Thor, We Hate Your Friends
Thor had brought his friends to stay at Avengers Tower for a few days, and Tony could honestly say that he was in agreement with everyone save Thor; this was hell. The Warriors Three and Sif did NOTHING but brag about their adventures with Thor, all of which included disparaging comments on Loki, and they ate more than all the Avengers combined. Tony and the others were quite frankly sick of it.
Thor, of course, was oblivious. And due to that, Steve had ordered the others to keep quiet until they left. Too bad Tony wasn't good at following orders.
So when Thor and his friends started telling some story, Tony said, "Yeah, we don't want to hear it. You've been bragging all week, and frankly most of these stories sound like just that- stories that you made up to make yourselves sound better. Honestly, I'm beginning to understand why Loki hates you all so much."
Having stunned the Asgardians speechless, Tony continued, "You"- he pointed to Sif- "Are a condescending bitch with serious issues and a rather ridiculous grudge against Loki. I mean really, he turns your hair black and you want to kill him for it?"
Sif looked mortally offended as Tony turned to Volstagg and said, "You're a gluttonous braggart who really could stand to lay off the food a bit."
Fandral was next, and Tony told him, "You're a pervert with no sense of subtlety; judging by your tall tales, I'm guessing you don't get many women at all, because of your over-the-top flirting methods."
Finally Tony turned to Hogun, and said, "Hogun the Grim is actually a pretty accurate name, and you're a complete asshole who acts like a statue most of the time."
Then Tony turned to Thor, and said, "Thor, we hate your friends, and I KNOW Steve said not to say anything, but I'm sick of hearing you talk. It's no wonder Loki hates you people; all you do is insult him. If you bring them back, I am going to put on the suit and invite Loki over, then kick their asses- and possibly yours if you actually have the nerve to bring these jackasses back into MY tower."
There was dead silence, despite the murderous looks the Asgardians were giving Tony, and then Clint and Bruce started clapping, joined by Natasha. Steve groaned and said, "Thor, Tony's right. Please take your friends back to Asgard, they've overstayed their welcome."
Thor looked momentarily stunned, then sighed heavily and said, "Very well, Captain." He turned to his friends, and said, "Come, we are returning to Asgard."
"Thor-" Sif started.
"Sif, please do not make this worse," Thor said, and led his friends off. When they were gone, Tony said, "Good riddance."
"I couldn't agree more," Clint said. "That was awesome, though, Tony."
"I am awesome," Tony said, smirking.
"Well, I am certainly impressed," a voice said from the corner of the room. Loki walked out of nowhere, and continued, "That was quite amusing, Stark."
"Thanks," Tony said. "Any particular reason you're here?"
"I found out Thor's idiot friends were here and decided to see how you would handle them," Loki said. "I must admit, you have more patience than I thought."
Tony mock-scowled and said, "I can be patient!"
"No you can't," the rest of the team said in unison.
Loki laughed, and then vanished.
Couldn't help myself. Sorry my other stories are on hold, but I'll try to get back to them soon. Hope you like this little drabble, and please let me know what you think!