So any of you ever watch Kateky┼Ź Hitman Reborn? It's a cool series, after the first twenty episodes. The first twenty were disjointed, confusing, often times just plain stupid until the writer had discovered this thing called a plot.

That's how this story came into being, it's something Lady Lily Anne and I have discussed in the past and it's the reason this hasn't been updated in nearly a year. I made it on a whim, wrote whatever the hell I wanted, and had to weave all that crazy shit into a believable plot when I decided to actually do something with it.

So when my insomnia reared its vile head once again I figured, why not redirect it at something I've been ignoring rather than indulging in yet another plot bunny, so here we are.

Written in about...oh an hour? I know it's a very small morsel but if I'm given my usual feedback for this particular story I'm sure I'll come up with something fun soon.

Now, I need some damn sleep, enjoy!


Iris had to wake up extra early to make sure she could drag Tom out of the boys dorms without incident, primarily because her Tomcat didn't begin functioning until roughly ten minutes after he had been awoken and wouldn't fight her on it.

They then managed to bullshit their way through the Ravenclaw puzzle password offered up by the eagle head knocker to kidnap Alphard with little difficulty. Primarily since it was still so early in the term that it was aimed towards firsties like themselves, rather than trying to melt the minds of NEWT level students for it's own amusement.

Getting Minnie wasn't that much more difficult, the two Blacks and one groggy Riddle had just aimed their wands at the Fat Lady and demanded their friend be brought down immediately or things would happen.

Iris loved that euphemism; if questioned the things involved could have been something as innocent as a tickling jinx and none would be the wiser, you know, despite the fact she was fully willing to Hiroshima the fuck out of that annoying ass painting.

Still that was not necessary since Minerva soon made her way down slamming the painting behind her yawning loudly in the process. Pity, maybe indiscriminate nuclear warfare would be on the menu next time she decided to pull such shenanigans.

"What's go'in on lass? Morn'in boyos, bit early isn't it?"

Al and Tom waved to her while Iris grinned in turn, "Yeah but Professor Elric wanted to meet with us before classes to find our elemental alignments, so I figured why not get their early and ambush him to see what he's got?"

Her friends stared Iris down a few moments before they nodded as one.

"I'm down," Al said with a smirk.

"Aye, this should be interest'in," Minerva said with a Cheshire Cat grin.

"If he is taken down by four first years he doesn't deserve to teach us...well played little flower."

"Aw thanks Tomcat!" With that she pecked his cheek causing his cheeks to flush a bit, Alphard and Minerva exchanged glances then rolled their eyes, soon following the Slytherin pair down to the Alchemy classroom.

It was unlocked and shrouded in shadows, easily finding places to hide the four children settled in place and waited patiently. Well, sort of, Tom really had to pee, Al kept falling asleep and hitting his head on the wall, Minerva kept resisting the urge to sneeze, and Iris had to resist the urge to hum the theme from Tetris.

Tetris, oh fuck! She could totally make that in the wizarding world which would be awesome! Sure it was the only game she had ever gotten to play on Dudley's Gameboy since he hated puzzles but it had been a blast and she was sure the Magical world would like it. Shouldn't be too difficult if she actually paid attention to her classes and took electives that weren't a joke. Maybe-

Her rambling train of thought was derailed as the door slammed open, the four of them jumped out and were casting very minor jinxes at the silhouette in the doorway when four rapid fire red beams shot forth and Iris could only think one thing as she fell to the floor.

'Hot damn he's fast!'


Edward Elric sat behind his desk, hands locked together before his face as his elbows rested on his desk feeling absolutely...amused. That was it, he was so damn amused he couldn't put words to it; these kids had done something he would have roped his brother into when they were brats and they probably would have pulled it off if it wasn't aimed at, well, him.

Still, as they groggily regained consciousness and shuffled about their chairs eventually they set their unsure gazes upon him while he grinned widely in return.

"Guten morgen studenten, nice little ambush you had set up there, needs some work though."

Iris Black, who Ed had already tagged to be the future leader, or at the very least co-leader of this generations class of trouble makers scoffed as she dropped her head to Tom Riddle's shoulder while muttering, "Yeah, we kinda got that sir."

Ed waved that off in amusement, "None of that sir stuff little one, and better luck next time, I'm looking forward to it in fact! Life can get so...boring when you're not being constantly challenged after all. Anyway, you kids are here for a reason, so lets get to it so we can all go to breakfast yes?"

The four nodded quickly and Ed pushed four rune encrusted baked clay squares in front of him and each child took one in hand, "Now, finding your elemental alignment is not hard at all. Mastering it, yes, is a long term endeavor, but finding what your element, or, in rare cases elements are is easy enough. Simply push your magic into the tablet and we'll know where to go from there."

The kids exchanged glances then held their tablets before them and concentrated all their will into the magical focei.

Edward had a lot of hope for these four, the runic arrays he had set up around his classroom to detect their alchemic potential had lit off like a fireworks display when they had taken their seats, and they had been the only ones in their year group to do so.

As it ended up he wasn't disappointed in the slightest.

Minerva's cooked off first, rich loam, tree sprigs, and leafy mint boiled off her tablet causing her to drop it in shock.

"Earth alignment, that signifies stability, growth, nurturing, yet anyone who provokes you will find out exactly how harsh nature can truly be. Very nice young one."

Minerva blushed at that and then began examining the flora growing off the tablet, Ed let out an amused snort at that, future scholar that one.

Next was Alphard, he was cocking his head to the side examining his tablet when he was sent flying backwards by a gust of air, shakily taking to his feet he glared at his tablet while Edward let out a laugh.

"Air alighnment. You're flexible, unpredictible, yet, reliable, very nice mister Black."

It was Tom and Iris that drew his concern though as their tablets cooked off at the same time.


Tom stared at his stupid clay tablet for over five minutes, Alphard and Minerva already having gained their alignments much to his annoyance.

He liked them well enough, sure, but he and Iris were so obviously stronger than them and the fact that they hadn't found their elements yet galled him to the point that he could do nothing but glare at the brown slab before him.

How dare it make him look...insufficient? How dare this little piece of clay make him look inferior to his peers? How-

"Oh holy shit."

Tom stated this as he pushed back from the table as his tablet froze over, billowing wind spraying out snowflakes as icy spikes shot out around it, snakes of organic ice sang while flying serpants calling for him, and as shocked as he was at his own tablet Iris, well...

He watched his Iris as she stared in open awe at an inferno that burst forth from her tablet, fiery phoenix, galloping unicorns wrought in flame, and roaring dragons rising before them. All stared at the pair as fire and ice met, and danced about each other in harmony.

"Well...shit. I have an Infernomancer and a Glaciesmancer on my hands... Well...shit...Fuck... Just...fuck..."

The kids all looked towards their professor who gave them a rather wan smile as he finally stopped muttering to himself, "Err...congrats kiddos...you're kind of...weapons of mass destruction."

His apprehension gave way to concern when rather than being shocked, Tom and Iris exchanged glances, then began laughing.


They would laugh at the revelation wouldn't they? Arcturus is going to need antacids.