Here's a hat. Here is John.
Can he make Sherlock put it on?

"Sherlock, will you wear this hat?"

"I will not wear it, John, you prat."

"Would you wear it in the park?
Would you wear it in the dark?"

"I would not wear it in the park.
I would not wear it in the dark.
I do not like that silly hat.
I will not wear it, John, you prat."

"Would you wear it to expose a fraud?
Would you wear it to help Lestrade?"

"I would not wear it to expose a fraud.
I would not wear it to help Lestrade."

"Would you wear it Baskerville bound?
Would you wear it to trap a hound?"

"I would not wear it Baskerville bound.
I would not wear it to trap a hound.
I do not like that silly hat.
I will not wear it, John, you prat."

"Would you wear it to eat some scones?
Would you wear it to examine old bones?

"I would not wear it to eat some scones.
I would not wear it to examine old bones."

"Would you wear it to watch some telly?
Would you wear it if I tickled your belly?"

"I would not wear it to watch some telly.
And you'd better not try to tickle my belly.
I do not like that silly hat.
I will not wear it, John, you prat."

"Would you wear it to a fancy dress party?
Would you wear it to catch Moriarty?"

"I would not wear it to a fancy dress party.
I wouldn't even wear it to catch Moriarty."

"Would you wear it to solve a case?
Would you wear it anyplace?"

"I would not wear it to solve a case.
I would not wear it anyplace.
I do not like that silly hat!
I will not wear it, John, you prat!"

"A kiss! A kiss! A kiss! A kiss!
Would you wear it for a kiss?"

"John, are you trying to take the piss?"

"No, Sherlock, what I say is true.
If you wear it, I'll kiss you."

"All right. See — I've put it on.
Now you have to kiss me, John."

"Mmmmmmmm….
I think I like this hat.
And I will wear it in the flat.
And I will put it on my head.
And I will wear it in my bed.
And I will wear it here and there.
Yes, I will wear it everywhere.
Indeed, I like this hat — I do.
But most of all, John, I like you."

...

End Notes: A tip of the deerstalker to Dr. Seuss. ;D