Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Rated M for language, graphic content, and adult situations. Viewer discretion is advised.

A/N: While the metric system is a common system used in Britain, the imperial system for measurements is widely used by the British public. Since the Wizarding World is trapped in the past, I am going to go with the assumption that they use feet, inches, yards, and miles and the game system will reflect that when applicable.

Also, in my reviews I had a request to have Harry ask about Nym. Remember that during the reforging of his soul in chapter 1, his memories were burned away until before the resurrection of Voldemort. This means he knows nothing of the Tonks family since he hadn't met Nym personally yet and his interaction with Sirius at that point was minimal. His memories will be covered a bit more in this chapter, but while he may have vague recollections of Nym from when he was a first year, they won't hold any significance to him at the moment.

Chapter 2: 2#$ASF$%$%^$%&#$%#TDF!

When Baby Harry woke up, it was to a giant beard pointing a glowing stick in his face.

"Ah, young Harry, you're awake! Marvelous. Lemon drop?"

"Albus! You can't give an infant candy! He could choke!"

With joyful chuckle, the Great White Beard replied, "Ah, Poppy. Forgive an old man his jokes. I wouldn't really give lemon drops to an infant. That would be silly. He is much too young to properly enjoy it."

With a huff, a dumpy woman came out of the office in the back with a bottle of potion.

"Really, Albus. This is serious. This poor boy just lost his family. Anyways, I have the core suppression potion here. It should restrain his magic for a month while he settles in with his adoptive family. I don't like the idea of him going to a family that might react poorly to accidental magic, but I suppose it is understandable to restrain that during the adjustment period. This is all just so terribly sad."

"Indeed. If only this wasn't necessary. Still, at least there is a silver lining in this tragedy. Because of his parent's sacrifice, young Harry here has a much brighter future than he would have if Voldemort was still around."

With a shiver, Dumpy Lady responded, "I really wish you wouldn't say that name. Here, three drops should do it. It should cause him to sleep for 24 hours while his core is being locked."

With that, a stopper was pushed into his mouth and a foul tasting liquid was forced down his throat.

As Baby Harry gagged, the Great White Beard continued speaking.

"Hagrid should be here soon. As soon…here…take…Dursley."

And Baby Harry slept once more.

When Baby Harry next woke it was to screaming.

"I don't care what that blasted letter says, we are not taking some freak into our home!"

"But Vernon, who knows what THEY will do if we turn him out. They might do some of their freakish mumbo jumbo and turn us into slaves! What if the make us into *gasp* sex slaves! I bet some of those freaks would love to get their hands on us. After all, they can't find a good normal person in their world."

"You know I would never let that happen to you pet."

"But Vernon, you might not be able to stop it! And what if some tramp got her freakish paws on you!"


"Yes! I bet there are tons of freaks who would want a big, strong, normal man like you!"

"Ah. Hmm…"

"That would be just terrible! Wouldn't it Vernon?! Vernon?"

"Hmm…yes…umm…terrible. Sure."


"Ah! Sorry pet, just thinking about how terrible it would be to have a bunch of freakish women using me to satisfy their every perverse desire."


"Anyways! What are we going to do about this little freak?"

With a sigh, the female voice responded, "We have to take him in. There really isn't much choice. And I guess he is family in a way. Sort of. Really a cast-off branch of the family tree. Although, a tree doesn't stay healthy without a good pruning now and then…but those freaks…yes. Yes, I guess we really do have to take him in."

"I don't like it pet."

"Neither do I love. Just thinking about how much food we will have to waste on him instead of using it for my precious Duddykins. Oh, it might just make my Duddly-wuddly waste away!"

Great sobs accompanied this frantic proclamation.

"There, there. Shush now, love. We will just make sure to feed the freak as little as possible so that Duddly gets the best possible nutrition to grow into a big strong man like his father!"

"Oh dear, you know just what to say!"




Growing up, Harry knew that he was different. His aunt, uncle, and cousin reinforced this belief by belittling him as a freak and forcing him to live in a cupboard under the stairs. The main reason he knew he was different, however, were his memories. Memories that were by all rights impossible.

Most of them were fragments that didn't make much sense, like a greasy haired man insulting him while in what appeared to be a dark classroom with cauldrons simmering all around. Or sitting next to a red-haired boy while in a flying car. If they were dreams, it would be one thing, but their clarity let him recognize them as memories. Memories of the future. Perhaps he was a prophet? Unfortunately, they were too fragmented to make much sense. For example, his memory of a flying car was only two seconds long and didn't give any context to help him understand the impossibility.

There were only four memories that truly stood out to him. Meeting a man with the face of a monster that called itself Lord Voldemort on the back of his head. Battling a giant snake with only a sword. Meeting his godfather and watching as he tried to kill the rat who betrayed his family only to stop him and then eventually watch as the rat escaped. And finally, riding a broomstick to outfly a dragon, while in front of a crowd of people, to grab a golden egg. All of these stood out as traumatic but memorable moments of import.

While strange and fragmented, these memories helped Harry to mature at a very young age. As he grew up, the fragments would sometimes come together in his dreams to reveal a more complete memory. By age five he knew that the red-haired boy was called Ron, and the greasy haired man was named Snape.

The reason for this scramble was that the merger of two souls was anything but a simple event. As the host soul, it had been up to the Baby Harry to absorb the larger soul trying to immigrate. It was successful in part, but the event left it unstable for years afterwards as it sought to fully integrate the foreign emotions and memories.

It wasn't until Halloween, at the age of eight, that the merger stabilized. This was accompanied by his adult soul's memories from birth to shortly after the second task during the Triwizard Tournament at Hogwarts. While before, he only had scattered memories from his previous life, at that moment, he relived all of his previous life's retained memories from start to finish. It took but a moment for the memory dump to take place, but it gave Harry an understanding of the world around him that he hadn't truly grasped until that point.

It also gave him a freaking huge migraine.

For some reason he also received memories of someone else having sex with a lot of beautiful women, a strange dating simulation that gave him ideas on how to interact with women, and a few memories as a psychokinetic swordsman.

All in all, it was pretty weird.

Especially this.

Welcome to 2#$ASF$%$%^$%&#$%#TDF!

Please select your class!

A picture of Harry with a sword in one hand and a wand in the other stood before him. Hesitantly, he touched the picture.

Congratulations! You have selected the Battle Mage class!

Too bad that was the only option available.

Now select your character design!

A picture of Harry with a sword in one hand and a wand in the other stood before him. Once again, he pressed the picture.

Great! You have selected the physical attributes: messy black hair, green eyes, glasses for farsightedness, and scrawny!

Again, there wasn't really a choice.

Now select your name!

The name "Harry James Potter" appeared in front of him. So, with a sigh, he pressed it.

Welcome Harry James Potter to 2#$ASF$%$%^$%&#$%#TDF! You may open your character menu at any time to distribute your Character points by simply stating "Status." If you wish to open your inventory, try saying "Inventory." At every fifth level, the character is granted two attribute points that allow said character to alter their very being. The attribute screen can be accessed by saying "Attributes". Your first opportunity to do so is now as part of your character creation. Please note that any changes to the Gender or Magic attributes require at least two attribute points. Magic attributes can vary in cost due to the strength and rarity of the ability. For example, a Magical Omniglot can speak every language in the world, human or otherwise, while a Zoolinguist can speak all beast languages. These two related abilities cost 10 and 5 attribute points respectively due to their rarity and the breadth of languages they encompass. Their cousin ability, Parseltongue, only costs 2 attribute points in comparison due to its focus on a single beast tongue. Magic abilities will also refund half their attribute point cost if removed. Please select what attribute you wish to add or alter now.





Nose, Lips, Ears Size/Shape

Skull, Feet, Hands Size/Shape

Genital Size/Shape

Shoulders, Chest, Breast Size/Shape

Waist, Hips, Buttocks Size/Shape


Skin Tone

Head Hair, Eyebrows, Eyelashes

Body Hair

Eye Color


Hearing Acuity


Taste Sense

Skin Sensitivity

Harry stood for a moment in stupefied wonder. It was basically possible for him to become a completely different person if he leveled enough. With all of these options to choose from, the first thing to look at was obvious.

Genital Size/Shape (after full maturation):

Type: Penis

(1)Length: 6.0"

(1)Circumference: 5.0"

(1)Shape: Slight upwards bend

(1)Circumcised: Yes

Rank: Average Willy


Type: Testicles

(2)Number: 2

(1)Size: 1.005 in^3

(1)Ejaculate Volume: 4.2 mL

(1)Potency: Average

Rank: Normal Operations in the Baby Batter Factory

Not bad, but who wants to be average? Still, Harry knew he should look at some of the other options before making a decision.


Gamer: Yes [locked]

(10)Magic Core: Yes [locked]

(2) Mage Sight: No

(5) Metamorph: No

(10)Omniglot: No

(5) Zoolingual: No

(2) Parseltongue: Yes

(5) Seer: No

(2) Prophet: No

(2) Beastmaster: No

(5) Precog: No

(5) Empath: No

(5) Astralist: No

(5) Dream Walker: No

(10)Void Walker: No

(10)Vortex Creator: No

(10)Age Shifter: No

(2) Psychokinetic: Yes

(2) Earth Elementalist: No

(2) Fire Elementalist: No

(2) Wind Elementalist: No

(2) Water Elementalist: No

(2) Lightning Elementalist: No

Rank: Pinball Wizard

Harry stared at the screen before him, momentarily stunned. There was obviously a lot to choose from. And some of them were ridiculously expensive. Omniglot, Age Shifter, Void Walker, Elementalist, and Vortex Creator were all 10 points. That's 25 character levels just to get one of those abilities. And, while they sounded cool, there was no description on what they did. Well, except Omniglot which was described in the attribute introduction. Harry touched Void Walker to see if it would tell him anything, but all he got was a message saying that he didn't have enough attribute points. This just made things difficult for him. So he decided to ignore it for the moment and see what else was out there.


(1)Peripheral Awareness: Extremely High

(1)Eye Coordination: Extremely High

(1)Depth Perception: Extremely High

(1)Focusing Ability: Farsighted

(2)Infrared Vision: No

(2)X-Ray Vision: No

Rank: Almost Clark Kent

That brought a smirk to his face. Finally things were beginning to look good. Actually, incredibly good. He didn't have any super powers for his eyes, but that didn't bother him in the least. His farsightedness was the only reason he needed glasses apparently, so he thought for a moment that maybe he should fix that. Still, better to check some other things first.

Allure (begins during puberty):

(1)Pheromone Strength: Pathetic

(1)Pheromone Spread: 2' radius

Rank: Dead Fish

His satisfied smirk quickly turned to one of disgust. This was just sad. Still, humans don't really have much in the way of Allure, so it was possible this wasn't too bad. Wondering what else there was to look at, he quickly moved on.

Repulsion (begins during puberty):

(1)Body Odor Strength: Average

(1)Body Odor Spread: 2' radius

Rank: Slightly Smelly

Now this just pissed Harry off. It may say it was average, but that still means that Repulsion is stronger than Allure. He couldn't let that stand.

So, he had to make a decision. Should he improve Allure or downgrade Repulsion? Thinking about it, he decided that if body odor is average then deodorant should take care of that. And, allure will help with the sexy bitches! *ahem* friends. Yes, the sexy, hot, amazing…friends.

Decision made, Harry quickly made his alterations. Putting a point into Pheromone Strength caused it to change from Pathetic to Below Average. Not exactly what he wanted, so he spent his second attribute point to bring it up to Average. Nice and balanced. His new rank of Blasé didn't really impress him, but at least it was better than Dead Fish. With Allure offsetting Repulsion, once he started wearing deodorant (after he began actually needing it of course) he should be ahead of the game!

Character Creation is now complete. Please enjoy your time in the world of 2#$ASF$%$%^$%&#$%#TDF!

All in all, Harry's impression of this event was: weird.

Up until the Great Soul Merger, Harry hadn't thought much about his previous life. This was partly because the memories he had were fragmented and difficult to understand without context. But mainly it was because, from what he was able to tell, his previous life sucked and he didn't like thinking about it.

Of course, once he was forced to relive it he realized something. His previous life really, really sucked.

And he was pretty pathetic too. His friend Ron kind of sucked as well. He could be cool sometimes, but others he would turn into flaming asshole. Ron's reaction to his name coming out of the Goblet of Fire came to mind. And Hermione…well, she was at least loyal. Annoying at times but at least she stood by him. Still, he could do better. He wanted cool friends. Friends who would stand by him no matter what…friends who were hot. Yes, he needed some hot, sexy friends.

With that noble ambition taking root in his heart, Harry decided that if he wanted to get hot, sexy friends, he would have to make himself worthy of having hot, sexy friends. And this video game thing he seemed stuck in was the perfect way to make that happen.

Now, he only had to figure out a way to take advantage of that.

Okay, the library may not be the most exciting place, but if he wanted some hot chicks to be his *ahem* friends, some smarts definitely wouldn't go amiss.

Really, going to the library was just a field test to see if reading had any effect on his game life.

Looking at the thousands upon thousands of books, Harry let out a sigh. But, with his noble ambition firmly rooted in his heart and mind, he set to his task with the determination of the just.

Taking down a random book, Harry looked at the cover. Encyclopedia Britannica…and back on the shelf it went. While it would be informative, Harry felt that something less dry than an encyclopedia might be nice. And so he moved on to the next book. Webster's Dictionary. He was definitely in the wrong section.

As Harry moved down the aisles, looking for something interesting, he found a book with a bright orange cover that stood out from the others. Icha Icha Paradise. He paused as he felt an inexplicable pull to this book. And, as he grasped the book, a surprise popped up.

Congratulations! You have just discovered your first skill book! Throughout the world of 2#$ASF$%$%^$%&#$%#TDF you will occasionally find a rare skill book. By reading normal books, you can gain intelligence and skills through diligence and hard work. Skill books, on the other hand, are the quick path to instant gratification!

Would you like to learn the skill book Icha Icha Paradise? [Yes] [No]

Well, that was an easy choice. Grinning like a loon, Harry quickly pressed [Yes].

With a burst of flame, the book disappeared.

"Oh shit."

Character has learned:

Flirt: +5

Caress: +5

Kiss: +5

Vaginal Sex: +3

Anal Sex: +1

Ménage à Troi: +2

Cunnilingus: +3

Character has gained +1 INT, +1 CHR for the use of a rare skill book!

Harry quickly made his way out of the library while throwing glances over his shoulder. Yes, the skill book was awesome, but he did not want to get in trouble for destruction of public property. Yeah, it was time to make himself scarce.

It was funny. Harry had spent so much time thinking about ways to improve himself, and yet he had not stopped to think about what he really should improve. It wasn't until the +1 Int message that he remembered he could check his stats and see what really needed help.


Welcome Harry James Potter to the Status Screen! The Status Screen will display your progress in the world of 2#$ASF$%$%^$%&#$%#TDF in order to understand your current level of power. On this screen you are capable of using any unspent Status Points and changing your title. Status Points are earned every time you level up and a title is something you can earn by chance or by performing great feats of renown. Simply state "Titles" to view a list of the current titles available. You can possess an unlimited number of titles, but can only equip one at a time. Please review your Status Screen Now!

(A/N: Since the pound symbol isn't recognized by the during formatting on this website, I will use the ISO code to refer to British Pounds in the game screen, but the word pounds when in the main story. ʛ is the symbol for galleons.)

Harry James Potter

Job: Battle Mage

Title: Pariah

Age: 8

Lv. 1 ~ Exp: 0/100

HP= 50/50

MP= 50/50

STR= 2 (+0)= 2 + -

DEX= 2 (+0)= 2 + -

VIT = 2 (+0)= 2 + -

CHR= 6 (-5)= 1 + -

INT = 8 (+0)= 8 + -

WIS=10 (+0)=10 + -

LCK= 3 (-5)= -2 + -

Points to distribute: (5)

Money: 0 GBP; ʛ 0

"Wow, that's some shit luck."

However, a quick five point distribution brought him from -2 up to 3, effectively canceling whatever was causing his -5 penalty. As his eyes drifted up to his Pariah title, he wondered if he had any others available. Deciding to give it a go, Harry hesitantly spoke out, "Okay…umm…Titles."


Boy Who Lived: +5 CHR, +5 LCK

Pariah: -5 CHR, -5 LCK

Looking at the miniscule screen with a hint of exasperation, Harry quipped, "Now that's a hard choice." And with a flick of his finger a new screen popped up.

Activate the title Boy Who Lived [Yes] [No]

With a bright smile and the press of a button, Harry Potter, for the first time ever, happily embraced the title, Boy Who Lived.

"Soo…let me get this straight. I can't access my family vaults until I reach my majority…which is 17?"

Harry looked at the surly goblin in front of him who grunted in response.

"Right! So, 17. And, I can't access my trust vault until I am officially enrolled in Hogwarts."

Another grunt. These goblins did that a lot didn't they? They always looked like they were smelling something foul too. Then again, maybe humans simply smelled funny to them? Kind of like how Indians smelled like curry and Americans like cheese. Food for thought…heh.

"Okay then! That means no money for me. Unless…there is some super-secret awesome way to get that money early. I think anyone who could inform me of such an amazing thing would be deserving of a little reimbursement…I mean a big reimbursement. After all, I wouldn't want to come across as ungrateful to such a helpful and amazing individual."

+1 Persuasion

With a flurry of eyebrow raises, and a few suggestive winks, the goblin finally responded.

"Mr. Potter, are you hitting on me or are you having a seizure? Your human mating rituals elude me, but I promise you I am not interested."

And the goblin was sneering now.

"Oh, Merlin no!" Harry gagged. "No, it was supposed to be a suggestive wink to let you know I would give you a nice tip for helping out…not…" Shudder.

"You should have just said so Mr. Potter." Oooh, a sneer and a drawl! It looks like the goblin leveled up his condescension!

So, of course Harry responded with a beaming smile, "Harry. Please, just call me Harry."

"Indeed. Mr. Potter, there is a way you can get the access you seem to be so desperate for. In fact, this method would see you immediately 500 galleons richer."

Harry leaned forward in excitement. "Well? What is it!"

The sneer grew. "Obviously, such a thing would require forms to be filed and prior knowledge of its existence to set up. Time is money Mr. Potter."

Harry sat back and pondered that for a bit. Then sat up straight as realization struck, "Ah! Well, for the effort to help me in getting such a venture set up, it should be obvious that I would gift such an enterprising goblin 10 galleons from what I would receive."

"50," came the immediate response.

"Hmm…that seems a bit excessive. Surely, I will likely need most of that money for whatever is necessary to get access to my vaults. Perhaps 15 galleons would be fair?"


"Ah, I understand. Time is money after all. Still, if it is only filing a few papers that isn't really a whole lot of time, is it? Perhaps 20 galleons then?"

"Very well Mr. Potter. I suppose 25 galleons is a fair reimbursement for my time. If you will just take this form here and bring it down to the Inheritance Office after filling it out. I am adding my 25 galleon consultation fee here," the goblin spoke as he pulled a form out from his desk and used a quill to fill in a few blanks.

+1 Negotiation

Harry looked at the single piece of parchment as the goblin slid it across the desk to him. "This is it?"

"That is it."

"And this just cost me 25 galleons?"

"Indeed." Welcome back sneer.

It had taken him a bit of consideration before he decided that he needed money. Approximately five minutes worth. Fortunately, a quick trip to the Dursley residence and some rifling through the laundry netted him a 10 pound note. After paying the one pound bus fare, he was able to quickly make his way down to London. And from there, it was a hop, skip, and a jump to the Leakey Cauldron and eventually, Gringotts.

It took a bit of finagling to get the goblins to take him seriously. He was certain his Charisma and Luck boosts played a part here because eventually they gave way and he was lead to the Potter account manager's office. After some friendly negotiations, and for the low price of 25 galleons (basically 125 pounds), he had received a piece of parchment! To be fair though, it was an amazing piece of parchment given what it potentially offered.

After going over the parchment, and filling in the appropriate blanks, Harry realized that what he was trying to do wasn't as simple as gaining access to his vaults. He was going for a full blown emancipation.

As in, the right to use magic and gaining recognition as an adult, emancipation.

There was a catch though. For an underage wizard to be emancipated, they must meet certain stipulations set forth by both the Ministry of Magic. The MoM's guidelines were fairly straight forward.

For any muggleborn, emancipation required the signature of their guardian and the Head of the Department of Muggleborn Emancipation. Said department only existed on paper, and there was no Head of Department.

For anyone born to magical parents, the signature of any MoM department head along with the individual's guardian would suffice.

For the heir to a magical lineage, they simply needed to gain their family's approval. To gain that approval, the various magical lineages had created the Rite of Maturation. Different families had different requirements, but it all boiled down to making someone prove their dedication to the family and show their independence and maturity. The Rite was managed by Gringotts as the caretakers of the various family fortunes. Verification of an individual completing the Rite was forwarded to both the MoM and the individual's guardian to formally announce their emancipation. Generally such an event would be heralded as a momentous occasion due to its rarity.

Apparently, the Potters were quite inventive with their Rite of Maturation. Based on the magical number 13, the Potters determined that the prospective adult must complete 13 tasks that aided the Potter family.

The Potters were obviously an adventurous family, because their Rite required a trip around the world. Harry was supposed to travel to 13 cities that held a Gringotts branch in 13 different countries. As the administrators for his Rite, Gringotts accepted responsibility for tracking his progress to ensure he completed all of his tasks. This required him to check in upon his arrival at a new location and check out before he left. This was due to the stipulation that he must spend at least one month in each country. His Gringotts issued magical passport would ensure that he couldn't leave a country before his month was up. Supposedly this was to prove his independence and maturity.

He was allowed to quit the Rite at any time, but if he did so he would not be allowed to take it again, so that possibility didn't even enter into Harry's considerations. What did enter into his consideration was the task he had to complete in each country. In each country he was required to acquire a unique or rare magical plant, animal, artifact, or spell that did not already exist within the Potter family holdings.

The purpose of this task was to improve the family wealth as a show of dedication to the family. In the case of animals, he had to acquire a mated pair to ensure they were not simply a temporary addition to the Potter menagerie.

Fortunately, the first location was counted as done since the family allowed Britain as one of the 13 countries in the Rite. As the seat of the Potter family, this was basically given as a free pass. That left 12 locations to choose, and the choice was left for him. The only rule for these countries was that he had to visit every continent at least once to allow for diversity. Except Antarctica. He was bloody grateful he wasn't being made to live in Antarctica for a month.

Another fortunate thing was that he was given a few supplies from the family vault for his task. First, he was given 500 galleons to aid his journey. Of course, after his consultation fee, he only had 475 galleons, but it was still a substantial amount. That was worth over 2000 pounds! In addition, he would receive an additional 500 galleons for each country he made it to during the Rite of Maturation. That was a total of 6500 galleons, or over 32,000 pounds! Unfortunately, that was all of the financial aid he would receive and given that the Rite would last at least a year, and he had to use it for living expenses, travel, and somehow acquiring rare items of interest, it wasn't as much as it sounded like.

To aid in recognizing any new spells, he was given a book that was magically linked to the family grimoire. Unfortunately it was a one-way connection as he was not permitted to read the grimoire unless he was the Head of Family. And for that, he had to first become emancipated. The book's purpose was to allow him to write any unique spells he came across into and check if it was already known to the Potter family. If it was, the spell would remain visible. If it was not, the ink would fade away.

For any magical plants or animals, Harry was given a magizoologist trunk from his family vault. This was a 7 compartment trunk that simulated 7 different environments. There wasn't a lot of space in each environment, but there was enough to store a creature or plant safely for a small period of time. It was essentially meant solely to provide safe transport before transferring the creature or plant to a better habitat.

The trunk had a cold snow room; a warm grassy room; a warm marsh room; a warm sandy room to simulate a desert environment; a grassy, cool, thin air room to simulate a high altitude environment; a freshwater room; and a saltwater room.

The reason for the trunk was that creatures and plants would have to be verified by Gringotts against a ledger containing the Potter holdings. If approved, a Potter family elf would take the trunk, take it to the Potter menagerie or greenhouse, then return with the empty trunk.

That was another thing Harry learned. There were apparently three Potter elves, but they were bound to the family, and not him specifically. That meant that in order to utilize them, a family head had to first allow him to. This was impossible as there currently was no family head. It was a good thing that they could transport things to the Potter properties during the Rite. Really, it was too bad that they were unable to offer any assistance other than that, but since that could be considered cheating, it was understandable.

The trunk, the book, a magical passport, and the galleons were all he was given to aid him in his journey. Of course, the goblins knew when an opportunity to make money presented itself and offered him some extras for a price. 120 galleons for 12 language lines, 200 galleons for a fake identity, 55 galleons to provide a magical and muggle passport with his fake identity, and 100 galleons for an international portkey to Rome, Italy that wasn't tracked by the ministry. He didn't think it was a coincidence that these things cost exactly the amount of galleons he had left, but considering how much he needed them, Harry decided against complaining.

First, the language lines. This was an amazing substance made from powdered Babel fish, walnuts, ginger roots, and periwinkle. It looked like a blue powder that you had to take nasally. It required the quick absorption into the bloodstream to function properly as a brain stimulant. What it did was stimulate the brain to allow one to quickly learn a new language. It lasts for 12 hours and should only be used for a single language per dose. It had the side effect that if multiple languages are being learned, it can cause the grammar and words to become muddied and mixed up in the user's mind. This is an irreparable confusion and is incidentally how the English language came about. The goblin who sold him the lines advised to use a rolled up British Note as a funnel, hold one nostril closed and snort the line quickly.

His next purchases were his fake identity and the accompanying passports. He thought this was prudent if he didn't want Dumbledore, a ministry stooge, or a reformed Death Eater tracking him down. He quickly decided on James Griffon for his alias. James because that was his middle name and was easy for him to identify with. Griffon because of Gryffindor. It was a simple name he felt he wouldn't have a problem remembering.

His last purchase was the international portkey. It was double the price the ministry would charge, but it did allow anonymity. He had decided on Rome for his first destination. After all, Rome was the heart of the Roman Empire who were the inventers of the wand. It also was where the Vatican resided along with a significant magical community. He felt that he was sure to find something there.

By the time Harry finished up at Gringotts, he was exhausted but pleased with his progress. It had been a long day, but Harry was excited about his upcoming world trip. He had never been outside of Britain before and he was eager to get underway. After everything was finished and he had stored his supplies in his inventory, Harry grabbed his portkey and was quickly whisked away in a swirl of light and nausea to Rome, Italy.

It was late when he arrived in Rome. Gringotts was closing and night had already fallen. He was given his 500 galleon stipend, and after denying the goblins' offer of a temporary vault to hold his galleons (for only a small fee!), he converted half into the local currency, lira. Then, storing all of his money into his inventory, he set out to find a place to spend the night.

As the chloroform scented rag covered his mouth, his last thoughts were, Maybe wandering Rome's back alleys at night wasn't the best Idea.

A/N: Yes, I know that the penis description may be considered a bit graphic, but no more than sex ed. It was descriptive, but not pornographic. Meant for mature audiences, but not NC-17. I believe that still falls within the purview of an M rating and is acceptable by standards.

As for the Metamorph ability, it is powerful, but it wouldn't make all other choices irrelevant. In this world, a metamorph is only capable of cosmetic changes. They can change the shape of their body to a limited degree and change their skin, hair, and eye colors. Delicate organs cannot be altered without risking permanent damage. This means a man can't morph into a woman without losing what makes him a man. A man could alter the size of his penis, and a woman the size of her breasts, but a man could not change his testicles or increase sperm count, while a woman cannot change her mammary glands to alter milk production or change the rate of her periods. So, it is a useful ability, but not godlike. Also, metamorphs do have a base form in this AU, so any changes would eventually revert if the metamorph doesn't pay attention (typically during sleep as the ability doesn't require much focus to maintain in my world).

Final note on the Attribute section. The point of the variety of changes is to satisfy all possible desires for change. Yes, you could change from male to female. Yes, you could grow 4 testicles, 3 breasts, and turn your skin blue. Will Harry do that? No. Just because the option exists doesn't mean Harry will do it. His personality hasn't changed that much. He's still Harry Potter, he just now has a supercharged libido, lowered inhibitions, and the psychokinesis ability from his merger with Loki.

A note on currency. I am using the following conversion rate: 1 galleon(ʛ)= 4.97 pounds= $10.17.

Unfortunately the British pound symbol does not work, but the galleon (ʛ) does on this website. An interesting conundrum.

Also, for anyone who might remark on my comment on Indian and American smells. No, Harry is not a racist. He simply finds it strange how different ethnicities smell funny to him and is comparing that to the goblins. It is a fact that foreigners can often smell funny to someone due to local diets and biological functions native to their particular ethnicity. This is not meant as a disparaging or racist remark. I myself am American, but I have heard we smell like cheese to some foreigners. This is likely due to the high amount of dairy in our diets. Personally, I find that amusing.

Last note (really, I mean it). I am probably going to start a companion fic for this story dedicated solely to Harry's stats and abilities. I will match up each chapter so that if you want to track Harry's growth, you can. Basically, chapter 2 in the companion fic will represent Harry at the end of this chapter, and chapter 5 will reflect the end of this story's chapter 5. I hope this idea is well received.

Please R/R.