This is an adoption of a plot bunny by Clell65619. Chapter 2 of his Boneyard (FFSID 11642988).

Chapter 1: Unhappy Muggle Dark Lord ... er ... Dentist

(Clells Original copied over)

Philip Granger stood in the door way to his daughter's bedroom and watched as she suffered through the latest nightmare.

Drugged into unconsciousness by her medicinal potions regimen, the poor girl still relived that horrible night she could barely speak of even now, almost three weeks later. His anger growing as he watched his precious daughter toss and turn in obvious terror as she experienced the running battle yet again.

Carefully, Granger closed the door and returned to his bedroom, where his wife waited.

"Not any better?" Elizabeth asked, looking up from her book as he entered the room.

"Not at all," the Dentist admitted, his jaw tightening in anger at what had been done to his only child. "You were right. I should have put a stop to this nonsense in her first year."

"No," she disagreed, "you were right. Our little mouse has blossomed at that school, growing in ways I'd always hoped she would. She's no longer the little know it all who must be right about everything, who slavishly follows every figure of authority, she's a courageous young woman willing to risk danger for what is right."

"And that willingness to fight brought her into conflict with adults who attempted to kill her," Philip noted, opening his wardrobe and pondering his tie selection for what was going to be a most important meeting.

"Which is why, now is the time for you to step in," Elizabeth said, returning to her book.

"Quite," Philip nodded as he selected his favorite school tie. "I'll try the direct approach first, and if that doesn't work, I'll have words with a few of the lads."

Seeing him struggling, Elizabeth marked her place in her book and rose from her bed. She crossed the room to stand behind her husband of almost twenty years and tied his tie for him. "There you go," she said once she was finished, punctuating her words by kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"Thank you luv," Philip pulled his suit coat on and checked his appearance in the mirror. "If Hermione wakes, let her know I've gone out to tend to a minor chore."

"Of course," Elizabeth nodded. "No sense worrying her."

The Dark Lord Voldemort glared at his assembled Death Eaters. He had tortured a few of the minor Death Eaters to death earlier for minor crimes, though everyone knew the real reason was his anger over the failure of his inner circle to succeed in capturing the prophecy, but seeing as there were so few of the minor Death Eaters left, that was really a counterproductive exercise.

He really needed to have a recruiting drive. He would put Bellatrix on that.

The Ministry Justice system was its normal revolving door, so after a few political donations, all of those captured at the Ministry had returned to the fold.

"My friends," he said, his voice echoing throughout the vast ballroom of Malfoy Manor, "The Ministry has been forced to admit that I have returned, fortunately, our groundwork is done, we are ready."

Voldemort moved to a map of Diagon alley. "We will make ourselves known here." A long boney finger pointed to Ollivander's. "I want the wand maker captured, alive. Kill everyone else you see."

Before the Dark Lord could issue his next instruction a parliament of owls flooded in the open windows, each owl sought out an individual Death Eater and dropped a letter.

Without thought and out of habit, Voldemort snatched the letter dropped for him out of the air, his eyes widening when he felt the telltale hook behind the navel sensation of a portkey.

Voldemort's wand was in his hand before he finished spinning to a stop at the new location. He noticed with disgust that none of his Death Eaters had arrived in any manner of preparedness.

"Put the wand away boy," a man said, breaking his focus, "before I feed it to you."

Voldemort spun to face the speaker and was shocked to see that he and his followers had appeared before a raised dais. A raised dais that he recognized. His jaw dropped in shock and his blood ran cold. Not them. He was in no way ready to face them.

He and his Death Eaters had been called before the Council of Evil. The six overlords of the inhabited continents. These six individuals held the personal power of life and death over every person in their fiefdom.

The man who had threatened Voldemort was the Overlord of Europe, the man Voldemort had petitioned for access to Britain in the late 1940s. He was known, in the manner of Dark Lords, as 'That Guy'.

"My Lord," Voldemort called out as he knelt before the dais. After a heartbeat his Death Eaters emulated his actions. The Dark Lord struggled to hide his reactions to the collection of powers sitting at the dais before him. In addition to That Guy, there was the enigmatic Who? the overlord of Australia whose face and indeed even gender was unknown. Him, the overlord of South America, known worldwide for his casual cruelty, and…

"You Know Who," That Guy asked, using his guild name, "how much of an idiot are you?"

Voldemort looked up in shock, but recognizing that the question was rhetorical, remained silent.

"You have attracted attention of the wrong people," That Guy continued. "Do you even know what you have done?"

"Of course he doesn't," the current overlord of Asia answered. This was a new face since the last time Voldemort had been before the Council, though he was aware of her. A woman from the Punjab known only as 'Her'. "I have had many reports of him from my agents at Hogwarts. He is provincial of thought, convoluted of plan, he schemes and plots against a school boy and consistently loses. His followers' children boast of his second coming to anyone who will listen. He is an idiot who leads fools who have sired morons."

"I said as much when you allowed him to attempt his conquest of Britain," the North American Overlord, a woman known as 'The Other Woman' said from her place to That Guy's right.

"You did," That Guy admitted. "We should have listened to you, it seems. You Know Who, when you attacked the Potter Boy, you also attacked a child with connections to an organization that even we respect."

"Oh, stop," a new voice said.

Every eye in the room fixed on the new speaker. Philip Granger paused to straighten his cuffs before continuing. "You're going to make me blush."

That Guy gestured causing Voldemort and Antonin Dolohov to be magically dragged bodily from the group of Death Eaters to stand before the man in Muggle clothing.

"This is the Dark Lord known as You Know Who and the man who injured your daughter," That Guy intoned. "Will their deaths suffice, or will you require more?"

Philip Granger seemed to mull the question over for several seconds. "My princess has been suffering quite a bit," he temporized, "but I suppose it will suffice, I understand your organization has its own needs and procedures. I understand your man has some sort of method of coming back from the dead…"

"I assure you, Doctor Granger," Her explained in a tone underlain with her terror of the dentist, "You Know Who's soul anchors will not save him this time."

That Guy nodded to The Other Woman who responded with a wave of her hand. Instantly Voldemort and Dolohov burst into flame and began to scream. The pair, frozen in place, unable to escape their fates, took seven long excruciatingly painful minutes to die.

"Well," Granger said, removing a handkerchief from his pocket to lightly dab at his lips, "that was unpleasant. I trust that nothing like this will be happening again? If it does, I'll have to have a word with a few of the Lads and things will become… serious."

"I assure you Doctor Granger," That Guy said nervously, "that there will be no repeat of the unfortunate misunderstanding. I'm sure that the late You Know Who's staff have learned from their master's painful demise."

"Painful?" Philip Granger asked with a small chuckle. "It is truly amusing that you would actually think that was painful. Ah, the innocence of amateurs." The laughing man made his way to the chamber's exit before pausing. "You will remember to deal with that other favor I asked?"

"Of course," That Guy assured him.

"Good man," the Dentist said, blinding them all with a gleaming smile.

The assembled Council of Evil breathed a sigh of relief when the dentist finally left their chambers.

Lucius Malfoy fought to keep his body under control. The Council of Evil. He was before the Council of Evil, an organization so dark that even his father had spoken of it in whispers.

And the Council was evidently so angry with his Lord and by extension, the Death Eaters that they had killed the Dark Lord? At the behest of a Muggle at no less? What was going on?

"Lucius Malfoy," the wizard sitting at the center of the dais said. I am the Dark Overlord That Guy. You were the Dark Lord You Know Who's second."

"I am to be the new Dark Lord?" Lucius gasped.

"No, you most certainly are not," the woman to That Guy's right snapped. "I am the Dark Overlady The Other Woman, there will be no Dark Lord in Britain for at least a century. You and your foolish former Dark Lord have angered the dentists."

"The what?" Lucius asked intelligently.

"The dentists, fool," the other woman on the dais spat. "I am the Dark Overlady Her. The dentists torture Muggles."

"Pfft," Bellatrix sniffed from Lucius' side. "Who doesn't?"

"Do the Muggles pay you outrageous sums of money to torture them?" That Guy asked. "Do they schedule torture sessions six months in advance and show up early so as to fit into your schedule? Do they present you with their children to be tortured with metal appliances in their mouths for months on end? Be silent Bellatrix Lestrange before you suffer the same fate as your idiot Dark Lord… or perhaps I'll give you to the dentists."

"Your son is the simpleton who has been publicly announcing the return of your idiot Dark Lord and antagonizing the daughter of a dentist, Lucius Malfoy," The woman calledHer pointed out. "You will ensure he corrects his behavior and that he welcomes the girl to magical society."

"A Malfoy is to welcome a… mudblood?" Lucius asked in tones that did nothing to hide his disgust at the idea.

"Perhaps," The Other Woman suggested darkly, "your wife would be better suited to teaching such a lesson to your idiot son. Perhaps you and the rest of You Know Who's followers are too far gone to be salvaged."

"We will not have an organization as dedicated to the infliction of pain as the British Dental Association be made our enemies," That Guy declared.

"I have agents at Hogwarts, Lucius Malfoy," Her declared. "I will know if your idiot son disobeys our directives… likely before you do. Before you bring us into conflict with the unspeakable horror that is the BDA, the Council will exterminate all of your families to the last member. Remember that."

Hearing her husband enter their bedroom, Elizabeth Granger turned on her bedside lamp. "I couldn't sleep," she explained. "How did it go?"

"It turns out that they are an understanding and eager to please group," Philip said toeing off his shoes and loosening his tie. "I didn't even need to call in the lads. I did schedule a few appointments however. It seems that a common feature of magical organizations is appalling dental hygiene."

"Most organizations can be made to see the light," Elizabeth nodded, "once their mistakes are explained to them. Come to bed."

"Yes, dear," Philip said, as he finished removing his clothing and slid between the sheets.

A/N: This was from Clell's original.