A/N: I'm on a marathon of grey's anatomy it's been like idk probably two months now and the shooting episode came along and fuCK i got so many sasusaku feels at a few scenes and i just had to do it. i had to fucking write this. So here, have a surgeon!au :)

Rating: T

He was not a man who ever felt afraid. He was confident, daring, audacious—sometimes, maybe even arrogant—but he was never doubtful, never anxious. Fear was something that only belonged to his past, to a scratched up eight year old boy with shaking, blood-soaked hands and salty wet cheeks, dark eyes wide and horror-struck as he tried to keep his father's torn chest closed. Fear belonged to the child that wasn't enough to save his dad, to keep him from bleeding out before the ambulance got to their car wreck.

Fear did not belong to a cardiothoracic surgeon, where the lives of too many rested on his hands, every hour of every day. There was no space for doubt when his choices were the only differences that would determine whether or not he was going to give life to a man and insure the permanence of a happy marriage, or lose the man to death and make his wife a widow.

("Nerves of steel," Naruto had told him, all too many times. "How do you even do that? How the hell do you never get nervous? And can you teach me?"

You don't want to know, his mind whispered back.)

Sasuke Uchiha was not a man who ever felt afraid.

But right now, in this moment, as he watched a man of no older than fifty-seven years press his gun against the temple of the woman he loved, eager to push the trigger—he felt nothing short of terrified.

"Sakura," he breathed, blood pounding so deafeningly loud against his ears, dread twisting in his gut.

(God damnit, why you? Why did it have to be you?)

His hands shot up when the gunman quickly aimed his weapon at him, brows raising in alarm. "Calm down," he said quickly, mindful of keeping his tone composed and temperate. Any brashness on his part would probably have them all killed. "I'm not here to do any harm—I'm here to help." His eyes flickered towards Sakura, taking in her trembling form and the glistening tear tracks on her cheeks, before turning his attention back to the older man. "Tell me what the problem is."

"Sasuke-kun—" Sakura whispered, her voice small and wobbly, a mix of surprise and grief.

She didn't want him here, didn't want to see him get hurt, and he didn't have to wonder why.

("Naruto says he wants to throw a party tonight to celebrate his fellowship with Jiraiya," she said, rifling through her test files as she climbed up the stairs alongside him. "Oncology. Can you believe that? I always thought he'd end up in peds or something."

"I'm surprised he's even a surgeon at all," Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes.

"You are so mean," she teased, smiling as she swatted at him with a folder. "He's worked very hard, you know."

He gave a vague hum, disinterested, and reached for the door handle once they'd made their way to their floor. He was surprised when Sakura's hand wrapped around his wrist, keeping him in place. Blinking at her, he gave a curious look.

"You know, Sasuke-kun," she said, peering up at him with a soft smile. "I'm in love with you."

Sasuke throat grew tight. When his mouth parted, he stayed quiet. She was looking at him like she was expecting something—an acknowledgment to her confession, perhaps, but Sasuke didn't know what to say.

The sound of their pagers going off broke the silence, and the moment was lost.)

"You shut the hell up," the man said, pointing the gun back to her temple, sending Sasuke tensing impossibly.

"Hey, hold on—" He took a step forward, before raising his hands again as the man turned his way once more, shaking his gun threateningly.

"Stay back! You stay the hell back!"

Sasuke's jaw clenched, and he took a step back once more, keeping his cool. "It's alright," he said. "We can talk about this. There's no need for anyone else to die."

"You're right, there no need for anyone else to die," the older man said, tears welling at the corners. "No one but that man lying on the table." His aim turned on Sakura again with a shaking hand. "Tell her to stop fixing him. I'll let you all live if you tell her to stop working on him and let him die!"

"I can't," Sakura said, her voice thick with tears. She was trembling, still, scared out of her wits that her life would end any second now, but even then her hands remained steady as she worked on saving their chief of surgery. Sasuke would have felt proud, if he wasn't so damn terrified she would die. "You know I can't stop, Sasuke-kun. Kakashi is our chief, he was always there to take care of all of us, you know I can't—"

"I will shoot you!" The gunman yelled, pressing the nose of the weapon to her nape, his lips contorting with rage. The words sent Sasuke's blood running cold, heart skipping anxious beats at her loud, terror-stricken cry. "Do you want me to shoot you?! Is that what you want!? I'll kill you if you don't—"

(Over my dead body, his mind hissed.)

Rage and violent fear grasping at his heart, Sasuke took a step again and snarled, "Don't you fucking dare. That is the woman I love—if you shoot her, if you touch her…" He trailed off, and took a breath, eyes hard and vicious as his heart thrummed furiously against his chest. Venom dripping from his tone, he spat, "I will kill you."

A soft gasp left her lips, the sound mixed with her broken sob, and Sasuke almost let his eyes slip shut. He could only imagine how she felt right now, hearing the words spilling from his mouth. She'd loved him for so long, had always thought he never returned her feelings—but it was never the right time to tell her he felt the same. This wasn't how he wanted her to know.

("Hey," he heard her call, as the patio door slid open. Her hand grabbed his shoulder, the touch warm against the winter weather. "What are you doing here all by yourself? They're all asking about you down there."

He sipped his beer, and shrugged. "Why? It's not like it's my party."

"Well, Naruto's not the only one who started his fellowship recently."

He looked at her then, noting the grin on her lips, cheeks flushed with the cold. "You shouldn't be out here dressed like that," he said, after a moment. "You'll freeze."

"Like you're one to talk," she replied, frowning.

He looked away, and said nothing in response.

"Are you avoiding me, Sasuke-kun?" she questioned softly, after a long moment of silence. "Because of what I said to you the other day?"

He shook his head, and kept his gaze forward, picking at his nails. "I've been busy, that's all."

"Are you sure? Because if you are avoiding me, I want you to know that you can forget all about it—It shouldn't change anything between us and I—"

"Sakura," he sighed, tired dark eyes meeting her saddened green ones. "I already knew."

Her mouth parted, her surprise evident. "You… knew? You knew I loved you?"

A small, barely there smile graced his lips. "Of course I knew. You weren't exactly subtle."

"Then why are you so…" She trailed out, and bit her lip, rubbing at her arms.

He let out a low, patient exhale, and hummed lowly. When he noticed her shuddering, he watched her carefully, before shrugging off his jacket, and gently pushing it around her shoulders. He tried not to notice the way that she blushed, or how she pulled his jacket closer to herself. "This has more to do with me than it has to do with you, Sakura," he said. "Stop worrying."

Sasuke could feel her gaze on him, gentle as ever.

"Thank you," she whispered, finally. "And I… I'm glad, you know? I'm glad I was wrong. That you didn't let it change anything between us." When he glanced at her, but said nothing, she went on, "And just so you know, I'm not expecting anything from you." She smiled, if a little sadly. "I know you don't love me back—and that's fine. I just don't want things to change."

He didn't know how to tell her she was wrong.

He didn't have the time to figure it out either, before Naruto burst through the door, flailing his pager around and urgently shouting something about a disastrous explosion in the town mall.)

"Sasuke-kun, don't—"

"And what if I shoot you first?" the man replied sharply, causing him to stiffen. "What then? You won't be able to stop me, if I do that. I'll shoot you first, then I'll shoot her, and then I'll shoot that damn doctor who killed my wife." He cocked his gun at him again, red-faced and eyes full of tears. "How does that sound to you, huh? Is that what you want?"

Sasuke's lips tightened, heart pounding harder, furious helplessness burning in the pit of his stomach. He shook his head, hands balling into fists.

"Then tell her to stop fixing him," he repeated, his voice thick with desperate grief. "I don't want to kill anyone else, I never wanted to kill all those people—all I ever wanted was to kill that man who killed my wife. But you all just—you all just keep getting in my way."

Swallowing tightly, Sasuke nodded, meeting eyes briefly with the young resident standing stiffly opposite of Sakura's operating table, who had been trying his hardest to comply to her every direction. He vaguely gave him a glimpse of the monitoring wires attached to Kakashi's body, tapping them lightly before giving Sasuke a small, barely perceptible nod. Sasuke gave no response, locking eyes with the gunman once more.

"Let me get to her," he said. "Let me get to her and I'll make sure she stops."

"Sasuke-kun, what are you—"

"Sakura, be quiet," he intoned. Black eyes met glistening, fearful green.

He took a careful step forward, and then another, and then another, calm gaze fixed on those of the desperate older man. When he was close enough to touch him, the man froze and pushed his gun to his forehead, shaking. Throat growing tight, Sasuke's steps came to a halt, hands rising in yield once more.

"Don't you try anything," he warned Sasuke, letting out a shuddering breath. "I swear to god if you try anything I'll blow your brains out—"

"I won't," he said, taking half a step away from him. "I won't, I promise."

"I've had doctors make promises to me," he replied with a near snarl, tears slipping down his cheeks. "I've heard them enough to know they don't always mean something to you."

"Sasuke-kun, please, get out of here before he—"

"Sakura," he said roughly, giving her a brief, stern glare. "Stop talking." At the sight of her, grief-stricken, his gaze softened. "Everything's going to be fine."

("So Sakura-chan told you, I heard." Naruto said one day, as he stepped into the elevator with him.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "From who?"

Naruto shrugged, biting into his apple. "People talk. Who cares how I found out, anyway?" He nudged his best friend's shoulder lightly, grinning. "You know what the better question here is, bastard? How come I'm not hearing about how you told her you love her back?"

Lips tightening, Sasuke muttered, "That's none of your business."

"Seriously? You guys have been diddly-daddling around this for years—since med school! I've been watching you two miserably longing for each other for what, a decade now? What's the matter with you two?"

Sasuke stayed quiet, turning his attention to his charts in clear dismissal.

Tone more muted, concerned, Naruto asked, "What's the matter, Sasuke? Why haven't you said anything yet?"

He was silent, for one long moment. Sighing, he finally admitted, "I don't know. I can't."

Naruto didn't say anything after that.)

Cool metal pressed harder against his forehead, and Sasuke stiffened, fighting against the urge to close his eyes. He breathed out, slowly.

"Keep your gun to my skull, if that's what will make you trust me," he said, eyes locked tightly onto sad, angry counterparts of dark, dark brown. "But if you want her to stop fixing him, you have to let me get to her. No one else is going to make her stop."

The gun trembled against his skin. "Go," he bit out. "But if you try anything—"

"You'll shoot me," Sasuke acquiesced, nodding. "I know."

He didn't fear for his life, strangely, as he cautiously made his way towards Sakura, feeling the cold, firm metal against the back of his head—rather, he feared for Sakura's. There was no telling what the gunman would do when Sakura resisted against his commands—and she would resist, he knew, and Sasuke couldn't be entirely sure that he could protect her if it came to that.

"You can't make me, Sasuke-kun," she told him, once he'd finally reached her side. "I don't care what you say, you can't make me stop trying to save him, you can't make me give up. You can't—"

"Sakura," he murmured, grabbing her working hands softly. "Trust me on this. You have to stop."

"No," she choked, shaking, trying to rebel against his hold. "No, I can't—I won't—"

"Sakura, let go. Stop it. Listen to me, and stop saving him." Carefully, he pulled her away from Kakashi, one arm wrapping soundly around her while he nodded at the other interns and residents.

Sakura gave a furious cry when the others stepped back, fighting against his hold, mumbling incoherently about how she couldn't give up, couldn't stop, urging Sasuke's jaw to clench, teeth grinding harshly—before she finally buckled to her knees, a mess of trembling, body-wracking sobs.

Sensing the older man stepping closer to them both, his gun aimed at them, Sasuke pulled Sakura into him, shielding her from his sight. "In a few seconds," Sasuke said, eyes hard, "his heart is going to stop beating. It's going to pump all the blood into his chest, and then he'll die. You'll see it on the monitors if you just wait and watch."

"Don't do this," she pleaded against him, gripping his shirt tightly. "Sasuke-kun, please don't do this, please don't let him die—"

He held her tighter, silent, but kept his gaze locked firmly with those of the gunman, patient. Waiting. The sound of the monitors signaling the loss of heartbeat broke the stillness of the room, sending a sharp, heartbreaking cry tumbling from Sakura's mouth, while the shooter's shoulders loosened terribly, the crushing relief visibly washing over him. Sasuke's chest tightened, fingers clenching her blood-stained scrubs, breath finally leaving him in a rush as the man lowered his gun and hung his head, straining back a few sobs.

"I'm sorry," he said to them all, wiping at his face. "I'm so sorry for all this."

Sasuke's eyes hardened the moment the man finally stepped out of the operating room.

"Someone better come here right now and take care of Sakura," he said harshly, directing his attention to the resident scrambling with the wires he'd earlier pulled off. "How is he doing? How much time do we have to save him?"

Sakura stiffened against him, but he tried to pay no mind, brows furrowing as a nurse took her from his hold, sending him to his feet in seconds, hands reaching for the gloves the other nurses had hastily prepared for him.

"BP's rocketing, he's prehypertensive," the young resident said, reaching for a clamp.


"There's too much blood, I can't see a damn thing," Sasuke said, cursing to himself. "I need suction—now. We're going to have to work fast to find this bleed before he crashes."

"Sasuke-kun, how did you—why is he not—"

"You'll have your resident to thank for that—he took off the monitoring wires to bluff Kakashi's death," he said, lips tightening. "I'll take over from here, Sakura, you don't have to worry."




"Thank you," she said softly, as they had retreated back to the scrub room fifty three minutes later, Kakashi's life safe and sound. "I—I don't know if I'd be alive right now if you hadn't been there. Or… even if Kakashi would be."

Sasuke paused in the middle of washing his hands, looking at her carefully. After a moment, he pushed back onto the knob to continue his task, murmuring, "You wished it was someone else, didn't you?"

At the way her mouth parted, evidently caught off guard, he said, "I get it. When I saw you in there I…" His lips tightened, and he looked away, reaching for the towel above the sink. The image of Sakura, crying and scared, as a man pointed a gun at her and yelled was still something he had yet to shake from his mind.

"Did you mean it, Sasuke-kun?" she asked softly, still-trembling hands touching his shoulder. "W-When he…" She trailed out, and squeezed her eyes shut tightly, still troubled and shaken from the event. "W-When he threatened me, you said—you said 'the woman that I love' and I—I mean were you lying or—?"

He stayed quiet, hands grasping at the edges of the sink, refusing to meet her gaze. He couldn't—Just like every time before, he couldn't find it in himself to give her an answer, to tell her how he truly felt, the words caught in his throat.

Her shoulders hunched, then, and he couldn't help but to look at her, dark eyes softening with a broken sort of guilt as he watched the look of hope fall from her face.

"For the first time of my life since I was eight years old, I was terrified of losing someone close to me. I would have gladly broken my oath to tear that man to pieces if he hurt you," he said, his voice tight and strained, something of a mix between embarrassment and desperation to be heard. "I would have rather died than to have watched that man kill you." He lifted a hand to touch her hair, fingers lightly brushing along the soft line of her jaw. "And yet somehow, even after all that, you still find place somewhere to doubt that I might return your feelings."

He felt her mouth part, heard the slight hitch of her breath; her green eyes widened, momentarily losing their disquiet edge. In another moment, on another day, perhaps Sasuke would have smiled at this—but with the air weighing too heavy with uneasiness, and their minds still reeling from the troubling events, he found that he could do nothing but to simply pull her in his arms, eyes clenching shut tightly as she sagged against him and started to cry.

"It's over," he whispered, pushing his nose to her hair. "We're okay. It's over."

I had a lot of fun writing this, so even there might be some type of sequel to this, or even a prequel someday. I got a lot of ideas and my friend whom motivated me to write this when I was flailing about the scene being so sasusaku is super into those ideas, which keeps me motivated to one day write something more about this surgeon!au hehe. Probably about the aftermath of all this, where despite them now being fully aware of being in love, it's not going to be an easy recovery.

I'm not very satisfied with the way I ended it here tbh, there's something that feels like it's missing but I can't for the life of me find anything better to end it on, so. Haha.

Hope you enjoyed!