Not After The Pervert, Please

Sasuke and Naruto discuss potential names for their soon-to-be-born child. "Look, I'm not saying that he was a bad godfather, but do we really want to name our son after the author of Kakashi-sensei's favorite books?" fem!Naruto SasuNaru


Naruto Uchiha nee Uzumaki was happy. The main reason for that happiness was due to the gentle swelling of her abdomen, and the light shifting that she could sense of the baby within. Another reason could be the dark-haired man lying beside her, one hand gently rubbing against her stomach.

"He kicked again," Sasuke whispered in awe, his handsome features lit in a genuine smile. Naruto rolled her eyes as they quickly shifted into his damnably sexy and unquestionably smug smirk. "As expected of the future Uchiha heir, he can already sense his father's presence."

"You mean, heiress," Naruto corrected, "My baby's going to be a girl, dattebayo."

Sasuke scoffed. "No, the baby's unquestionably a boy," he disagreed, "My family has always had sons."

"Your mother had two children," Naruto stressed, "That's not enough evidence, teme. Besides, I plan to pass on my skills to my super awesome kunoichi daughter."

"Don't be absurd," Sasuke sniffed, "We can't name our daughter, Itachi."

Naruto lifted an eyebrow. "Who said we're naming our kid after your brother?"

"The father did," her husband scowled, "Itachi is a national hero, who selflessly dedicated his life to protect Konoha and uphold the Uchiha name."

"He was a great ninja," Naruto nodded, "But he also used his Mangekyo to mindfuck you several times, sending you into a coma twice, and spent most of his teen years hunting me. Just because his heart wasn't in it, doesn't mean I feel comfortable naming our child after him. Besides, weren't you the one who killed him? Wouldn't that send mixed messages to our child?"

Sasuke looked away. "It was a suicide move, since he was dying of illness anyway," the Uchiha muttered, sulkily.

Naruto patted his arm, consolingly. "I know," she answered, "But maybe, you'd rather name a son after another one of your clansman. How about your father?"

Sasuke recoiled. "The man was aloof and demanding for most of my childhood. I know he loved me, but his actions certainly didn't show any of that affection. I had to get all of my fatherly approval from Itachi. Why do you think I had such a huge brother complex? Also, the potential coup d'etat?"

"Good point," Naruto said, sheepishly. "Well, Fugaku doesn't sound particularly nice anyway. Do you have any relatives who weren't traitors to Konoha?"

"Hey, you married into this family with eyes wide open," Sasuke immediately reminded her.

Naruto sighed. "Yes, I know. You really have to stop interpreting all criticisms of your family as the forerunner to filing a divorce. Now, list some names."

Sasuke considered the situation. "Technically speaking, Obito…"

"Set the Kyuubi loose in Konoha, massacred the Uchiha Clan, and instigated an international war," Naruto finished, "Moving on."

"How about Shisui?" Sasuke suggested. "He was a friend of Itachi's. Loyal shinobi, and talented too."

"Didn't he throw himself into the Naka River?" Naruto asked. "I'm very anti-drowning. Anyone else?"

"Kagami Uchiha was a great friend of the Second?" Sasuke mused, "No, I take that back. I hate the Second. Prejudiced Senju bastard."

They reclined against the Master Bed again, with Sasuke resuming his gradual rubbing of her stomach. After a few minutes, Sasuke spoke. "How about your father?"

Naruto made a face. "Way too much pressure! As if having the world's two most powerful shinobi as his or her parents isn't enough. Kakashi-sensei?"

"Absolutely not," Sasuke promptly replied, "I can just see the poor habits little Kakashi Uchiha would pick up from his namesake. My family valued promptness- Obito doesn't count, stop laughing at me, dobe- and I will not have that value undermined by Kakashi's poor example. Jiraiya?"

Naruto winced. "Look, I'm not saying that he was a bad godfather, but do we really want to name our potential son after the author of Kakashi-sensei's favorite books? How about Iruka?"

"Our Academy teacher?" Sasuke asked, disdainfully, "I could never understand why you two were so close. But no, Iruka Uchiha doesn't sound intimidating in the least. And before your mind goes there, I'm also preemptively rejecting Teuchi, on the basis of ramen vendor, Naruto, really?"

Naruto pouted. "No appreciation for a respectable profession," she sighed, "Hiruzen Uchiha?"

"The Third condoned the mass slaughter of my clan," Sasuke said, flatly, "You might as well suggest Danzo or Orochimaru next."

"Sai?" His wife sounded dubious at this suggestion.

Sasuke gave her a look. "My replacement?" Naruto tried not to laugh at the disgruntled look on her beloved's face.

"How about Zabuza?" Naruto suggested, "He was the first serious ninja we ever faced?"

"Massacred the entire Kiri Academy graduating class," Sasuke refuted.

"Haku?" the blonde threw out. "Kind, gentle, and strong."

"The name is unisex," Sasuke said doubtfully, "And ignoring the fact that he riddled my body with senbon, I'm not entirely sure if 'he' was a 'he' in the first place. Your cousin, Nagato?"

"Tried to kill me," Naruto shook her head, "And I'm extending that ban to the entirety of Akatsuki, including your three followers. Karin, especially, tried to strangle me, when we first got together."

"Gaara tried to kill me," Sasuke complained, "Though I will admit that he did it to protect you rather than out of jealousy for me. Maybe we should avoid naming people who tried to kill either of us?"

"That narrows down the list considerably," Naruto pointed out.

The blonde suddenly perked up. "How about Neji?" she asked. "We could honor a great friend!"

"I'm not naming any child of mine after a Hyuuga," Sasuke insisted, "My ancestors would be rolling over in their graves."

Naruto rolled her eyes. "And how would they feel about you marrying an Uzumaki jinchuuriki who eats bucketfuls of ramen and wears eye-searing orange wherever she goes?"

"They'd be furious," Sasuke smiled, leaning forward and sharing a long kiss, "That's why I should avoid angering them even more. It would be just my luck for the Mangekyo to have another special ability- rising from the dead to nag me about my gorgeous, spirited wife."

"Hmm, and people say that Uchiha can't be romantic," Naruto teased, lying her head against his shoulder. "Alright, let's step away from boy names for the moment. What if we have a girl?"

"The names will be wholly unsuitable, most likely," Sasuke smirked, "Go on. List them for me, and I'll pick them out."


"Loud, reckless, violent, and lacking in the gentle breeding expected of an Uchiha lady."


"Opposite spectrum. I love my mother, but she was too meek to resemble any daughter of your's."


"Fangirl, and I'm applying that label to Ino, Hinata, and Tenten too."

"Hinata and Tenten?"

"She used to stalk you, which shows good taste, but a lack of self-control. And don't you think it's ironic that people used to consider you the nameless orphan loudmouth of the Academy, yet you were the only one to garner the admiration of both the Uchiha heir and the Hyuuga heiress?"

"When you put it that way… Hinata used to stalk me… okay, but what about Tenten?"

"She wasn't obvious about it, but she did have slight fangirlish tendencies for Neji. She's also too specialized in weapons."


"She's a Senju! And a drunkard and gambler, but mostly because she's a Senju."


"Mesh armor and silk bras. Which, by the way, you should model for me one day. Inside."


"...Not a bad option, but neither of us are close enough to feel comfortable naming our child after her."


"Also known as the poor woman that has to keep Tsunade sober and financially solvent. Utterly unremarkable."


"I'm not naming any of my daughters after my wife's former fiance. This applies to any princess or noblewoman you've saved and unintentionally seduced. Or that priestess that tried to marry you."

"I've never-"

"Yes. Yes, you have."

"But Sasuke, I've never-"

"Naruto, you are an attractive individual, who's determined to save anyone she can. This translates to a lot of men and women wanting to sleep with you. You're not aware of this, because you're a dobe, but that's okay, since I'll protect you from anyone trying to ravish your body. I'm selfless that way."

"Oh… okay? How about Mei?"

"Tried to burn me to death."


"Tried to burn you to death."

"There's probably other options, but I just don't feel like listing any more rejected names," Naruto sighed, looking up at her husband's amused ash black eyes.

Sasuke nodded. "We need someone honorable, intelligent, and powerful, with close ties to the family, and preferably lacking the traditional shinobi vices."

Naruto considered her husband's words, before her face brightened.

"I can't believe I didn't consider this before," she said, triumphantly, "This will only apply to one gender, but if we have a son, we should definitely name him 'Kurama'!"

Sasuke looked at his wife's impassioned blue eyes oddly. "You want to name our son after the Kyuubi no Yoko?" he stated, bluntly, "A genderless chakra entity imprisoned in your stomach by your own father?"

Naruto nodded, happily. "He's my best friend- oh, don't pout, teme, you're my husband, it's not the same- and he has all of those qualities you just listed. Kurama's a great role model, and since he stays in my stomach too, he got to meet the baby even before we did."

"I don't think your seal works like that, dobe," Sasuke said, dryly, though he considered his wife's words. Naming one's child after a Bijuu was unprecedented, but Naruto had dedicated the entirety of her life to blowing people's expectations out the water.

It wasn't like he had anything in particular against the fox. Besides the minor attempt on his life, which frankly, nearly everyone he knew had attempted at some point, including his lovely wife, he had a good relationship with the Bijuu. Sasuke had certainly been dragged into the seal enough, in some strange parody of meeting his girlfriend's family, to know that Kurama didn't lack in sense or good humor. And he was a great listener when Sasuke wanted to vent about the Uchiha Clan. Kurama was a nice, strong name, and using the Kyuubi as a namesake, would probably lead to him accepting the role of godfather too.

And how many boys could brag about having the most powerful demon in existence as their godfather?

"Kurama Uchiha," Sasuke said, tasting the name, "I think you might be onto something, dobe."

The dark-haired man reached his hand down and resumed petting his wife's stomach.

"Hello Kurama Uchiha," Sasuke crooned, returning to his new favorite pastime of talking to his future heir. "Your mother and I just decided on your name. If you like it, than it's because I approved of it, and if you don't, then it was your crazy mother's idea."