"I'm not going," said Raven flatly.
"You don't get a choice. Either you come willingly or we'll drag your tiny British ass out of the bunker by force. Loki said he'd help too!" said Dean grinning evilly.
"Explain to me again the point of leaving my safe bunker to go out drinking."
"Again, you don't get a choice. You haven't left Nevermore since Zachariah found out you were going to be active with the Winchesters and openly thwarting his plans. You've had Castiel going out to get groceries, and then you complain when he doesn't get the fresh stuff you always pick out," said Loki. "You're going to Oktoberfest even if I have to snap you there."
"I haven't gone out drinking since that night before my friends were killed because some moron said the name and didn't care about the Taboo," said Raven.
"All the more reason you need to relax and take a few days away from the books," said Dean.
"Fine, but I'm challenging both of you idiots to a drinking contest the first chance I get."
Loki, to the side, was trying very, very hard not to laugh his ass off about something.
"Chug, Chug, Chug!" shouted an amused Loki, who wasn't even close to drunk.
Sam had tried to call off his part, but Loki wasn't having it.
So he now stuck with an almost guaranteed hangover from far too many drinks of what was probably watered down beer. Loki, the jerk, was still snickering about something.
Sam could vaguely see Loki taking bets with gusto.
Then he heard the thump as Dean finally lost the contest, and Raven, the cheeky bastard, drank two more and barely looked drunk at all.
Sam was barely able to shamble into the hotel room Raven had paid for (he had heard stories of what the Winchesters considered acceptable) and crashed onto the bed without bothering to cover up. Loki managed to put Dean into the other one, though he was nice enough to cover up Sam and his brother before heading to Raven's room.
He was out like a light within minutes.
In Raven's room...
"Oh man, talk about lightweights," said Raven laughing. He was barely buzzed.
"Hey, not every human is lucky enough to have the ability to drink Bacchus under the table you know," said Loki, snickering. "Here's your cut by the way."
"You're just mad because the first time I challenged you to a drinking contest, I was able to drink Thor and his buddies under the table while you could barely finish the pot," cackled Raven.
"And then you didn't even have the decency to have a monster hangover for a month!" complained Loki.
"Not my fault angels are lightweights."
"Old geezer," Raven shot back.
Raven had been truthful to the Winchesters and the others. He had been born human and he had lived as one for the better part of his life.
What he left out was that the last time he had died, the various gods of death in the universe had gotten tired of the damn shockwaves he kept sending out upon his 'demise', no matter how temporary it was.
So they banded together, and shortly before yet another one of his mortal deaths, turned him into a god. Well, as close as you could get.
Basically he became the 'administrator' for Death. Or "Master" of Death, if you asked the idiot wizards.
In exchange for his immortality, he generally took over whenever one of the gods that ruled the afterlife wanted a vacation. It wasn't without it's perks...he had expanded the bunker's private library twice over whenever their vacations went on too long. He also gained the bloodline gift of the Blacks.
However it did have it's drawbacks.
For one thing he could easily qualify as a very high-level reaper if one were to use his temporary death properly to break the seal.
Zachariah hadn't picked up on that tidbit, and Raven had no intention of letting him find out. He was sick of fame, sick of the stupidity of humans. Let him act as a librarian/researcher for others who only knew him by his nickname, and he was happy.
No matter how lonely it was.
"As I recall, you didn't realize what you were dealing with until you found out exactly how many pots of that mead I drank without help," Raven shot at him. Loki looked mock offended.
"How was I supposed to know that you were a substitute death when you summoned me like that in that tiny ass room?"
"Being a substitute death doesn't automatically make you awesome at holding liquor. It does, however, keep you from ever getting alcohol poisoning," said a smug Raven.
"It doesn't get you laid," said Loki equally smug.
"Do I look like I'm hurting for that? I'm practically a monk, for crying out loud," said Raven.
"Oh yeah, I forgot, the great Raven never had a decent bed mate even when he was human. Too afraid to let down his shields even for a one-night stand," said Loki rolling his eyes.
"Is that a challenge I hear, sugar-for-brains?"
"Damn straight it is!" said Loki. "Hell, I'll even rope the Winchesters in on this if I have to. I bet Dean can get more ladies than you can before the drinking is over."
Dean was naturally in on the game after Loki healed their monumental hangovers.
Of course Sam had to bring up why Raven wasn't suffering from alcohol poisoning or a hangover.
"I'll explain once I'm sure neither of you have anything sharp, pointy, or painful to hit me with."
"Just...awkward to explain without getting you very, very drunk and preferably put in different bedrooms before you end up replicating fanfiction. I believe they call it Wincest," said Raven.
Seeing their confusion, Loki's grin turned evil.
"You... You don't know?" said Loki, cackling with glee.
"Know what?" said Dean with trepidation.
"Ray, please? Please?" said Loki, practically begging.
"You can tell them, but I'll show them the fan art," said Raven.
Five seconds later, the two Winchester brothers were ten seconds away from fainting. Their reaction to Supernatural was funny...their reaction to fanfiction was hilarious. Loki had it on video.
And then Raven hit them with the big guns.
He showed them the Wincest fan art.
Sam practically begged Raven to switch room with him. Loki was still laughing like a loon because of their reactions.
"I am going to kill this Carver Edmund, or whoever he is," said Dean.
"Can't," said Loki without thinking.
"One, he's human. Two, he doesn't exactly have control over what he Sees. Oh, and he's protected."
"Heaven," said Loki.
"Carver Edmund, or Chuck, is the current Prophet. Which in layman's terms means he's the official 'Seer' for heaven. And all Prophets are protected by one arch angel at all times. If you tried to kill him heaven would come down on you faster than Loki on a cupcake. Supernatural is called the 'Winchester Chronicles' in heaven. Besides, I've already had a word with him."
Seeing everyone look at him, Raven grinned.
"Quoth is wise, Quoth is all-knowing. Quoth also has unlimited internet and a Skype account. I contacted him using the Skype to find out what he knew...and he nearly had a heart attack realizing what he saw was real and that the same Raven he saw in his visions was now talking to him. I had to be sure he didn't leak anything that would come back to bite me in the ass...and he's not exactly looking forward to meeting either of you."
Mostly because then he'd end up writing about it, and that was a pretty high level of pathetic, according to him.
Chuck relied on Supernatural to pay his bills.
He mostly called "Quoth" in order to get clarification so he could make the books better.
"So how are we going to find this thing?"
"It's the bar maid. Not the blond, but her friend, the one with the magnificent rack," said Raven without thinking.
Everyone else stared at him.
"What? I might be practically a monk, but I do have eyes. Besides, she's a dead ringer for Mina from the original Dracula movie," deadpanned Raven.
"So...shapeshifter?" clarified Dean slowly.
"I'll take it out while it looks like a monster, and then we can have a contest. Whoever gets the most girls wins," said Raven. "Oh, and you have to use your natural charms, not charms."
A few silver spikes traps (made to deal with werewolves) and the shifter was dead while looking like a cheap vampire reject.
Naturally Dean got a head start on their little contest by charming the waitress the shifter had been targeting...but his expression when Raven took back three girls at once, all out-of-town girls, was hysterical.
Raven had his father's good looks, he was clearly foreign with his accent, and he had more charm and tact than either his father or his godfather. That plus the fact that he was able to easily prove he had stamina meant girls were flocking to him.
It's hard to dismiss a guy who could do push ups with one hand behind his back while upside down using only his thumb.
"I don't believe it. The nerd beat me!" said Dean horrified.
Sam was gleefully accepting cash from Loki, who had bet that being out of practice would count against Raven. Sam had bet against Dean mostly because Raven had a gentleman's charm and a few other qualities Dean didn't.
Being a bad boy only got you so far, after all.
"He not only beat you, he got three girls to join him at the same time. Not even you could get a girl and her 'interested' friend to join you!" said Loki sourly.
"Stamina, gentleman's charm, good looks, a clearly authentic foreign accent, and the fact I was paying drinks with larger bills meant that the girls were practically flocking to me. Well that and knowing where to hit didn't hurt either."
There was a bar that catered to the out-of-towners within walking distance of the hotel Raven was using. People generally came to these things for a good time and Raven kept up the 'lost Englishman' vibe long enough to snare some interested parties.
"How in the hell did the nerd beat me?" said Dean, in disbelief. "He's practically a monk!"
"A monk with a massive fan girl base," said Raven smugly. "A monk who not only got three girls to join him and then bring in two more of their friends when they realized that they weren't enough to put the monk's stamina to a proper test."
"Son of a bitch!"
Raven's cackling just made Dean even more annoyed that he had been beaten by a closet shut in.
"I could always give you tips, if you like," said Raven innocently... which only served to set Sam and Loki both off.
"I don't need tips!"
"You do if you can only handle one girl and she doesn't bother to call in friends for a proper orgy," Raven shot back. Sam and Loki laughed harder.
"There's no feasible way for me to win this one, is there?"
"Nope. Maybe if you had won our little contest you'd have ground to stand on, but you're on a crumbling beach," said Raven smugly.
"I hate you so much right now."
"Does that mean you don't want me to make you pie again?" asked Raven innocently.
Dean glared at him. Raven just kept his smug appearance.
"Now I get why you were locked away in that bunker. You're a weapon against poor, innocent hunters like me," said Dean.
Raven let out an amused laugh...because Dean had no idea that this was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
"You? Innocent? Maybe if hell froze over and became Helheim!"
"That does it," said Dean, mock anger in his voice...though from the way Raven was looking at him it sounded real. "DOG PILE ON THE MIDGET!"
Loki was quick to jump in, as was Sam. Before long the sound of Raven laughing helplessly was heard in the room.
Then he got his own with a silent levicorpus on all three, causing them to squawk indignantly at being held upside down.
"Payback is a bitch...and I intend to collect," he said grinning.
"Oh it is on now runt!" said Dean.
"In the words of the Enemy of All Who Live, I'm not small, I'm extra petite!"
"So you're a sorceress with height and chest issues?" said Loki innocently, yelping at the stinging hex Raven shot at him.
Raven didn't realize it until later, but leaving the bunker for a simple hunt had made him feel more alive than any research. For the first time in years all that knowledge was being put to use.
Which made him wonder what would happen if he started leaving more frequently.
Raven poured into his books until he found the right sequence of symbols that would make him invisible to heaven's radar, without having to carve them into his very bones.
So when he next left Nevermore, it was with a new wristband with sigils hidden under the leather pressed against his skin. The top of course, had other markings like the usual anti-possession one.
It also clearly had the word "Supernatural" on it, much to Dean's annoyance.
If asked, Raven would claim to be a fan.
Though what Dean and Sam didn't know was that he had already started production on a line of similar bracelets with actual protection symbols on them along with the title of the series and that Chuck was working to get them spread among the fan base.
They'd earn some money and keep the fans safe from things that would hurt them.
"I can't believe you agreed to come on a basic hunt with us after last time."
"No drinking contests or sleeping around though," said Dean.
"I almost had a hangover from last time, and that was because Loki thought breaking out the mead was a smart move. I drink Bacchus under the table, I can handle two hunters and a pagan sugar-nut."
Dean looked confused but Sam stared at him.
"Bacchus as in the Roman god of wine?"
"Also called Dionysus by the Greeks. Loki took me with him to visit Olympus and naturally we ended up in a drinking contest thanks to Thor. Should have seen their faces when a mere slip of a boy was able to drink everyone under the table and didn't have the decency to wake up with a monster hangover the next week."
Dean shot him a look.
"So why the sudden interest in hunting?"
"I'm bored and your grandmother is apparently obsessed with me after I made the mistake of giving her even a brief idea of what my past was like. Crazy old ladies. It was either hunt or hide in another bunker until her maternal streak died off to reasonable levels."
Dean and Sam snickered.