Author's note: This is another South Park meta-novel based on the book the boys wrote in an attempt to make the most offensive book ever written. I will try to make this as true to form as possible; what lines had been provided in the show and the scenes mentioned will be included with all the "vomit censored" parts replaced by whatever seems gross and appropriate enough for it. That being said this will have to be long enough to include 465 references to Sarah Jessica Parker. Also given that it is supposed to be nasty this story will be offensive to some readers, consider yourself warned. Obviously I do not own South Park or any of it's associated characters or concepts.
It was a warm summer morning when Scrotie McBoogerballs awoke to find his wart covered penis sitting in stale fetid diarrhea that had pooled up in his underwear overnight. He took a pair of rusty cum covered scissors and called his dog over to him. He then cut off his dog's drooping testicles and tossed them on the floor next to the cat's rotting nutsack he had lopped off last week.
Walking out of his house he spotted the bloodiest pus covered decomposing kangaroo fetus filled with maggots which he reached down and picked up. He immediately stuck it up his infected bloody semen soaked asshole. Afterwards he wiped his ass with his hand and licked his fingers clean.
Down the block Scrotie McBoogerballs ran into the ugliest creature he had ever seen, Sarah Jessica Parker. He thought Sarah Jessica Parker was a transvestite goat at first but when he realized it was in fact a human being he made her give his neutered dog a blowjob until his dog's bleeding ball stump sealed up.
Then he walked off leaving the foul creature with a mouthful of uncanny dog jizz that had been left over from before his balls were cut off. He couldn't get over how ugly Sarah Jessica Parker was; it was all he could think about on his way to the train station. He had seen a pile of used condoms swarming in flies feeding on rat shit that was less revolting than that monstrous bitch. The thought made him want to cut his own penis off and shove it into his eye socket, but he didn't because he liked his penis. He really, really liked his penis.