Author Notes: Hello everyone and A Happy New Year!
So... this is my first foray into the world of Naruto *bows* I got my 13 year old daughter interested in Inuyasha and Vampire Knight, and she got her revenge on me by dragging me through Pokemon, Kamisama Hajimemashita and Fairytail. And now, Naruto. Which is why I've been spending most of my free time over the past two months watching the anime of this series instead of working on my ongoing fanfics. My deepest apologies to all my patient readers!
Anyway, my daughter's already at Shippuden Episode 443 while I'm still at Shippuden Episode 166. Apart from the mind boggling plots, the riveting action scenes and the fantastic music, the characters have had the two of us smiling, laughing, crying and even cringing in turns. What we could have done without though are the deaths of several key characters that had us bawling like babies.
Hence, we are determined to provide a happier ending for those characters and present to you our Character Rescue Shelter series. Please don't expect any epic sagas as you will be getting parody and bizarre tongue in cheek humour instead. Hope you enjoy this series anyway *bows*
General Warnings: Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.
Chapter Warnings: Spoilers for Naruto Episode 19 (The Demon in the Snow). Please do not read on until you have seen the anime up to this episode.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
- Chapter Start -
A pair of brown eyes blinked open, two delicate eyebrows above them drawing into a frown. There was nothing to see but thick mist everywhere.
Haku sat up and looked around, wondering where he was. He knew he was dead, there was no way he could have survived Kakashi Hatake's lightning based attack right to the chest.
So where was he now?
He stood up and examined himself, a bit surprised to find his body uninjured and his outfit pristine. No doubt his real body was in a far worse condition. Looking up, he found the mist clearing. He was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance.
With nothing else to do, Haku started towards it.
- o -
Inside the hut was nothing but a long counter behind which sat two females. They turned to each other and grinned.
"Are you excited, daughter?"
"Of course, mother! This is the very first chapter of our Character Rescue Shelter where we shall bring all our favourite dead characters in Naruto back to life!"
"And where they shall live out the rest of their lives the way we want them to, complete with happiness, romance and love!"
The daughter cleared her throat.
"Not everyone has to have the same ending, you know, mother."
"Of course they do," the mother insisted. "Complete with wedding vows and lots and lots of babies!"
The daughter face palmed herself. At the polite knock on the door, they both looked up eagerly.
"Is that...?" the mother faltered, but the daughter nodded.
"Come in," called out the mother.
The door opened and a face peeped around it.
"Hello, Haku," the daughter chirped.
"Come in, love," added the mother.
Haku came in and closed the door behind him. He looked around curiously.
"Where is this place? And who are you two?"
Both mother and daughter smiled.
"Who we are is not important. What is important is that we are giving you an opportunity to continue living."
Haku's eyes widened.
"But I'm dead."
The mother waved an airy hand.
"Easily taken care of, love. No need to worry about the how's and the why's. All you need to do is tell us that you want to be alive again."
Haku dropped his gaze.
"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter at the same time as they clutched at each other.
"What are you saying?!"
"Why ever not?!"
"This can't be happening!"
"This changes everything!"
Haku gave a small smile.
"I have outlived my usefulness as a tool to Zabuza Momochi. Since I died saving his life, I have nothing more to live for."
The mother's eyes twitched dangerously while a popping vein surfaced on the daughter's forehead.
"Nothing more to live for?" repeated the mother with gritted teeth.
"After all the trouble we went to?" added the daughter in a menacing tone.
Haku blinked and took a step back.
"Well, I guess I can continue protecting Zabuza and trying to make his dream come true," he said in a placating tone.
Instantly, the mother and daughter were all smiles.
"Way to go, Haku!" cried the latter.
"Atta girl - I mean, boy!" cried the former. "Come closer, love, and take this."
Haku approached the table somewhat hesitantly and accepted a piece of paper.
"In return for your second chance, here is a list of instructions you are to follow strictly. You are to tape this piece of paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning," the mother told him.
"Don't worry," added the daughter, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please."
"Number 1: I will not be an assassin anymore. Instead, I will do good deeds by helping people or animals. For example, help to run an orphanage or an animal shelter."
He paused and looked up.
"I would love to help both children and animals, but Zabuza and I are not rich. We only made enough to survive."
The mother and daughter both gave him mysterious smiles.
"Don't worry," they said. "You will never lack for money or help as long as you do good deeds."
"Continue reading," urged the daughter.
"Number 2: I will remind Zabuza everyday how lucky he is to have me by his side," Haku read aloud and turned pink.
"Mother! Did you change my list?" demanded the daughter.
"Well, there were too few things on it so I thought I would add a couple more," said the mother with a wide grin.
"I dread to think what's next," muttered the daughter.
"Number 3: I will wear the pink kimono more often since I look good in it."
While Haku's face turned a deeper pink, the daughter made a motion of slamming her head against the counter and the mother looked the picture of innocence. Clearing his throat, Haku soldiered on.
"Number 4: I will share Zabuza's bed every night and have lots and lots of... babies."
It was hard to tell who was more red faced by now - Haku or the daughter.
"Mother, that's not even possible!" The latter clutched at her hair.
"Fine," huffed the mother. "You can remove the babies part, but I want to keep the bed sharing part."
While Haku looked down at his shoes, the daughter reached across the counter, grabbed the piece of paper from him and crossed out several words.
"That part is negotiable," she whispered to Haku.
"I don't mind that part, really," Haku replied with a soft smile although his face was still pink.
The mother smiled approvingly at him while the daughter occupied herself with more furious scribbling.
When Haku got back the list, he continued reading.
"Number 5: I will keep up my training and continue to be an awesome shinobi. P/S: Do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret."
Both mother and daughter beamed at him.
"So, do you agree to all the rules?" asked the mother.
Haku nodded and smiled, his eyes growing shiny.
"I have another chance to be serve Zabuza and to let him use me in any way he sees fit. Being a tool for him to achieve his dream is all I ever wanted."
Both mother and daughter stared at him, aghast.
"Number 6!" they shouted and made another grab for the paper.
When Haku got back the now dogeared paper, he frowned and read aloud the latest rule.
"Number 6: I am Zabuza's equal, his partner, his friend and his lover - "Lover?!" squawked the daughter - "but never his tool or someone to be taken advantage of or used."
Haku stared at them, his expression torn between confusion and hope.
"I don't think I can get used to this," he whispered.
"But do you want to?" asked the mother. She and the daughter waited with bated breath until Haku gave a tiny nod.
"Yes. I would like to, very much."
"Then consider it done!" declared the mother. "No worries, love. It will all work out, just you wait and see."
"If that is all," added the daughter who had reached down to heave a huge glass jar full of tiny pink balls onto the counter, "have a peach pill*."
"A peach pill?" Haku asked as he held out a hand.
"It's a cure all for any injuries you have sustained whether they are as minor as a paper cut or as major as a Chidori to the chest," the daughter explained. She dropped one in Haku's hand. "Please take it now."
They both smiled as Haku swallowed the pill. The mother then pointed to a second door with the word 'Exit' printed on it.
"Off you go now and have a wonderful life with your beloved."
"As long as Zabuza is with me, I will be happy," Haku replied and bowed. "Thank you both so much for this second chance."
With a final smile, he turned and went out the door.
"Such a sweetie," sighed the mother with a rapturous smile.
"Totally worth saving," agreed the daughter. "Now, who's next on the list?"
They both looked at a piece of paper taped on the counter.
"Right." The mother brought her two hands together and cracked her knuckles, a grim look replacing her smile. "I can't wait to tell him a thing or two."
- Chapter End -
A/N: * In the anime Kamisama Hajimemashita, peach pills are the Peach God's special elixir that can heal almost any illness or wound, including a god's.
Thank you for reading! Can you guess who's next?