So it's been almost 2 years since I last updated. In that time, I've gone from working 3 jobs back down to 2, except I'm now taking 2 language classes as well. So my free time is pretty limited. Plus, I'm preparing for an interview for a job I really want, so right now that's what I'm focusing on.
I would like to thank everyone for your kind words the last time I posted. I can't make any promises about how frequently I'll be able to post again, but at least I am starting to write again.
Hopefully you enjoy this chapter. And I will be updating Breaking the Mold next, for those of you who've been asking for updates. I do have another week off before I go back to work so I am hoping to get the next chapter written and posted by then.
Well…he'd done it. Or rather, they'd done it. He wasn't a virgin anymore.
It was funny. He'd spent so much time stressing about it, so much time worrying about how to act and what preparations needed to be done, that the actual act itself had become almost mundane in comparison. Almost.
It had hurt of course, at least at first. No amount of preparation could really overcome their inexperience with handling such things. It wasn't that James had been particularly rough, just eager. But then, he could hardly pretend he'd been anything different. He had after all been the one to encourage James, to lose himself in the heat and dull pleasure that seemed to grow more intense as their movements became more sure and steady. And then, just minutes later, it was all over.
Neither of them had expected to last long, which was just as well. They hadn't. Instead, once the heat had died down just a little and their skin became a little less sensitive, they'd made a go of round two. Round three had also been on the cards, however, their time ran out before a valiant attempt could be made. For Severus, it had been enough. For James, well, he'd gotten what he wanted. And there would surely be more opportunities in the future to continue such acts.
If anyone happened to notice how much closer they'd both become after this, well they were polite enough not to mention it. Even if Severus had been subjected to some good natured teasing by his friends, it seemed James couldn't keep it a secret any longer, it had all been in good fun. They may have been the first to share such intimacy, but it wasn't long before the rest began bragging about their exploits in graphic detail.
It wasn't long afterwards that James' affections became even more intense. And although it should have worried him, the way James was so casually possessive of him in front of their friends, their teachers and even James' parents, Severus just couldn't seem to care. It was embarrassing to even think about it, let alone admit it, but part of him actually liked the attention. After all, James was just showing everyone how much he cared. He was just showing everyone how much he loved him? What was wrong with that?
"What are you thinking about?"
Blinking, Severus turned, smiling as another mouth covered his own. "Us" was his reply, only when James finally let him go long enough to say it. James was quick to reward him.
"Doing what?" James asked again, purposely grinding up against his boyfriend who'd been sat in his lap.
"Shit" Severus uttered, gasping as James began mouthing at his collarbone. "James!" he gasped. James continued as though he hadn't spoken. "Don't leave marks" Severus warned. Again, James gave no indication that he'd heard him. "James, I mean it!"
James only smirked, it wasn't long before Severus gave in, knowing how hopeless it was to keep protesting. As much as he loved him, James could be such a child sometimes, never happy unless he got his own way. And of course, who was Severus to deny him? After all, he really did love him. Sometimes sacrifices had to be made when you were in love.
It never seemed to occur to him that James never seemed to sacrifice anything. If anything, James only ever gained more.
If there was one thing Potters were good at, besides getting themselves into trouble, it was their unnatural ability to guilt people into doing things their way. While in one life Severus had made it his mission to fight against this ability with everything he had, in this life, it just wasn't happening.
"Papa blow!" Harry demanded, for the tenth bloody time I might add. "Peas?" Harry added after receiving a rather unimpressed look from his not Papa. "Pwetty peas?" Harry repeated, just for good measure. Finally, his not Papa did as he asked.
If Harry hadn't already known better, he'd have huffed at the way his not Papa was behaving. His real Papa never made him work this hard to get his own way. It was just so frustrating being told no all the time. But this wasn't his real Papa. This was his not Papa and his not Papa was very grumpy.
"This is the last time Harry; I mean it" Severus warned. Harry just nodded, more concerned with the mouthful of soup he was swallowing. Besides, it wasn't like his not Papa really meant it. He might have given Harry that look and said those words, but Harry knew better. Grown-ups were always saying things they didn't really mean.
Severus sighed as he watched Harry eat. Part of him was almost impressed by the toddler's ability to get his own way every bloody time. It was easy to see why the hat had wanted to put him in Slytherin back in his universe, the boy's cunning was really quite remarkable given his young age. But a much bigger part of him was just sick of it all.
It was funny. Here he was, living a picture perfect life with friends, family, wealth and prestige, and all he could think about was how to escape from it all. Oh sure, the novelty had lasted for longer than he'd expected. As much as it pained him to admit, he could see why his other self-had fallen for Potter's charms in the first place. Hell, even he'd started to warm up to the bastard. He'd been given everything he could possibly ever want, everything he'd been missing in his previous life. Who could blame him for becoming swayed by it all? But of course, it couldn't last forever.
What would happen to him when his younger self took over once more? Stupid question really, of course he'd be dead. Or would he? And what about his younger self? Would he really be able to cope playing the part of the trophy husband for countless years to come? Because really, that's exactly what he was. A prize Potter had won. Even worse, the boy had only just come to realise it. A few years too late to do anything about it though.
Severus had to admit, the James and Harry of this universe were both far more Slytherin than he'd initially expected. It seemed Harry truly was following his Daddy's footsteps. Already using his charm and looks to get everyone he encountered wrapped around his little finger. As for James, well, it seemed he'd been plotting for years. Starting with befriending an abused carrier, grooming him into someone every pureblood desired and impregnating him as soon as he dared to try and pursue his own ambitions, effectively trapping him into a role that everyone would come to define him as. The mother of his child. That's all his younger self would ever really achieve. That's all society would ever allow him to achieve. After all, it was his husband who was expected to support him. And it was his job to support his husband. Such was the downside of living such a privileged life, freedom was always the price
"When Papa coming home?"
The innocent question was enough to snap Severus from his thoughts instantly. His eyes darted around the room, checking to see if anyone or anything had heard the little boy's question. Only when it appeared all clear did he allow himself to breathe once more.
"I don't know. Soon I hope. Very soon" Severus replied. Harry nodded slowly in response.
"Where you go when Papa come home?" Harry asked once more.
Severus flinched as he felt a particularly hard kick in his belly. "I don't know" he replied. He really didn't.
"Why?" The dreaded question every child asked their parents.
Once again Severus looked for any signs they were being listened in on. Only when he was sure it was clear did he decide to answer. "Because I no longer have a home to go back to" he said. As if sensing the question, he held up a hand and continued. "Before I came here, a very bad man killed me. I woke up in your Papa's body and I've been living his life ever since. When he comes back, I will have nowhere else to go. So I will most likely die once more."
For a long moment, there was silence. Then a whimper, then two, and as though a match had been struck, Severus found himself alone with a toddler screaming bloody murder. Clearly he wasn't cut out to be a parent.
"Hey, hey, hey, what's happened? I didn't think you'd miss me already. I wasn't gone that long was I?" As though summoned, James came sauntering in, the wide grin he'd arrived with quickly morphing into a frown. "Harry? Did you fall? Are you hurt?" James hefted the boy into his arms, frantically checking him over for any signs of injury.
"Papa die" Harry sobbed. "Papa no die" he added, reaching out towards Severus desperately.
"Wh-what?" James turned to his husband, thoroughly confused. Still, he handed the boy over immediately. Obviously his son needed his Papa right now.
Severus relaxed only a fraction, for a moment he'd feared that even despite his precautions, James may have overheard what he'd told their son. No not his son, James' son. His other self's son. Definitely not his son.
Severus frantically tried to think of an excuse. "We were-"
"Story" Harry interjected, still whimpering even as he pressed his face into his Papa's neck. Severus winced as something cold and slimy dripped onto his bare skin. He did his best not to think about it.
"We were reading a story" Severus continued. "About a father who died and left his child an orphan."
"Step-Papa" Harry added, whimpering as Severus tried to shift him to a more comfortable position.
"Right, and the child was sent to live with their stepmother" Severus added. "Cinderella" he clarified, as James appeared even more confused.
"It's a muggle story."
James only frowned. "Well I don't think you should tell it to Harry again. It's obviously traumatised him, and I don't blame him. Kids stories should be happy and fun. Not about parents dying and their kids getting shipped off to god knows where. No wonder he was screaming like he was. I'd be the same if something happened to you both."
"Daddy right" Harry replied. "Bad Papa" he added.
"Yes, I'm a bad Papa" Severus agreed. It shouldn't have hurt when neither Potter even attempted to argue. But it did. Clearly the hormones were getting to him.
"Here, I'll take him." Without bothering to wait for a reply, James pulled Harry from his arms. "You should go get some rest. With all this carry on, it can't be good for the baby. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on our little man. And I'll come by in a bit to come check on you too. Maybe if you're feeling up to it, we can have a little time to ourselves." James flashed a grin, bouncing Harry on his hip as he waited for his husband to comply.
Without another word, Severus left the room, clutching at his back as yet another kick left him cursing whatever entity had forced him into this situation. Muttering curses under his breath as he made his way to the bedroom, Severus remained oblivious to the eyes that followed him.
"Why did you do that?"
Severus was too slow to react. Startled by the sudden appearance, he stumbled. As he fell, he caught sight of his other self in the mirror. Or rather his own self, his older self. God this was all so confusing. Fortunately, he was distracted by a bright burst of pain and then nothing. Everything fell silent.
James could be such a…such a prat! Honestly, now everyone was gonna know what they'd been getting up to. It's like he was doing it on purpose just to get a rise out of him.
As Severus frantically pulled at his turtleneck, willing it to stay in place, he failed to notice the very person he'd been cursing in his mind, sneaking up behind him.
"Gotcha!" No matter what James would later say, Severus did not squeal. He didn't! He was just…surprised.
"Would you stop doing that!" Severus scowled.
Feeling brave, he turned to give his boyfriend a piece of his mind. James really had been insufferable lately. Ever since they…well…you know. God how pathetic was he that he was too embarrassed to even think it? They'd already done it for heaven's sake.
"Doing what? I just wanted to hold you again. Maybe see if you wanted to find a place where we could be alone? A little snogging session, that sound good? Or maybe more? I know a room we could use. No one would bother us there" James grinned unabashedly.
"You-" Severus tried, he really did. But it was a little difficult to argue when James forced his tongue down his throat. And honestly, by the time James began touching him in other places, Severus couldn't even remember what he'd been complaining about.
"Ahem, might I suggest you boys run along? Discretion is the key to any lasting relationship and I'm sure your classmates would not wish to see any more than you've already shown them." With that said, Dumbledore waited for them both to right themselves before staggering away. "And boys?" he called after them, stopping them in their tracks. "Be sure to use protection." With a red face and a cheeky grin, James nodded as he pulled Severus away.
"Is he even allowed to say that?" Severus hissed to his boyfriend, trying desperately to ignore his body's reactions.
Too far away to hear young Potter's response, Dumbledore chuckled. "Ah, to be young again" he sighed. Just as long suppressed memories tried to resurface, Albus hastily made tracks. There was no use dwelling on the past.
As always, if you'd like to review, please do.
Realistically, I probably won't be updating this for at least a couple of months. However, I'm hoping to update some of my other fics in the meantime.