My dear little broccolis💚💚💚
~ And here comes one of the last chapter of the year. Hope you will like it. For those interested, I also updated lately:
. Road Trippin' (several chapters)
. Behind The Curtains
. The Consequences Of A One Nightstand
~ Also, I created a playlist on Spotify with the music that help me write the stories I update. I will refresh the playlist every week. It is called "Fanfics for my little Broccolis. Mina Lisly"
~ Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter just fine because, well I just do. Haha. I like thinking that you enjoy reading what I write for you.
Chapter 16: What Is Love? (3,0K)
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4 Minutes - Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland
25 To Life - Eminem
3 Nuits Par Semaine - Indochine
It's been a week since I pushed Pixie off of me, and I still can't believe it. I can't believe that that person I swore to myself to never become, I finally became him. It's unreal. Pixie doesn't deserve that. My messed up life, and those messed up genes that can turn me in that awful human being that is my father. She doesn't need that at all. And she knows it. She's actually avoiding me.
When she's been coming over at Valentine's every single day while her mom wasn't here, she didn't come a single time. Not even when her parents came to diner. Which didn't go unnoticed by Valentine. And when he pointed it out to Pixie's mother, she waved it off, pretending that Pixie wasn't feel well lately. But I caught the way she glanced at me, as if it was my fault. And it is. It is my fault because I showed her a side of me that none of us ever wanted to see.
Jon tried to call me several times, but I didn't answer. Mostly because I don't want to hear him say what I already know. That I should stay away from Pixie before I really hurt her. I'm sure Pixie told him all about the ass I've been to her, and now that I think even more about it, her scare after the night of the karaoke is actually all my fault.
I mean, she knows all about me, she knows all about my family, about the fucked up past I have. And the sudden passion I showed her scared her to death. It's normal. Passion is a bitch. Passion destroyed my family to the core. Passion turned me into an orphan. And now, passion is chasing away that girl I care so much about. Because she knows what passion enhances in my family. Nothing but destruction and heartbreaks.
As I do my best to actually forget about Pixie, someone knocks at my room, making me frown. I never have any visitors. Only Pixie. And Kaelie. But that didn't end well. So I get up, and I go open the door, only to find on the other side Kaelie and Alec. They're both dressed like they're about to go party, and so I quirk an eyebrow up to them. We don't know each other for them to invite me last minute at a party. Even if it's exactly what Kaelie says:
"You have ten minutes to get dressed."
I warily watch her before glancing at Alec. Though I do my best to be friendly, I can't help it. I don't like him. Just seeing him reminds me how Pixie jumped on his laps with a smile of pure delight when he came at the karaoke. And the way she called him her 'little sunshine'. There's something going on between the two of them, and I don't like not knowing.
"I don't recall being invited anywhere," I finally tell Kaelie, tearing my gaze away from Alec. Though I don't want to admit it, I don't like the way Pixie and him actually fit together. The two of them would make a cute couple. They both attract the eyes for the same features, but with differences. Where his eyes are electric blue, Pixie's are verdant green. Where his hair is raven black, Pixie's is fire red. Where he is tall, she is small. To make it short, they look good together.
"Didn't Jon call you? It's Clary's birthday tomorrow. We're throwing her a surprise party tonight, because she's expecting something tomorrow. It's always been hard to surprise her," Kaelie explains me, and I can't help but feel something squeeze my heart very tight. Very very tight.
Her birthday is tomorrow, and I didn't even know. She never told me that her birthday would shortly occur. And this feels wrong. She should have been the one to tell me, not her friend. Not about the party, it's a surprise after all, but the birthday in itself.
But then I remember that Pixie is avoiding me, and that me at her birthday surprise party will definitely kill any good mood she could be in. "I don't think that's a good idea, Kaelie. Actually, I think that she wants me as far as possible," I tell the blond girl, and she heaves, glancing at Alec before telling him:
"Alec, can you just wait for us downstairs."
Alec longly looks at me, before shrugging and walking away. But as he's getting further from us, I hear him say: "I really don't see what she sees in him, anyway."
Kaelie quirks a smile at that, and I'm about to shoo her as politely as I can, when she interrupts me: "I don't care of what you feel or think right now, Jace. I only care about Clary. She's my friend. She's the only person who never judged me and who's always been there for me. If I'm asking you to come, it's because I know she'll appreciate your presence. So whatever self pity/drama you want to dwell in, just suck it up and put on the smile for my friend. You owe it to her. I know you do."
"I don't owe her anything," I blatantly lie, because I do owe Pixie. A lot. I owe her the fact that she never judged me. I owe her that she kept my dark secrets to herself. I owe her that she slowly gave me back my sanity.
"Didn't Clary ever made you feel good, when you know you didn't deserve it? Didn't she ever listened to you just because you needed a shoulder to rely on? Didn't she ever put you first, even when it was obvious that she wasn't feeling well?" Kaelie snaps, and I don't have to answer her, because it's obvious by the way she's looking at me that she already knows the answer.
"That's what I thought. Get dressed, Jace," she orders me around before she adds: "And just for you to know, if Jordan called Clary in the middle of the night, it's because Maia broke his heart in a zillion pieces. If anything, Jordan is trying to open her eyes concerning you and her feelings for you."
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The party has been raging for at least three hours, and I haven't moved from the corner I've been standing. There are way more people than I expected to see. I don't know, I've always kind of pictured Pixie as a loner, but apparently, I was wrong. There are like twenty people who're dancing all over the place, but my eyes are solely on Pixie and the guy who's been all over her case the whole night. I think his name is Sebastian.
And though I don't like seeing her in his arms as they're dancing together, I stay still, steady against the wall, my fists tightly clenched to control my anger. I shouldn't have come. It was a mistake. Me being here or not doesn't make a single difference to Pixie. I should just go and let her enjoy the party, especially since Sebastian seems so eager to let his lips 'innocently' fly close to her face and neck.
After an hour of internal debating, I decide to use the restroom before going back to Valentine's. The party is dying anyway. People are starting to leave, so it won't seem rude of me to just go back to the quietude of my room. Especially since Pixie and Sebastian are nowhere in sight.
And guess where I find the both of them. In the bathroom, Pixie gently soothing Sebastian's back as he's puking his guts in the toilet. They don't notice me, and even though I should just walk away, I stay there and listen to their conversation as I hear Sebastian sob from his unconventional position:
"I'm never drinking again. And I'm never dancing with you again."
Pixie chuckles at that, laying on the floor and closing her eyes as she says: "That was a stupid plan to begin with, Seb. Seellie isn't one to be jealous. Just grow a pair and ask her out already instead of scheming like a child,"
Sebastian burst laughing as soon as the words leave Pixie's mouth, which leads to him throwing up even more before he gets up and rinses his mouth, stating: "I can't believe that you're actually a girl. You're so oblivious sometimes. If Seelie could have, she would have ripped your face off, just like Jace would have ripped mine."
And that's when he catches my reflection in the mirror, making him smirk as Pixie mindlessly dismisses him, accusing him of being an idiot. Then Pixie whines something under her breath and Sebastian silently walks out of the bathroom, smirking at me with a knowing smile.
For a moment, I'm not sure of what I should do, but then, I walk to Pixie and help her sit up as she's starting to fall asleep. When she's sitting straight in my arms, she flutters her eyes open and smiles of delight when her eyes set on me.
"Jace," she beams, hugging me in a tight embrace that I give back without hesitation. I've been missing having her in my arms. A lot. I've been missing her. And as she snuggles in the nest of my arms, she asks me: "Am I still your Pixie?"
I can hear the fear of denial in her voice, and it makes my heart hurt. Apparently, I've hurt her a lot when I called her Clary. So I just tighten my embrace on her and whisper in her ear: "You'll always be my Pixie."
"Yay!" She gleefully says, before stating the obvious: "I think I'm beyond plastered. Luke's going to make fun of me like never before. Please save me," she whines, and I chuckle before making her stand.
As I do so, she vigorously takes my hand and places a finger on her lips before cartoonly tiptoeing her way to the stairs and straining her ears. I can actually hear that the music has been shut down, and that Kaelie is talking with some guy, which makes Pixie swoon.
"They'll make the best couple ever. Meliorn's been in love with Kaelie since kindergarten. I really hope they get together, he'll treat her right," Pixie confides to me in a not so discreet murmur. I'm about to tell her to quiet down, when the front door opens, revealing her parents, and making Pixie yelp before she leads me to her room, saying that she doesn't want to see her parents right now because Luke is going to make fun of her.
But when she opens the door of her bedroom, I stop her. "What are you doing, Pixie?" I warily ask, because I know how sacred is her bedroom. I know that she's drunk beyond words, and that she'd probably wouldn't take me in her room if she were sober.
"I'm sleepy, Jace. I want to sleep with you. I missed you," She pouts, pulling me to her room as we can hear her Mom say goodbye to Kaelie and Meliorn. I gently squeeze her hand and tell her:
"Let's go to Valentine's."
"No. You can sleep with me in my bed. It's okay." She answers, with a smile so bright that I can't really refuse it to her.
As we go in the darkness of her room, Pixie strips to her underwear and jumps in her bed, waiting for me to do the same. So I oblige, too happy to lay once again next to her, and once she's in my arms, I tell her:'
"I'm so sorry for last week, Pixie. I don't know what came -"
"As long as I'm Pixie again, it's okay," She dismisses with happiness, and I frown, insisting:
"It's not okay to push you. It's never okay to-"
"It's being human. You didn't push me, you just got … rid of me," She explains, but I don't like,her choice of words. I didn't got rid of her. I liked it better when I pushed her. Now, it just seems like I threw her out of my life. And this thought just makes me hold her tighter.
For a moment, neither of us talk as I line the skin of her arm, thinking that I never should agree with her ever again. I missed her too much to have her away from me again. And as her breathing becomes slower and less elaborate, she snuggles in my arms.
"Jace? I think I'm falling in love with you," She whispers, snuggling even more against my chest.
I feel my heart stop at her words, but before thinking or saying anything, I just state the obvious: "You're drunk, Pixie."
"Okay. It's a conspiracy from the talking ducks. They plotted to get me drunk, those nasty masterminds," she playfully says, and I can't help but growl. First because she just dismissed her love declaration as if nothing, second because she had to bring the monsters!
She suddenly sits up, looking at me in horror as she says: "Or maybe it's a plot made by wild broccolis! I knew broccolis would take over the world one day!"
She burst in laughter, amused by her own craziness, and in the blink of an eye, she falls asleep, falling on my chest and I bring my arms around her, thinking of her declaration. I should have said it back, but it would have been wrong somehow. I don't know. I feel like she won't remember anything in the morning, so what's the point to tell her. She doesn't remember me telling her that I like her, she won't remember me returning her words.
It's a vicious circle, because she won't remember anything in the morning, and I'll have to make her work with me for her to admit that she loves me. Yeah, I'll do that, and then we'll never argue again.
I start drifting to sleep when i realise what this could actually mean. What me loving her actually means. I can't love her. I can't let my feelings for her overrule me. Because love means passion and that passion means an ultimate destruction. I pushed her off because she was dancing with another man on our song, what will I do if I let myself fall even more for her. What is going to happen to Pixie? I can't let her close to me and my feelings, because I'll ultimately hurt.
And still, knowing that, knowing the history of my family, I am too selfish to walk away from her. Because I love the feeling of Pixie in my arms, and even more the feeling of her loving me.
.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.
I am woken up by the sound of a slight knock knock the door, and I see Pixie's Mom's head appear in the door frame as she gently says: "Clary…"
Pixie shifts in her bed, snuggling against me as she mumbles that she doesn't want to get up. Her Mom longly looks at me, analysing me with very attentive eyes before she looks back at the form of her daughter and tells her:
"Sweetie, Jon is here."
And as her words makes my heart fall down to my stomach, Pixie bluntly sits up, her face enlightened by glee and happiness. How could I have forgotten about Jon? How indeed? Pixie is already up, looking for clothes and her Mom says that she'll be downstairs with Luke, in the kitchen.
And it's just when the door is closed that Pixie realises my presence in her room, or in her hobbit lair I should say. Her eyes carefully study me before she asks:
"What's my name?"
"Pixie," I tell her, and she smiles with relief.
"So, we're not fighting anymore? I'm still Pixie, and you're still Jace?"
I nod, and she beams before she hurries to her door. But I stop her before she can open it, and I kiss her with desperation. It feels that now that Jon's back, she'll forget all about me. She'll remember those hidden and unconscious feelings she has for her best friend, and she'll forget about me.
Pixie gives me back my kiss, though I can tell that she's surprised by it, and when we break it, she tells me: "I know you'd love to get rid of your morning boner, but Jon is back!"
And on those words, she flings the door open and fly down the stairs. I unwillingly follow her, and find her in Jon's arms as I reach the living room. He has his face hidden in the crook of her neck as she's hugging him tight against her, telling him: "Best birthday present ever!"
Jon chuckles and finally lets go, his eyes seeing me with surprise. And as he analyses Pixie's clothing and my muffled hair, I see hurt cross his face. Actually, if looks could kill, I would be dead. Jon has his jaw locked, and his eyes shooting daggers at me, jealousy clear and obvious in his eyes. Even Steve Wonder would have seen it. But Pixie doesn't and beams of pleasure.
"I thought you were sleeping in your room," Jon says, his eyes never leaving me, but Pixie doesn't seem to notice and mindlessly answers:
I see Jon glaring at me, but Pixie is too busy asking about his trip to his Mom's to notice. She really can be oblivious sometimes. For a second, I feel like Jon is going to punch me for his body is so tensed, but then he relaxes, walking to the suitcase I notice just now. Apparently he came to Pixie as soon as he landed.
"I have to call my mom to tell her I landed safely," He obviously lies before quickly striding out of the house, not without glaring at me once again. Now, I dread the return at Valentine's.
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💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚
~ I know it's a short chapter but it's an early one too.
~ And now, question time:
` 1. What do you think will happen between Jace and Jon?
` 2. What do you think Clary remembers her love declaration?
` 3. What is your favourite part?
Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the names of the characters from the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.
Kiss💋 Kiss💋 Bang🔫 Bang🔫.