'Morning, Berta' Charlie mumbled as he stumbled towards the table and sat down, resting his head on the table.
'Drunk again', Jake asked as he took a bite of cereal
'Yeah, just a little bit, but at least he made it to the kitchen this time. Usually, he just makes it as far as the hallway', she replied as she poured Charlie his morning cup of coffee
'Oh just great, drunk as usual' Alan whined as he poured himself a glass of milk
'Yeah but at least he made it to the kitchen, this time', Jake said
'Jake get ready for school', his dad instructed
'But it's Saturday' his son replied
'Go get dressed so you'll be ready for school on Monday' Alan said
'If you want me to leave, just say so' Jake replied
'Jake, now' His father instructed in a firm tone
Jake left and Alan turned to his brother and said 'We have a child in this house'
'Which was only supposed to be for a few weeks. As a matter of fact, weren't you supposed to have been out of here a year ago' Charlie said as he finally sat up and took a sip of coffee
'You know I'm busy saving' Alan replied
'Yeah for Judith's alimony, and when some poor soul marries you again, her alimony.
'You sleep with a different girl every night and spend most of your day either face down in the hallway, or hunched over the toilet. What kind of message does that send Jake', Alan asked
'That I'm the cool one' Charlie replied with a wry smile
'Charlie I'm serious. You can't keep sleeping with every girl who happens to have a pulse'
'Why not' his brother asked
'Because I CAN'T' Alan intoned
'So I can't have my own sex-life, just because no woman in their right mind would go out with you' Charlie asked
'I do have a sex-life' Alan informed
'Oh yeah. How much did it cost you, again' Berta asked as she wiped down the counter
'For the last time, I didn't know she was an' (Alan lowers his voice) 'Escort'
Berta refilled Charlie's coffee mug and grabbed the clothes basket
'How come you don't pour my coffee' Alan asked
'When you pay my salary, I'll pour your coffee' Berta replied as she left with the laundry.
It was later on in the afternoon and Jake was in the living room, playing on the computer
'Whatcha doing', Alan asked his son
'Playing slots on the internet'
'Slots', Alan asked as he walked over and stood behind him
'Yeah, I found this on the internet' his son replied
'Looks like fun' His father replied as he watched over his shoulder, as Charlie came downstairs
'What are you guys doing' Charlie asked
'Slots' Jake and Alan said, in unison.
'I've hit 3 jackpots in a row. I'm rich' Jake exclaimed
'You know that's not real money, right' Alan asked
'Yeah I know. But there's a link on the bottom of the screen that will let us play for real' Jake replied
'I don't think so' Alan said
'No. Really there is' Jake informed, pointing to the screen and added 'I've hit the jackpot three times in a row and have a billion dollars'
'Great. Then you won't mind paying your share of the bills around here', Charlie said as he walked over to the mini-bar
'First of all, you're only 10 years old and second of all, a 10 year old shouldn't be gambling' Alan said
'Uncle Charlie said he played craps in school' Jake said
'Thanks a lot, Charlie', Alan grunted as he glared at his brother
'Oh come on. Let him piss away his allowance. It would be a good life lesson for the lil' snot-eater', Charlie said
'I didn't eat it on purpose. The booger just fell in my mouth' Jake retorted
'Well first of all, you need a credit card, which you don't have' Alan said
'You have one' Charlie said
'Don't you have somebody you should be humping, right about now' Alan asked
'I have money. If you let me borrow the credit card, I can pay you in cash right now' Jake said
'Ok. But don't come begging for more money when you lose... and you will... lose your allowance' Alan replied as he reached for his wallet
'I got $50' Jake replied
'And you've been letting me buy the groceries, all this time' Charlie said as he poured himself a vodka
'How did you get $50' Alan asked
'Birthday money from Grandma' Jake said as he turned his attention back to the computer screen
'Mom never gave us any birthday money. Come to think of it, she never got us a birthday cake either. Just some stale crackers and her telling us to pretend it's a birthday cake' Alan whined to his brother
'Why would she give you money' Charlie asked
'I dunno. Something about me being the only person in the family who gave a damn' Jake replied, without even looking away from the screen
'Well he has a point', Charlie replied as he downed the drink
'Scooch' Alan said as Jake got off the char
Alan fumbled for his wallet, but not before asking Jake to provide the $50.00
'Hang on, it's in a secret compartment'
'You mean under the mattress? I've known about that for months' Berta said and she walked into the room, as Jake shot her a funny look and whined 'Great now I need to find a new compartment' as he went up stairs
'You know, they have these places called 'banks'' Alan hollered.
'I knew it. I knew you were the one taking money from under my mattress', Charlie shot back at Berta
'You keep your money under the mattress', Alan asked
'Great, now I need to go and find a new hiding place', Charlie grunted as he quickly downed another shot of vodka
'Why don't you put the money in the bank like a responsible adult... oh, look who I'm asking' Alan said as he turned back around to the computer screen
'I always keep some money hidden around, for emergencies' Charlie said
'What kind of emergency' Alan asked
'Well, say it's 2'oclock in the morning and I am horny and need a hooker. They don't take plastic, Alan'
'Hard to argue with logic like that', Alan said as he rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the computer screen
A few moments later and Jake returned and handed his dad some money
'Ok before I do this I want to make sure that you're sure' Alan said
'Come on, how can I lose', Jake retorted
'There are people who go to Las Vegas, thinking they're going to break the bank, and wind up literally losing everything they have' Alan said
'I hit the jackpot 3 times in a row. I can't miss', Jake whined
'That's how they sucker you in. Everybody wins when you play for free, but when you start playing for real, it will be a lot tougher' Alan said
'3 times in a row', Jake reminded
'Ok, but don't come crying to me when you lose your money'. Alan said
He entered the credit card information, and turned to Jake and said 'Ok, good luck'
There was a knock on the door, as Berta went to answer it and a few moments later returned with one of Charlie's many girlfriends
'Hey Charlie' she greeted with a kiss
'Oh hey, Amanda' he greeted as he poured her a drink
'You know I don't drink any more. Every time I drink I can't control myself', she said
'I know', Charlie replied with a smile as he handed her the drink
'There is a special place in Hell for people like you', Alan said as he glared at his brother
'Oh come off it, Alan' Charlie said as he and Amanda kissed
'I hit the jackpot', Jake announced with excitement
'You're kidding. You did', his father asked as he quickly made his way to where he was sitting
'Yeah, I won 50 cents', he said
'How much did you lose' Berta asked
'Just $10' Jake replied
'Then you didn't win 50 cents. You lost $9.50' Alan replied
'I prefer to look at the glass as being half-full' Jake said as he turned his attention back to the screen
'So, what did you want to do' Charlie asked as he kissed Amanda again'
She smiled and said 'Oh I think you know'
'Great run upstairs and I'll bring up a bottle of wine and the whipped cream' Charlie said
'Whipped cream', Alan said as he looked at his brother in disgust
'Like you wouldn't' Charlie said as he rummaged for a bottle of wine
'Aren't you afraid of karma... you know... you get what you deserve, stuff like that' Alan asked
'No not really' Charlie said as a knock was at the door and he went to answer it
'Hello Charlie', Judith said as he opened the door
'Who is it', Alan asked from the living room
'The Grim Reaper looking for another hapless soul to steal', Charlie smirked
She rolled her eyes as she came inside as Charlie closed the door behind then
'Hi, sweetie' she greeted her son with a kiss on the back of his head
'We're gonna be rich', Jake said as he continued to play on the computer
'Gambling? You're letting your Nephew gamble'?, she hissed at Charlie
'For once I had nothing to do with it. This is all Alan's doing, and for once I couldn't be prouder of my brother'
'I would expect this kind of behavior from your Neanderthal of a brother, but I had hoped you had more common sense'
'He married you, how much common sense could he have', Charlie insulted
'You're right, Judith. I'm sorry', Alan apologized
Charlie reached for Judith's purse and started to rummage inside
'What the hell are you doing', she stormed as she snatched the purse from his hand
'Just looking for my brother's testicles' he replied
'Charlie are you coming up or what', Amanda called as she came down the stairs, wearing skimpy lingerie
'Damn, even I'd hit that', Berta said, as she came in from the laundry room
'Charlie I would appreciate it if you would engage in your... let's just say extra curricular activates when Jake is not around
'Oh Hi, you must be Judith', Amanda greeted, and turning to Charlie said 'She does not look like an old sea hag'
'Goodbye Charlie' Judith said as she rolled her eyes, before ordering Jake not to gamble and left the house
'Ok, don't wait up', Charlie said as he got the wine and ran back upstairs with Amanda