Peter Parker was having a bad day. A very bad day. One might even be so inclined to say it was an awful, terrible, no-good, very bad day. Why? He had just gotten divorced. Divorced from the one women that kept him from descending into the unending madness that comes along with being a super-hero. Especially one as prolific as Spider-Man is supposed to be. Apparently whatever deity he pissed off, for he has pissed of more than the average mortal, decided it wasn't just enough for him to suffer the miscarriage of his daughter. No, he needed to be thoroughly broken by having the only person in his life that mattered as much as his dear Aunt May, his deceased Uncle Ben and his long-dead first love Gwen Stacy, walk out of his life for the remainder of the all foreseeable future. And if it wasn't enough already, for some reason a savage crimson symbiote was wreaking devastation across the city. Yes, Carnage was back. Despite his grief, Peter dons his signature spandex suit and heads out with the goal of stopping Carnage's rampage.
After arriving at the damaged battle ground, Spider-Man notices that someone had already made it to the scene before him. Upon further inspection, Peter finds to both his dismay and slight relief that it's none other than the immortal Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool. Knowing how unrelenting Carnage is when it comes to fighting, Spidey swings towards the infamous anti-hero to offer some much need assistance.
As the battle rages, the assorted super-powered beings find themselves in front of the Sanctum Sanctorum, home of the Sorcerer Supreme: Dr. Stephen Strange. Deadpool, growing bored with the fight decides to find a mystical weapon to aid his and Spider-Man's battle against the psychotic symbiote. After successfully breaking and entering the magical mansion, the regenerate degenerate snatches a small spell-book before sprinting back outside to end the conflict. Upon arrival, the merc flips the mystical item open to a random page before hurriedly reciting an ominous sounding latin phrase with somewhat disturbing ease.
Immediately after the last syllable of the spell leaves his masked lips, a six foot wide swirling violet vortex, crackling with energy, opens up on the ground in front of him. After gesturing for Spider-Man to lure the insane symbiote towards the 'pit o doom', as Deadpool has taken to calling the ominous looking portal, the masked mercenary blasts the alien with his last sonic emitter, temporarily disabling the suit. As the symbiote receded into its host, Cletus Kassidy was left in its stead. Though before the serial killer could even attempt an escape, a tired Spider-Man stepped up and punched the psychopath in his jaw, effectively incapacitating him.
As the arachnid themed hero began to move to pick up the now unconscious man, Deadpool shoves him out of the way and kicks the downed opponent into the 'pit'. Needless to say, Spider-Man was displeased. Though before the unconscious serial killer can completely vanish inside of the mystical vortex, Spider-Man tags a web-line to his leg in hopes that he hasn't just witnessed an unnecessary death.
The red and blue spandex clad young man begins to pull on the line with a moderate amount of force, though to his surprise, he is slowly being dragged along with his target. Within mere seconds, Carnage disappears completely into the portal, with only the web line attached to his leg still in the hands of one amazing arachnid.
Thirty seconds have passed during Spider-Man's futile tug-o-war session with the mystical portal before the Merc with a Mouth decides to speak up. "Yo! Spidey, I'm pretty sure the crazy symbiote is dead… that being said, ya' know you can let go now right? I mean we did our civil duty, so now it's time for some chimichangas to celebrate! My treat!" says the masked mercenary rather loudly and near the so-called masked menace of New York.
"GAH! Dammit Wade! And no my 'duty' isn't done yet, not until I have done everything in my power to ensure the Cletus is alive! Seriously, are you just gonna stand there and watch or can I get a hand over here!?" replies a slightly surprised and furious Spider-Man.
"You are really lucky I ain't a voyeur, Spidey." muttered the infamous merc.
"Just shut your mouth! I have had a really shitty day and you are one of the last 'people' I want to deal with right now." Spider-Man snaps back.
"Geez...wanna talk bout' it? I haven't really given listening to others a try yet so who knows how this'll go." replies a mildly interested Deadpool.
"I don't know...maybe later. I'm sorry, so can you just help me now, please?" a somewhat downtrodden Spider-Man answers.
And at that, Deadpool grabs onto the line and begins to pull with all of his might. At first glance, it appears that the combined strength of both masked men is enough to pull out the psychopath. Though before either of them can celebrate with a clever quip, the masked duo is yanked violently into the portal. The portal immediately winking out of existence almost instantly.
Needless to say, many of the spectators to the event were speechless. Even in this day and age, it's not common that one gets to bare witness to a hero's demise, let alone two heros and a villain.
Deadpool swore vehemently as he proceeded to fall towards what looked to be a decrepit warehousing district. He knew he had seconds till impact and he'd have to wait horrid hours while his body regenerated from the damage. Then like Wolverine (the short, hairy bastard!) and his adamantium claws, it hit the soldier of fortune. His teleporter! Wade quickly hit the logo/belt buckle and focused his mind's eye on the area he wanted to be; the solid ground he was rapidly approaching. With a red flash and a stolen bamf, he appeared on the ground safely. Wade gave a cheer before dropping to his knees and smooching the concrete he had been standing on moments before.
"Ground! Sweet, safe, non-life threatening ground!" The Crimson Comedian exclaimed with pure joy, not noticing the two figures watching in confusion from the sidelines.
Meanwhile, the arachnid acrobat managed to narrowly escape death, yet again, by swiftly launching a web-line to the nearest high-rise… a building bearing a distinct 'W' logo. "Wha.. I'm not dead? Well, I guess it's better than the alternative, spiders don't have nine-lives. So first things first, where am I? No, wait, more importantly where's Wade?" Spider-Man muttered to himself as he quickly scaled the tower to the highest point and gazed around the city. "Well we ain't in Kansas anymore." he quipped to himself before leaping off the tall building in search of his 'friend'. As Spider-Man vanishes into the darkened city, he fails to notice that a couple of shady individuals have taken off in silent pursuit of the web-slinger.
After quickly traversing ten blocks Spider-Man was confident that wherever Deadpool transported them to, it wasn't New York. His version, or any other he had encountered on one of his many trips through the multiverse, for that matter. Deciding he was long overdue for at least a five minute break the red and blue spandex clad man clambered up the side of a tall apartment building and took a seat on the edge of the structure. After catching his breath, Peter decided it was in his best interest to find the mercenary, as he moved to get up his spider sense blared. Heeding the warning, Peter ducked what appeared to be a stylized shuriken in the shape of a bat, though he couldn't be too sure. Quickly spinning around to face his attacker, Spider-Man was greeted with a harsh looking face half-hidden behind a black cowl mask with, of all things, pointy ears on top.
"Yo! Watch it, I'm sittin' here!" Spider-Man jovially shouted in an over exaggerated New York accent. The brunette was greeted with silence and a stern look before another stylized shuriken was launched his way. Deciding that he should take things a bit more seriously, Peter snatches the projectile out of mid-air and quickly glances at it. Sure enough, it was shaped like a bat. 'How about that' Spider-Man mused internally. This action elicited a small look of visible surprise on the mysterious man's semi-concealed face before it contorted into the stern expression it bore prior to Peter's actions. "Okay, I'm pretty sure your mother taught you that it's wrong to throw sharp things at strangers. So, for the sake of introductions, I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. You got a name?" the wall crawler quipped while snapping the shuriken in two with his bare hands, before assuming a loose stance that showed he wouldn't attack, but he was more than ready definitely react just in case.
"Batman." was the short, gruff reply Spider-Man received. "Should've seen that one coming." Peter muttered under his breath before continuing the exchange. "Okay Batman, I don't want any trouble, so if we could just wrap this up peacefully, I'll be on my merry way and out of your hair. Assuming you have hair, of course. Though nothing's wrong with being bald! A close friend of mine happens to be bald and he kicks major ass for a living." Peter rambled on before Batman cut him off. "Why are you here?" was the terse question Spider-Man received. "Oh, ya' know the old 'my friend opened a transdimensional portal that we got sucked into' bit." the arachnid themed hero answered a little more calmly than any normal person should have been able to.
"Don't lie. Why. Are. You. Here?" spoke a new voice, one that was obviously younger than that of the two men standing on the roof. A young kid, couldn't be more than ten years old, appeared of some shadows behind Batman. He was clad in mainly red light combat armor with green and yellow accents and a matching cape to boot. "Gah! Don't do that!" Spider-Man yelled "Seriously, you could have given me a heartattack. Besides, what's with the get up? You going to a costume party?" Spider-Man added before assuming his loose, yet ready to react, stance.
This only served to anger the kid as he let out a small growl before saving face and tersely answering "Robin."
"Well, Robin, I am serious about being sucked through a transdimensional with a friend o'mine. Swearsies." Spider-Man stated while holding out his left pinky as if to make a pinky promise with the young boy. "If you don't get that finger out of my face I am going to break it. In the most painful way imaginable." the young acrobat all but snarled at the spandex clad buffoon. Noting Spider-Man's slight hesitation, Batman spoke up, "He will." and at that the pinky was lowered and something was muttered under the breath of the fully masked man. "Sorry about your friend, but you need to come with us so we can all sort this out." the Dark Knight added.
"I can tell that you guys only want to get to the bottom of this, but I really need to find my friend before he gets caught up in something. Why don't you and Jr. go on home, it's late and by the looks of it he should be in school or something tomorrow… unless you guys don't have public education here. Please tell me you do. I deal with enough idiots as it is." Spider-Man rambled as he prepared to take off once more into the inky blackness of the night.
"We can't let you go." Robin snapped. "So we're coming with you." Batman finished in a tone that left no room for argument. Seeing as how he could always escape the caped duo should the need arise, Peter reluctantly allowed them to tag-along. "Try and keep up! Last thing I need to do is babysit a father and son duo with way too much time on their hands." the arachnid themed hero spouted before fearlessly diving off the edge of the roof.
As he was more focused on attaching a web-line, Spider-Man failed to notice the annoyed looks and glares the strangely clad duo shot at him before they to leaped off the building and fired grappling guns towards distant rooftops.
Deadpool was faring fairly well, considering that he was fighting two weird, yet gorgeous women. "Stand still will ya'! It's not like I'm trying to kill you!" shrieked a pale blonde women in a rather revealing outfit that consisted of corset and a frilly skirt, both of which were decked out in red and black. "Are you sure? I mean you have that giant fucking hammer and are taking some pretty aggressive swings with that bad boy. Seriously, I'm not one for whack-a-mole when I'm the mole!" Wade shot back as he dodged yet another heavy attack, all of his attention (which isn't a lot) focused on the scantily clad clown girl.
Due to this, the mercenary failed to notice the other scantily clad woman (this one in some kinky green lingerie) who threw a hand full of small seeds in his general direction. Upon making contact with the ground they erupted into a mess of vines (giant, scary, prickly vines). Upon noticing this new development, Deadpool quickly unsheathed his twin adamantium katanas and exclaimed. "I've seen enough hentai to know where this is gonna go, and I'm not for it!" Harley heard this and snickered a bit, as she couldn't ignore the obvious humor of the mysterious man's current predicament.
The two females watched as he continued to cut down the large deadly fauna, all whilst he stated "No means no!"
"How dare you murder my children you filthy monkey! You'll learn your place soon enough!" Poison Ivy screamed as she finally managed to pin down the eccentric mercenary with a plethora of thick vines. What the femme fatales seemed to forget in their haste to subdue the mysterious man was his power to teleport.
A sudden bamf was heard, before Deadpool cooed softly into the green skinned woman's ear "Miss me?". Harley just couldn't contain the insane laughter that escaped her plump lips as Ivy jumped away in surprise. "GAH! Get away you vile buffoon!" Pamela yelled after quickly regaining her composure from the mild scare. As she finished berating him, the green skinned villainess summoned more vines, but unlike before, this new group of tendrils lacked thorns. In their place were beautiful, yet suspicious looking, pink flowers. As the plants crept towards the completely unaware mercenary, they began to emit a strange pollen. "Uhhh… is it nappy-time already mama?" a severely disorientated Wade hesitantly asked, straining to keep his eyes open. "Why yes it is." replied an almost sickly sweet, yet strangely seductive, feminine voice belonging to none other than Poison Ivy. Upon noticing that the man was still clinging to consciousness, Ivy motioned for the jester-like woman to come forth with her oversized mallet, "Please take care of this for me Harley." was all that the Deadpool heard before a harsh and audible thwack ushered him into unconsciousness.