn't expecting to be awakened by a cold body sliding into one's bed. Malfoy wasn't cold for long, I assure you, and his mouth is extremely hot. And talented. I might have asked him to be my boyfriend. He said, "That's just the euphoria talking, Potter" and although I laughed, I denied it and told him I was dead serious. He did look pleased, and then I rewarded him with a return blowjob, doing my bloody damnedest to make it brilliant.

Saturday, 4.12.2004

I was wrong. Waking up with Draco Malfoy entangled in my limbs was even better than the blowjob.

Wednesday, 15.12.2004

I've nearly forgotten about this journal. I suppose I've been preoccupied with my bloody brilliant boyfriend. I took him to the Weasleys last weekend and they behaved themselves for the most part. Molly was rather cold at first, but then she hugged me and said it was good to see me so happy. He does make me happy, even though he's bloody infuriating and refuses to have sex with me.

Monday, 20.12.2004

SHIT. Christmas is in FIVE DAYS and I still don't know what to get for Malfoy. He already has everything! I barely know what to get Ron! Shit shit shit I am fucked if I don't get him the perfect thing. Except not literally, because while he's perfectly willing to give me oral sex at the drop of a hat, even in Flourish and Blott's (bloody hell, I couldn't document that here because we were nearly caught and I almost had a fucking heart attack) he still won't have full-on sex with me, which is fine, it's great. I wish I'd never made that comment about Jacob, because I fear Malfoy is never going to get past it. He's made a few snide remarks about fucking people only when he has ulterior motives, the bastard. I'll give him some ulterior motives. I might be slightly bitter.

Friday, 24.12.2004

I threw myself on the mercy of Narcissa Malfoy yesterday, admitting to our relationship and begging her for advice regarding Draco's Christmas gift. I suppose Lucius dropping dead of shocked horror would not be a good gift, although I won't shed a tear if that happens. She might not have mentioned it to him, however. She did recommend a clothier that Draco is particularly fond of and suggested that a diamond-encrusted cravat pin would not be remiss. I think I'll buy three, just to be safe. She's a bloody lifesaver, that woman. I'm getting her some jewellery, for certain. She also seemed pleased about Draco and I, which was really nice.

Saturday, 25.12.2004

Draco loved his gifts, thank Merlin, and he gave me a full set of new dress robes, as well as a handcrafted new broom. He is the best and that's not just the eggnog talking. We spent the day bouncing from place to place, visiting the Weasleys, his parents (awkward!), Luna, and even Pansy Parkinson (terrifying). Now we plan to just cuddle on the sofa and enjoy the rest of the evening. This has been the best Christmas I can remember.

Sunday, 26.12.2004

I was wrong again. Sex with Draco Malfoy is the best thing ever. I'm in love. Absolutely utterly, completely in love. He claims he has ulterior motives now and is perfectly justified in sleeping with me. I think that ulterior motive might involve more diamonds, this time set in a ring. I don't have a problem with that.

It's a good thing Hermione bought me a shiny new journal for Christmas. I think I'm going to need it. This one is full.