Pressure. Pushing down on her. So much pressure. Always - under pressure. It was over - but for how long? In reality it was never over. Carol knew there was always something coming, building, then exploding, raining down sorrow, pain and heartache on their hardened faces. She didn't show fear - she rarely showed any emotion anymore. But deep inside there was terror. The terror of knowing what the world is all about now. The terror of seeing good friends screaming. Some wanted out and some were gone with no choice. She didn't know which was worse, dying? Or living while wanting to die?
They had spent a week cleaning up the latest disaster. Sun up to sundown she felt like she was kicking her brains around on the floor. She'd kept mostly to herself, trying to fight the emotions that kept rising to the surface. Sam was gone. Another child in her life - dead. She'd tried to keep him at bay, she'd tried to scare him away, she'd tried to make him understand how dangerous the world was. But it didn't matter. It never mattered. They never just got a sprinkling of rain, a drizzle they could handle. No, it always poured - torrential downpours washing people away - washing hope and happiness away.
Carol was in a dark place. Both literally and emotionally. She was sitting alone, in her pitch black room, thinking about the weight that was crushing her. There was a time, early on, very early on before Sophia died that she used to pray. Carol almost laughed out loud at how she used to pray for a better tomorrow and how she'd believed that somehow her faith would take her higher. It all seemed so stupid now. She wasn't sure if she even believed in God anymore. How could he let this happen to the world? To his people? But every once in awhile something would happen that made her believe again. Judith was born. Glenn came home. Maggie was pregnant. The group survived and showed their true strength. It was those moments she wondered if maybe he was still there - helping the strong ones - the ones who could handle it - to survive.
There was a time she'd tried to turn away from it all, turn a blind eye on how bad the world was, how bad people, humanity, really were. She'd tried to sit on the fence, play follow the leader and just exist, but it never worked. Carol realized that whether God was out there helping or not, she needed to step up and take control of her own destiny. That's when she started making hard decisions, doing things that some would see as questionable, because she needed to keep her family safe.
Love - it always came back to love. No matter how tattered and torn their lives were she did what she did because she loved her family. Carol flopped back on her bed. She was tired, but she was antsy. She needed something - call it a distraction - or a release, but she needed something to keep her mind from anticipating the next disaster. She needed to feel, but it had to be something good. Just for a moment - something good.
Carol got out of bed, walked out into the hallway and went to the bedroom door next to hers. She knocked quietly and then let herself in. Before the latest disaster they used to talk a lot, late at night when the others were sleeping. But she'd been avoiding him because he knew her too well. He was the only one who could make her break and she just wasn't ready to feel the bad she'd been burying for so long.
Daryl was sitting by the window, looking out at the bright moon. It would be full soon, but it was still large and glowing. She walked right over to him, dropped to his level and kissed his mouth. It was shocking and unexpected, for both of them, but Carol needed his help. She needed to feel lust and desire. She wanted her body and mind distracted by all the pleasures of the flesh. She kissed him hungrily, feeling her body react in a way that was far more intense than she could have imagined.
When he kissed her back it made the heat inside her grow even stronger. Already she was forgetting everything but how her body felt. She had wondered for a while what it would be like to kiss him and in reality it was better than she'd expected. It had been years since either of them had kissed anyone and there was a slight awkward inexperience between them, but it didn't distract from the fury of lust building in her groin area.
The was a hesitation in his kiss and Carol knew something was coming. "Stop," he stood and grabbed her shoulders and put some distance between them. "Don't do this because you need a distraction." The truth of his words and the way he was so intuitive with her was overwhelming. "Admit it first. Let yourself feel it," he said, looking in her eyes. He knew her too well, this was a bad idea. She looked away. "You ain't gotta feel the bad stuff if you don't want to, but this is good. This is love. Feel it Carol. Feel it." He shook her, just slightly and it made something crack inside her. Love was such an old fashioned word. The love he wanted her to feel was different, it was dangerous. The kind of love he wanted her to feel dared her to care - about him - in a way that made everything different. It would change everything. It would change the way she felt about herself. If she let herself love him - if she let him love her back - she had to start caring about herself in a different way.
Did he know what he was asking of her? Did he know the kind of pressure he was putting on her? Under pressure. So much pressure. His hands softened on her shoulders. "Feel it," he whispered. He knew he was breaking her. Her knew the pressure cracks were already there and he just needed to give her one more push. With the glow of the moon in his eyes he touched her chin and gently forced her to look at him. This was a tender and romantic moment that she never would have expected from him. "I love you," he whispered. "Please just let me love you."
That was it. Her walls came crumbling down so fast and so forcefully that she fell into his arms. She'd come to him needing and wanting to feel something good. This was good. So terrifyingly good. She wanted to feel it forever, but it was one more thing she was terrified to lose. "Don't be scared," Daryl said, holding her against his chest. "I was scared of feeling this my whole life, but I don't want to die without wanting to live for someone else. I want to live - for you -" His voice trailed off. She had been silent and he was feeling nervous and embarrassed, she knew him.
She couldn't let him feel bad in any way. "I love you too," she said, drawing back to look at him. When their eyes met, for the first time she could remember there was no fear. One emotion was wrapped around them both - love - that was all. When their lips met again it was different. There was no guilt. She didn't feel like she was using him or lying to him - or to herself. This was real. And it was good. And it was everything she needed.
She kissed him tenderly. This time he met her kiss tentatively at first, but it was just his shy side, not uncertainty. There was more riding on their encounter at this point. Carol was very confident that Daryl knew exactly what he was doing. In all the nights that had sat awake talking over the years they had actually never talked about his love life, not at all, but she knew he'd been with women before, it was just something she could tell through things he said and jokes he made. The thing she wasn't sure about was if he had ever loved anyone before and given his words earlier she was feeling rather certain she might be his first, at least in that sense.
Carol parted her lips slightly, her tongue moving out to meet his and they developed an easy and comfortable rhythm in their kiss. Daryl sat back down on the window ledge and pulled her into his lap. As they continued to kiss Carol slowly started to unbutton his shirt. The first time she had seen his chest was back at Hershel's farm after Andrea had shot him. Even all the time together at the prison and on the road she hadn't seen any more of his body until the attack the week before when he'd ripped off his shirt to put pressure on Carl's eye while they rushed him off to the infirmary.
Once the shirt was unbuttoned she broke the kiss and took the time to push it off his muscled arms. Carol took a moment to look at him, before reaching out tracing his collarbone with her fingertips. The bones were so chiseled and structured, distinct and extremely sexy. She slipped off his lap and pulled Daryl to his feet again. She reached out and ran her hands down the front of his chest to his belly. His body shivered and Carol felt her own body ripple in response. She leaned forward and hugged him, placing her cheek against his shoulder to revell for a moment in the feel of his warm bare skin. Daryl's hands were resting on the small of her back and Carol felt very content to just stay there and hold him for a few minutes. There was no need to rush things, even if her body was screaming to keep going.
When she realized Daryl's hands had crept up under the back of her shirt and his fingers were grazing her bare skin Carol felt her heart start to thud in response. He eased her back far enough to pull off her shirt. Daryl immediately tossed it aside and moved his hot mouth to kiss her throat first, then started a path downwards, leaving a trail of wet, tingling kisses as he dropped to his knees on the floor.
This was everything she needed and like nothing she could have imagined. Carol gasped and bit her lip, as he nipped softly at the delicate skin below her belly button. He was teasing her and she felt a twitch and throb starting between her legs. She looked down at his handsome face and he looked up into her eyes. Love. That was all she could see. Daryl blindly fumbled for the button on her jeans. His fingers worked and tugged to no avail so he finally had to flick his eyes downwards to complete the task and the next thing she knew the thick material was slipping down to the floor. Carol helped things along by kicking off the pants and her socks with them. She felt bare and exposed, but not the least bit nervous or scared. And there was no self consciousness either. It's funny how your confidence soars when you're with someone you know loves you deeply.
When Daryl stood up the hunger in his eyes made her body even hotter, from head to toe. "Daryl," she whispered, looking into his eyes again. His name felt so good rolling off her tongue. She had no other reason to say it than her own need to hear it and know it was the name of the man she loved.
"Carol," he reciprocated, his tone husky and lust filled. He didn't say her name often, and never had anyone, not one man ever in her life, said it in such a completely erotic way. It made her knees weak. One single word. Carol reached for him to gather the emotions that were consuming her. Daryl was steady and strong when she was weak. That's how it had always been between them. The reciprocity of their relationship was rare and unique.
Daryl slid his hands down over the cotton material of her panties stopping on the bare skin on high on the back of her legs. In one quick motion he lifted her up. Carol wrapped her legs around him and he started to walk, making his way to the bed. They started to kiss again and her hands ended up tangled in his hair, pulling him even closer as she took the kiss deeper and deeper, creating a wild and frantic pace to let him know just how turned on she was.
Daryl lay her down gently on the soft mattress and Carol was panting, breathless from their passionate kissing and disappointed to end their contact. She sat and quickly removed her bra. If he wasn't going to kiss her mouth she hoped it would entice him to latch on somewhere else. He took the bait of course. The air was cool on her nipples but his mouth was hot, so deliciously hot, as he sucked on them slowly, teasing and torturing her to the point she was moaning and squirming.
Carol pushed him back and reached for his pants. Her hand brushed against his cock, thick and hard, as she worked to push the pants down. She knew he was aroused, she felt his erection earlier when he carried her to bed, but the fact that they were that much closer - and she was about to finally see that throbbing dick - it was dizzying. Daryl gave her some help and finally the pants were off. She hadn't even realized he wasn't wearing underwear until she was staring right at his arousal. She couldn't help but smile at the beautiful sight before her. He was deliciously perfect, everything she wanted.
She reached out and touched his dick, wrapping a hand around the hard, thick shaft. It throbbed in her palm, pulsing like a heartbeat. The pressure was building inside her. a different pressure than she'd felt in a very long time. She looked at him. Daryl's face was overcome with pleasure and his eyes were begging her. He was ready and wanted to fuck her. She was every bit as ready as he was. Carol released his dick and removed her panties, tossing them off to the side.
Even though they were both more than ready Daryl still moved slowly. He started at her feet and placed light kisses up one side of her and down the other, stopping for a long, tantalizing kiss at her mouth and a very brief pause to tease her a bit between her legs. The pressure built even more. Her body was so tense and ready for release.
Finally it was time. Daryl spread her legs and without hesitation he slipped his dick right into her wet pussy. He groaned and Carol gasped - It just felt so incredible. He moved in her, slow but deep. She could feel how much he loved her with every movement. It started off very delicate and simple, which would have been absolutely fine. But Daryl shocked her by taking things to a level she wasn't expecting.
He grabbed her legs and put her ankles around his neck, lifting her ass off the bed as he pushed deeper inside her. She moaned as he hit just the right spot over and over until she was squirming against him. "Oh -" she groaned. "That's feels so good." Daryl sped up just a bit. "Ohh," she sighed. She could feel the muscles in her legs tensing. The pressure had built to it's highest point, it could go any farther - it couldn't. "Don't stop," she begged. "Yeah - right there - ohhhh -" She was getting close, so close, and Daryl gave her exactly what she asked for, continuing to fuck her with quick, but deep strokes, finding that spot that was driving her wild. Her legs were tightening around his neck as her body tensed even more. Her eyes were squeezed shut but Carol forced them open. She needed to see his face. The love and wonder she saw was so beautiful she almost cried. There was love. There was lust. There was respect. It was perfection.
The next push shattered her completely and her body exploded with release. Carol threw her head back as strangled cries from somewhere deep within her body escaped her throat. Her world was filled with a beauty and happiness she didn't believe was possible anymore. It took a while before she realized he had stopped moving, he'd let her legs drop and he was clinging to her. They held each other tight as the waves of pleasure wracked their bodies, still united as one.
Finally Daryl slipped out of her and she instantly missed the feel of his cock inside her, even if it had been growing soft. He rolled to the side to avoid crushing her with his weight. Carol quickly propped up on her elbow needing to see his face once again. Her heart skipped a beat when he gave her one of his tiny shy smiles.
This was everything she had needed. This was one of those moments that allowed her to believe in a higher power once again. There had to be something divine out there for anything to feel so good. "Thank you," she whispered, laying back down and cozying up to his chest. She didn't need to say it for him, but she needed to say it for herself. Her world would be different now - his too. They had both loved each other for a long time, but with the words spoken now, with that confirmation, it was real. She wasn't just living for herself anymore, she was living for him too.
The next time she felt like she was under pressure she wouldn't be there alone. Daryl would be by her side as long as she would let him, to bear the weight with her. He would share the good and help her fight the bad. And that day - the day, the night, the afternoon, the morning, whenever it was that she finally cracked and let it all out - he would be there to pick up all her pieces and put her back together again.
It wouldn't be that night. Probably not the next either or anytime soon. She wasn't ready. But the bad would rise again, it always did, and the great crumble would happen. She found Daryl's hand in the dark and she knew she was ready. There was no fear. Only love.
Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Why can't we give love give love give love?
Give love give love give love give love give love