Coleiosis Productions presents…
Volume Two, Season Four
Take Me Out Of Hell
Another towering triumph by our batty bullpen…
Cole Bezotte…writer and editor
Sofie Spangenberg…plotter and admirer
Forrest Eaton…Needles' pants-presser
Too bad Sly Cooper doesn't wear any pants, because Forrest needs little extra in his paycheck.
You…reader and subscriber
Don't say we didn't warn you if you missed our last caper!
"Someone killed Ratchet with this thing…" Sly Cooper thought aloud, wiping the Lombax's blood off the silver bullet he found in Ratchet's chest. "I thought I killed him myself! It's a good thing I DIDN'T, otherwise Carmelita would surely have my head off if she wanted to. This thing came from a distance, perhaps behind me…!"
Sly turned around to see if his suspicion was correct; and indeed it was, as he saw the figure of Needles, the embodiment of all that is evil. And in his right hand he held a pistol, with a thin puff of smoke rising out of it.
"YOU!" Sly shouted in a fit of rage.
"Yeah, creepo—me!" Needles replied in his usual deep, gruff voice. "I finally have the goods on Ratchet just as I did on Pupuru and her friends. You're gonna help me, or I'm gonna do to you what I did to that pitiful Lombax!"
"He interfered with Pupuru as well!?" Sly thought as he gripped his cane very tightly. "He'll pay for this dearly…with his life!"
Hatred burned in Sly's eyes. A quivering lump grew within his throbbing throat. His muscles tensed. Then, like a tightly wound coil, he sprang forward in one savage leap, gripping Needles' neck with his free hand. "You killer!" he exclaimed as he attacked. "You filthy, murdering killer! I'm gonna make you pay for what you've done!"
So sudden and ferocious was Sly's attack that the startled clown had no time to react. The youth was a wild animal who thrashed his hapless victim without mercy. To Sly, this was the man who instigated all the trails and fears that he had suffered all this time. "You killed Pupuru!" Sly continued to shout as he knocked the gun out of Needles' hand. "You MURDERED Ratchet! And now you will pay dearly with your LIFE! This time, you're not taking on someone helpless! This time, creep, you're outta your league! You'll never kill again, you filth! So help me, you'll never do anything again!"
Needles felt the pain of Sly's fingers around his neck, choking him with all his might. "Stop it!" he begged as he struggled to pry the raccoon's hands away from him. "The curse…you're increasing it's power!"
"Curse?" Sly thought as he loosened his fingers. "It must be the fire on his head."
Distracted, the thief did not see what was coming to him; Needles retrieved his gun and smacked it right upside his head. "Boys and girls…" he thought as he watched the creature fall to the ground, "…this is one crazy pile of crap I'm dealing with. Good thing he's out—otherwise I might wanna get back at him for what he just did to me. Man—does he have steel hands? I can still feel them around my neck."
Weakened by the blow, Sly staggered to his knees, not knowing what he should do next. The thought of Ratchet and Pupuru simply could not leave his head; but hopefully, they would not have died in vain if he could avenge them.
"Now that those two worst enemies of mine are out of the way…" Needles spoke to him, "…I'll need you to tell me what I want to know. Tell me where the Time Cube is and I'll let you live."
"That's not like you to let someone walk free," Sly replied weakly, coughing up blood for a second. "I thought you would finish me off on the spot."
"Maybe I will, thanks for the idea. But I'll keep you alive long enough to tell me where that frickin' Time Cube is."
"I don't know exactly… Only Ratchet and Pupuru would know all about the Time Cube. I suppose you want to destroy the whole thing."
"Don't be stupid! Ratchet wanted to cheat his way to victory and defeat me with that thing again and again! But like all good things, it had to end—here and now… And I got my wish granted without ever entering a freaking Twisted Metal contest! But as for that Time Cube, you better talk, and now!"
"Go stab yourself, you freak! You deserve to be the last victim of your killing spree!"
"Shut up and bleed, you motherfu—!" Needles was interrupted when Sly launched himself up again and swatted his head with his cane. Enraged by this sudden attack, the villain drew out his machete and quickly cut Sly across his throat. The raccoon lied back on the ground, struggling to receive air for his weak lungs.
"Alright…" Needles continued. "If that's the way you want it—that's fine with me. I'll take that thing BY FORCE!" With both arms, he picked up Sly and hung him upside down. He shook the poor raccoon to get his hat to fall off, revealing a shiny object hidden in it. "Finally!" the villain continued as he tossed Sly aside to the ground. "The prize is now mine! I finally have the Time Cube! And with it, complete death and destruction will sweep across this pitiful universe…MY way!"
Thinking that Sly had died from the brutal struggle, Needles walked to his ice cream truck, which was hidden at the Ridgepoint Centre parking lot.
(Why does that sound familiar? Well, it's that supermarket from the Suburbs level of Twisted Metal: Black. A mishap is that the guy on the intercom says "There's always great value at Buzz's Stop-n-Shop." WRONG MARKET!)
Sly heard the villain drive away in his truck, taking the Time Cube with him. "Where is he going?" he thought as he struggled to get to his feet. "What's his next move? Not that I know who his next victim is—I was just fishing for more info… And right now, I've got the right mind to go see Carmelita Fox for help. At least I'm HOPING for her to cooperate with me. I'm fed up with people being killed mercilessly! Frankly, I'm just about fed up with almost EVERYTHING! So, believe me—when I get mad—nothing gets in my way!"
Epilogue: The Fallen
Somewhere else in the present time, somewhere else in Los Angeles, another Lombax reflected on the recent happening. The one known as Donna struggled to escape the torment of the evil one who never tired out from his dark deeds. Every time she read the news that Needles was still the notorious serial killer he was, it broke her to pieces, knowing that no one was safe.
"Sweet Tooth Serial Killer on the Loose!" one of the headlines read. "Entire Supermarket Butchered By Ice Cream Truck Killer!" read another. It was not until the final clipping she read "Insane Clown Still On The Loose!" that she finally had enough of Needles' killing game. She attempted to convince the gentlemen of the press to put the villain on a wanted poster so that it would be easier for the authorities to track him down. But she received the same response every time she stated her request: "We want peace and quiet. We don't solicit anything. We don't advertise."
"So they only do photos…" Donna thought as she pasted a cut-out picture of Needles on her belt. "I guess I'll have to take him on myself. And something tells me it won't be very easy, not after that fight we had recently. And poor Pupuru…I haven't heard back from her yet…!"
What do we suppose will happen next? The next episode is promised to be finished as soon as possible, then we'll all read for ourselves. Until then, keep your Omniwrench polished and free of blood, because we don't want anymore killers out there.