It has been a while now since Donna and Harvey haven't spoken, not in spite of what had happened between them. Harvey had buried himself for the past weeks with Mike's trial and some different cases he had to close, and Donna had been busy working for Louis. They could pass each other in the hall coincidentally once a week but without giving each other a glance, not that they noticed each other anyway. And to think they were seeing one another fifteen hours a day everyday few weeks ago…
Harvey did miss her, terribly. Especially before every trial he has been to – He had to do without their ritual. He somehow ended up facing reality and accepting it, but not completely. He still unconsciously had some hope that someday things will go back to normal. But the truth is: Things were never going back to normal, they'll either progress or stay the way they were now. It was up to them. More precisely, up to him since Donna had no intention to fix things because she already had done much about it. It was his turn to do something or forever remain silent.
It was Sunday. Harvey opened his eyes stretching out while enjoying the beauty of the world by the window facing his bed, thing that never lasts long until that horrible familiar feeling crosses his chest again, like it does every morning. The feeling of loneliness. His first thoughts were 'Donna.' He took a deep breath and made his way to his shower where he'd usually think about doing something about the Donna situation and give up at the end of his shower, but that day was different. It was her birthday. Every year for this special day, he would take her out for dinner in an Italian restaurant. 'Why wouldn't it be the same this year?' he thought to himself. He was decided. He was going to invite her to the restaurant. But it wasn't guaranteed that she wouldn't be taken that night. It's her birthday and she's Donna after all, she must have already planned something for her special day with some special people, maybe Mitchel.
It's by hanging up with Rachel on the phone that to his great surprise, she had no plans. Even better, there was no Mitchel anymore. Rachel had informed him that Donna's relationship with Mitchel had ended few weeks ago 'because it was going nowhere' –Rachel's words. He had decided to pay her a visit in her apartment to tell her about the restaurant because knowing her, she wouldn't be easy to convince through the phone.
It was the end of the afternoon when Harvey knocked on Donna's door. He waited a few seconds before she opened the door. "Harvey." She said, looking very pretty and somehow surprised. He smiled at her and invited himself in feeling very foolish. He hated this situation, he had no idea how to act nor what to say. "What are you doing here?" She asked very directly, her velvet eyes were so soft as she looked at him that he wished he could reach out and touch her face. "Happy Birthday." He said, smiling at her. "You should get dressed, I'm taking you to a restaurant; the restaurant." It was an old line, and they both smiled, she hesitated for a long moment while she tried to decide if he meant it, or was just being funny, and he saw her hesitation and smiled warmly. "It was a sincere invitation, I don't see any reason for us not to do this like we always did." She wanted to respond to his sayings, she wanted to remind him that they have all the reasons of the world not to do it this year but she chose to remain silent. She wanted to go with him.
After a long wait, she finally came out of her bedroom ready. He soon realized that the wait was worth it. She was stunning. She was wearing a black dress and black high heels, and with her shining hair and her light make up, she looked really lovely. He wanted to tell her that he was overwhelmed with her beauty, but he couldn't. They made their way to the door and a moment later, they were sitting at an open-air table. It was a normal Italian restaurant. They both loved Italian food. She had ordered a salad Caesar and Cavatelli Pesto, for his part Harvey had ordered garlic bread, grilled shrimp and wine for both of them. And when it came, it was a fragrant, sumptuous meal and Harvey devoured it. She picked at hers. She was watching him, and drinking the wine. They both were happy to be there, but none of them was showing it, they had been talking for hours now, it was still a warm night and neither of them had any desire to go back home. They enjoyed each other's company. They both have realized how they missed each other, and what they had. Neither of them had the courage to discuss what was going on between them, yet, both were craving to do so. They just kept going far in various and random subjects, in the meantime Harvey kept ordering drinks, Donna had stopped at her third drink while Harvey went hard on it. "… Your boss is a jerk" He said, talking about their previous subject which was his argument with Louis last week, "I never thought I'd say this one day" They were now familiar with the situation, him not being her boss anymore and they were even making jokes out of it. She rolled her eyes "Oh, you should see my old one then…" She said with a rueful grin. "Seems like I always end up working for jerks." She added sarcastically. "Do you always end up falling for them?" He said in a barely audible voice, trying to look as sober as possible as he realized the foolishness he just let out. Her face kind of froze over as he said it, she kept staring at him, and if he had hit her with a baseball bat, he couldn't have hit her harder. "I'm… I'm sorry, I did not mean that." He said with a weak voice not even daring to look at her in the eyes. She did not bother to answer, she just stood up and before he even had the time to catch her, she was gone.
Harvey ran his hands through his hair, then stood up to pay the bill and walked out of the restaurant on legs that were trembling. He couldn't imagine she'd forgive him after this. He saw her standing outside waiting for a cab. There was an unknown expression on her face when he walked up to her, and he wasn't sure if it was the expression of rage or disappointment, probably both. "I am sorry Donna. I don't know where that came from. You know I did not mean it." He said with a desperate look on his face. "I don't believe there is anything left to say for us Harvey." She said with her eyes full of rage. "It's crazy, you either don't say anything at all and fuck it up, or say the wrong thing and still fuck it up." And then she looked at him sadly. It was over and she knew it, it was over before it even started. She couldn't take it anymore. He'd always mess things up with her and she'd forgive him, but sometimes, enough is enough. And today was the day she'd had enough. She could no longer bare his foolishness, she was no longer going to be strong for him, this time, she was going to be strong for herself. She turned and walked away, without even looking back at him, and he didn't follow her. He had never met that look she just gave him, she was looking at him with contempt. And at that very single moment through the pain caused by the thought of that look, he realized his feelings for that woman were strong. It was beyond his understanding and imagination. He couldn't just let her go.
He called Ray who was there a few minutes later. "Donna's apartment" He said firmly. And within 10 minutes he was there. Standing before her door. Did he have the courage to knock? And if so, would he have the courage to go on and tell her what should be said, what she deserves to hear, what has been held for over a decade? Just at the moment he decided to knock on the door, he heard footsteps that were for sure coming on his direction. He turned to see Donna. The woman had decided to take a walk before going home. Her eyes were red, she obviously has been crying and the thought of that brought to Harvey an unexplained pain to his chest, it was his fault after all. "For goodness' sake Harvey, what are you doing here?" She said unkindly. "We need to talk." He held up a hand to anticipate any comment seeing his bad choice of words. "You need to listen to what I have to say." He said so intent, he was pale, and she knew that for once he had something to say. "Inside." She answered quietly while opening the door. He followed her footsteps and sat on the couch next to her and turned so he can face her. She looked too peaceful, too gentle, too perfect, and when she started imagining what he could have to say, too frightened. She was obviously ill at ease under his gaze. And as Harvey watched her continually, he soon realized it and turned his gaze away. "I am truly sorry about what I said earlier in the restaurant, I did not mean it." He said, looking desperate. "That you already said Harvey" She said coldly, "and if you came here only to say that, then we're done here." She added. He soon realized that her patience had limits, limits that he was not far from crossing. He then decided to be direct with her. The circumstances were unusual, and it seemed like if he wasn't straight with her, he could lose her. "I am going to start talking, and you'll just listen. Don't say anything until I finish." Dominating the floor is something the great Harvey Specter is good at, but for some reason, it had never happened with the great Donna. It was a first.
"I'm terrified. Terrified in every possible way. I Love You, Donna. And you know it! I am scared to try something with you and lose you, and I am scared not to try something with you and lose you. I know things will change between us forever, and God knows if I'm ready for that change. I am also scared of getting hurt, because if I ever give myself to you, I know I'll be lost in you."
He looked at the ground thoughtfully when he remembered something he should add. "I also know that sooner or later, we end up making the same mistakes as our parents no matter how much we have criticized them, because at the end, we all are subject to the same weaknesses." Those words remained unexplained to Donna, and she didn't try to understand.
He soon realized he was only talking about his envies, his fears, and completely forgetting hers. He remembered that she has always put his happiness before hers, and realized it was his turn to do so, or else he will lose her. He then took a deep breath and looked at her in the eyes. "I Love You, Donna. And I want to be with you if it is the same thing that you want."
She couldn't believe it was finally happening, she was finally hearing these words, at that moment, she was happier than ever. There was a tear in the corner of her eyes, and he wiped them away gently. He couldn't take his eyes off her, and without thinking, he leaned on one elbow looking down at her and knew with absolute certainty he had never felt this way for anyone in his entire life. "Your beauty is overwhelming." He said gently tracing her face and her lips with his fingers, finally able to say it. He was so honest with her, so able to say anything he felt. "I love you." He said, from his gut, from his soul, from his heart. "I love you too." She said breathlessly. And then, without another sound, he lay close to her and took her in his arms and kissed her. Her lips were as soft and sweet as he could remember from the other time, and the kiss was more magical than he has ever imagined. They lay in each other's arms for a long time, and his kisses were as hungry as hers. He took a small break to look at her and smile to himself then he started kissing her lips again and again while his hands played with her hair and slowly going down to her neck and caressing it and then started kissing it. He put his arms around her while kissing her and began to slowly explore her breasts under the black dress she was still wearing, although it was difficult to reach. She moaned softly at his touch and started kissing his neck in total starvation. They lay in that narrowed couch that was carrying both their bodies, making them two as one, discovering each other's bodies as if it was the first time. He quickly took off his trousers and shirt and he tossed her dress into the air, and began making love to her. It was 5 am when they caught their breath again, and lay in each other's arms. Neither of them had ever seen the other happier. She lays in his arms in the small couch and were both so pleased with what they had done. He kissed her forehead and she smiled sleepily at him. It was the most relaxing moment of what seemed to be forever to both of them. They stayed in each other's arms for a long moment, until she fell asleep. And looking at her, it was the most breathtakingly beautiful thing he had ever seen.
So, that was it, the mysterious alchemy of happiness hidden in the dramas and tragedies of life. Something he had sought for so long, she was there, nestled in his arms.