Author's Notes – Hehe, you guys are in for a real treat this time. I had a total brainstorm and came up with another dating bungle. Well, I hope you like it anyways. I put a lot of effort into it. This one was actually my own idea, but if you have any, PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME. I always take omake ideas.
Rated - PG – 13 for a really gross description of road kill
Definition: Murphy's Law – The facecetious proposal that if something can go wrong, it will. Also known as Murphy's First Law. (Random House Webster's College Dictionary, copyright 1991)
Ryoko shuffled the papers on her desk nervously. Unfocused, her eyes darted around the room, every once and awhile settling on a small round clock in the corner. The blue-haired woman stacked and re-stacked and re-re-stacked and re-re-re-stacked the papers on her desk. Feeling rather fidgety, Ryoko opened up her desk drawer and decided to re-arrange it, putting all of her office supplies in alphabetical order from front to back, starting with a calculator and ending with a small box of tacks. After finishing that desk drawer, the woman proceeded to do the rest of her drawers the same way. With a happy sigh, knowing that everything was in order, Ryoko looked back at the clock.
"Geez, what's with you?" Koume asked from the opposite end of the room. Ryoko peeked her head above the desk and gave Koume a confused look.
"Whatever do you mean?" She asked with a nervous laugh.
"I've never seen you so bouncy before, you can barely stay in your seat." The young red-head commented as she propped her feet up on her desk.
"Yes, well, I guess I had too much coffee. Ehehehehe!" She replied as she put her hand behind her head, trying to hide the giant sweatdrop that had formed there. Koume gave Ryoko a strange look, but before she could open her mouth to make another comment, her phone rang. With a shrug she answered it, and Ryoko glanced sideways at the clock again. Finally fed up with what time it was, Ryoko decided that it was time that the floors got a good waxing, and went into the janitorial closet to find the necessary items.
"I must admit, Ryoko is acting rather strangely today." Matsudaira said as she watched Ryoko walk out the door.
"Search me." Yaegashi said, looking up from his computer.
"Maybe Ms. Takeuchi has something going on later after work." Momiji commented as she balanced her pencil between her nose and her lip.
"Puh, like what, a date with Sugishita?" Koume huffed as she threw her pencil at the ceiling.
"Koume, please don't do that." Matsudaira warned in a soft voice.
"Because it's a pain to try and remove those pencils when they get stuck." Kunikida said with a warning tone. The other office members looked at him, as he had been silently working up until that point, and had not made himself known.
"But the insulation up there is so cool. You throw a pencil and if you hit it just right, the tip sticks in. Come on you guys, how many times do you see that happen?" Koume protested,
"Insulation, shminsulation. Yesterday I walked in and had a pencil fall into my tea!" Kunikida huffed, "It splashed on my new white shirt and ruined it."
Koume shot Kunikida a murderous look and, making an excuse that there was something on the roof that she needed to get, walked out of the room.
A few minutes later Ryoko returned, and began to wash, dry, wax, and buff the floor. After working on that, Ryoko dusted the room, cleaned her gun, cleaned the laboratory, counted the ceiling tiles twice, counted the floor tiles twice, played thirty games of Spider Solitaire on her computer, renewed one of her credit cards, paid her mortgage, complained to the local electric company, renewed her drivers license, changed the coffee filter in the coffee machine, drew a picture, phone-pranked Sugishita, and tried to beat the world record for the most amount of Swedish Fish eaten in a single hour. Looking up at the clock in despair, Ryoko noticed that it was only thirty minutes until she could leave work. With an exasperated sigh she trudged up to the roof to clear her head. There she found Koume, who had, for the entire time, been napping. Leaning onto the rail to look at the view (or lack thereof) of Tokyo, Ryoko thought about that night.
"What's eating you?" Koume's voice asked, breaking Ryoko's train of thought.
"I-it's nothing, really." Ryoko stammered, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Koume.
"Yeah, and I'm a flying purple goldfish form Pluto. Come on, what's the trouble?" Koume asked as she walked up to the rail and leaned backwards against it.
"Weren't you just sleeping?" Ryoko asked,
"You woke me up when you closed the door." Koume answered as she gestured towards the closed door that held the stairway to and from the roof behind it.
"Oh, sorry." Ryoko said apologetically,
"Gah! Quit changing the subject!" Koume said as she playfully poked Ryoko in the arm.
"Well, it's just, well…"
"Diatetsu and I have a date tonight, and I guess I'm just a bit nervous." Ryoko confessed, knowing that Koume wasn't going to keep her secret for long.
"Huh? Wait, YOU and KUNIKIDA?!" Koume asked, her eyes widening to the size of her unhinged mouth.
"Yes, and I'm just a bit antsy. I mean, I want everything to go perfectly. I guess I've always been antsy when it comes to first dates."
"Meh, well then why don't we double-date?" Koume asked slyly,
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Yaegashi and I have been going out for a few weeks now, and I think it'd be fun if we tried something new." Koume said, a malevolent look on her face.
"Well, actually, that would be nice…" Ryoko trailed,
"Good! Then it's settled! Where are you guys planning to go?" Koume asked as she pumped her fist in the air.
"Well, we were sort of planning on going to that new sushi restaurant down the street…"
"Great! I love sushi! We'll meet you there at seven!" Koume shouted as she hopped to the door and trotted down the steps, leaving a bewildered Ryoko to ponder how she ever got suckered into the idea. "Still," she thought, "it would be nice to have some company."
Later on that night, Ryoko sat nervously next to her date. She had told him about Koume and Yaegashi joining them, to which he responded that it was certainly a good idea. Kunikida, however, had been early to pick her up, so now they sat at the restaurant, waiting for their companions to join them. In the meantime, Kunikida had ordered them some water and tea.
"So, er, Tokyo's been looking rather nice lately." Ryoko stammered, trying to start a conversation.
"Er, yes, I guess it looks nice now that it doesn't look like a giant Jenga disaster." Kunikida responded as he took a sip of his tea. After a long, awkward pause, Ryoko spoke up.
"Weather sure is nice."
"Did you get any important work done today?"
"Hm? Well, I guess."
"Seen any good movies lately?"
"Nope, I've been too busy saving the government's ass." Kunikida responded acidly, his thoughts turning over how the government had treated its citizens by not telling them what had been going on with the Aragami. Ryoko, noting immediately that that wasn't the best topic to delve into, quickly changed the subject.
"So, er, what college did you go to?"
"Tokyo Daigaku. Er, how about you?" Kunikida asked, turning the question around,
"Hokkaido Iryo Daigaku." Ryoko said as she reached for her teacup. Suddenly, she let out a small yelp.
"What is it?" Kunikida asked, suddenly alarmed.
"There's a cockroach in my tea!" Ryoko yelled as she pointed with a shaken finger at her cup. Leaning over to look, Kunikida was shocked to find that there was, indeed, a cockroach drowning in her tea.
"You know, most of the time people find flies in their food, not cockroaches." Kunikida remarked with unease as he motioned for the waiter. After telling the management off and getting a free meal, Koume and Yaegashi showed up.
"Sorry we're late," Yaegashi said as he helped Koume into her seat.
"Yeah, his stupid van decided to die and we had wait for thirty minutes while his neighbor jumped the battery." Koume said as she grabbed the menue and began looking eagerly through it.
"But you're only ten minutes late." Kunikida said in surprise as he looked up at the clock.
"I usually try to give twenty minutes of leeway time when I get over to his house." Koume said as she pointed at each and every platter that she wanted, "His mom talks for freakin' ever!"
After sharing a good laugh over what had happened to the two couples earlier on in the evening, the waiter came to take their orders.
"I'll have a number three please, with no cucumbers." Kunikida said,
"I'll have the same as him, only leave the cucumbers on." Ryoko ordered,
"I will take the number four appetizer please." Yaegashi said politely.
"Is that all, sir?" The waiter replied, surprised.
"Yes, I'm a very light eater." Yaegashi said with a goofy smile.
"Well I'm not! I'll have the number three, the number five, two orders of appetizer one, a number eight, and could I get your hottest wasabi sauce on all of this?" Koume ordered, completely surprising the waiter.
"Er, all of that ma'am?"
"Yeah!" Koume said, her eyes turning round and her stomach growling. With a polite bow, the waiter left to make their orders.
"My…Koume…" Ryoko said, dumbfounded.
"And you wonder why I won't take you out to dinner." Yaegashi said jokingly, causing Koume to pour her ice-water on his head and stick her ice-cubes down his shirt.
"Well…" Kunikida started, as he reached for his tea. Suddenly, his cufflink got caught in a loose-thread that was attached to his sleeve and his hand faltered, knocking the cup over onto Ryoko's lap.
"OW!!! THAT'S HOT!!!" Ryoko screamed as she shot up out of the booth and began to wipe the searing liquid off of her skirt and legs. Apologizing profusely, Kunikida grabbed his own napkin and tried to help her wipe the mess up. Not paying attention to what he was doing, Kunikida began to help wipe off the front of her skirt, then pulled it up above her waist to get the remaining liquid off of her legs, causing Ryoko to scream and slap him as hard as she possibly could.
"Pervert!" She yelled as she stormed off to the bathroom to freshen up. Koume, seeing the situation, excused herself and went after Ryoko, leaving Kunikida and Yaegashi to deal with each other.
"This isn't going as I had hoped." Kunikida said with an upset sigh as he sat back down in his seat. A loud squish was heard as he put his weight on the chair and he quickly stood up.
"What in the world…?" He wondered as he turned around to see what he had sat on. Suddenly Yaegashi, who had been holding his amusement in, burst into gales of laughter.
"What?" Kunikida asked, confused.
"You might want to wipe off your seat before you sit back down." Yaegashi said in between laughs. Kunikida pondered this for a moment before the realization snapped in his head. Looking down, he saw to his horror that he had sat in some of the tea that he had spilled. Not only was his entire rear-end wet, but it had tea-leaves attached to it as well. Excusing himself, Kunikida ran into the men's restroom to dry himself off.
Thirty minutes later the group was back together in the booth with their food. Tried as they might, Koume and Ryoko weren't able to get the dark tea stain out of Ryoko's grey silk skirt and white blouse. And tied as he might, Kunikida wasn't able to get the dark tea stain off his rear end, and to make matters worse, while trying to wash the stain out he accidentally splashed the front side of his suit, right in the crotch area. And to make matters worse than that, the restroom was out of paper towels and toilet paper, and there were no hand-dryers anywhere.
"Meh, well look on the bright side Ryoko, it was an ugly outfit anyways." Koume said as she bit into her portions. Ryoko just glared at Koume and began to silently eat her food, wishing to the gods that they would kill her on the spot.
"Hey, this isn't what I ordered." Yaegashi said as he looked at his portion.
"I'll eat it!" Koume offered, holding her chopsticks in the air in anticipation.
"Er, I think I'll just get the waiter." He said as he sweatdropped, hailing the waiter over with a flick of his wrist. After explaining the situation, the waiter apologized and brought him a new dish.
"So…" Ryoko said, trying to strike up a conversation again.
"So…" Yaegashi replied, unable to think of something to talk about.
"So…" Kunikida echoed. Koume replied to all three with a loud "CRUNCH" as she bit into a Kappa roll.
"Hey, you know what this thing reminds me of?" She suddenly asked, turning everyone's attention to her.
"What?" Kunikida asked,
"That bunny rabbit that I killed today with my motorcycle. Poor little thing, never had a chance. It was so gross though. There was all of this blood, then its intestines kinda spurted out all over the street. I guess it had just been eating corn because its stomach was torn open and all of these little half-digested corn bits were everywhere. Then the real kicker was that both ears had been ripped off, and you could see the eardrums in the right ear! Oh, and I almost forgot about the kidneys. Those things were so round and nasty. I never knew that rabbit kidneys were sort of a pukish color. Anways, it was surrounded by all of this yellow fatty chunky thingies and…" Koume relayed as she ate her fourth dish. The rest of the table, however, turned green and pushed their plates away from them.
"…And then, there were these vultures, and they started tearing it to pieces trying to eat it and…" Koume continued,
"Er, Koume dear?" Yaegashi interrupted when he saw Kunikida turn from green to ghost-pale.
"Yeah?" Koume asked with her mouth full.
"Maybe you could tell us this, oh say, another time? When we're not eating perhaps?" Yaegashi requested as politely as he could. Koume responded with a shrug, and began to finish up her dinner.
"Hey Ryoko, why aren't you eating?" Koume asked. Ryoko stared straight ahead, her eyes glazed over and her green face holding a stony expression. Without looking at the other woman's direction, Ryoko pushed her plate over to her.
"Excuse me while I go rip my ears off." She said as she got up and headed towards the women's restroom again.
"Like the rabbit!" Koume said as she dove into Ryoko's dinner.
Ten minutes later, Kunikida and Yaegashi got their appetites back and ate the rest of their meals, Ryoko returning shortly after. Calling the waiter over, Kunikida and Yaegashi both gave their credit cards to pay the bill.
"Well now, what a nice meal." Yaegashi said as he took a sip of his water.
"I like this place. We'll have to come back." Koume responded.
"Excuse me, which one of you is Daitetsu, Kunikida?" The waiter asked from behind Ryoko, startling the blue-haired woman.
"I'm sorry miss." The waiter said apologetically,
"That's ok, I didn't know you were back there." she said,
"I'm who you're looking for," Kunikida replied, "what do you need me for?"
"Well sir, your credit card has been rejected." The waiter said as he handed Kunikida his credit card. Blushing furiously, Kunikida dug through his wallet for some cash while Koume, Yaegashi, and Ryoko all watched him. Awkwardly, Kunikida dug through his pockets, and came up empty handed. With a slight cough, Yaegashi told the waiter to put it on his credit card.
"Well then…" Koume said quietly as she observed Kunikida, her heart going out to the poor man, his face giving the Lord-why-don't-you-just-kill-me-while-you're-at-it look.
Clearing his throat, the waiter gave Yaegashi his credit card back, and after signing the recipt, he and Koume thanked the other couple for inviting them and excused themseves.
"We're going on a nice walk through the park." He said as Koume grabbed his hand and yanked him out of the door. Looking longingly after them, Ryoko wished that she could be anywhere but there.
"This is horrible! I look like I got my period all over my skirt, my shirt is ruined, my date looks like he wet his pants, his credit card was rejected, I found a cockroach in my tea, I nearly threw up on my dinner, I found that I can't make a conversation worth crap, and to top it all off, I HAVE TO ENDURE THIS STUPID SILENCE ALL THE WAY BACK HOME!!!" Ryoko thought miserably as she suggested that they go ahead andcall it a night. Agreeing, Kunikida walked with Ryoko back to their car and drove her home.
Once reaching the house, Ryoko quickly thanked Kunikida for the lovely time and went to get out of the car. Grabbing her wrist, Kunikida pulled her back down.
"Listen, I know that you had a terrible time, and I'm sorry. But hopefully, if you're up to it, maybe we could go out to dinner again sometime." He said with a slight blush.
"Sure." Ryoko said with a slight smile as Kunikida leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Wishing him goodnight, Ryoko got out of the car and walked into her apartment. Once inside her home, she gave a small schoolgirl squeal and pumped her fists in a victorious motion.
"YAY!!!" She exclaimed as she jumped up and down excitedly, upon which she landed one of her high heels wrong and went crashing into the floor.