A/N: Yes…. The title is a pun on the 'Zweihänder," fight me, I'll hit you with turkey fists.

Before we begin, the AU that this takes place in (because you'll notice the jarring fact that Pyrrha is alive) has a simple change. This starts at the beginning of RWBY's and JNPR's second year. The Vytal festival happens every two years… so…. The Vytal festival happens at the end of RWBY's and JNPR's second year. Everything else is the same except the teams are older, wiser, the dance hasn't happened, and Cinder hasn't enacted her dastardly plan, and started her dust robberies a year early, (so Ruby can do her thing that gets her admitted to Beacon).

Other than the… well… thing that I am placing in this story, things should follow canonically, at least progress in the way one would expect from such a change.

So, I present to you….


Zwei-Handlers

By Kirjoitabls


There are a plethora of legends and fairy-tales and bedtime stories around Remnant. Stories that inspire hope, inspire fear, inspire horrible rip-offs in young adult novels and animated feature films.

There's one about Maidens that wield powers related to a season. There's one about warriors with eyes that glint of silver, that destroy legions of monsters with a look. There's one about a red-eyed, pale-skinned witch, who at her heart begets the creatures of Grimm. There's one about interdimensional beings, who watch our every move, and proceed to leave 'likes' and 'comments' based off of their opinion of our lives.

Yet one of the oddest of these tales has got to be of the Beast and the Two Trainers. The original story drones on for longer than necessary, so I'll give you the abridged version. Once upon a time there was a mythical Beast of Black and White…. With trace amounts of Gray…. And a little bit of Grey… But mostly Black and White. While the Beast was powerful, it was docile until a threat awoke its power. Scared, it released it without abandon, threatening everyone and everything around it. Its sense of the danger influenced it; its fearful instinct over-rode its docile consideration of the world around it: it was out of control.

Then, from the woodwork, came two warriors who were able to train the beast. One was weak, but had a powerful mind and soul. Another one was impetuous, but had strength and heart. Together, with the beast, they conquered the evil that loomed over the world.

Some say that the "beast's" spirit still looms throughout the ages, possibly either being inherited by like-animals, or simply being immortal, and changing shape. Some say the power of the beast will be needed again, and once more, two heroes will need to arise to tame the beast, and stop the evil from attempting what it desired those many millennia ago.

Ozpin took a sip of coffee. Of course, it's just a fairy tale. It can't possibly be true…


"Huaaaagh!" Jaune screamed shrilly, filling the colosseum with girlish resonance. In spite of it sounding pathetic, the strike that followed from the battle cry pushed down Dove's guard, leaving him open for a shield bash. Dove's aura took a hit, with Jaune still fully in the green. Nora found herself smiling.

Her fearless leader was indeed fearless, and his tactics were without equal. They had the greatest leader in all of Beacon! But when it came to his fighting… well… he was Jaune.

But now he was kicking Dove's butt! Okay… maybe not wiping the floor with him like she could… let alone Ren and (ohmigosh) Pyrrha, but Jaune was holding his own against CRDL strongest fighter! The improvement was vast from when he first started sparring a year ago.

Nora turned to her team-mate and fellow girl Pyrrha Nikos. She had the biggest smile on her face, as if she was at her wedding or…. Well, Nora wouldn't find it surprising if Pyrrha was imagining her wedding. Nora didn't know if Jaune was socially dense or not interested or simply confused but Pyrrha's crush on Jaune was so apparent just in her eyes, that it took every…. fiber… of her… being… to not start playing romantic jazz whenever the two were talking together. Well…. Her every fiber wasn't enough: she had Ren to keep her in control.

She then turned to Ren, who was also nodding in approval of their leader's improvement. Ren had been there for her this whole time, and now with two more people on his belt, he continued being the level-headed person she knew and lov- LIKED! LIKED! AS A FRIEND!

Nora organized her hectic head and proceeded with that train of thought… with the natural and true alterations of course. Ren was there when Jaune felt overwhelmed and Pyrrha was off personally training. He was there for Pyrrha when she felt overwhelmed with the responsibility of being "the Invincible Girl," and how she had to keep fit, and maintain composure, and look pretty for Jaune even if he didn't seem to notice.

Ren was the same to those two as he was to her all those years. Both being orphans, they gravitated towards each other. Nora was vocal and loud and none of the other foster kids wanted to bother with her. Ren was shy, quiet, and introspective, and no one bothered to socialize with him.

Then the two spoke… or Nora spoke to him. And the rest is history.

And now, their history extended to two other people in their "family." She would follow Jaune to the ends of the earth… or maybe Haven on foot if that was necessary. Pyrrha was the sister she never had, and as much as she initially refused her encouragement of "girl talk," she eventually gave in and they were totes besties! I mean, everything Pyrrha had to "confess" was worn on her sleeve, nothing she said surprised her. Except for the fact she unlocked Jaune's aura and that he faked his transcripts… though then again that should have been obvious, considering her leader's initial performance.

Other than her feelings for Jaune, Pyrrha didn't have much of anything juicy to say. Despite her celebrity status, all she really partook were annoying fans, annoying sponsorships, and fighting, and she NEVER described the latter that well. It was almost as if her battles were just events rather than experiences. Nora loved Pyrrha, but by OUM was she boring when it came to talking about fights.

Nora loved the thrill of battle. The adrenaline. The sweat. The grip on Magnhild as she swung it! Oh! She loved the descriptions of battle as Blake enjoyed her smut!

Speaking of Blake, Team RWBY was also… well, she wouldn't call them part of her immediate family like she would Ren, Jaune, and Pyrrha…. But they were like cousins… not truly "family-family" but she would certainly be lying if they weren't important to her. They more so interacted with Jaune and Pyrrha, but they weren't above tossing food into each other's mouths… well, Yang was always game.

She was mentally getting distracted… again. She needed to watch and root for her leader! Nora returned her attention to the fight to find it was already over.

"The victor is Jaune Arc, of Team JNPR!" Professor Goodwitch declared, "impressive improvement from last year, Mr. Arc. I hope to see you continue improving as the years move on." She gave a rare smile, "and Dove, while you certainly fought well. There are ways to improve… first, your stance could use some work, second…"

Nora was bored already. She just wanted to get to the next fight.

"…as for you Jaune. While you have improved be sure to not rely on your massive aura pool… some Grimm can tear through such rigid defense."

"Yes ma'am," Jaune replied.

"Well, duel over. A hand for our duelists."

Pyrrha violently applauded as Ren gave a respectful mid-speed clap, Nora….

"WOOOOOOOO JAUNE! YOU GOT IT BRO! NEXT TIME YOU GO AGAINST HIM DOVEY YOUR LEGS ARE GONNA BREAK!"

Dove's face paled a bit as Glynda gave Nora a dirty look. "Jaune… please ignore your team-mate's advice."

"Duly noted," Jaune sighed, giving his team-mate that award winning smile and amicable shake of the head.

Nora couldn't help but laugh a bit as she sank back to her chair. Ren gave her the classic look of NORA! While Pyrrha just blushed and tried to ignore her instinctively.

Ahh… her family.


Yang was lifting weights, and Ruby and Weiss were out shopping. It was time to lay on her bed, pick up a good book and….

"Woof."

Blake hated that dog so much.

It wasn't because she was a cat faunus… that would be racist. She hated the dog's drool. She hated how the dog looked at her. She hated how it tried to sniff in her bow drawer: Yes… Blake had more than one bow.

Last year she had been tagging White Fang activity non-stop, in some desperate attempt at redemption and uncovering some evil criminal scheme… and that just led to trouble. As much as it pained her to admit it, she lacked the resources to find answers, at least not without waiting for some kind of move. They made head-way with their mission to Mountain Glenn, but there were still many unanswered questions.

But sometimes, a question will answer itself…

"Woof"

LIKE WHEN CAN THIS DAMN DOG GO BACK TO PATCH?!

She just wanted to relax! To enjoy a book! But noooo, this stupid dog had to stare at her with those stupid dopey eyes, bark those stupid barks, and just…. EXIST! She just… wanted to grab it and punt it out the window.

But then Ruby and Yang could kill her. She could possibly take them on individually, but together… she'd be better off reuniting with Adam.

She sighed, while she could move to some silent nook in the library, but that would be surrendering to the dopey, stupid corgi! No! She would stay in her rightful domain, whether this dog likes it or…

"Woof"

"GAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Blake exclaimed, her shrill shriek of disapproval leaking through the door and extending throughout the adjacent corridor. Her amber eyes turned towards the dumb corgi, filled with instinct-fueled hate. "If you weren't dear to my partner and leader, I'd brutally murder you, go to a taxidermist, have you stuffed, and then light you on fire!"

Zwei just innocently panted at Blake's abusively violent threat. It didn't cower, it didn't even show a sign of even recognizing the malice in her voice.

Blake, attempting to scare the dog off, leaned in to further solidify its death-glare.

Zwei licked her face.

Blake immediately jumped up to Yang's bunk, her eyes widened in indignation as the stupid dog continued staring with that innocent panting and the occasional…

"Woof!"

Blake was going to tear her bow off, then tear her ears off, and then tear her hair out. Why couldn't this stupid dog just… make itself scarce? Be quiet? Let Blake imagine that she didn't have to share a room with a dog?

There was suddenly a harsh knock on the door. Only one person Blake knew would knock so hard. Yang must've forgotten her keys again… but I thought she wouldn't be done working out until another hour…

Blake was about to answer the door until she realized that meant she would have to share a floor with…. It!

Maybe if I move fast enough, it won't touch me. That son of a bitch is not allowed to touch me EVER AGAIN!

Blake, with the finesse of a ninja, jumped from Yang's bunk and landed on the floor without making a sound. She quickly slinked to the door and twisted the knob. Whoever needed to use the door, they can do it themselves. She then lurched in a black blur back onto Yang's bunk, and gave an annoyed look at Zwei, who seemed to have not moved, except for that stupid face looking DIRECTLY. AT. HER!

Suddenly, the door burst open as an orange haired lady wielding a massive hammer jumped dramatically into RWBY's room. "I heard the screaming! Where's the fight?" Nora yelled; vicious desire permeating her voice. "I haven't had a challenge in days!"

Blake blankly stared at her neighbor in shock. Nora's face darted around the room, looking for something to whack with her oversized mallet. That was when her eyes fell upon the foul creature.

"OUM MY MONTY IS THAT A DOG!?"

Nora then dashed in a pink blur, and Blake's vision finally focused on see the hammer-wielder, with Magnhild collapsed and sheathed on her back, picking up the dog and twirling around with it like a tornado.

"He's So Cute!" Nora exclaimed, stopping her twirling and started snuggling it with her face. The dog licked her cheek with reckless abandon. "What's his name?"

Blake sighed, "Zwei."

"Is he yours?"

Blake gave a disdainful guffaw, "hell no! It's Ruby's and Yang's mutt! I just have to live with that stupid thing!"

"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss Blakey! Why would you hate such a cute widdle doggy…." Suddenly Nora's eyes grew wide, "…oh."

"THAT'S NOT WHY I HATE THE DOG!" Blake seethed, she didn't need to ask what Nora was thinking, "it's just… annoying, and smelly… and… dopey."

Nora laughed, "Aw sorry, I didn't mean to assume the fact that he was a male in your estrogen-filled palace was why you hated Zwei, just the thought popped into my head!" Wait… what? Does she not know I'm a cat faunus?... I thought all of Team JNPR knew… or at least Jaune and Pyrrha.

"Besides, Ren tells me NEVER to try to touch your adorable ears! But this little pooch just LOVES having them scratched. Is that right? Is-tha-righ-lil-poochy? Awwwww…" Okay, she knows.

Blake watched as Nora snuggled and pet the dog as the putrid abomination just lapped up the attention. Suddenly, an idea flashed within the faunus's mind. She knew she didn't live in a cartoon, but she now understood the lightbulb metaphor.

"Hey, Nora. Why don't you take the dog over to your room and dog-sit it until either Yang or Ruby comes back? You clearly love the…"

Before Blake could finish her paragraph, Nora gently placed the dog on the ground and started hopping up and down in Blake's face. "Ooooh, can I? CAN I?" Suddenly she stopped hopping, "wait… are you even allowed to send the dog somewhere else?"

"When the leader is absent from the room, equal power is divided amongst its occupants, and I am the only occupant of this room." Blake smiled, "you can say I'm queen of this castle." Nailed it.

Nora squeed, "ohmigosh thank you Blake! Zwei will be taken great care of, and it will be so much fun!" In a pink blur, both Nora and the barking menace was gone from the room. Blake heaved out a relieved sigh.

She laid down into her bed and opened her book. She let the poetic words of the novel fill her mind. The scenarios, the characters, the intrigue, all that artistic vision seeped within her and let her drown out the chaotic world of Beacon and Remnant. She no longer bore the burden of her sins, she no longer held to the worries of tomorrow. There was only the story, and the characters. She was no longer aware of herself, but Blake was smiling in content.

Suddenly, the door opened.

"Hey Blake, how's it… why are you in my bed?"

Blake realized she hadn't left Yang's bunk.

"Uh…." Blake raked her brain for an appropriate answer.

"You know," Yang said, wiggling her eyebrows, "if you were trying to tell me something, you should've dressed in your sexy little yukata…"

Black sighed, "no," she seethed," I was trying to get away from your stupid mutt!"

"Aw, Blake!" Yang pouted, "why do you got to hate on Zwei all the time! I mean… I get it, he's a dog. You're…."

"THAT'S NOT!..."

"…not really an affectionate person and dogs are very affectionate." Yang finished, smiling knowingly.

Blake grit her teeth in frustration. Yang was not witty, she relied on shock and puns, but damn did she know how to fluster her partner.

Yang then looked around the room. "Where is Zwei…." She then gave a stern glare to the girl in her bed, "Blake… what did you do?"

Blake sighed, "Nora came in and started doting on the dog. I allowed her to take it to her room to get it out of my hair."

"Oh, that's nice of…." Yang suddenly paused, her eyes turning red, "YOU GAVE ZWEI TO NORA? OF ALL PEOPLE?"

Blake was not intimidated by her partner's anger: she was a kitten compared to Adam. "What's wrong with Nora?"

Yang blinked and her eyes returned to lilac… though there was a small reddish tint to them. "Nora is a reckless, crazy, over-energized, childish, and stronger than she realizes!" Yang yelled, "she could unwittingly hurt Zwei!" Yang started pacing the floor, "I can only imagine, 'hey Zwei! Fetch the grenade!'"

"Yang, you're over-reacting. Nora may be all those things, but you and Ruby share those two traits, and Zwei is fine…"

"I'm not over-re-yang-ting!..."

"Really, even in this unnecessary distress you make a pun?"

"When I make puns, I'm serious, Blake. That's why they call me the punisher!"

"Why would they call you the puni?- Pun-isher. I hate you so much sometimes."

"Not as much as I hate you for giving our dog away to Nora! She could be anywhere with him, and he could be so scared."

"Zwei survived Mountain Glenn, he can survive someone as innocent as Nora."

"You don't know that! He was with us at Mountain Glenn!"

Blake sighed, "look, most likely Nora is right next door in her room. You can just check up on…"

Before Blake could finish her sentence, Yang had already bolted out the door, violently knocking on Team JNPR's door.

Blake shrugged and returned to her book. Hopefully Nora could convince Yang for a little more time with Zwei… or maybe Nora could adopt it and make it live away from RWBY's room forever. That would be great.


"So, Ren, are you going to be gone the whole long weekend?"

"I should be back by Monday night," Ren stated, giving Jaune a genial smile, "just take care of Nora for me, will you?"

"You know, I know you aren't… well… like that, but why aren't you bringing Nora with you? You two do everything together."

Ren sighed, "I don't know much about who my family was and why they left me or died before I could form any memories of them…" his head was bowed, "but this village seems to hold some answers. I would love to bring Nora along, she keeps me grounded and away from introspecting too much, but this is something I need my full focus on while I'm there. I hate to say it," he gave another sigh, "I wouldn't have time to manage her antics."

"I understand," Jaune nodded, "you know, you can take Pyrrha, just to keep you company. She certainly will not stand…"

"This is something incredibly personal to me, Jaune. It's why I've only told you."

"Because I'm second only to Nora… and Nora would want to tag along and stop you."

"Exactly. I must do this alone."

"You know, you never have to do things alone. I learned that lesson a while back." Jaune put his hands on Ren's shoulder, then patting it before retracting his hand.

"I'm not saying I have to do it fully alone… I just need a clear mind and a clear focus…"

Jaune gave a deep breath, "Pyrrha is going with you."

"What?"

"She has nothing better to do this weekend, I asked her… she of course used it as an opportunity to try to encourage me to ask her out."

"You can't keep leading her on forever, Jaune."

"I know… I know… I just, don't know how I feel about her, you know?"

"Trust me," Ren looked at the ground, "I know."

"I know you know," Jaune gave Ren a knowing look, "women, right?"

"Women."

Jaune felt his scroll start to vibrate, he picked it up to see, Yang?

"Hey Vomit Boy! Where the hell is Nora?"

"Nora?" Jaune asked, turning to Ren. His team-mate sighed, "what did she do this time Yang?"

"It's not what she's done, it's what she MIGHT do! She has my dog!"

Jaune and Ren again exchanged looks. "You have a dog?" Jaune asked. "I don't think that is legal under Beacon's room-and-board regulations." Ren added.

"It doesn't matter! Dr. Oobleck thinks it's cool! Anyways, Nora has my dog, and I don't know where Nora is! And Ruby is now calling me asking her to meet up with them shopping so they could ask for my input, and I DON'T want to tell my baby sister that her dog is in the hands of a hammer-wielding maniac!"

Jaune looked to Ren, wondering if he would take offense to her best friend being called that. His face was as impassive as ever.

"We'll find her and your dog, don't worry." Jaune hung up. He turned to Ren, "do you have time or…"

"I have to pack and prepare for the journey ahead. I can help you but…"

"I'll look for Nora if you promise me to at least ask Pyrrha to accompany you. I seriously don't think you should take this journey alone, even if I understand not with Nora."

Ren nodded. "Deal."

Jaune returned to his scroll and dialed Nora's number. She didn't pick up… she was notorious for never picking up, often too distracted by something to feel the vibrating or her cheery ringtone. However, Jaune always had leader privileges: Scroll-Tracker! Due to a certain incident with a certain cat-faunus, leaders were then granted the ability to track the scrolls of all of his or her team-mates. Agreed, a person could just leave their scroll behind, but with everything being operated via scroll these days, it would be a pain in the ass to go by without one.

So… by the power invested in him by the Ozpin, the Great and Powerful, he tracked Nora's scroll!.. It seemed more epic in his head.

Nora was located in the south-side of Beacon, where the Vytal fairgrounds would be at the end of the year. Jaune nodded and hurried in that direction. The sooner she can ascertain the safety of Yang's dog, the sooner he could ascertain the safety of his crown jewels… And the Arcs never wore jewelry.

In amongst the students frolicking in the sun-kissed park, Jaune found Nora near the center of it, aiming the collapsed Magnhild up in the air and in front of her…

"Zwei! C'mon boy! Fetch the grenade!"

"NOOOOO!" Jaune screamed as Nora shot the grenade up in the air, watching the tiny corgi bound towards the flying capsule, leaving its deadly pink trail.

"RAAAAAAAA!" Nora finished, giving Jaune an innocent smile. "Jaune! It's so great to see you! Ready for a long weekend?"

"Nora!" Jaune said, out of breath, "you….. fired a…. grenade at… a dog…. In a crowded park!"

"What?" Nora's eyes widened in shock and worry, until it relaxed and returned to her giddy smile. "Oh! That?" She gave a raspberry, "those are dummy grenades silly! I use those to practice my shots without having Professor Goodwitch scream at me for breaking the training room again! You need to have more faith in me, Jaune! I would never…" the dog returned, holding a capsule in its mouth as it plopped it on the ground, "… hurt such a wuvable wuvly thing as this doggy!" Nora picked up Zwei and propped it up onto Jaune's face. He had to admit… the dog was pretty adorable.

"His name is Zwei and he's my best friend, behind Ren of course." Nora smiled, "and Pyrrha and you as well, since, you know, you and your partner are kinda tied, so… third best friend!"

"What about Team RWBY?"

Nora gave another raspberry, "they're friends, but they aren't besties like my team-mates are! Nor are they as adorable as this little thing right here… though maybe Blake would be if she tried…"

"Okay okay!" Jaune stated before Nora said anything unintentionally racist. "I get it…. Zwei huh?" Jaune placed his hand on the corgi's head and gave it a little ruffle. The dog licked its lips in comfort and gave a contented sigh. He then used both of his hands to scratch behind the ears, making the dog pant in delight, and give a soft happy yelp.

"Isn't he great?" Nora placed the dog down as it started to circle around the duo, yipping happily.

"Yeah… he's a cute dog. We'll have to return him to Team RWBY though when they come back from their shopping trip."

"Aww… do we have to!" Jaune gave a somber nod "Oh! We need to introduce him to Pyrrha and Ren!"

Jaune paused internally. If Nora goes to see Ren now, she'll see him packing, and that would cause unnecessary drama. Think, Jaune… what would Spruce Willis do?

"Uh… they can meet him later! It would be a shame to waste such a perfect day by spending a minute of it cooped up inside!"

Nora paused and looked at Jaune with his intense eyes. He felt his soul being pulled out of his pupils and into the black hole of Nora's gaze. They stood like that for a good ten seconds as Zwei humorously stared at them in the background.

"You. Are. RIGHT!" Jaune sighed in relief, "Let me call Ren and Pyrrha and tell them to come down here!" Jaune face-palmed. "We can have a team bonding day before the weekend! Oh Jaune you have the best ideas ever!"

Yeah… Jaune internally lamented, yeah I do. Before Jaune could do anything, his own scroll started vibrating. He picked up to see it was Pyrrha.

"Is that Pyrrha? Great! Ask her if she's with Ren! You know… not with-with Ren, not that I would have a problem with it if she was with-with Ren…."

Jaune breathed deeply, "Hello Pyrrha. What's up?"

Pyrrha looked a bit confused, "So, Ren asked to accompany him on this… personal mission of his? Um… should I go? I mean, I normally travel light so packing isn't a problem, and I'd love to help but… why isn't he taking Nora?"

Jaune paused as he looked up and saw Nora giving Jaune a questioning glare. "Uh…" Jaune felt nervous as his two female team-mates stared at him from different angles. "Well… I thought… it would be a good team exercise! Yes!" Jaune pointed in the air as his excuse flowed through him. As team leader, he would bite the bullet for Ren. "You see, Ren wanted to take Nora, but I thought… y'know, why don't we switch around partners, become more integrated as a team… I mean, you and I Pyrrha, are pretty close. As well as Ren and Nora, and while we are certainly friendly with one another, I made it my goal this year for our closeness to be universal. Yes!" Jaune laughed nervously as he scratched the back of his head, "I just… didn't know how to go about it until Ren told me of that mission he was going to take, so… yeah… sorry for it being so abrupt?" He shrugged his shoulders giving a nervous smile.

Pyrrha chuckled lightly and gave Jaune a sheepish smile, "oh… you know I like all of your ideas, you could've told me sooner. I was just worried it could cut into our individual training sessions…" Jaune blushed a little from the obvious flirting.

"Don't worry, once you're back we'll start those again." Jaune reaffirmed, "until then, maybe you can enjoy the company of someone more competent."

"Jaune!" Pyrrha chastised, "what did I say about talking down to yourself?"

"It was a joke! It was a joke!... Though Ren is a better fighter and has better aura control than me, you can't deny that…"

Pyrrha sighed. "Just… have some more confidence in yourself Jaune!" She gave off that kindly smile of hers, "see what I see in you."

Jaune blushed once again. "Thanks Pyr… I'll um…." He started to rephrase, "Keep in contact Pyrrha, Ren isn't one to leave status reports."

She gave a mock salute, "got it!"

"Good-bye Pyrrha, good luck!" He flashed her a smile as he hung up. He then looked at Nora.

She was standing with her arms akimbo, tapping her foot. Next to her was Zwei, who was sitting down in the grass as if HE was also expecting an explanation.

"You know, if Ren wanted me to go with him at first, he would've told me THEN told you."

Jaune rarely ever saw logical Nora, but when she arrived, it was scary. It was as if the bubbly lady was a walking lie detector; being dishonest with her had never ever worked. Ren told him that simply avoiding telling her anything was the best chance to keep a secret from her.

"Uh… well…"

"It has something to do with his family, doesn't it? Something that I… distract him from!"

"Well… um… I wouldn't say that…"

"But he did, didn't he?"

Nora wasn't crying, but the hurt in her usually joyful eyes were apparent. Even Zwei started to whimper.

"Ugh, I HATE it when he does this! We're sooo close, yet he can't trust me with anything personal to HIM! I always tell him EVERYTHING! My fears, my desires… well not all of them… but I tell him so much about myself, but whenever it's something close to him, he pushes me away! Like…. Like…" Nora's hands started shaking, "UHG! I just can't stand it when he does this!"

"Erm… Nora… we are out in public." Jaune was starting to notice eyes glancing at Nora's minor tantrum. Normally there was Ren to calm her down when she got upset about something… but she was upset about Ren, and this wasn't really her typical tantrum… she was clearly emotionally hurt.

"I DON'T CARE!" Sparks flew out of Nora, scaring Zwei and causing him to run off.

"Zwei!" Jaune called out, noticing the fleeing dog. Nora was important… but so was his life… so he turned around and pursued the corgi.

"Huh?" Jaune heard from behind him, "doggy! I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you! Come back!"

The dog rushed around the park grounds all the way to the cliff-face that overlooked the Emerald Forest. Jaune felt relief when the dog stopped near the edge, simply looking at the view. All he had to do was…

Then Zwei was propelled by a loose launcher… the ones used during initiation. Zwei flew and disappeared as a black speck as it descended into the trees.

Jaune was speechless. He felt that he would have to say good-bye to his sensitive bits: castrated courtesy of Yang Xiao Long.

"DOGGY!" Nora screamed from behind him, "We have to get him!"

"How?" Jaune exasperatedly asked, "you know how large that forest is?"

"It doesn't matter, a Valkyrie never leaves a Doggy in the woods!"

Before if Jaune could ask if that was an actual family saying….before realizing she had no idea what her family was… Nora grabbed him and flung him over her shoulder like he weighed nothing, and jumped onto the same pad that launched Zwei into the wilderness.

"Don't worry Doggy! Jaune and Nora are coming to rescue you!" The unstable launch pad flung them into the wilderness, and those nearby could hear what could be described as a harmony between a ferocious battle cry, and a girly scream.


A/N: And there you have it! The introduction to this… admittedly weird premise. I fear I made Blake a bit OoC, but, for the sake of a Humor story, the idea that a dog would just send her over the edge at least seemed like a funny concept.

Follow! Fave! Review! (All opinions welcome… as long as they attack my writing and not me) Eat a Well Balanced Breakfast… at Any Time of Day!