Disclaimer: Miraculous Ladybug. I do not own the characters in the show - simply, just this story.
Paring: LadyNoir ( Marinette x Adrien)
Rated: M for Mature. I advise anyone underage to leave now.
Love Me Like You Do
(Madilyn Bailey Cover)
You're the light, you're the night
You're the color of my blood
You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much
You're the fear, I don't care
'Cause I've never been so high
Follow me to the dark
Let me take you past our satellites
You can see the world you brought to life, to life
So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?
Look What We've Become
Dark blue. Not red, not green or black. Just a dark blue. That was the color of his room. The scent of lavender that lingered in the area tickled my nose with each breath I inhaled. The bed springs squeaked with the slightest movement, yet the mattress itself felt so soft and comforting. But that was to be expected. His bed, his room, his house, his life - they were different from mine.
"I love you." He whispered into my ear as his body hovered over me.
That wasn't the first time he'd had me over. Alone, in his room, with just the two of us kissing and holding each other. But today was different. Today I was aware that we'd venture further than we'd ever gone before. I was, however, still unsure about the whole idea. I wasn't sure if I was ready for it. Ready to take that final step with him. But I was sure about one thing, and that was him. My love for him. It was true, it was genuine and it was real. The realest thing I had ever experienced with anyone, and that meant something, seeing that I had given so many of my firsts to Adrien, and now. . .
This would be the last.
We weren't children anymore. Graduation was just around the corner, weeks were getting closer and so much was changing. So many people were leaving and our future seemed so unclear. But I wanted to be remembered. I wanted to always have a part of him with me, and I wanted to leave something of myself with him. . .
Before it was too late.
It was a very slow process. My heart was pounding in my chest as his fingers brushed over my cheek and trailed down my neck. He pulled me forward and greeted me with soft, sweet, lips as my hands reached for the nape of his neck with a sudden awakening need. I was shaking, that was obvious, and I knew he could feel it too, but part of me kept trying to convince my fear that it was time. That this was right. And that I was ready. . .
I was ready to be tainted.
But the kiss broke too quickly, at least it did for me. But he was eager for more, eager to venture further than ever before, and seeing that made me smile. In all my years, in all of my wildest dreams, I never would have expected things to have escalated so far, so quickly. We were really there, existing and loving each other, not just as friends, partners, heroes, or classmates, but as a couple. And I was happy. I felt lucky because. . .
Our love was mutual.
I just didn't expect the pacing to change. Nor did I expect to feel his hard erection pressed against my inner thigh only seconds after kissing. It felt like a rollercoaster of emotions swarming around in my head, and I could tell by the way he bit and pulled at his bottom lip, that backing out was no longer an option. But even so, my fear was starting to work its way back up again, as embarrassment and humiliation entangled in the process. Yet, part of me didn't want to stop. I didn't want to turn away and leave things like that, especially when it involved doing so out of fear, because fear was something I enjoyed conquering. It was overcoming these types of challenges that led our love. Our bravery and our courage was a strength that kept us balanced...
And that's how it all really started.
I just needed to stay focused. Deep breaths. That's all I needed to get through the process. Slow, steady, deep breaths. Then, all thoughts, worries and anxiousness, would eventually melt. But when he started working on the buttons of my jeans, everything clicked. My brain came to terms with the situation, and that's when I noticed that his clothing had been removed a long time ago. His top and bottoms were tossed to the floor as if thrown off into the sea. And that's exactly what his room felt like. . .
As if we were floating somewhere deep underwater. There, where no one could find us, we belonged only to that moment. That one precious moment. We felt safe with each other, comfortable, yet nervous all at the same time. It wasn't easy, but it was never easy with him. After all we'd gone through, all we'd seen, I knew that this was just the beginning of something much greater.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" The blonde's hushed question lingered in the air for a bit. I wasn't sure about anything but him at that point. I knew we weren't kids anymore, but I didn't feel like an adult either, and this was something only adults could ever understand. But I refused to cower away, despite my nerves, I wanted to move past the final stage while I still had the chance. While he was still mine. . .
"I'm sure." I answered, nodding once to show my determination by masking any and all doubt I had left.
He responded with a smile. Clearly excited to do something I had been trying to put off for so long. But he had been patient, he had been perfect, and this was the only way I could thank him for that. For the love, the memories, and all of those blissful moments. I was truly grateful for it all.
But then, faster than my brain could process, we eventually stripped down to just our underwear. It was humiliating not knowing what he was thinking when he stared at my exposed figure, and I wanted so desperately to hide away at that point. Someplace where not even he could find me. But I forced myself to finish what we started, if not now then it would be never - and that was the last thing I wanted.
So, I shut my eyes and let his hands run down my body. But he seemed to have no problem unclasping my bra and tossing it away to drift off with the rest of our belongings. As if he'd been practicing on his own all this time. Then, I heard him laugh. And although his laughter was something I normally found soothing, it frustrated me greatly. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, whether he was mocking me or not, and that killed me. It scared me in so many ways that I couldn't help but hide my face behind the safety walls of my hands. At least that way I could pretend to be elsewhere. It didn't matter where, or when, so long as it let me escape the situation for a while.
"Beautiful. . ." I heard him say as he pulled my hands away to re-capture my eyes, "Don't hide away from me, my lady."
"S-Stop calling me that." I frowned lightly at the phrase. I hated the very thought of that stupid pet name he'd given me years ago. But, still, he laughed again. He was always calm in situations like that, because he knew how to handle them. He loved taking the lead - even when he messed up. And it was that kind of determination and drive that I admired dearly about him.
But that drive didn't form because of me. It existed for various reasons. Reasons that formed into habits over time. His upbringing branded the idea into his head that failure was impossible, because of his father. Perfection was the goal when it came to grades, behavior and his career. He was encouraged to rise above everyone and nothing else. It was a way of strategy that only his father used to maintain control over him. And though, the similarities between them did exist, in the sense that they both drove to succeed and conquer whatever they craved and desired, the differences were still there too.
Adrien was his own person. He was kind, he was gentle, he didn't take things by force, he was patient and somewhat naïve as well. And in many ways he was still like a child himself. That was something I loved most about him. That's what made me feel so relaxed around him, because with him I didn't need to worry about striving to be the best. He was encouraging, loving, and that's why. . .
I had fallen for him.
"Don't back out on me now, LB." He teased as his lips travelled from my jawline to my neck.
"As if. . ." I breathed, but my mind failed to focus on anything other than tender lips and soft hands.
And even though I had managed to catch several glimpses of Adrien's body in the past, he seemed like a completely different person. His skin wasn't too tanned, or too muscular, but he was glowing. His broad shoulders seemed larger and his abs appeared in greater detail. It was like witnessing an entirely different version of him, and it was hard not to stare.
After all, it was the first time I had ever seen anyone naked before. Even I didn't dare to stare too long at my own body after showers. This, all of it, was an entirely new, and surprisingly, emotional experience for me. And not just emotional, but terrifying. Nothing in my past, no criminal I had ever battled, prepared me for a moment like this. But it was happening, and it was bound to happen at some point. It was just hard to accept. It was hard to believe that it was real, or that any of it could be real. And when I felt the sudden sensation of cool, soft, lips pressed against my nipple, everything else zoomed past us. It was really happening...
It was all real.
And somewhere in my mind it registered; distantly. As if part of me was there, while the other half was simply watching from afar. It was an odd and indescribable feeling. But it was nice. It was nice being that close to him. And despite the somewhat out of body experience, I didn't really mind it. Because I was still there, with him, and that's all that mattered.
But, like a bucket of cold water, I felt a sudden wave wash through me. I could feel everything in that moment, softly, yet distinctly. I could feel the gentle hum of his throat as he nibbled and sucked on my breast. The flicking of his tongue, wet and warm, as fear rolled out of my thoughts. Hushed, low, moans escaped my lips without me even realizing it, as my fingers curled and tugged at his roots.
But it was merely a distraction. A good one, I'll admit, but it was only to keep me from noticing his hands as they travelled to the rim of my underwear. And before I could say or do anything, he managed to quickly slide them off of me.
"W-Wait. . ." I whined quietly, but my fear and humiliation didn't do me any good.
He didn't say anything either. He simply grinned at my helpless expression before relocking our lips. It was hard and rough, a kiss of love and lust that overcame us both. And it was in that moment that everything changed. The memories of our past raced before my eyes and brought me to the conclusion that everything before this, before us, was nothing; because right now was everything. He would be my first, I would be his. . .
And his last.
The future didn't mattered. The past was just that - the past. All that was important, all that we cared about, was now, that one moment, the present. And that's all I wanted to do; live in the present.
"You're perfect." He assured me in a whisper that relieved my troubled thoughts.
I smiled. That's all I could really do honestly. Smile and kiss him back as he removed the last piece of clothing he still had on. It was nerve-wrecking. Just waiting for something you knew was coming, but weren't fully prepared for. It was thrilling and frightening mixed in together, and as our lips parted, my body shook by the abrupt intake of air.
His hands rubbed my inner thigh as a means to ease the tension between us. He smothered them with gentle fingers and soft kisses, before wrapping them around his torso. I arched my back and rested my head heavily on his pillow, as he continued planting kisses on my body.
"Just relax." He commanded with a gentle tone, but it wasn't enough to erase the fear weighing over my heart.
"Easy for you to say. . ." He chuckled quietly at my remark before reaching out to take my hand. He placed it carefully over his chest where a heavy beat pulsed through my fingertips.
"It's okay to be scared, you know." He whispered, holding my hand as it listened to the quick and unsteady rhythm of his heart, "You're not the only one freaking out here."
Wide eyes stared in shock. I was surprised to hear that the boy who acted so suave, cool, and collected was really no different from me. He was scared, he was freaking out, because of me - because of us. He was just better at masking it. And after hearing that, part of my fear vanished instantly, though not entirely. But it was easier to breathe knowing that I wasn't alone in this, neither of us were. We were a team after all, partners, which made it possible to overcome any obstacle together. . .
Because we loved each other.
But it was uncomfortable at first. The sensation of it, of his finger pressing against my entrance. My body tensed up instantly. It was a reaction beyond my control over an intrusion that wasn't welcomed. And although it wasn't awful, it wasn't exactly the greatest feeling either. Still, he stopped out of concern immediately, and waited patiently for me to give the 'okay' to continue.
And although it was uncomfortable, and terrifying, the last thing I wanted was to make him worry, because I knew that seeing me in pain was just as hard for him as well. That's why I had to be brave. I tried not to resist or fight against him because I really didn't want to. This, him, us, that was all I wanted. That was all I needed and I wasn't going to throw that away without seeing it through...
But then he started to move again by pressing and pushing even further. That part wasn't bad. It wasn't exactly good either, but it was bearable... until he stopped to slide a second digit inside. That's when it started to hurt. The burning sensation of skin stretching sent shivers up my spine, and it forced me to grip onto the sheets tightly.
"It's gonna be okay. . ." He leaned over to say before his lips trailed down my stomach, but the sound of his voice, and the look in his eyes, sent shivers down my back all over again. There was no avoiding the inevitable outcome. All I could do was lay there, swallow my fear, and rid my thoughts of it completely.
That's why I didn't say anything, or more like, I didn't want to say anything. I couldn't because all I kept focusing on was the intruder inside me, and I hated that. Not because it was painful, or distracting, but because it was only just the beginning and it was already starting to feel like too much. But even so, I shut my eyes and bit my lip to silence my complaints. I didn't want to ruin the moment with my whining, especially when he was already starting to unveil his nervousness.
"You have to try and relax or it'll never work." He said seriously, as he kept both fingers still for me to adjust.
"I'm trying!" I shot back miserably and forced my muscles to slowly and obediently loosen as he watched me with a deep concern.
The pain continued, however. The intensity grew the more he moved them in and around, and I couldn't help but wince before silencing my cries. And although my mind felt hazy, and somewhat mushed, the pain slowly lessened as it mixed in with an unexpected pleasure that came the faster he moved.
Those waves of satisfaction washed over the stabbing, ripping, sensation for a short minute. But, as his patience decreased, he stopped with an overflowing lust that gathered in his eyes. That's when my gaze was met with hooded green ones that stared down at me...
He was ready.
He pulled me closer and spread my legs further apart before he leaned down and met my lips in a greedy kiss. And although it was passionate and sweet, I set my focus, not on the kiss, but on relaxing every muscle in my body. But, eventually, I felt him move in to steady the head of his member against my entrance, and the kiss was simply set as another distraction for what was to come next...
But it happened so quickly. We were just kissing on his bed moments ago, and now we were here. Ready to move forward as couple, in his room, together. And even though it was never planned, I was somewhat relieved it all happened unexpectedly, because I don't think I would have had the courage to come over if he'd brought up earlier. I was already scared enough, shaking and trembling under him, and he probably knew I would be if he ever brought it up in a conversation. That's why, even though it might not have been in my plan, I was pretty sure these had been his intentions from the moment I stepped through that door.
But it was so fast. The tearing pain returned in seconds, and his efforts to try to be gentle with me, didn't change much at all. It was worse than before, much worse, and it felt like my entire being was being torn into two no matter how slow he tried to go...
But, once he was all the way in, he stopped to let me adjust to the throbbing sensation as I choked back tears. The intensity of becoming one with him was harsher than I expected, and it was even harder to deal with on my end compared to his. But even so, I dealt with the pain. I closed my eyes, evened my breathing, and let everything else slowly sink in. This was necessary, the pain was necessary, because it all added up to him. All in becoming his, becoming one in a way that no one else could ever understand or relate to... Just us.
However, it seemed to take forever for the pain to subside, despite his efforts at building a rhythm. And as the pacing changed, and the intensity increased, I bit my lip and dug my nails into his back to fight the tears. But when I shut my eyes to break from reality, tears still managed to spill out and slide past my cheek. Everything started to feel heavy, my thoughts, my tears, and even the air itself. And then, as things began to quicken, a sudden fast thrust caused a strange tremor of pleasure and pain to rush through me. It was so unexpected and strange that a tiny yelp accidentally escaped my lips instantly.
And that's when he stopped.
"Did that one hurt?" He panicked and stared down at me after I buried my face in the crook of his neck.
"N-No, keep going." I whispered, feeling humiliated, as he let out a soft chuckle before moving forward.
It went on like that for a while. The pain slowly eased into pleasure the faster he moved. His hands held me tightly, as quiet moans escaped our lips and filled the empty spaces of his room. And even though it was still painful, the distraction of lips abusing my own helped improve the process. It happened so naturally, that eventually we grew in sync with each other, moving at the same pace, taking in the same breaths as our hearts fell into tune.
That's when it started feeling good.
For two years he had wanted this. Two years we had strived to reach that final step, and we had finally made it - together. And as the pleasure increased between us, I felt the satisfying end slowly creeping up on us as I arched my back and screamed.
"A-Adrien!" I cried out, gripping his hair the faster he started to move, "Ngh!" A strange sensation overcame me completely in that moment, empowering my entire being, and with one final thrust and a loud cry, I held him tightly as our moment came to an end...
His body fell limp on top of mine, sweaty and heavy, as we laid like that for a second. Everything was quiet and peaceful as I laid there resting and listening to the blissful beating of our hearts as one. And then, soon after, he pushed himself off to lay beside me, smirking with closed eyes before he placed a chaste kiss on my forehead.
"You okay?" He asked with worry still in his tone, despite gazing at me tiredly with lids ready to close.
"Are you?" I asked. He laughed and swung his arm around my waist to pull me into a loving embrace.
"I love you."
Those words that had been exchanged frequently over the year now meant more to me in that moment. We had done it. We had really done it. We made it so far together. And I was sure, that at that point, we could survive anything that came our way in the future. That's what I believed, or at least, that's what I wanted to believe. . .
"I love you too. . ." I whispered back before hiding away in his chest to conceal the tears that had resurfaced. I hated it. I hated being aware of what awaited for us next. The future, still unknown to us, would surely risk tearing us apart. It was impossible to avoid it. Even though I would've turned eighteen in just a few short months, I was still a kid. And as a kid, I was powerless against the future...
"Hey," He shook me in his arms and placed our foreheads together, "What's wrong? Does it still hurt?"
I laughed at his ability to read me so well. His never ending concern for me was normally a nuisance, and unnecessary, but it was still something I knew I'd miss later on. That I was sure of. . .
"No, it's something else..." I shook my head as he sat up to listen to the news I'd been avoiding to share for weeks.
"Like what?" He asked.
"My parent's are selling the shop. They're hoping to relocate. . ." And there it was, the worst had yet to be spoken, but the look in his eyes told me he knew exactly where this was going, "Adrien, we're leaving Paris."
Emerald green eyes widened. His hand reached out for mine and clutched it tightly as he tried to laugh. He knew what this meant. Even though it wasn't by choice, it would equal the end. That's why he laughed, because he couldn't yet come to terms with the truth. It was too cruel. He wanted it to be some twisted joke just as much as I did. But it wasn't. I was going to leave soon...
And there was no stopping that.
"You're kidding, right?" He shook his head with a smile still painted on his face, "You can't leave. Not after this, not after everything we -"
"I don't have a choice." I wiped away tears before they could fall again, "They're my parents. It's not like I can just leave them and -"
"Yes you can." He cut me off with eyes glowing with enthusiasm and optimism as he gripped my hand, "You can stay here."
"Marinette, you turn eighteen in a few months. You're practically an adult and I'm sure if you talked to them -"
"They'd never let me do it." I shook my head, turned away and ignored the boy who tried to convince me otherwise.
"Then let me talk to them." He offered, "I can convince them. I'll get them to understand -"
"It'll never work."
"Please," He begged with pleading eyes as his fingers interlocked with mine, "Just trust me on this. Unless you're against the idea yourself. . ."
It wasn't that I was opposed to it, but we were still kids. Even though I wanted to stay there, with him, for as long as I could, everything in me kept saying it was wrong. At our age, living that way, didn't feel like the wisest decision. If we kept moving at a faster pace I was afraid it would ruin everything between us - and that wasn't what I wanted for us...
"I don't know. Won't your dad be -"
"He'll be fine. As long as I keep my modeling career in check, and you become the great designer I know you are, then nothing'll stop us!"
"You really think it's that simple?" I raised my brow. I was taken aback by his somewhat childish view on the whole situation, but his hope was kind of contagious, and it made me want to believe that maybe, just maybe, we still had a chance at a life in Paris together.
"Paris needs you. Not just as Ladybug, but as a designer, and this is where fashion is highlighted. You and I both know that."
He was quite persuasive. Although I still felt like the whole idea was wrong, I couldn't refuse him there. I didn't want to leave just yet. I didn't want to leave our time there, or our memories, behind. That was where my heart lived, where it would always remain, and as long as Adrien was there with me, there was no way I could refuse...
"Okay, we can try talking to them." I agreed as he excitedly threw his arms around me.
"Thank you." He smiled as I held him in the comforting mattress we rested on.
It was a perfect moment, a perfect time back then. My naïve mind was convinced we could overcome anything together, honestly. He wasn't just my boyfriend, my first love, or partner - but he was one of my best friends. That's why I wanted to believe that what we had would last. Maybe, if I had left with my parents like they'd asked me to, things could've turned out differently. If I had done that, we could've saved ourselves from an enormous amount of pain. But we were kids. As insufficient of an excuse as it might be, it was still true. We were reckless, we made mistakes, and all because of that one reason. . .
Because we were just kids.
(01.07.16 - 02.26.17)