Cattermoles Abroad

A "Bewitched" / "Harry Potter" Fanfiction Crossover

With guest appearances by "The Addams Family," "Once Upon A Time," "Li'l Abner," (really) and a host of others . . . .

After escaping from the UK, the Cattermole family is granted asylum by the Magical Congress of the United States of America, and finds a home with the Stephens family. But Dolores Umbridge is not through with Mary Elizabeth Cattermole and will stop at nothing to get her back, even if it means a possible confrontation with the Stephens family's formidable matriarch, Endora.

Disclaimer: This story is the product of a hobby. I do not own "Bewitched," (which is currently owned by Sony Pictures Television,) or "Harry Potter," (which was written, of course, by J. K. Rowling,) or any other television shows, movies, books, or comic strips referenced in this story. This story was written for fun, not profit. I hope this satisfies all legal requirements . . . .

Historian's note: This story takes place in August - October of 1997, in a blended world of "Bewitched" and the "Potterverse" at the time of "The Deathly Hallows." Every effort has been made to stay within the timelines established by the "Bewitched" and "Harry Potter" canons.

Author's note: All "Bewitched"/"Harry Potter" interface points in this story will be "Harry Potter" based. For example, the characters from "Bewitched" will use "Harry Potter" terminology; such as saying "muggle" when referring to non-magical people instead of "mortal."

Because this story was started before the revelations about the American Magical Community in the upcoming "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" film, my American characters will still be saying "muggle" as opposed to "no-maj" to describe people who cannot do magic. However, references to the Magical Congress of the United States of America, and the North American Wizarding School, Ilvermorny, have been added.

Chapter 1: Infiltration and Other Concerns

On the morning of 2 September, 1997, the United Kingdom's Ministry of Magic was infiltrated by Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger. Though the actual purpose of the infiltration was unknown, one of the end results was the escape of dozens of Magic Thieves from Ministry custody, including one that at the time was being interrogated by Dolores Jane Umbridge, Head of the Muggle Born Registration Commission. And to add insult to injury, the Magical Eye of the Blood Traitor Alastor Moody, (that had been claimed by Umbridge as a trophy to decorate the door of her office,) was missing as well. No doubt stolen by Potter and his gang.

In the immediate aftermath of the Infiltration an emergency meeting was called by Yaxley, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, with all department heads in attendance. The meeting, which had gone on for hours, was finally coming to an end. But Dolores Umbridge had pressing concerns of her own that needed to be addressed.

For the moment, Umbridge held her tongue. As pressing as her concerns were, she decided to wait until the meeting was over and the others had left before bringing said concerns to Yaxley's attention. The others did not need to be bothered with any of these details. And besides, the fewer people in the Ministry who knew of her potentially controversial "side project," the better it would be for all involved.

As Yaxley brought the meeting to a conclusion and the others began to file out of the conference room, Dolores reflected on the fact that even though she had known and worked with Yaxley for decades, she never knew his given name. Nobody did. Some said that it was "Yaxley;" the same as his surname: Yaxley Yaxley. Still others insisted that he did not have a given name, (or had abandoned the one he did have,) because he wanted history to know him by a single name in the manner of Merlin. Or maybe he actually believed in that "Old Witch's Tale" that says an enemy has magical power over you if they knew your "true name."

Regardless, Dolores had her own agenda that just so happened to conflate with Yaxley's own interests and Dolores was confident that she would have his full cooperation to expeditiously resolve the matter at hand.

When the last of the other attendees had left, Umbridge said, "Now that we have a plan of action to present to the . . . appropriate authorities . . . regarding this morning's fiasco, I was wondering if I may have a private word with you regarding a special concern of the Muggle Born Registration Commission?"

Yaxley looked uncharacteristically amused. "By "special concern," I assume that you mean the loss of your latest precious "trophy," Dolores?

"Certainly you are not about to suggest that the Department of Magical Law Enforcement make the recovery of Moody's old eye a priority when my department has other, more pressing matters at hand to attend to?"

Dolores gave Yaxley one of her usual sickeningly sweet smiles, and replied in a voice to match, "Not at all, Yaxley. Though I confess that I would be happy to have my stolen property returned, that is not the concern that I wish to bring to your attention. As you are aware, Potter and his friends have aided and abetted the escape of several Magic Thieves from Ministry custody earlier this morning.

"One of these Magic Thieves, a certain Mary Elizabeth Cattermole, who I was interrogating at the very time, is of special interest to the Muggle Born Registration Commission. I happen to have it on good authority that Mrs. Cattermole and her entire family have fled the country and are presently on their way to, or have already arrived in, the North American Colonies. I have already sent the Director of the United States Federal Bureau of Sorcery a demand for the extradition of the Cattermoles for the unforgivable crime of Theft of Magic from a currently unknown True Wizard or Witch, and expect an answer shortly."

"Oh, have you, now . . .?" said Yaxley, in a tone of barely concealed amusement. "And just what do you expect to be the Yanks' reply, then?

"In the recent past, they have not only turned down many similar requests for the extradition of other escaped Magic Thieves, but they have even granted these fugitives "asylum." And to make matters worse, FBS Director Vincent DeMarigny has repeatedly stated that the Magical Congress of the United States of America does not recognize "Theft of Magic" to be a crime, nor does it even believe it to be possible.

"Moreover, the MACUSA continues to question the legitimacy of Pius Thickness as our Minister of Magic and continues to demand - demand! - to speak with Kingsley Shacklebolt, who the Yanks claim to recognize as the "True" Minister of Magic for the UK! Outrageous!"

"Outrageous, indeed!" said Dolores. "Nevertheless, the moment we determine where the fugitives are staying, apprehending them should pose no serious logistical problems for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"Perhaps not from a logistical standpoint, Dolores," conceded Yaxley, who lowered his voice noticeably. "But did not the Dark Lord himself say that he was not ready to antagonize the American Wizarding Community at this time . . . ?"

"They are no threat to us, Yaxley," insisted Umbridge. "Why, the Colonials don't even have enough pureblooded wizards and witches to fill a small private party room at The Leaky Cauldron! Surely you do not mean to imply that the Dark Lord is afraid of a rabble of half-bloods and mudbloods?"

"Need I remind you, Madame Senior Undersecretary, that the Colonials' most powerful wizard, Dr. Stephen Strange, is himself a mu – muggle born wizard who has nonetheless attained the title of Sorcerer Supreme?

"The Dark Lord is no fool, Dolores," said Yaxley. "And as he is no fool, he prefers to choose his battles most carefully. But don't worry yourself. The Yanks' day of reckoning for their disrespect will come in due time. But for now, we must keep them believing that we are no threat to their safety and interests so long as they stay out of our affairs. Besides, they still have their hands full with the situation in Maine, do they not?

"So as much as I would like to see the Cattermole mudblood and her blood-traitor husband back in Ministry custody, we must consider this battle to be a lost cause. More to the point are there no other magic thieves closer at hand to bring to Ministry Justice?"

"Not like the Cattermoles, Yaxley!" hissed Umbridge. "You know why I must have them! Just as we both know how you shall benefit when I have them back in custody where they belong."

Yaxley raised an eyebrow. "Aye, Dolores, indeed I do know . . . . Very well, you may continue to track the fugitives' movements and keep me informed when and where they have settled. If I believe that a mission to apprehend them may be carried out with minimal risk, then you will have my full support. And I trust that in return, I will have your . . . usual gratitude . . . ?"

"My usual gratitude and more, Yaxley," said Dolores. "In fact, I am thinking about doubling our usual arrangement in this case; so long as I get what I want . . . ."

Moments later, Dolores Umbridge strode down the corridor to her office. Once there, she plopped down in her chair and picked up the file set in the middle of her desk. It was everything the Ministry had on the Cattermole family. Smiling, Umbridge removed the parchment obtained from St. Mungo's and re-read the healer's evaluation of the Cattermoles' eldest daughter.

Normally, it was Dolores Umbridge's policy to dislike children. In fact, she absolutely loathed them. But in the case of Maisie Cattermole, she would make a most deserved exception. If the results of her evaluation from St. Mungo's are true, then ten year old Maisie could bolster Dolores' pureblooded credentials in ways that even her recently acquired Selwyn family locket ever could . . . .