Pregnant and Alone
Today Jimmy and I are celebrating our 1 year anniversary together and I am so excited you would not believe, I have been planning this day since we got together last year. I want today to be special, romantic and when me and Jimmy get married I want to look back on today with no regrets. I had the whole day planned out but I know what Jimmy wanted from me today… because we have been together for a year he thinks that it is time me and him take the next step in their relationship by sleeping together. I know it must sound strange that I'm 17 years old and I have been with my boyfriend a year and not made love to him yet but I don't regret that decision. My family are Catholics and they have very strict rules about this sort of thing and I have abided by them rules. I have only seen Jimmy without his shirt on three times. Out of all of my friends I am the only virgin, and that doesn't bother me. My friends have all lost their virginities and they all said it was best to just get it over and done with. I believe you should be in love to do that with somebody and don't get me wrong I love Jimmy with all my heart but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I want to save that part of myself until marriage but Jimmy thinks that is silly and we should make love because we are in love.
The furthest Jimmy and I have gone so far is making out on my bed and me laying half on him with his hands on my backside. When he touches me like that I get really nervous and I know just from that I'm not ready for the next step, I've spoken to my sister Maggie about this and she told me to just wait until I was 100% ready and not to let Jimmy pressure me into it. Maggie herself wasn't a virgin, she lost her virginity in high school to a guy called Kevin Wilson and she told me she wished she had waited. Once I had my little talk with Maggie I found a pack on condoms hidden under my pillow that she had put there in case they were needed. In all the time me and Jimmy talked about moving forward neither of us had brought up condoms or other contraceptives which to me is another sign we're not ready. Neither of us were thinking about our actions and we were acting irresponsible and I told Jimmy that but he just got angry… that was three months ago and the conversation hasn't come up since.
Personally I don't get why everyone is in such a rush to lose their virginities and have sex. According to my friends and Maggie the first time was uncomfortable, awkward and can be a little messy… what was the appeal? Well I think Jimmy isn't really thinking about the discomfort I would be feeling. I know Jimmy will be pushing to take that last step today because it's a monumental event for us; I just have to try and figure out how to let him down gentle and not cause a fight on our special day. I realise I'm making Jimmy sound very forceful and mean but he isn't… in fact he's the opposite. He's a real gentleman who opens doors for me, pulls my seat out, buys my flowers for no reason, texts and calls me randomly just to tell me he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. We go horse riding at the weekend and he gets along well with my family, he himself comes from a respectable family who my dad has been friends with for years. We've been friends since we were toddlers and we grew up and decided to take our friendship to romance and it's been working for us.
My friends keep telling me how jealous they are that I have such an amazing and loving boyfriend and I can't help but smile when they say stuff like that. I'm not even modest about how amazing our relationship is, there is no slutty girl trying to split us up, we have the same circle of friends so we all get along and he will kiss me, tells me he loves and tell me I'm beautiful in front of all his friends. I cannot imagine being with anyone else in the world that could make me this happy but yet I can't seem to be able to take that last step and make love to him and I feel guilty because Jimmy gives me everything I want without questioning it and all he wants is this one thing and I can't give it to him. Why does he put up with me?
"You're thinkin' hard… what's the matter?" Maggie asked me, standing in the doorway to my bedroom.
"Nothin'," I replied and looked down at the floor.
"The one person you can't lie to is me. Tell me what's going on?" she said as she entered the room and placed herself down on my bed next to me.
"Today is Jimmy and I's one year anniversary and he wants us to have sex, I'm not ready for that yet," I told her and she put her hand comfortingly on my shoulder.
"We've had this conversation before… if you're not ready then don't do it. Don't feel pressured into it because you'll regret it and you'll want your virginity back. I know you love Jimmy and I know Jimmy loves you so just explain it to him, he'll understand," she explained to me.
"I don't think he will. He's been askin' for months and I keep saying no. I explained that I felt strongly about this but he keeps angry about it and I don't wanna ruin today because of this argument," I said.
"This is your choice, no one else's. You're the one that has to live with that choice, not Jimmy, your friends or me. Do what makes you comfortable," she replied and pulled me closer to her and placing a kiss on the top of my head. "I need to go, I'm meeting Glenn but when I come home later we'll talk some more I promise." She held out her pinkie finger and I giggled, linking my pinkie with hers then she left.
I stood from my bed and looked in the full length mirror at my outfit and wondered if it was ok. I should have asked Maggie before she left. I had on a strapless blue dress that came just above my knee and a little belt around my waist to make my 'womanly curves' noticeable but not too noticeable. I matched the dress with some black sandals and I painted my toe nails the same colour as my dress. My hair was in a side plait and my makeup was casual and natural looking. I've never had a one year anniversary before so I'm not sure if I look ok, but it will have to because I'm already running late.
As I got to the last step of the stairs I heard a car driving up the driveway and I became nervous like I was going on my first date with him again. I took a deep breath and opened the front door where I saw Jimmy walking towards me with a smile on his face.
"You look beautiful," he told me and placed a sweet kiss on my cheek making me smile. "Your dad home?"
"Kitchen," I replied.
Jimmy started walking towards the kitchen and I followed behind him, I heard my parents greeting him as I turned the corner.
"You look lovely today Beth. Are you two off doing anythin' special today?" my mom asked.
"We're gonna go for a picnic in St David's park," Jimmy told them.
"Sounds like fun," my dad said. "Well, don't let us keep you," he continued and shook Jimmy's hand. "Look after my baby girl and bring her home at a decent hour."
"Of course," Jimmy replied.
"I'll see you guys later," I told them and kissed both their cheeks.
Jimmy and I walked out to his car and as usual he opened the door for me to get in then closed it. He walked round to his side and got in then started the car and pulled away.
As we drove to the park we had the radio on and we sung along to some of our favourites and I noticed Jimmy's hand rested on my thigh today as he drove… he doesn't normally do that, I think that's a hint in my direction.
"You really do look beautiful today," he said as he pulled into a parking space at the park.
"Thank you, you don't look too bad yourself," I said and we both leaned in for a sweet kiss.
As Jimmy got out of the car I unclipped my seatbelt and Jimmy opened the door for me and the he grabbed my hand and held the picnic basket in the other as we walked to our spot. Our first real date was having a picnic here in this very park and Jimmy had this amazing spot where you could look over the rest of the park and see the pond and every time we came here it's where we go. I looked up at Jimmy and smiled as he concentrated on where he was going, Jimmy was very clumsy. He would trip over air; his nickname with his friends is Bambi as sometimes when he walks it's like Bambi on ice.
We arrived at our spot and as Jimmy laid the blanket down on the floor I got out the plastic plates and cutlery. Jimmy handed me my bottle of strawberry flavoured water and he had one for himself, we sat down next to each other and I laid my head on his shoulder.
"It's such a beautiful day today," I admired with a sigh.
"It's a gorgeous day for a gorgeous girl," he replied.
I looked up and saw him staring at me with a smile. I moved to kiss him on the lips and I felt Jimmy putting in a lot of passion to the kiss. I pulled away and smiled at him.
"Let's eat," I said to turn him away from the subject and I started putting food on a plate for him. I handed him his plate then made one for myself before sitting back down next to him. The two of us ate in silence and I knew what he was doing, he was trying to think of ways to get the conversation onto sex but I had a game plan in mind. Every time he tried to bring it up I was going to get in there first with a random conversation or steer it off in another direction.
"My mom and dad are going out tonight to dinner with some friends… do you maybe wanna come over or somethin'?" He questioned.
"I think Maggie wants to see me later on when she gets home from Glenn's," I replied.
"I wouldn't keep you there all night, just to watch a movie," he told me.
"Is that all?" I questioned narrowing my eyes suspiciously at him.
"I promise," he said.
"I don't know… I'll text Maggie and see what time she's time comin' home," I told him.
We finished our food and we were just talking about random things when I heard the ice cream truck pull up. I loved ice cream so much and Jimmy knew it.
"Wait here, I'll get your favourite," he said standing up and I smiled lovingly at him and I watched as he jogged over to the ice cream van, nearly falling over twice I might add. I giggled and rolled my eyes at him as he did and sighed.
I didn't really have to text Maggie. I would just tell him that Maggie was going to be home in a couple hours meaning there wasn't enough time to pack up here and get to his house to watch a full movie. I felt bad lying but I know he wanted to do more than watch a movie with me there, he was lying too. He was going to try and sleep with me and I knew it… he knows I'm not ready and yet he keeps trying to push the situation and I don't know how to tell him once and for all to stop going on about it without causing an argument on today of all days.
Jimmy came back and handed me my favourite, raspberry ripple, and he sat down next to me. He had his own favourite which was rocky road ice cream served with a cookie on top. It didn't take me long to devour mine as it was just too good, also it was quite hot today and it kept melting all over my hand.
Jimmy says I make as much mess as a baby when it comes to food and I have to agree. After dinner every day I will have some sort of dinner stain on my top, which embarrassing considering that I'm 17 years old.
"So when I was in line at the ice cream van I called Maggie," Jimmy admitted.
"You called Maggie?" I questioned in a tone of surprise mixed with slight anger.
"She said she wouldn't be home until about eleven tonight as her and Glenn have gone into Atlanta today to do some shopping. So you can come round to my place and watch a movie then I can bring you home at a decent hour and you can talk to Maggie when she gets home," he explained to me.
"Right," was the only thing I said.
I didn't know what else to say to him. I was shocked that he had made the effort to call Maggie and ask her but I was slightly angry he had done it but I'm not sure why I'm angry. Maybe it was because I now have to go to his place and turn him down when he tried to advance on me, causing an argument. Why couldn't Maggie just say she would be home in a couple of hours and the two of us needed to talk, stupid Maggie… and Glenn. This was Glenn's fault too because I know it's him that suggested Atlanta, he suggests it all the time and today she listened to him.
Jimmy started clearing everything away and I helped him but at a slower pace to try and delay this as much as possible. The day had been going well so far and now it was going to be ruined by sex, how silly. Jimmy did most of the clearing up and then he grabbed my hand and we started walking to his truck, I noticed how Jimmy was walking slightly faster than usual. He opened my car door for me like he had earlier and then walked round to the other side of the car and got in, closing the door and pulling away from the park. This car ride seemed more intense then the last one and I knew it was because Jimmy was too busy concentrating on his plan to get me to have sex with him. I think he forgets I can read him like a book.
When we got to Jimmy's house there was nobody there and he took my hand gently and indicated to follow him upstairs. I smiled softly and nodded at him and the two of us walked up the stairs to his bedroom, I had been in his bedroom before (of course my family didn't know that) so I'm not too sure why I'm being so nervous.
"I'll get a movie on, make yourself comfortable," he said to me and he walked over to his DVD rack. He turned to face me as I sat down on the bed. "Anythin' you wanna watch?"
"Nothin' scary," I told him and he chuckled before turning his head back to the DVD rack.
Jimmy chose a movie. I didn't really take notice of what movie he chose. He came and sat on the bed next to me and he pulled me into his arms, I rested my hand on his chest and Jimmy placed a kiss on the top of my head as the movie started.
Jimmy's hand rested itself on my waist and I didn't mind it being there, as long as that is where it stays.
"You feel a little cold, wanna get under the cover?"
"No I'm fine," I replied.
"Don't you trust me?" He questioned.
"I'm fine Jimmy," I told him.
"That don't answer my question," he said.
"Jimmy, don't start this," I pleaded.
He sighed and moved his hand off me and sat up forcing me to get up off him. I also sighed and regretted coming here knowing it was going to end like this.
"You know what Beth? I love you so much and I give you everything you want without questioning it and there's just the one thing I want from you… you can't do it," he said to me. "It's not like we're doin' anythin' bad. We love each other and we've known each other for a long time… please Beth."
When I didn't answer, he pleaded with me again. "I love you and I don't want another woman… ever. I want you to be my one and only like I wanna be your one and only."
"I've explained my views on this, Jimmy. I want to wait until I'm married… I'm not sayin' us having sex is anythin' bad but I'm personally just not ready for it and I need you to respect that," I told him with pleading eyes.
"Just this one thing Beth, it's all I'm askin' of you. Prove to me how much you love me by makin' love with me," he said to me and gently put his arm around me. He leaned his head down to me before I could respond and placed a loving kiss on my lips. I returned the kiss and Jimmy started to deepen the kiss which I allowed him to do, his hand went down my waist and rested itself on my backside and I started to become nervous. "Calm Beth, I won't hurt you. I promise all I wanna do is prove how much I love you." He kissed me again.
"OK," I said.
"Really?" he asked and pulled away from me in shock.
"Yes," I replied.