Adam wiped his hands on his jeans and then squeezed them together as he rocked back and forth nervously on the couch. Kim suddenly appeared in the doorway, his eyes flew to her face but it was un-readable and the small plastic stick was clutched tightly in her hands. She placed it upside down on the table in front of them and sat down silently beside him. He grabbed her sweaty hand and held it tightly as they waited, running his thumb over the engagement ring that she wore proudly.
He adored this woman.
Now before them was their future, on a small plastic stick. He leant forward and turned it over. Kim's eyes closed as she inhaled deeply. "What does it say?"
"It says we are having a baby." Adam stared at the word making sure he read it right. "Wow." He turned to look Kim who hadn't moved, her eyes were still closed but her hand tightened around his so he knew she had heard him.
She let out a long slow breath as she opened her eyes and stared straight ahead. "Oh, okay." She stumbled. "So, well, that's it." The words wouldn't come. Her mind whirled and she wasn't sure if she felt nauseous because of the actual pregnancy or just the confirmation of it.
"Are you okay Darlin'?" Adam noticed that all the colour had drained from her face, she looked pale and he wasn't sure if she was about to vomit. Kim nodded, still unable to look at him. Adam slipped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer pressing his lips against her temple letting them linger for a while.
"Adam." Speaking slowly as the words started to form. "Really?"
In her head she heard herself screaming….Why was he so calm?
Everything was smashing around inside her, she felt tired and nauseous, frightened, excited and overwhelmed. They had discussed the possibility that she was pregnant when Kim realised that she had missed her last period but they hadn't had time to sit down together and talk about it or take the test…until now. Or more specifically they were too freaked out to discuss it.
Work and life had been a little crazy the last few weeks and it wasn't until she went to take her pill and had to start a new pack that it hit her that she had not even had her period.
Adam had been pleasantly surprised when he started seeing Kim that she did not suffer wildly from pre-menstrual tension and apart from the occasional complaint that her back was aching or her boobs were tender it usually came and went with little fanfare. With Wendy it had been a minefield each month. So when she seemed a little moody and quiet he eventually asked her what was up.
"You remember that weekend camping you had with Halstead?" Adam nodded as he took another bite of his apple. He was sitting at their small dinner table with his feet up on the other chair. "And how happy you were to be away that weekend because I had my period and you get impatient because you have to cool your jets for a few days?"
He shrugged and smiled. "It was good timing."
"How long ago was that?" Kim started pacing across the floor.
Adam had to think. "End of April. Why?"
She stopped pacing and shot him a withering stare. "And do you remember my period since then." She was sure that the stupefied look she got was because he didn't understand. She wasn't making sense, even to herself. "It's now halfway through June, six weeks ago."
He let out a long slow breath. "So…." He swallowed hard, the half chewed apple catching in his throat. "What are you saying? Do you think you're pregnant?" He said the word even she had been too frightened to say.
"I don't know." She sat down at the table and they just sat and stared at each other. The only thing that was comforting was Adam holding her hand and making small circles with his thumb. "I think I should take a test. Don't you?"
He nodded and Adam had insisted that he wanted to be with her when she took it. "I am not letting you watch me pee on a stick."
"Fair point. I will let you pee in private however the big reveal, its you and me together okay?" he had made her promise. Unfortunately work had got busy and they hadn't seen each other much. He had been undercover for two nights and she had been on nightshift when he was finally home. Now they had a weekend off together and they had two days now to right this ship that had just been hit by a monster wave with that one little word. Pregnant
"Okay." Slowly she nodded letting it all sink in. "Okay. Are you happy?"
Without a moments hesitation he answered, "Yes." That comforted her, his enthusiasm and the sincerity in his voice. Right from the start he told her that having a child with her was what he wanted. Sure the timing wasn't great but he didn't care. "Are you?"
"Yes." Her response was a little more hesitant. "Yes." She repeated.
He sensed a but…
"I think I am terrified."
"Think?" he laughed nervously "I know I am terrified." He reassured her. "But it's you and me and we can do anything. How cute is this kid gonna be?" Again he pressed his lips against her temple.
"Adam." Finally she turned to look at him and a smile crept across her face. "You're going to be a Dad. Adam Ruzek is going to be a Dad."
He kissed her slowly and softly. "And you are going to be a Mum, a pretty awesome one at that."
Kim rested one hand on her stomach. "It seems a bit surreal that there is a baby in here. I've thought about nothing else for the past few days. Roman thinks I've completely lost the plot." Adam placed his hand over hers and let all his emotions wash over him. Overwhelmed, protective, devoted and terrified, but he was also grateful because it was happening with the woman that he adored and loved beyond reason.
"So what do we do now?"
"Well, you can make me some toast." She felt a surge of nausea. "Little Ruzek is making me feel like crap."
Adam leapt from the couch and returned a short time later with toast and his laptop. "What's that for?" Kim inquired as she nibbled on the corner of her toast.
"Well I am pretty sure that you and I know absolutely nothing about pregnancy so it's time for some research." And with that they spent the next hour trawling through the myriad of websites with a very varied assortment of advice, warnings and utterly terrifying stories.
"I don't know if I feel better or worse after reading that." Adam closed the lid of the computer and leant back on the couch. Kim curled her feet up and nestled into his comforting arms. "You know I like what you said before." He whispered as his fingers played with her hair.
"What was that?"
"Little Ruzek. It's pretty amazing."
"We still need to get this confirmed by a doctor." Now that the initial shock was starting to wear off Kim was trying not to let this all get away from them. They needed official confirmation although that little plastic stick just sat on the table mocking her. When he had gone to make her some toast she picked it up and turned it over and over in her hands to see if it changed. It didn't, it still said that she was pregnant.
"I know, but I get the feeling that you are pretty sure."
"Let's see, I missed my period; first time ever." She ticked off a list on her fingers. "My boobs are so freakin' sore, I feel like crap and I'm tired like all the time. Coupled with the fact that I got that bout of food poisoning just after you got back from camping and I vomited for 3 days straight which I am assuming rendered those little pills completely ineffective and we spent that weekend shortly after basically going at it like rabbits. So yes, I do believe you have knocked me up." She was almost breathless when she finished.
"I heard no complaints that weekend."
"Not complaining….just pregnant."
They found a doctor who confirmed that they were indeed expecting and that Kim was approximately six weeks pregnant. They came out with a list of things to read, and appointment with an OBGYN and some prenatal vitamins and a whole heap of anxiety.
"So are you going to be weird about this at work?" Kim asked as she sipped on some sparkling water at their favourite coffee shop on the way home.
"We can't tell anyone yet. Not until 12 weeks, just in case." The Doctor had reassured them that the baby was so tiny and well protected that Kim was quite safe to continue her normal duties. Soon enough she would be off the beat and resigned to desk duty for the duration of her pregnancy but right now, apart from no more alcohol, coffee and getting plenty of rest everything could continue as normal.
"I know." Now that it was official Adam was starting to feel the enormity of what was happening and it was a little terrifying. He looked at Kim, who was looking just as stunned as he was. "You know what?"
"Since this morning, since we found out there is one thing I forgot to say. " He leant forward and stared directly at her. "I love you, you know." A small tear brimmed over the edge of her eyes and trickled down her cheek. "Hey come on." He kissed her cheek, tasting the salty wetness on his lips. "We are going to be great at this."
After their late lunch they strolled down by the lake for an hour before Kim decided that she wanted to go home. They chatted about the next few weeks, deciding just to take it one day at a time at this stage. Small chunks of time they could do; the bigger picture would have to wait.
Once at home Kim went to lie down and promptly fell asleep. The bone aching tiredness lately was something that she hadn't experienced for a long time, even three night shifts in a row couldn't have made her this tired and that usually whacked her about for days. This was something else.
Adam decided to go for a run while she slept. Man, he needed to clear his head. They had gone from planning a wedding, rather half-heartedly he had to admit to suddenly preparing to be a family. The thought of it made him smile. What about the wedding? They hadn't even mentioned it since this morning; he had no idea if she still wanted to get married. Surely she did, but before or after the baby was born. Oh, god he was going to be a father, responsible for another life, oh god. He ran harder.
Kim was still asleep when he got back so he grabbed a quick shower before gently lowering himself down beside her. Almost without thinking he rested his hand on her stomach. That beautiful stomach that was protecting and growing his child. Kim stirred and rolled over to face him. He was smiling down at her. "Hey, feeling better?"
"A little. I have never been this tired before. It's insane." Kim stretched out and rolled in for a cuddle. "How was the run?"
"Good. I did have a moment when I thought Holy crap I am going to be a father. A little freak out if you will."
"I think I am in a constant state of freak out right now."
"You hide it well."
The next couple of weeks were spent in a daze. Sometimes they talked about the baby, sometimes they didn't, but Adam always kissed and talked to her stomach everyday and often slept with a hand protectively on her waist. He had always been great in the mornings bringing her coffee, which he now switched to dry toast and ginger tea before she even got out of bed and that seemed to keep her nausea under control. In her workbag he packed little snacks for her during the day and checked in to make sure she was eating, not doing too much and when he was working he wanted to make sure that she was eating dinner & sleeping.
They had a Doctors appointment at 8 weeks and everything was progressing well. The scan confirmed the presence of Little Ruzek, it's likely appearance date in late January and thankfully that it was all alone in there. Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time was intense, the relief they felt was surprising.
Although it was too early to tell yet they both decided that they wouldn't find out what they were having, which seemed to be unusual these days but they liked the idea of being surprised on the day.
Three weeks after their appointment Kim was in tears in the bathroom. "What's wrong?" Adam rushed in.
"Look at me. My boobs are about to explode out the top of my bra. How am I going to get my vest on?" Adam looked at her boobs…again. They were magnificent at the moment, not that they weren't already. She also was starting to look a little thicker around the waist. "I am not sure I can make it much longer without anyone noticing."
He was fast learning that rationality was uncommon in pregnancy and nothing he usually offered helped the situation but what the hell if it didn't matter what he said right now he might as well say what he was thinking. "I think you look fucking awesome."
She swung around quickly and grabbed his groin, usually something he enjoyed but the menacing look in her eyes made him grimace slightly and hold his breath. "Well how about I make your balls swell until they feel like they are going to burst and then shove them flat under a bullet proof cup?"
"Harsh Burgess, very harsh." Snaking his arms around her thickening waist and resting his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry for doing this to you, but I do think you look awesome, I am finding this pregnancy stuff a turn on. I can't help it."
Kim released her grip, much to his relief and leant on him. "By the end of each shift I have to loosen my gear belt a notch. Roman is going to notice something is up soon. Not to mention Platt, she keeps looking at me weirdly."
"Should we tell them then?"
"I really want to wait until 12 weeks."
"We can make another week. You've only got three more shifts then a few days off."
On her last shift before a two-day break Roman walked into the change room just as she was pulling on her vest. He noticed she grimaced a little. "You okay Burgess?"
"Yep." She straightened up instantly and smiled. "Just went a little hard at gym this morning." Grabbing her jacket she threw it on quickly, thankful for the unusually cool and rainy night so that it covered her bulging vest. Even the side straps were becoming a little snug. "Let's go before Platt has us doing curfew checks all night."
By the end of shift she couldn't wait to get out of her uniform, get home and into some comfy clothes. Adam was waiting by her car. She was heading home just as he was coming in. "How'd you go?" Kim leant on him, exhausted from the week and ready to go home and sleep.
"I am so tired I actually think I might sleep all day."
Adam came home with dinner, having stopped by their local Italian take-out and grabbing some pasta. He also swung by grocery store to pick up some bananas. Kim certainly had a thing for banana's right now and it was a sure fire way to bring a smile to her face if he came home with a bunch. Flowers just didn't make her smile like bananas did.
He liked how, at the end of the day her belly would stick out just a little bit like she had eaten a huge meal and she would curl up on the sofa with her head resting in his lap and his hand caressing her belly. "What are we going to do about the wedding?"
"Haven't really thought about it." Kim honestly hadn't given it any consideration since this pregnancy became a reality. "Do you want to do it before the baby comes?" She asked already knowing how she felt. It was enough at the moment just dealing with being pregnant, planning a wedding was not something she felt capable of doing right now.
Adam agreed that at the moment it was not something he wanted to be spending his time and energy on. "Really I just want to do anything I can to make sure that you and my baby are happy, safe and healthy. I really want to marry you though."