1. CHAPTER I - WHERE IS MY MIND?
'Trust me... Everything's gonna' be fine'.
An empty promise for sure.
Who was I kidding?
Bleeding from my cheek, I looked Marla in the eyes.
The woman I love.
The woman who I think loves me.
At that brief moment, everything seemed okay.
Then the explosions went off. Earth-shattering explosions that would rock the world to its very foundations.
The credit card buildings fell, just as 'he' had planned.
He is Tyler Durden.
He is me.
I'm Tyler Durden, at least to the rest of Project Mayhem and Marla.
How was I ever going to explain this?
There wasn't much time.
I grabbed Marla at the shoulders, so my eyes met hers. There was only going to be one chance to explain everything, and I had to do so in a convincing manner; otherwise, Project Mayhem were going to tear her apart.
Why? That's simple; because Tyler saw her as a threat.
And if Tyler saw her as a threat, Project Mayhem saw her as a threat. I could try and overule them, but Tyler has specifically instructed them to ignore any major changes to the plans he'd created.
And one of those plans was eliminating Marla.
My Marla. The one who had always stood by me through this whole psychotic episode.
'Marla, you have to listen to me', I started, as nervous as I'd ever been. Even more nervous than the first time I'd stepped into a support group, knowing full well I was lying to every single person in that room. Even Bob.
Poor Bob. A casualty of all of this mess, a good life wasted.
'Marla, I'm not Tyler Durden', I said forcefully, hoping that Marla wouldn't abandon me at our most desperate hour.
I could see the colour drain from her face, as if I'd been tipped over the edge, and I was having a mental breakdown.
Then, a second passed, and I saw her anger and confusion subside, and in its place was a willingness to listen. To listen. To understand.
'Go on...', she said, compassion and caring in her voice. She hadn't abandoned me.
At least not yet.
'Tyler is another side of my personality; when I sleep, he takes control. I'm sure there is a medical term for all of this, but for the moment, your going to have to just trust me on this. Right now, your in danger, and if I'm not careful, I'll be in danger also. You just have to put your faith in me.'
I held my breath, waiting.
The benefit of the doubt.
Just one last chance.
'Okay...' came her reply, a slight hesitation in her voice.
But I could tell, she did trust me, and she did have faith in me.
I am Jack's sense of relief.
As we made our way down the stairwell, I could tell Marla felt uncomfortable.
Can't say I blamed her.
My mind was racing. So much had gone on, so much damage caused. All because of me.
No, not me.
Because of Tyler.
Tyler Durden; once my saviour, but in the end, he was almost my destruction.
It all happened at once; Tyler refused to leave me alone, was talking about taking Project Mayhem up yet another level. I couldn't let that happen. But he had a gun, he had the upper hand.
Then I realised, I had the gun.
Because I'm Tyler, and Tyler is me.
Drastic times call for drastic measures as they say. So I shot myself.
I wasn't sure what I was doing. Did I want to die? Was I going to kill myself?
If so, I didn't do a very good job. My cheek was blown half off.
Still hurts now. Blood is dripping everywhere.
After that, Tyler disappeared. With a bullet hole in his head.
Was that my doing? Did I kill Tyler?
So many questions were going through my head; before, it was Tyler driving me insane, his voice always in my head. Now he was gone, all I was left with was my own questions, all of which I didn't want to answer?
Who would be held accountable for Project Mayhem? What about Marla? What about Bob's death? Would we even make it out of this building alive?
Too many questions.
I didn't have an answer for any of them.
Just as it seemed all hope was lost, Marla took me by the hand, and squeezed every so gently.
I looked at her, and a smile slowly appeared on her face.
A reassuring smile.
A loving smile.
I am Jack's mended heart.
I didn't need Tyler.
I had Marla.
And we were going to get through this ordeal, one way or another.
We reached the bottom of the stairwell, and I was dragged straight back into reality by the members of Project Mayhem.
Kicking and screaming the entire time.