Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, I own a couple of things. Like my fuzzy pencil. I like my fuzzy pencil. And some other stuff to. But not Lord of the Rings. But I'm guessing you knew that.

Anywho........sit down, relax, read my fic and then R&R! Thanks!

Deep in the dark forest of Mirkwood...(which is very dark I am told. Terrible place to go especially if you a) like the sun or b) hate trees)...sat a lonely dark object. Off in the distance you could hear the occasional scurry of a furry woodland creature...or something else.

Suddenly through the trees came a glow of light. A few birds of prey took to the sky as they became temporarily blinded by the radiant glow. A sound grew closer. It was the sound of crunching leaves, and it could be heard more and more clearly with every second. The glow, also, was becoming brighter and brighter until something emerged from trees.

This thing was none other than the elf prince, Legolas. His hair shone a brilliant gold after many hours spent on shampooing, conditioning, cutting, blow drying, gelling, curling, straightening, more gelling and hair spraying. Not to mention brushing. He walked over toward the object (which was no longer dark because of his hair) and turned it on. It was a computer.

"You've got mail!" It chirped happily.

"Shut up," Legolas complained. He always had mail. The all-to-happy voice of the computer was beginning to grate on the elf prince's nerves. Legolas opened his inbox. Junk mail. All of it. Most of the 1,064 new emails were from a girl named Cindy. All said the same thing inside.

" Legolas I love you

We'd be quite a pair.

Please oh please come marry me,

Love Cindy Ellenshare."

Once she had even sent her picture with it. She was a skinny girl with big, round, glasses, straight (and unevenly cut) black hair up in two ponytails at the top of her head, and a huge nose. Works of all, in the picture she was wearing hot pink stripes with muted purple plaids.

Legolas shuddered at the thought. Unfortunately for him, he had a very overactive imagination. He could picture himself in a beautiful elven church, surrounded by friends and family, standing next to the girl from the picture, Cindy, with her singing the poem the way you would expect a turkey, who had just been run over by about six cars, to sing. It was terrible.

Only one email remained after he had deleted all of Cindy's . It had no hearts, no flowers and no 'I LOVE YOU!'s on it. All it said at the top was...

"I can see you, but you can't see me"

...in a very mysterious and evil way. Legolas was confused but scrolled down more.

"Yeah that's right. I can see you"

It read. Legolas instinctively drew his bow. Nothing happened, though, so he put it back and scrolled down more until he hit a very large paragraph.

"Yeah that's right you pansy mommy's boy, (or should I say girl!) tree hugger! I can see you prancing through your endless fields of flowers, brushing your beautiful long locks and playing jump rope! You're a sad excuse for a prince! You're more like a princess! Sure you've got you bow and arrows, but I'll bet you'd trade 'em in for a bow and hair clips! You're pathetic! I bet you couldn't even act manly for a day if you tried!

Yours Not So Truly,


Legolas was devastated. He had gotten a hate letter! Who would do this to him? He- he- he was supposed to be loved by everyone! He got 1000 love letters per day! But a hate letter?

His lower lip began to tremble and he put on his puppy dog face. Then he suddenly completely changed his attitude and shouted into the trees "Fine! You're on! I'll win this little bet of yours! I never lose!"

"You've got mail," chirped the computer.

"Huh? Oh....." Legolas said as he was broken from his determined mood. He opened his newest email. It read...

"Bring it on Elf boy".