I took the liberty of skewing the timelines between Artemis Fowl and Harry Potter, so now Artemis is twelve when he first attends Hogwarts, and Harry is already in his second year. This is because Artemis's birthday is on September 1. So basically, Harry is twelve, but in second year, and Atremis is also twelve, but in first year. Also, I've made a new rule: wizards cannot directly apparate into a house. This is just like when an elf would try in the Fowl series. Also! This is a re-write, because- let's face it-, my other one was complete crap. I'm leaving it up, though, just so you can see what I mean (I don't mean to update it ever again). Enjoy!

"Sun did not suit Artemis. He did not look well in it. Long hours indoors in front of a computer screen had bleached the glow from his skin. He was white as a vampire and almost as testy in the light of day." -Artemis Fowl, Book One, Page Three

Fowl Mansion, September 1- 2009

The day started out normally enough for Artemis Fowl the Second.

The eleven year old woke up, took his ten minute shower- never shorter, never longer,- and generally took care of his body. He had only recently started taking the time out of his day to sit down and eat breakfast at the dining room table. It used to be that he would bring it upstairs, to his 'office', and eat while on his computer.

It wasn't that he was a slob, or a nerd- in fact, he had tested as the highest IQ in Ireland- far from it. He just preferred to spend his precious time doing more important things.

Like, for instance, finding his father. Two years earlier, for reasons Artemis never did understand, Artemis Senior had decided that the Fowl Enterprises were going above ground and becoming legitimate. This resulted in some of his previous enemies, specifically the Russian Mafia, deciding it was time to exact revenge on their long time enemy.

While Artemis Senior was on business trip, his ship was attacked- attacked meaning blown up- and no one had seen him since.

Legally, he was dead, but Artemis still held hope that his father was alive.

He may be an evil genius, but he needed a parent gaurdian as a cover story. His mother was no help.

After the loss of her husband, Angelina Fowl began to become less and less sane. She started out a beautiful, graceful, woman of esteem. Now she stayed in her room, screaming about bugs attacking her in the dark, and her curtains must always be closed.

Child Protection was closing in, and Artemis had no plans of being taken into custody. So far he had relied on bribery, but with the loss of his father there was also an exponetial loss of incoming money.

In short, he was running out of money. Now instead of being billionaires, his family was merely millionaires. This was unacceptable, and Artemis was determined to regain his livelihood.

If this meant again going underground, then so be it.

Artemis slowly chewed on his gourmet breakfast, courtesy of his manservant, Butler. His tastebuds were assaulted with lively flavours, but Artemis wasn't paying attention. He was thinking about the rumors he had been chasing recently.

When he had been a child (Artemis no longer thought of himself as a child- he hadn't for years), Artemis would listen to his mother talk about a culture beyond the normal human eyes. A world of mystery, politics, and- most importantly- magic.

She would speak reverantly about this world, sometimes with tears in her eyes, and sometimes with a burning hatred for it. At times, Artemis thought it was a real place.

Then he grew up.

But Artemis was grasping at straws now. He was searching still for his father, but once again, he needed money for his various investigations.

So he was looking for the place his mother used to talk endlessly about, until she realised that he understood what she was saying. That was when it stopped.

Now, as an eleven year old, he had been noticing things. Small things, but glaringly obvious to him. The first time, it was simple. He was walking down a corridor in his mansion, reading a book on astro-physics, when he bumped into an extremely expensive and fragile vase.

Artemis had never had good reflexes, no matter how nimble his fingers were. As it was, the vase fell, seemingly in slow motion, onto the ground. It should have broken. It should have been in a million pieces- but it wasn't.

Several other incidents such as this had been occuring. Sometimes, when he really focused, Artemis could make things happen.

And so, he began searching for this other world. Rumors were all he had, but it should be enough for a mind such as his to puzzle out.

Butler stood in the kitchen adjoined to the dining room, vigilantly watching his charge eat. Saftey first for his Fowl.

Artemis looked up from his thoughts when a tapping noise occured outside of the window in front of him.

"Butler? There appears to be an owl knocking on the window." Artemis said, raising his eyebrow.

Butler, not a man of many words, nodded his head and walked outside. Artemis watched as Butler pulled his .410 single-shot gun up to his face, shooting and effectively killing the owl.

Artemis probably wouldn't have removed the noise that way, but Butler's way was probably just as effective. Butler looked up at Artemis through the window, showing that a peculiar package had been attached to the dead bird.

Artemis nodded his head in confirmation to the silent request.

'Bring the package inside, but get rid of the bird first.' Artemis mouthed, knowing Butler would understand. Then, he went back to eating.

Two minutes, thirty two seconds later, Butler again entered the mansion, after checking the package for anything potentially dangerous.

Artemis eyed the letter curiously. Gingerly, he opened it.

Butler counted seconds. It was fourty one seconds exactly before Artemis grinned- not unlike a vampire.

"Butler, we've found our answer."

Artemis handed his manserveant the letter, allowing him to read it. It said as follows:

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dear Mr. Fowl,

We are pleased to inform you of your acceptance into our school.

However, term begins on September first.

As that is, we request that you inform us if you are going to be attending next term, in 2010.

A list of necessary equipment is enclosed.

A representative of our esteemed school will visit nest weekend, explaining everything.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Butler looked at Artemis, slightly confused.

"Sir, how is this our answer?"

Artemis just grineed quickly, again.

"You'll see. It really is my birthday." he said.

Fowl Mansion, September 5th- 2009

Artemis watched the security cameras patiently- waiting for the representative to come. If the school was real, of course.

He was losing hope fast. It was 9:00 am before even a flicker of change occured on his screens. He had been on his laptop, taking notes, when a woman suddenly appeared on his driveway.

One moment, she wasn't there, and the next, she was.

Hundreds of theories popped into Artemis's head, each one more ridiculous than the last.

He watched as she walked evenly up to his front door, not even staring in awe at his dwellings.

He watched as she knocked on the door, and as Butler answered.

"Mr. Fowl, I presume?" Her Scottish accent was prominent, giving her a harsh presence when mixed with her strict suit. Artemis stood up, straightening his Armani suit and leaving the room. He was going to get answers today.