Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Rated M for language, graphic content, and adult situations. Viewer discretion is advised.

Chapter 1: A Strange Turn

Lord Harry James Potter-Black, also known as the Boy who Lived, also known as the Man who Conquered, recipient of the Order of Merlin, first class, and the 30th Headmaster of Hogwarts (retired) was dying. This was a man who many hailed as the hero of the wizarding world. Recognized as the successor of Dumbledore and the Leader of the Light, it could be said that Harry Potter lived a very influential and fulfilling life.

It was Harry Potter who had become the spokesman of the Wizarding World when the Statute of Secrecy collapsed during the chaos of World War III in the 2040's. In the latter stages of the war, Harry was at the forefront of wizard volunteers who aided in the battlefield as magical healers and warriors. And, after the war ended, he attended many press conferences and talk shows to promote wizard-muggle relations.

It was thanks to these efforts that joint wizard-muggle schools and hospitals began to become commonplace. The idea behind these being to allow more day to day interactions between the two societies in order to tear down the social barriers and eliminate the fear of the unknown. In 2076, Hogwarts officially closed its doors as a wizarding school due to joint schools having become the norm. As the last Headmaster of Hogwarts, Harry pushed for Hogwarts to be made into a Wizarding Museum that displayed the proud heritage of the Wizarding World so that his people wouldn't forget their roots even as they mixed with and incorporated new ideas from muggle culture.

Besides all of his efforts to better both the Wizarding and Muggle Worlds, Harry's greatest joy was found in his family. Marrying Ginevra Molly Potter née Weasley and siring three children were what Harry considered to be his greatest accomplishment in life. The only thing he regretted was that he had outlived all four. His wife had lived a full life with him but passed before he did at the ripe old age of 146. His second son, Albus Severus, had unfortunately perished in the conflict of WWIII, with no progeny due to having never married. However, his first son, James Sirius, and his only daughter, Lily Luna, both married well and provided many grandchildren for Harry and Ginny to love.

It was those grandchildren along with their families that surrounded him as his final moments approached. Having an extraordinary amount of magical power that helped sustain him far longer than others could claim, Harry was only now succumbing to old age after having lived a full 237 years.

It was with a soft smile that he looked at his great-grandchild who was now holding his hand. Having been named in honor of his wife, little Ginny Potter looked back at him with eyes full of tears.

"Don't be sad little one. I have lived a long and full life. It is past time I moved on to the next great adventure that awaits me. I look forward to seeing my wife and children again, so please, don't cry for me. We will see each other again one day after you have lived a full life of your own."

Harry felt his heart swell with love as sniffles were heard all around him and words of love poured forth from all directions. Truly, he was a fortunate man.

It was with that gentle smile on his lips that Harry closed his eyes for the last time and his breathing stilled.

As tears began to burst forth freely around the room, and his family held one another in comfort, Harry's spirit left his body.

It was at that moment that things began to get strange. Ever since the Battle of Hogwarts, the three Deathly Hallows had taken to following him around. Whether he broke them, threw them away, or set them on fire, they would always return to him unmarred by the time he woke up. Eventually, he gave up trying to get rid of them and simply kept them on his person as a matter of convenience and put them out of mind.

As his spirit left his body, the Hallows crumbled and the magic contained within them merged with his fleeing spirit, chaining it to the physical world.

Then things took a turn from the strange to the downright unnatural. Having recently died, Harry had no control over his spirit. After merging with the Hallows, their magic began trying to return him to life, but with his body having truly died, this was impossible. So they sought out the nearest body that was alive but contained no spirit. It was an unfortunate coincidence that since the wizard and muggle hospitals had merged, the nearest person who fit this criteria was a muggle. It was an extremely unfortunate coincidence that this muggle had a neural implant in his brain that did not interact well with the sudden influx of magic into his system.

It should be pointed out that in the year 2096, neural implants entered the mainstream market as a popular new trend that people grasped onto with a fervor while proclaiming, "The future is here!" Neural implants had many uses as they allowed an individual to directly interact with computer programs for extremely fast data manipulation. This was very useful in the business sector. Of course, this particular muggle got it for the interactive video games and immersive simulation worlds it allowed one to experience.

In fact, this muggle's favorite video game, Final Fantasy 83, was a MMORPG, that allowed for the gamer to actually live a life in a video game world. His character was a telekinetic swordsman who he had brought to level 99 and maxed out in every way possible. He was a guild master with a high charisma stat and with several sword and telekinetic skills he had to use real money to purchase for his character. Of course he maxed the levels on those skills as well of all of his others. All of his character data for the swordsman Loki Astaroth were saved onto his neural implant. Besides his favorite game, there were also hundreds of terabytes of interactive porn, full-dive ero-games, and dating sims. You see, this muggle had no life outside of videogames. He was, afterall, a game designer who specialized in pornographic games. Thus, he felt justified in playing as many perverted games as possible for inspiration.

He was also morbidly obese which is what had landed him in his current state. After suffering a ST-segment elevation myocardial infarction (a severe heart attack), he passed away enroute to the hospital. Fortunately, the skilled EMT were able to revive him and a successful quadruple bypass surgery saved his life. Unfortunately, his spirit had already passed on by that point and he was now a soulless husk, locked in a state that resembled a coma.

That is until Harry's spirit was jerked into his body. While flooding the muggle's body with magic, the neural implant broke down and terabytes of data began to flood into Harry's soul. The data soon became distorted due to the damage to the implant. As Harry struggled to make sense of what was happening to him, fragmented pornography and video game information bypassed his occlumency shields and sunk into the core of his being. It was extremely fortunate that after living for 237 years Harry had a very strong sense of self that allowed him to maintain his personality. It was unfortunate that Loki Astaroth was such a powerful character with an absurd amount of data to back it up. The muggle had actually written a 482 page character bio that detailed Loki's background and personality in explicit detail. Empowered by magic, Loki's character quickly gained sentience as it absorbed the pornographic content, the ero-games, and the dating sims to create a distinctly powerful and perverted personality that conflicted with Harry's personality in a battle for supremacy.

Harry inevitably won, but this was not without cost. Parts of Loki's personality tainted his own, just as he subtly altered Loki's personality. The end result was a slightly more perverted Harry with a split personality that went by Loki Astaroth.

Harry's new perversion didn't bother him much as he could control it with occlumency. What truly upset him was that he was locked in the body of a fat muggle with no family and few options available to him.

While recovering in the hospital from his ordeal, Harry thought about what had happened. He realized that it was the Hallows that had not allowed him to pass on. Worse, he could feel Loki battering at his mental shield and he feared what might happen should Loki ever gain control of his body. While he wouldn't call Loki evil, he was definitely a slave to his lusts.

Harry would never forgive himself if Loki took control and raped someone. So, he began to consider his options. He knew his time on this world should be over, thus he arrived at the conclusion of suicide being his best option.

Of course it could never be easy with Harry Potter. Any suicide would likely put him into a situation similar to what he was now, and if he merged with another individual with a neural implant it might well be an unmitigated disaster. After many hours of thought dedicated to this topic, he arrived at the Veil of Death being his best option. By passing through the veil, he would force his spirit to pass on, despite the presence of the Hallows.

Thus resolved, Harry began his preparations. Two months later, after he had recovered enough to infiltrate the Department of Mysteries, Harry approached the Veil. He sighed in relief as he heard the whispers of the grave call out to him. A soft smile adorned his face once more as he stepped through the veil to begin his next great adventure.

It was then that things took a turn from the downright unnatural to the impossibly surreal.

As Harry stepped through the Veil of Death, he felt like he was stepping into another world. The world around him existed in grey tone. No color could be seen except those on himself. And those colors were quickly being leached away.

Suddenly, he felt an indescribable pain as his body felt like it was being pulled in a thousand different directions. He looked on in a horrified fascination as his hand began to disintegrate. Starting with the tips of his fingers and slowly moving up his arm he began to come undone.

He could only watch for so long, however, as his vision quickly became blurry until everything faded to black as his sight left him. He knew this meant that his eyes were breaking apart as well, and it wouldn't be long until this realm destroyed him and granted him his final rest.

And, true to his thoughts, his body quickly became nothing, leaving only his spirit behind. And soon, that too began to come apart at the seams. It was then that he noticed a light green glow illuminate this grey tone world. Looking down he saw what appeared to be a runic tattoo glowing over his heart upon his spiritual body. This tattoo was of a circle inside a triangle with line bisecting them. It was the symbol of the Hallows.

As his spiritual body broke apart, the power of the Hallows acted upon it to rebuild what was lost. The pain was excruciating.

In this distracted state, Harry let his occlumency barriers slip and Loki burst free from his mental prison to wage war once more with his psyche. As the two personalities clashed, Harry continued to be torn apart by the realm he was in and rebuilt by the Hallows that were protecting him. This continuous cycle of spiritual death and rebirth fractured the two personalities and reforged them into something entirely new.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Years of loneliness with the occasional joy of family visits and the birth of grandchildren and great grandchildren disappeared into the ether.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Hundreds of hours of gameplay to reach level 99 along with the interactive video Voluptuous Valerie Visits Vegas is snuffed out in an instant.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Years of love and happiness in a wonderful marriage falls away.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Super Extreme Hentai Wonder and its 69 sequels are gone in a flash.

Destruction - Rebirth.

The Reconstruction, gone. WWIII, gone. The birth of his children, gone.

Destruction - Rebirth.

Hundreds of more hours of gameplay disappear along with Titillating Tales of a Teenage Temptress.

Destruction - Rebirth.

The Rebirth of Voldemort and the Second Wizarding War are burned away.

Like a blade being reforged, all of the scratches and dents that made Harry into the man he was were purified and burned away. Hundreds of years of experience. Joys and triumphs, failures and heartbreak. All disappear in this soul forge as two psyches are stripped of the extraneous and remade into a single new soul.

Eventually, this soul was pushed through Death's Realm to emerge through another gateway as the soul was rejected from that plane of existence.

As the soul burst through this gateway, it felt something latch onto it from far away. While normally, it would seek out the nearest uninhabited body, in this world it felt something like an anchor drawing it in. Like a distorted echo, another soul called out to it. This was obviously not a twin soul but, like looking in a funhouse mirror, the resemblance was close enough that the draw became irresistible.

Quickly traversing the distance, the soul soon arrived to a home in Godric's Hollow, a village in the West Country of England. As wards fell and a mad cackle resonated in the air, the perverted soul homed in on its target.

"Not Harry! Please … have mercy … have mercy… "

"Avada Kedavra!"

Floating through the ceiling into a nursery, the soul noticed two beings with souls, a corpse, and a soul fleeing to the afterlife. A resonance from the smaller being pulled it in.

"And now for you. You may have held the potential to be a threat, but no longer. Nothing can best Lord Voldemort! Even Fate itself will bend to my will! Avada Kedavra!"

Its target located, the soul flew towards its new host as a golden shield surrounded it and absorbed the green light only to send a blast of energy back at the larger being. This energy disintegrated the being and split its soul in two while simultaneously blasting a hole in the roof with the excess energy.

Following that, one soul fragment flew towards the small being, while the other fled. Of course, the perverted soul was moving towards the infant at the same time and when the two souls bumped into each other, it was the smaller fragment that was knocked off course. As the perverted soul sank into its new host body and began to merge with its soul due to their similar nature, the fragment struck a nearby teddy bear and fell on the ground.

It was then that an overweight man with ratlike features burst into the room.

"No Master! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. What do I do? What do I do?!"

As the man paced around in a panic, the two souls in the young infant continued merging, and baby Harry began to recall the few memories he retained. Fragments of memories existing up until shortly after the second task of the Triwizard Tournament began to clarify in his mind. Specifically, he remembered meeting and confronting this man in a ramshackle shack. He knew who this man was. He knew what this man had done.

"Wormy!" Baby Harry exclaimed with all condemnation a one year old can muster. Which, as it turns out, is not all that much.

It did grab the rat-man's attention, however, as he quickly snapped his head to the infant in the crib.

"Harry! You're alive! Oh crap, I mean…good! That's good! I guess? Umm…you have to understand Harry that this wasn't my fault. I mean, I would have died if I didn't tell. I'm really sorry Harry. But…I can't stay here. I saw master's spirit. He'll come back. Oh God. What do I do?"

And then the soul splinter of Voldemort completed its possession of the teddy bear.


As Teddymort leapt at Ratman, Ratman let out a high pitch squeal that was only exceeded in pitch by Teddymort's warcry.

With a surprising strength, Teddymort began pummeling Ratman into submission.


And then a greasy haired man swept into the room with an elegant sweep of his cape.


As Greaseman fell to his knees and broke down in tears, Teddymort grew some magical claws and began to scratch Ratman with a cunning brutality.

"Not the face!"

"Lily! Alas, I knew her well; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; she hath borne me on her back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have longed to kiss I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Oh Lily, my dear sweet Lily!"


As Greaseman continued to blubber inconsolably, Ratman turned into Rat-actual and tried to scamper off. But a quick lunge by Teddymort and a deft swipe of a cuddly paw saw Rat-actual stuffed into a fluffy muzzle and swallowed whole.

Baby Harry looked on in disbelief as Teddymort slirped the worm-like tail hanging from its mouth like a noodle. Only to suddenly explode as Ratman made a reappearance from inside Teddymort.



"Oh shit. Snape?! I'm out of here."

And Ratman became Rat-actual once again and scarpered off as an inhuman shriek issued forth from Teddymort's remains.

Greaseman started out of his blubbering rant at the sound of the shriek and looked up as a shadowy form rose from scattered bits of cotton and fuzz only to dissipate like an ill formed cloud.

"What the fuck?! Okay, I'm out of here." Looking down at the red haired woman he had been crying over, he reached down, gave her tit a quick squeeze, then disappeared with a pop.

Baby Harry just stared in shock. The thoughts, 'Did Greaseman just grab my dead mom's jubbly?' and, 'Did Voldemort just possess my Teddy?' were forefront in his confused and overwhelmed mind.

Of course these thoughts quickly ended when a handsome black-haired man entered the room.

"Lily! Not you too!"

"Pafoo!" Baby Harry exclaimed with all excitement a one year old can muster. Which, as it turns out, is quite a bit.

The man's head quickly snapped into his direction and an expression of relief settled on his grief-stricken face.

"Harry! You're okay! I thought no one made it. James…Lils…" Choking sobs started to break free as tears filled his eyes, but the man quickly wiped them away and plastered a smile on his face.

"But you're okay…at least you're okay. Come here Harry. Everything's screwed up right now, but I'll do something. I'll…I don't know…I'll do something though."

With determination, Sirius grabbed Baby Harry and wrapped him in a blanket before heading to the door.

Baby Harry knew this was an important moment. He knew that he had to do something to save Sirius from making a huge mistake. But, in the end, Baby Harry was just a baby. He fell asleep.

A/N: Yeah, I've been absent for a while. For any who have read my previous stories, well, my laptop broke while working on my first, losing me tons of work I had done in plotting the outline for both the story and the skill tree. Hours upon hours gone. Frustrating to say the least. I lost my motivation and once I got a new laptop, I published two one-shots for fun. Wrote a few others that I didn't publish as well because I didn't want put up a ton of stories that I will never finish. Maybe I will develop them, maybe not. Maybe I'll go back and pick up my first story as well. Right now I just want to write a crack-fic. Never done that before so I'm going to have fun with it. Warning: Harry is now a pervert. Expect a harem. Massive harem? Probably not. Lemons? Probably not. I might publish this on an alternate site as well if I decide to go that route, but I really don't expect this to turn into an erotic fiction. So, yeah…this is an AU. I hope I can do this justice and that my humor is appreciated. Any feedback is welcome, so please R/R.