How Do You Calm a Rampaging Zombie?

"Oi stop it! Don't kill her! She's our Namaka!"

"Bastard! Bastard stop!"

Nami looked over her shoulder, Lola was still chasing after her and Umiko full force. Usopp and Chopper still clung to the zombie bride shouting at her to stop.

"Wait, Burglar Cat!"

Umiko kept running as Lola continued to chase wielding her large swords.

"Absalom is gonna be my groom!"

"Be gone!" Lola shouted finally chucking Usopp and Chopper off of her.

The two pirates screamed as they flew high into the air. Hearing her friends cry out Umiko did a quick 180 turn and ran by Lola. With Nami still on her back she caught Usopp with her left arm and caught Chopper in the other.

Lola turned around running back towards the group lifting up her swords.

"Run. I'll hold her back." Umiko got into a fighting stance prepared to take Lola head on.

"Out of my way!" Lola screamed

"Wait!" Nami screamed. "I'm actually a man!"

Lola froze her sword mere inches from Umiko. The warthog's eyes were large clearly showing her surprise. Her jaw was dropped as she pulled back gasping.

Chopper screamed too as Usopp tried to calm him down. Umiko tilted her head confused at Nami's statement. Nami stood closely behind Umiko, using the blue haired girl as a shield as she talked.

"I'm a man!" Nami shouted again.

"Is that true?!" Lola screeched

"It's true! It's a hobby of mine! It no joke! Plus you and that beast man are perfect for each other! I thought I could give you all my support!" Nami exclaimed

"Really?!" Lola shouted even more surprised.

"I think she's too good for him."

Everyone turned their attention to Umiko.

"She's too pretty for him," Umiko stated

"What?!" Nami, Chopper, and Usopp thought

"Really?!" Lola got a flattered look, her cheeks flushing at the compliment from Umiko.

Lola dropped her swords and fell to her knees. "No one has ever given me such supportive and kind thoughts before. I-I-"

"This is called friendship." Nami smiled. "Please call me Nami."

Umiko joined in nodding her head. "I'm Umiko. Warthog-chan."

Lola had tears coming to her eyes from the sheer happiness she was feeling. "Friendship!"

"She fell for it!" Usopp gasped


Usopp and Chopper gaped at the sight before them. Nami, Umiko, and Lola were sitting at a table together having a chat over Lola's love life, and her many failed attempts to get Absalom to marry her. Umiko really didn't contribute to the conversation instead listening intently to what Nami was saying. She knew very little about relationships and love. Whenever she would ask Iceburg about that kind of stuff he would get this awkward uncomfortable expression on his face, then he would pat Umiko's head telling her "Don't worry about such trivial things. No filthy boy or man will be getting near you."

"Lola you've been doing it all wrong. Your way too naive." Nami said

"What do you mean?" Lola asked

"Of course you can't get his signature while he's conscious. If you do it while he's sleeping-"

"Attack while he's sleeping!?" Lola interjected "Is that ok!? As a human being?!"

"But aren't you a zombie, Lola?" Nami pointed out.

Umiko nodded her head agreeing with Nami's statement.

"That's mean! It's too low!" Lola cried

"It's alright as long as he's sleeping and doesn't notice. By the way Lola, I dropped something earlier in the treasure storehouse. I want it back, but I can't remember the way. Can you tell me?"

"Silly you." Lola smiled. "But it's fine. The closest way is right through Lady Pelona's room over there."

Chopper and Usopp watched the interaction completely stunned.

"She's completely taken in…..she's not gonna come out of it," Usopp said

"So, Nami's really a man. I always thought she acted kinda manly." Chopper said

Umiko was paying attention to Nami and Lola that is until a snapping sound caught her attention. She looked over to the side spotting a hat peeking over a wall.

"Nami…." Umiko tugged on Nami's arm getting the girls attention. She pointed over to the hat and Nami blanched knowing it belonged to that beast man guy.

"Seriously!?" Nami turned to Lola. "Lola! Attack chance! I'll never meet him again, so you'll b fine! Do your best! You two will be the best couple!"

Umiko gave the warthog two thumbs up.

A large smile formed on Lola's face. "I'll do my best! Thank you, my friends!" Lola grabbed her swords and took off. "I'm full of courage now!"

Everyone could hear screaming in the distance as Lola caught up to Absalom.

Nami stood up in her chair pulling Umiko with her. "Yosh, this is our chance!" She told Usopp and Chopper.


The four pirates made their way into the large tower Lola had told them about.

"Did we lose him?" Usopp whispered

"Probably," Nami whispered back. "Surely Lola-!" Nami quickly ducked down hiding behind a wall. "He's here! He's heading straight this way!"

"This way!" Usopp said

Nami picked up Chopper and the two started following him.

Umiko followed too, but she didn't get that far as one of the large tiles under her foot sunk in then flipped. The tile was actually a trap door and Umiko disappeared silently into the floor.

Usopp ran up to a giant object with a zipper opening it before slipped inside.

"Come on get in here!"

"What is it?" Nami questioned

"Who cares just get in! Come on Umiko…..Umiko?"

But the blue-haired girl was nowhere to be seen.

"What!?"

"S-She's gone!"

"But she was right here!"


Umiko had her hands clenched to her chest as she slid down a long slide. When the floor had given way beneath her she was dropped down a long chute. A light finally shined at the end of the long tunnel and Umiko flew out of the chute. She landed in a large net and was now dangling from the ceiling.

"Haha! Look we caught one! We caught one!"

Umiko was dangling upside down as several mouses with spider bodies hung next to her.

"Another pirate captured!"

"We've never let a single prey get away once it's been caught!"

So Umiko wasn't in a net she was in a spiders web.

Amongst the Mouse-spiders were the zombies that Umiko had encountered when she first had entered the castle, #106 and #55.

"Let's see you escape that!"

"There's no way you're getting away now!"

"Let's take her to the Master!"

The zombies all started cheering and whooping, happy that they've captured another one of the intruding pirates.

Umiko started wiggling around not liking being bound up so tightly.

One of the Mouse-spiders laughed. "Struggle all you want! Our webbing had been specially created by Hogback, there's no way you'll be getting out."

"Haha! Let's hurry and get her to the Master! I'm sure he'll be pleased!"

*CRACK*

*THUD*

"Uh?"

Umiko had ended up wiggling and tugging so much that she broke off a chunk of the ceiling the web had been attached to.

"H-How-" Everyone was speechless. Instead of breaking out of the webbing she simply broke off the ceiling the web was clinging too.

Umiko then started rocking back and forth in her spot on the floor.

"What is she doing now?" A zombie questioned

"It doesn't matter! She might have been able to break the ceiling, but she still won't be able to break out of that webbing so let's just-!"

The Mouse-spider was silenced as Umiko rolled barreling into the zombie flattening him like a pancake. She did this with several more zombies taking them out like a bowling ball does with pins.

"Ahhhhh! She's like a steamroller!"

The rest of the remaining zombies who hadn't been taken down fled.

"I told you it wouldn't work!" #55 shouted as he ran.

"Shut up!" #106 yelled back as he fled.


Umiko kept tugging at the strange material she was wrapped in but for some reason, it wouldn't budge. She might need something sharp. Since she couldn't get out Umiko took to flipping herself over and started inching herself like a caterpillar across the halls of the castle.

"Absalom! Absalom! Absalom!"

Umiko stopped moving when Lola came running down the halls.

"Lola," Umiko said as the zombie passed her.

Lola quickly stopped sliding on the ground. She turned around facing Umiko.

"Hello," Umiko greeted

Lola tilted her head staring at the impassive looking girl.


"Here you go all better," Lola smiled

"Thank you." Umiko thanked Lola as she cut her free.

"It's a good thing I found you. I forgot to ask you and Nami something very important." Lola said

"Hmm?" Umiko questioned

"Since you two are so supportive of me and Absalom I would like you both to be bridesmaids in my wedding!" Lola beamed

In response, Umiko simply just tilted her head.