Dean sat at the small motel room table, searching the web on his laptop. Castiel sat on the side of the far bed, looking through John Winchester's journal.
"Your father...Beautiful handwriting..." He said aloud. Dean looked over at him, his left arm resting on the table beside the laptop.
"How you feelin', Cas?" Cas looked up from the journal at Dean.
"Fine," he answered simply, looking back down at the journal, flipping a page. Dean kept looking at him.
"Well, just, I-I know that when..." He sighed. "I got puked outta Purgatory, it took me a few weeks to...find my sea legs."
Cas shook his head. "I'm fine." He said again, still looking down at the journal in his lap.
"But don't get me wrong. I'm, I'm happy you're back, I'm-I'm freakin' thrilled. It's just that this whole,,,mysterious resurrection thing. Always has one mother of a downside..." Castiel snapped the journal shut with both hands and looked over at Dean, somewhat irritated.
"So... What do you want me to do?"
"Maybe take a trip upstairs," Dean suggested
"Yeah. Poke around, see if the god-squad can't tell us how you got out."
"No." Cas replied, looking down with a swallow. Dean chuckled with a smile from where he sat across the room, holding his right hand with his left. His red and white striped tie hung down to his knees because of the way he was hunched forward with his right elbow resting on the corner of the table.
"Look, man, I-I hate those flying ass monkeys just as much as you do, but-"
"Dean! I said no!" Castiel protested in a loud voice, not making eye contact. Dean raised a brow in surprise, and there was a silence that followed. Cas looked in the opposite direction at the wall, annoyed. Dean took a breath and closed the laptop with his right hand in a quick motion. He stood up from the light blue chair, and took several steps across the room to where Castiel sat. Dean took a seat on the edge of the other bed, facing Cas with a concerned look. He clapped his hands together.
"Talk to me."
Castiel shook his head, still clutching the journal on his lap. "Dean, I..." He sighed, and set the book down on the bed while turning and putting his leg on the ground to sit up straight on the edge like Dean. "When I was...Bad...I had all those things...the, the Leviathans writhing inside me...I caused a lot of suffering, on Earth. But I devastated Heaven, I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I-I d-I can't go back."
"Cuz if you do, the angels'll kill you." Dean realized. Castiel looked up and made eye contact with Dean.
"Because if I see what Heaven's become. What I..." He sighed. "What I made of it, I'm afraid I might kill myself." He finished his confession with a look of sadness. Dean looked at Cas with sympathy.
"Cas, man..."He sighed, putting a reassuring hand on the angel's shoulder. "It's gonna be ok, Cas." Castiel's gaze faltered under his, and he looked down to where their knees touched in the small space between the two beds.
"I do not think I will ever be able to forgive myself for what I have done."
"I forgive you, Cas. You know that, right? I forgive you, and it wasn't your fault." Dean leaned forward and looked into Castiel's shining eyes.
"It was my fault, Dean. I caused all of that damage to Heaven" He looked down again.
"Cas. Cas look at me." Dean put his hand on the back of Castiel's neck, making him look up at him again. "It wasn't your fault, alright?"
"If you say so..."
"I do say so. And stop talking about hurting yourself, I don't like that."
"I am sorry, Dean."
"Yeah...And, like I said...I'm really glad you're back." Dean added, flashing one of his signature smiles. Cas smiled back. Dean slowly leaned forward, and pressed his lips to Castiel's.
It took Cas a few seconds to realize what was happening. He leaned into it, and kissed Dean back. He could then feel Dean smiling against his mouth. Dean sat back after a moment, and Cas met his eyes.
"Dean.." Cas managed. Dean couldn't help but smile.
"I told ya, I'm freakin' thrilled you're back."
"I as well am glad to be back...What just took place?"
"I-I- we kissed." Dean stammered, remembering Castiel's innocence.
'I enjoyed that."
"Good. Cuz, I don't want to stop." Dean replied before putting his hand on the back of Cas' neck and leaning forward to kiss him again. Dean pushed Castiel to lay back on the bed, and Cas put his arms around Dean's torso, enjoying the contact.