Also kinda, wanna write Rarl one-shots. Thoughts? Good idea, bad idea?
"So you're going?" Ron questions.
He was sitting cross-legged on the mattress watching while me as I changed my shirt. I tried to ignore the feeling of his eyes on me and focused on my cheeks not turning red. Ron was holding onto a pillow that sat in his lap trying to hide the fact he was holding it so tight his knuckle were turning white. Down the hallway I could hear Dad talking to Judith who was making random noises at him. Ron fidgeted uncomfortably at the sound almost as if he was trying to get away from the noise. I didn't tell Ron what happened when he blacked out. It wasn't exactly a nice memory.
Ron had freaked out to the point he had his hands over his ears and was mumbling to himself. Speaking so fast, making it hard to understand anything he was going on about. After a few minutes of us sitting on the living room floor Denise showed up to talk to my Dad. Knowing more people would have made Ron worse I carried him upstairs. Which ended up with him freaking out when we got into the bedroom. He got frantic and started to swing his arms and kick his feet. One of his hands collided nose making a few drops of blood fall. I ignored the throbbing pain to try and calm him down.
Ron arms and legs stopped being thrashed about only to have his complete body pause for a moment. I went to question him but instead Ron reached out to grab the back of my neck and press his lip hastily against mine. My mind froze in that moment unsure of what was happening. When I realise Ron was slowly calming down I kissed him back. I crawled up to push him against the bed and sit on top of him. Only then did he pull away. Eyes big and round with confusion but relief flooded over me. After that Ron went into concerned mode, asking question after question freaking out because of the blood on my shirt but I didn't answer a single question. I just smiled saying everything was fine.
"Hey asshole!" Ron burst for a split second before his face twist in pain again. "Would you answer me... Please?"
"Maggie's hurt. Something could be wrong with the baby." I answer, tugging the shirt over my head. "Do you honestly think I should stay behind? What if they need me?"
Ron seems to consider my words. "More like hoping you'd stay."
His words are barely above a whisper not really sure if he wanted me to hear them. I turn to face Ron to see him watching the ground. The looks on his face tells me he didn't want me to hear. The fear of what he was thinking makes my stomach twist in knots Ron eyes drop to the ground for moment, looking deep in thought. Ron moves the pillow from his lap and before I can react he gets up to walk over to me and wrap his arms around my waist.
I doesn't hesitate to wrap my arms over his shoulders with a tight grip, one of my hands sliding in to his hair. Ron presses his face into the side of my neck stopping me from seeing any of his reactions. I close my eyes trying to take in the feel of Ron warmth. I comb my finger through his hair while Ron held on tight, leaving no part of us that wasn't touching. It reminded me I was going to leave him behind again. How long was I going to be without Ron this time? It had never been more than a few hours before. I feel sick to my stomach and I start to pity myself.
"Ron, I'll come back." I answered as if to reassure my own thoughts. "Don't I always?"
"What if you don't?" I feel Ron's tears against my skin. "One day you won't and what if today-"
His words are cut off when my hands move to grab his shoulders and drag Ron back. I slide my hands to his cheeks just to stare at him. Before I could stop myself I grabbed onto Ron tighter and pulled him forward, his hips hit mine and at the same time my lips connected with his. My eyes are squeezed tight while I pour as much emotion as I could into this kiss hoping Ron understood. I am the one who pulls back but I don't open my eyes while resting my forehead against his. My heart races in my chest I was scared Ron could hear it.
"Don't go." Ron whispers.
I can feel his breath against my cheek. Holding Ron close made me question all of my already decided decisions. My mind kept repeating. I go and Ron stays. End of story but having Ron this close to me made me wonder if that was right. What if something happened while I was gone? Would Ron be able to handle it? Though better something happen here where he knows the layout and finding places to hide if he needed.
"Carl." I open my eyes to pull back from Ron to see my Father in the doorway Judith on his hip. "I need you to get some ammo, just in case."
I give him a quick nod and Ron moves to rest his head on my shoulder. Dad does nothing more but nod, walking away with Judith. I can feel the fabric of my shirt getting wet as Ron quickly moves back to wipe his face with the sleeve of his jumper. I go to move for him but when I take a step forward Ron moves away. When I open my mouth to say something Ron just turns away from me to move to our bed and hide himself away under the blanket.
Even with the situation I couldn't help but smile at the childlike mannerism. Is this what I have to look forward to with Ron whenever something happened in our future? Pushing the thought away I go to take a seat next to Ron. The mattress dips at my weight making Ron roll a little closer to me. I get a sickening feeling in my stomach when I reach out to rub -what I assume was- his upper arm.
"I gotta go." I whisper before pressing a light kiss against top of Ron's head. "I'll be back soon, I promise. And if you want us to leave when I get back..."
I let the words linger between us. I didn't know what to say. Though I do know that I felt like my heart was going to get ripped out of my chest. I get up to leave the room and hear Ron mumble something under the covers, something I couldn't quite make out. I go to question him but instead chose to drop my gaze to the ground and leave the room instead. It was probably him just calling me an 'asshole' again at least I hope it was.
I hid under the blanket while tears streamed down my face. I don't know why but I found comfort in our bed. After years of my Father's abuse I had gotten use to hiding the fact I was crying but for some reason now I couldn't help but want to cry out for Carl to stay with me. The bed dips down beside me and I try not to slide into that little bit of space that sat between me and Carl.
It takes a second, almost as if Carl was hesitate but soon I felt his hand on my arm. The warmth of his hand use to be so comforting but right now I wanted nothing more than to grab onto him. Yet the fact I couldn't stop him made him trying to comfort me... Heartbreaking. Tears fall hard while I bit down on my lower lip to stop from whimpering.
"I gotta go." Carl sounds upset. "I'll be back soon, I promise. And if you wanna leave when I get back..."
I wait for Carl to finish what he is saying but nothing comes. Instead I am forced to shift as Carl moves and I feel a light kiss press against the top of my head and faster than it had happened Carl was standing up. All the warmth I had felt beside me was now gone. I listen to his footsteps as he left but forced myself to say.
"I might not be here when you get back."
There is a pause in his walking but a second later I can him walking away. Did he not be live me? Or did he just not care? I listen to the sound of his footsteps until the front door slamming signals him leaving. I finally let out a cry as I scream into the pillow and tears falling down my cheeks. I balled my fist, hitting the mattress over and over. I had lost track of how long it went on. I sat there crying until exhaustion started taking over. Enid had showed up at some point and was now just sitting on the edge of the bed, watching me.
"He'll come back you know." Was the first thing Enid said. "Even if the asshole locked me in a closet -which is ironic- Carl wouldn't just leave you, you're his family."
I cling to Carl's pillow. "No... They're his family. Judith, Rick, Michonne, Daryl, Maggie, Glenn, Rosita, Carol, Eugene, Abraham, Sasha, Tara-"
"Big family." Enid tries to joke.
I glance over my shoulder to give her an unamused look. "I'm not apart of it and I never will be. Not with what I did to Carl."
Guilts hits me like a ton of brick as I remember the gun going off. I move back to laying on Carl's pillow with my back facing her. While I fall asleep Enid says nothing. Part of me is grateful, the other part wished she had fought me and tried to make me believe I was wanted here. Even if it was only by Carl or her. Depression washed over me again... Seems to be the only thing I can feel lately. I don't know what I dreamt or even if had a dream at all that night but I knew when I woke up I had decided. I was leaving Alexandria.
Not the original ending I had in mind but it just kinda hit me and trust me if next season goes how I think it will then I'm a genius. This should be the last chapter until next season though.
Anyone like the idea of me writing Rarl one-shots?