A/N: For any of you that follow me on tumblr, you might have seen my post about what happened to me at Starbucks recently. This is a fanfiction adaptation of that. It may grow into something more. We'll see. Because, y'know… I totally need more fucking ongoing stories, right?

Here's a little something for you all!

"That'll be ten eighty-two, Bunny."

Lucy smiled kindly at the cashier, an old friend of hers from high school with wild black hair pulled into a ponytail and piercing red eyes, and handed him her debit card.

"Almost eleven fuckin' bucks for a drink and a piddly shit wannabe roll," Gajeel muttered. "You gotta be fuckin' high."

She was already lost in thought concerning the story that had popped into her head while she'd made her way to the coffee shop, more than ready to get to work on researching everything she needed to make the scene as accurate as possible. Her laptop was fully charged, sitting in her bag and just waiting to be opened so she could get to work.


She jolted and let out a sheepish laugh, then took her card back. "Thanks, Gaj."

"Did you want your croissant heated up?" he asked again.

"No, thanks. I like it cold." She watched as he nodded and grabbed a croissant, then gave him another smile once he handed it over. Without another word, knowing it would take a few minutes for her drink to get made, she walked over to her table and took a seat. She came in often enough that the corner table might as well have a 'Reserved' sign on it. Everyone knew not to sit there, lest they face the ever-intimidating staff members of the little coffee shop that had all but adopted her into their family.

It took less than a minute for her to get situated, and Lucy instantly got to work. Her story was going to be amazing, she was sure. Still, she had never written a love story that involved BDSM. She knew a little bit about the community as a whole, just small things she had picked up from reading others' stories, and the definite no-no's that encompassed an entire famous trilogy - one that she was slightly ashamed to have read in its entirety - but there was still more that she needed to know.

Why were people interested in it? Was it a compulsion? A psychological defect of some sort that pushed individuals to enjoy pain? She had her own thoughts on the matter, but she wanted to get inside the heads of people who actually participated in bondage, sexual masochism, and the like.

Before she knew it, Lucy had several tabs of articles open and waiting to be read. Along with one online shop that sold all sorts of gear for a sadist's, or Dom's, dungeon. Or play room. Or… Well, whatever they wanted to call it.

"Venti quad caramel frap, triple caramel, extra drizzle. Bunny... Girl?" came a foreign male voice, the confusion of the name written on the cup evident in his hesitation.

Lucy rolled her eyes and smiled while getting up from her seat. Leave it to Gajeel to put his little nickname for her on her cup. Then again, everyone else did the same thing. Cosplayer when Bickslow was working. Alice or Tinkerbell during Erik's occasional shift at night. Luigi when Natsu was working the register. The men in the coffee shop loved giving her different names, and considering just how odd they were from time to time there was no doubt about just whose order it was.

"Hey, Cosplayer's here!" Bickslow grinned as Lucy made her way over to the counter.

"Hey, Bix," Lucy laughed. She turned to look at the blond man holding her cup then pursed her lips in thought. His hair fell over one of his goldenrod eyes as they locked with hers. Handsome didn't even begin to describe him. Hell, she was sure that one of the requirements to get a job at her favorite coffee shop was something along the lines of 'applicants must be fucking delicious'. Really, she wouldn't put it past the perverse older woman that owned the place to actually do it. "You're new."

Bickslow grinned and threw an arm around the blond man's shoulders. "Yep. First day. This is Jackal."

Lucy's head tilted to one side then the other, and a smile curved her lips. "It suits you." When he didn't say anything, her brow furrowed in concern. Until she saw that he wasn't looking at her, but at something that was just over her left shoulder. Dread settled in the pit of her stomach, and she turned to see that he was, in fact, staring at the screen of her computer.

She hadn't really put too much thought into what she was searching while she was in a very public place, and hadn't even paid attention to the fact that she'd had a page open with a picture of a man wearing only a thong, strapped down to a Saint Andrew's Cross. Really, Lucy had been far too focused on what she was learning. Even though the site sold the different tools of the trade, it was also informational. There were little tips and tricks sections, and comments from customers that had suggestions for beginners - ways for people to work up to a specific item, instead of just jumping right into the thick of it.

She tried to regain her composure before turning back to look at Jackal. Their eyes met again, his gleaming gold and her gentle brown, and they stared at one another in silence.

Jackal let out an uncomfortable laugh, his cheeks flaming brilliantly as he stole a quick glance toward the blonde woman's computer again.

Lucy well and truly cracked right the hell up when she caught the coffee shop's newest employee staring at her computer. Of course, as soon as she started laughing, he jumped and nearly dropped her cup. Lucy reached forward and steadied it, her fingers brushing lightly over his.

Jackal blinked and shook his head when the crazed blonde woman started walking back toward her table, still laughing just as loudly as before - and trying to splutter out a 'thank you' - and nearly stumbling several times while she doubled over. He wasn't exactly sure what was so damn funny about some dude being strung up on some crazy torture device, but he resolved to never have to deal with her again. "Okay…?"

Bickslow laughed and shook his head, grabbing the whipped cream and swirling a perfect top to another customer's drink, then sprinkling cinnamon over it. "C'mon, man. Back to work."

"R-Right," Jackal muttered. He glanced over the the blonde woman for another moment, his eyes narrowing as he watched her switch to a tab with huge blocks of text, an article of some sort.

"You eyeing Bunny?" Gajeel growled.


"Shit, man. Cosplayer's off-limits," Bickslow sighed.

"Who?" Jackal gulped when he saw Gajeel, a man that he really didn't feel like pissing off - at least, not if he planned on leaving with no broken bones - slowly turning to glare at him. "What did I do?"

"Cobra," Gajeel called out, catching a glimpse of the maroon-haired man peeking his head out from the back. "Someone's lookin' at Bunny."

"What?" Cobra sneered. "Who's got a fucking deathwish."

"Huh?" Jackal whimpered. "I-I wasn't doing anything!" He gulped when the one-eyed manager strode out, clicking his ball-point pen in agitation. They were the same height, but he felt as though he was only a foot tall.

"I'll say this once," Cobra hissed, leaning so close to the new employee that he could smell the minty scent that was leftover from him brushing his teeth. "You keep Alice far the fuck away from that perverted little shitstorm you call a brain. If I even so much as see you look at her the wrong way, I'll-"

"Erik," Lucy said with a scowl, setting her still-full cup on the counter. "Don't you dare finish that sentence."

He let out a heavy sigh through his nose, his jaw instantly snapping shut, and Jackal blinked in confusion. "What the…"

"Shit," Gajeel sighed, shaking his head while punching in the next customer's order. "Yer fucked, man."

"I know," Cobra grumbled. "Look, Tink. It's not what you think, alright? I was just-"

"You were just going to scare the everloving shit out of Jackal, because he was staring at my computer, trying to figure out why the hell I was looking at bondage."

"Why the shit are you looking at bondage?" Bickslow cackled.

With a straight face, Lucy said, "I'm a writer, Bix. I need to know about these things. Verisimilitude."

"Right," Bickslow drawled. "So, uh… What's up?"

"Oh," Lucy smiled, turning her attention back to the new employee. "This is missing a shot of espresso."

"What?" Jackal asked. "How can you tell?"

Lucy grinned. "I know the difference between three shots and four."

"Speaking of which… Are you trying to get yourself killed or something?"

She quirked a brow at that, laughing softly. "No. I like caffeine, and I like caramel." She lifted the cup from the counter and held it out to him. "Here, have a sip."

"Uh, no."


"I'm good."

"Just do it, man," Bickslow laughed. "Shit, Cobra I need more lids. And milk."

Jackal sighed and leaned forward, wrapping his lips around the straw. He was able to taste her strawberry lip gloss, and was wholly thankful that she seemed to be one of the few women on earth that realized it didn't need to be caked on in the first place. He drew back once he pulled some of the drink through the straw, nearly gagging at first. "What the…" He paused, his brow furrowing in confusion as the sudden sweetness of the drink hit him like a ton of bricks. "... Fuck?"

"Too sweet," Lucy nodded. "Could you make it with four shots instead of three? I'll give you another sip."

Jackal nodded absently, making his way to start mixing everything together next to Bickslow. He could feel Bickslow's eyes on him, making sure he did it right, but that didn't really matter. He really wanted to make this right for the blonde. And he was curious as hell to figure out how she'd managed to get the scary-as-fucking-hell manager to stop ripping into him.

"She's a total looney toon," Bickslow chuckled softly. "Add another two shots. She says four, but she really means six."

"Wh-What?" Jackal whispered. "Seriously?"

Bickslow nodded, then glanced over to Cobra and Lucy, a soft smile on his lips. "Yep. I don't get it either, but… That's Lucy for you."

"Lucy?" Jackal frowned, closing the lid on the blender and turning to look at the blonde. So far, she'd been called three different things by three different people. Still, it was weird as hell to see how well these guys seemed to know her. He watched as she gently grasped the manager's hand, a sweet smile on her face as he threw away the straw and replaced it with a new one. Cobra took a sip of it, and Jackal did a doubletake when he saw the guy actually fucking smile.

"Weird, huh?" Gajeel laughed, nudging the blond's side. "Bunny's got that effect on people. You'll see."

Jackal nodded and cupped the drink, making sure to put just a little more caramel than the quoted 'triple' the blonde wanted. "Here you go," he said quietly, trying to make sure he didn't interrupt her conversation with his manager.

Lucy grinned and took a sip of her new drink, then squealed. Loudly. "It's perfect! Here, try!"

Jackal shook his head, then choked when she all but raped his throat with the straw. He pulled back slightly, then took a sip, and he blinked in surprise. "Wow, that's pretty good…"

Lucy nodded and took a long sip, smiling around her straw. "I knew you could do it, Jackal. Thanks."

He nodded and got ready to turn around to keep working - because the last thing he needed to do was piss off the others that were working with him - then paused. His gaze locked onto Lucy's computer screen and his jaw dropped open in shock. Half of her screen was covered in a vast array of metal dildoes, ranging in size, texture, and god only knows what else. The other half of the screen showed just a single picture. Ben Stiller's face was pulled into a satirically saucy pout, with wide innocent eyes. Blue Steel.

Lucy smirked when Jackal's gaze shifted to hers again. They stared at one another, sharing a meaningful look. Then she winked.

Cobra, Bickslow, and Gajeel jumped when Jackal and Lucy started laughing in unison. Hysterically.

"You're a sick, twisted demon," Jackal chortled. "I think we're gonna get along great."

Lucy blushed, ignoring the way her three self-proclaimed brothers glared at the blond man. She reached across the counter, holding out her hand to him. "My name's Lucy."

"Jackal," he replied, taking her hand gently in his.

"I'll try to keep the raunchy porn to a minimum."

"Thank god. I think I might blow something up if I look over and see more of that insanity."

Lucy giggled and shook her head, letting her hand slide from his and marvelling at the light callouses on the pads of his fingers. "S-So, I'll um… I'll get back to it then."


Cobra glared at Jackal for another moment, then leaned across the counter and kissed Lucy on the cheek. "Be a good girl, Alice," he whispered.


"I'm serious."

"Me too…" Lucy blinked and looked back at Cobra once Jackal was dragged out of the back door by Gajeel and Bickslow. "What are we being serious about?"

Cobra shook his head and smirked. "Nothing, baby sis. Go write your skanky porn shit."

Lucy smiled sweetly. "You got it, Coby-butt." She gave him a cheeky grin and jumped back when he moved to flick her in the forehead. "Porn time!"

Cobra smirked and shook his head, turning to face the cash register. His face fell when he saw the line of people that were waiting rather impatiently for someone to take and make their orders. "What?" he growled.

"I'd like-"

"Black coffee. You got it."

"No," the woman huffed. "I-"

"Room for cream? Sure," Cobra nodded, pushing the buttons quickly.


"Large, right. Two-fifty." Cobra fought to suppress his smirk when the elderly woman huffed and slammed her money down on the counter. Exact change. "Wait over there. I'll make it whenever."

"Asshole," she muttered.

"Fuckin' right, I am," he chuckled to himself. "Asshole that's making your fucking coffee." He looked up to see a hulking blonde man with a lightning-shaped scar over his eye. "Vanilla chai frap, four pumps, double, venti."

"Yep. Good memory," Laxus smirked.

Cobra shook his head with a smirk of his own. One that turned decidedly more devious once he heard the three employees that were supposed to be running things, while he made rubber band balls and paperclip trebuchets in the office, come back inside. "Looks like the new guy's got eyes on Tink."

Laxus' eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Yep. She blushed. I think I heard a stutter. But she could have just been drowning midgets with her cooch juice."

Laxus discreetly turned to look at Lucy, watching as she glanced past him with a coy smile before looking at her computer again. He turned the other way to find the one that was drawing her attention, nibbling his lip in concentration while crushing coffee beans, clearly listening to Bickslow's instructions on how to do it properly. "Fuckin' Christ… Here we go…"

Cobra chuckled. "You gonna put some reins on her? She's actually your sister."

"And have her beat me with a textbook again?" Laxus shuddered, mindlessly rubbing at the now-healed rib. "Hell no."

Cobra sighed and shook his head. "Worth a shot… Gimme a minute. I'll make your shit and we'll sit in the office."

"What about my coffee?" the elderly woman asked angrily as Cobra moved to start working on Laxus' drink.

He paused and glared at her ancient face. "You're right. My apologies," he spat. He turned and poured some coffee into a cup, then set it on the counter. "There you go. En-fucking-joy, you shitty old bat."

"What about my cream?"

"You want some fucking cream?" Cobra grinned.

Laxus grabbed the cup and leaned over the counter, pouring some in the sink. He handed it to the woman and pointed to a small table off to one side. "Cream is over there. Sugar, too."

"I want to speak to the manager."

"He is the manager," Jackal, Gajeel, Bickslow, and Laxus said in unison. The woman blanched and scurried over to fix her drink properly.

Lucy smiled at the men while they went about working, then focused back on the text in front of her. She couldn't help but look over every once in awhile to see what Jackal was doing, and always found his eyes drifting over to lock with hers. The rest of her day was spent at the small coffee shop, a light flush on her cheeks that had absolutely nothing to do with the series of provocative images on her computer screen.

And there it is. Obviously, this went way off course of what actually happened, because there was no romance whatsoever in my own experience at the coffee shop. But, still… Also, I've decided that this will be yet another little ongoing story of mine. Mainly for when I want to write some humor. In a coffee shop. Obviously it'll be JackaLu, with CoLu, BixLu, GaLu, and LaLu BrOTPs. I can't help myself, apparently. It won't really be in my "normal" story rotation - then again, I don't think I even have one at this point - but yeah. Whenever I feel like writing some humor, this will get updated.

For anyone that didn't see the original post, which contains the original story, here it is:

You know what's awkward?

Sitting in Starbucks and looking up BDSM gear. Then leaving the table to go and get your drink when it's called, and seeing the cute guy behind the counter looking right at your fucking computer screen… while you have a picture pulled up of a dude strung up on a Saint Andrew's Cross… In a thong. You look at the computer, then at his face. Your eyes meet meaningfully. He laughs awkwardly. You crack the fuck up when you see him glance back at your computer. He blanches and hands you the drink. Your fingers touch briefly. You're still laughing, and barely manage to thank him for the drink while walking back to your seat. Take a sip of your drink, and realize it's wrong - there's no caramel, and he's in training, so he's bound to make mistakes (and that's okay, we all understand) - so you go back to the counter after a minute. The next time he calls your name, an array of metal dildoes is on one half of the screen while a picture of Zoolander's 'Blue Steel' is on the other. Another meaningful look is shared between you, and this time he laughs hysterically.

I have never, in my entire life laughed so fucking hard. I'm pretty sure Starbucks guy thinks I'm insane, but I lucked out by saying "I'm a writer." Now, if only I wasn't married… Okay, and I'd have to be into 20-year-olds. Still, a bitch can dream, goddamnit!

So! Review, Follow, Favorite! I love you, guys!