To Be Once Again with You
Disclaimer: if they're mine, I wouldn't write a fanfiction, right?
Nyaah... this is the very last chap of "To Be Once Again with You", my first baby, my first fic in my so-called career of being a fanfic writer. I won't be here without all readers who are kindly supporting me with their reviews and forgiving my poor English. My greatest respects go to all of you readers! bows I really owe you much! And, of course, my beta AnimeFreak. Thanks for the cooperation all these times. Hopefully you'd be betaing me on my next fic if that's not bothering you, haha... And this is it... an epilogue of TBOAWY. Farewell! See you again soon!
Epilogue: And Tell Me You Love Me—Come Back and Haunt Me
"It's harder than I thought before," Mikagami groaned and threw the rumpled paper into the bin. That was the thirtieth paper he used to practice his left hand on writing. Since he could not use his right hand, he started using his left hand to do the right hand's job. Although he was playing his sword with the left hand, it was still difficult for him to get used to writing with his left hand.
The woman beside him smiled and massaged his arm lovingly trying to lessen his distressed. It was his Fuuko once again. She took care of him after he got accident two months ago and they lived in his house now, with Touya, his beloved son.
"Come on, Dad! It's not easy, but you have to do it!" Touya turned on his lap to face him. He touched his father's cheek and pinched it playfully. "I can't believe you can't do that! Try once again!"
"Nooo... you're not..."
"I am." He ruffled his son's hair with his only functional hand. "And I think a glass of water would do me good after all."
"I'll get it!" He quickly ran to get a drink for him and Mikagami smiled slightly at the sight.
"Try again," she leaned to him. "You have to get used to. You're an ambidextrous anyway."
"Just for playing the sword, Fuuko. I still can't write left-handed."
She just clutched his hand in affection. He smiled half-bitterly. Sometimes he thought that he really did not deserve even a bit of happiness he had now. She had become someone he proudly called his wife. Yes, they had gotten married a month ago. She was his only love, his son's mother and finally his beloved wife now. Recca himself was the best man with Yanagi beside him. The Uruhas and the Hokages became the witness of their wedding mass. They had each other back, plus Touya with them, and Mikagami had his 'family' back also.
"All of these practices make me breathless." He sighed in annoyance.
"You don't know anything about breathless, Mi-chan." Though he was her husband after all, she still called him with that nickname. She said it would always be her special name for him. "Besides, what makes you more breathless? Your practice or ME?"
He saw her eyes glinted mockingly and he cupped her chin to get her face toward him. He smiled and returned her joke. "Of course it's the practices, you know."
"Well..." she shifted against him, softly kissed her husband on the cheek, "liar."
She pushed him to lean his back onto the sofa and locked her lips with his. He closed his eyes in happiness, letting himself be drowned in her undying love. His mouth and tongue played against hers own for dominance, and his hands slid down her back, nestling on her hair in the end. He held her as if she was a treasure he did not want to break.
They both were gasping for air when they pulled apart. That was a long kiss, he must admit. He shifted, and she snuggled closer to his chest. All so sudden, Touya came, jumping onto them and giving him his glass of water. He thanked his son and drank it. The boy cleared his throat, seemed so much more mature than his age and asked for an excuse and quickly ran outside to let his parents enjoy their time together.
She grinned to see her son's back faded away. "He acts like you."
"I hope not. Mikagami Tokiya is a bastard."
"But I am Mrs. Mikagami, and I won't let you badmouth him."
He kissed the top of her head. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it softly, placing it on her lap and slowly tracing the suicide-attempt scars. He sighed onto her hair. "I was dreaming last night."
"I dreamt of you, Fuuko. You died." His voice was just a rough whisper. Even on his own ears, his voice sounded so tight and choked. She raised her head so that she could look at him right in the eyes. Behind their pools of blue, she could see all fear and hurt of his. Just when she reached out to clutch his hand again, she realized that he was trembling.
"How did I die?"
"You were killed."
"I killed you." His whispered words were so soft she almost missed them. "Like—like I did before..."
"You did not ever kill me, Mi-chan."
"What's the different?" he said throatily. "In my dream, I saw you die in a man's hand. A man like me, wearing the same clothes like I usually wear, had the same haircut like me, and worst, using the same madougu like me before."
"Ensui," she said softly.
"Ensui," he repeated. "I saw he—or my look-alike—stabbed you with ensui. Hell, I was there when he did that. I was sitting on my wheelchair not so far from that man and you. I screamed when he had done, calling your name in vain for I know I was too late. I tried to get you, so that at least I could be with you in the end, but... I couldn't walk. My feet were paralyzed like in the reality. I fell off, calling your name all over again until I lost my voice, and that was all I could do. The man—the other me—just laugh at me and at my weakness. I just did nothing." His eyes closed tightly, his face contorted with fear and insecure. "I really did nothing."
"Mi-chan, that's just a dream."
"Yet it was so real, Fuuko, that I did nothing. I hurt you. I left after taking advantages from you. I forced you to take the same path of life. I made you living a nightmare. I did—"
"Mikagami Tokiya, stop talking like that!"
"You know, I still feel I don't deserve you."
"No, Fuuko, let me continue. You must still remember how I hurt you terribly. What kind of a man I was to ever hurt the woman I love with all my heart? It was... such a shame to me... and to you. You loved me, and yet I give you my selfishness. I'm sure I didn't say even one wrong word. I have no right at all to be with you."
"Please... let it go."
"You don't understand." His voice trembled with the pent-up emotions. "Do you know what I feel when I touch you with these—these sinful hands? It feels like I taint you over and over again. And I hate myself for that. You know I only have darkness inside me, and yet you give me your sun. I don't deserve you—"
"I don't want to hear it again!"
"Why?" He cupped her face to see her right in the eyes, demanding. "I'm only a bastard, paralyzed man who can't walk by himself and have nothing to give. But you—you have a noble heart that makes you more than just a woman. Only a fool will refuse you. I love you, yes, but it was nothing compare to your sacred love. I had destroyed it once with my very hands."
"Why don't you—" from his rough whispers, she already could tell that he was doing his best to restrain all cries of his, "—why don't you be with another man? Another man—" he stopped a while for the hurt inside his chest making it's quite hard to breathe, "—who will never hurt you. Who has no selfishness like Mikagami Tokiya has. Who can walk and jump and run to you whenever you need him. Who could give you a shoulder to cry on. Who can pleasure you on bed wh—"
His words were cut at all when her palm connected loudly with his cheek.
Mikagami's head tilted aside, and Fuuko's hand stung hard. She knew she had treat him meanly, but she could not help it. Breathing deep, she closed her eyes in order to gain back her self-control.
"It's fine with me, Fuuko," Mikagami said softly. "I deserve that—for all hurt I'd caused you."
Silence. She hated it when he thinks so low about himself like this. He had to learn to forgive himself. She wanted him to live his life once again in the right path, and she would always be there by his side. By his side she did belong as he to her, for he was her everything as her to him.
"Answer me, Mikagami Tokiya. Do you think that lowly about yourself?"
His bangs covered his eyes she could not see him. "Sometimes."
"I want to be with you. Isn't that enough for you as an answer?"
"I want to be with you. I want to be with Mikagami Tokiya," she said firmly. "Even if you're a selfish bastard. Even if you won't be able to write me a love letter. Even if you'll never walk again or even just stand by yourself anymore. I just want to be with you."
He was gazing at her questioningly. She inhaled deeply once.
"You," she stroked his abused cheek softly, trying to lessen his pain—on cheek and in heart, "are my son's father. You are Kiri—Mikagami Fuuko's husband. You, of all people, are my man. And for those all, please—please learn how to forgive yourself and let go of the past. You won't be able to live just by watching everything that did happen or wondering how your life will be. You have a new life to live now."
"For you and Touya?"
"For yourself also."
One corner of his lips turned upward, forming a slight smile there. She always knew how to make him smile anyway. Affectionately, she brought his head to her chest, right on where her heart was lying. The soft melody of her heartbeat already drifted him to a peaceful state. Closing his eyes, he felt her put her chin atop his head, and she stroked his back and hair softly.
"I like your heartbeat. And you smelled so... good. I just simply like them."
"Now you're being sappy."
"I'm sorry, Fuuko."
"Same here." She kissed his forehead gently. "Does it still hurt?" Her fingers trailed on her reddened fingerprint on his cheek.
"I'll do that again, even harder maybe, if you dare to say the words you'd said before," she joked dryly, trying to lighten the whole situation.
"I'll remember that." His thin smiled grew a bit wider, and he snuggled closer to her warmth. She buried her face on his hair and her arms locked themselves in a tight grip around his shoulder, letting him press his body to her.
"You'd better do that." she moved one of her hands resting it on his knee. "You're not made just from guilty and remorse. Your happiness is counted, too. I won't let you walk behind me for I'm not your leader nor in front of me for I may not follow you. Your place is here, with me, beside me."
He just could not answer as he realized how strong she was. He had thought that she took the same way of life like he did once after his sister passed away, yet he was wrong. She never let all her pain beat her. She did not live in fantasy, dreaming all her happy time would be back and repeated itself for her.
She sensed his changing mood and smiled wider. "Besides," she grinned and dragged her hand along his spine, making him shiver lightly, "like I said, you're my man. No matter who you are." She paused as her hand hold his jaw and her lips hovering over his so close he could feel her breaths on him. "And you definitely still a real man in bed."
He touched his lips to her before pulled back in a swift as quickly as he put them on. "So you did like it."
"I always like it, you silly." Fuuko tilted his chin up and smirked. "Especially when you breathe my name."
Mikagami put her hands on his cheeks with his hands trapped hers. Staring deeply in her eyes, he leaned closer and whispered in low voice, just to be heard by her. "Why, Fuuko, do you do all of this? Why do you still here with me?"
She inhaled a deep breath before she answered him, almost desperately. Was he that dense to understand her words before? What should she say to convince him?
"Because I love you."
She kissed him again and he kissed her back. The kiss was special. It held no lust or desire at all; just pure love and affection and care for each other. Loving her behaviour, loving her smile against his mouth, loving the taste of her soft silky lips, loving the curve of her waist in his arms, loving her sweet-smelled, and loving the sweet music she did not have to play for him because he already listened to it, he knew that he finally had his life back.
Finally, he had someone to love again.
Finally, he was once again with her.
He did not need any other reason. She did not need to give him another reason. They only needed each other... to love and to be loved. She hugged him lovingly, never wanted to let him go and neither did him. That time, she promised herself to be happy... with him... and with her family.
Mikagami tightened his grip on his crutches and took a deep breath. After he got his injured hand recovered, he started to gain his walking ability back. Fuuko and Touya urged him to have himself being operated and took a rehabilitation process. That was four months ago, but it had not fairly showed any good signal of a progress yet.
Now it was the time for him to try moving without the help of his wheelchair anymore.
His doctor watched him while Fuuko and Touya waiting for him a distant far.
He moved his left crutch forward and stopped awkwardly. His atrophied legs trembled, his hands shook slightly, and his face was tensed. The taut muscle on his arms silently reminded him that he did not train his own body almost for a half of year. There was no sign of the old Mikagami Tokiya once he was, a swordsman who fought bravely in UBS and against the Tendou Jigoku in the past. His fear of getting failed also pained Fuuko so much, and she was as tensed as well.
He took one step forward again. With his ragging breath, he silently prayed to God to give him a little more power to go on.
His next step almost made him slide down onto the floor. Fuuko and Touya cried out an endured scream, while his doctor yelled a "be careful" warn.
"I—can't—" he gasped heavily, voice choked in his throat. He was sweating, and beads of perspiration roamed down along his cheeks.
"You CAN, Dad!! Hold on still!!!"
His Touya's voice was his guiding chime.
'Come to me', she mouthed the phrase wordlessly. 'I love you.'
And his Fuuko's voice was his torch in his darkness.
The boy was his treasure.
The woman was his savior.
They were his angels.
So he steeled his will and walked toward them, to they who reached their hands out for him.
And soon he would find his heaven.