I turned off the camera on my way back from the bathroom. With a wet cloth I wiped away the 'mess' Commander Tucker had made on the floor during the recording. My test subject was still sitting on the desk chair, leaning back with closed eyes, his semi-erect phallus still in the grip of his right hand. Although it appeared to have been somewhat pleasurable by the look of it, I could easily sense that the procedure had been highly embarrassing for the chief engineer. Apparently masturbation was an extremely private undertaking for humans and performing it for an audience or even recording had been most discomforting for both Ensign Sato and Commander Tucker. The ship's communications officer had volunteered for a similar recording.
I disposed of the stained cloth into the laundry chute and started cleaning the Commander's phallus and hands with the second cloth. Somewhat wide-eyed in surprise he accepted my ministrations. When I was finished I leaned in and exchanged a kiss with the Commander to express my gratitude for his cooperation. This gesture appeared to lessen his discomfort and the smile returned to his features as he pulled his underpants back up. Having seen that I wore partial clothing, he had opted to leave his blue underpants on as well.
"As much as I love the reward, I hope I don't have to do that again," he said while I put the second cloth in the laundry chute as well. I served him another helping of his favorite beverage. It was already the forth bottle, but the Commander did not appear inebriated.
"I regret the discomfort," I apologized. "However, I am afraid some of the upcoming experiments might have the potential to be uncomfortable."
"What do you have in mind?" he asked and from the way he squinted his eyes I could sense that he was suspicious of what experiments might yet be coming.
I arranged my meditation cushions on the wall at the back of my bunk until the arrangement looked vaguely like a sofa, as humans called such a piece of furniture. I sat down and signaled the commander that I would wish him to join me.
"Nice touch on the Yoga pants by the way," he said while taking a seat next to me, seemingly forgetting to continue seeking an answer to his prior question. "This is much more sexy than being completely naked."
"My mother insinuated the same. Can you explain the difference?"
"Well, look T'Pol," he opened and my eyebrow went up as I did not readily understand why cupping and massaging my right breast was part of the explanation. "Our primary sexual organs, as you like to call them, are made to feel good. But if you look at the first experiment; neither any of the guys nor any of the girls has written that the thing between our legs was the most attractive part."
I confirmed his assessment with a look at my PADD while entering the new information. "So I take it that baring one's genitalia is considered unattractive?"
He shook his head. "Not unattractive per sé. Take your meditation for instance. If you had done that completely naked it wouldn't have been a very modest picture. You sitting there topless in yoga pants looks sexy. You sitting there presenting a direct view straight at pleasure central looks naughty and a bit obvious, as if to say 'here, make that feel good'. That make sense?"
I nodded my understanding and continued writing down the new information, but I kept getting distracted by the Commander's fascination with various parts of my anatomy. Apparently humans even applied a meaning to various states of undress. While many of their mating customs appeared quite pleasurable, I did wonder how a species had survived that long by possessing such complex customs regarding the biological process of procreation. On second thought however, I noticed that this very topic had never come up.
"Commander, I noticed that the topic of procreation is almost never mentioned in connection with sexual relations. Considering that this is the main purpose of engaging in intercourse, I find this quite confusing."
He smiled, consuming his beverage. "That, dear Subcommander is because procreation isn't the main purpose of havin' sex, at least not for humans. It took until two hundred years ago before we got our heads around that. It wasn't called the sexual revolution for nothing. Basically there are three types of sex. First, for procreation obviously. Second, there is makin' love, that's what we call having sex with someone you love as a way to show that. And then there's casual sex, where the only point is to get pleasure and relax."
"So my theory that it relieves tension is not as wrong as your often provocative remarks make it appear?"
"No, it's not," he admitted. "In fact it's a great tension relief."
"Why did you mock my comments then?" I asked calmly, without too much reproach.
"Because it's not as easy as just saying 'have sex' when someone is tense," the engineer replied. "Sex is literally a very intimate thing and even if it is casual it requires a lot of trust. Would you be sitting like that in your quarters with, let's say, Travis?"
"Most likely not," I admitted.
"Back then before Risa you just assumed that we could run down there and bang everything in a skirt, but that's not how it works. I tend to think that we're comfortable enough with each other that we could even tackle some of the 'advanced experiments', but that wouldn't have been true a year ago, and believe it or not, it would have been I who would have declined."
"It would appear then that, while effective at easing tension, sexual relations are rather ineffective at that because their complex requirements."
"Now you got it," he said with a grin.
When I returned from the bathroom after getting rid of some of the previously drunk beers, I stopped in the door. Leaning against the door sill, I observed T'Pol with a small smile on my face. Even though the absence of most of our clothing had become sort of customary lately, the sight of T'Pol in nothing but a pair of tight yoga pants was still as spectacular as the first time I had seen her topless. Looking at the spectacular bust of the ship's science officer was not in danger of getting old any time soon.
Apparently she noticed my prolonged absence from her side on the makeshift sofa atop her bunk. When she saw my appreciative looks, T'Pol put the PADD aside, raised her eyebrow as she always did when she was amused, and then she leaned back to give me an unobstructed view at her physique.
"You're getting better at that," I noted with a chuckle and rejoined her on the bunk. "Or were you just done entering your data?"
"No, my gesture was deliberate. You are mostly fascinated with my bust and my derrière, so it was logical to afford you an unobstructed look to increase your pleasure. I the case of my posterior that was not possible of course as I'm currently sitting on it."
"Sounds a bit too analytical," I said with a chuckle. "But in essence you're starting to get the hang of it."
"I'm afraid I will not be able to use the colorful vernacular that humans apply to various aspects of intimate customs," she explained in reference to my accusation of being too analytical.
"It was not meant to be criticism, T'Pol. The whole point of the exercise is that we are genuinely ourselves during intimate encounters. Nothing is more of a turn off than knowing that your partner is play-acting."
She nodded her understanding.
"Commander I have procured educational material on the matter and I wish to review it with you as I believe it is time to start conducting 'advanced experiments' as you called it."
"Sex Ed films?" I asked, slightly amused, but instead of answering she started the recording on her view-screen on the opposite side of her cabin. The timing was more than unfortunate as I had just taken a swig from his beer and the drink was explosively expelled through my nose. I coughed helplessly for a while before looking at T'Pol in dumbfounded bewilderment.
"Educational, T'Pol? You call 'Debbie does the Alpha Quadrant' educational?"
"It does not represent viable sexual techniques?" she asked.
"Well, yes and no," I evaded a straight answer as I did not have one at hand that didn't sound weird. "Right, tell you what, let's watch the first scene and we'll pick it apart, okay?"
We watched the ridiculous intro and the fictional space ship's captain came out of a turbo lift to witness a rather lively scene on on the bridge. I watched for a while and started blushing when, despite the hilariously bad quality of the flick, a certain physical reaction started, especially as the scene concentrated on a 'Vulcan' science officer and the chief engineer, who had apparently been illicitly conceived by the elephant man banging a steroids factory.
T'Pol stopped the recording and although she glanced down at my crotch for a moment, she didn't offer any comment on my erection.
"So, see any logical flaws in that one?" I asked, ignoring my abashment. Going over to the cooler to exchange my empty bottle for a new one gave him time to collect myself and let my erection go down.
"I take it the naming of the fictional space ship – UES Gangbang – has a sexual connotation?" she asked dryly. "And the continuity of the introductory narration was fairly lacking in logic. Why would a human crew venture into space to seek for new species 'to bone' when they are obviously quite well equipped to entertain themselves among their own kind or with poorly depicted fictional Vulcans?"
"Well, first of all, yes, gangbang definitely has a sexual connotation. In fact, if we make it far enough into the recording without laughing ourselves to death about the ridiculousness of it, you'll probably get to see one. And don't expect any consistent story-line. The whole point of a pornographic film is to show people having sex in all possible and impossible variants."
"So the point is to superficially arouse the viewer," she stated.
"With the emphasis on superficial," I agreed and pointed at my crotch. "I obviously showed a reaction, but as soon as the 'action' stopped, it ended. I had had a longer erection when drawing you and that didn't involve any naughty action at all. Any other flaws you saw?"
"The woman is obviously not a true Vulcan. She is anatomically incorrect."
"She's as fake a hooker's smile. They simply tacked two fake ears on a woman with equally fake breasts. I doubt that you'd find any Vulcan who has such a monstrous set of jugs naturally."
"My bust is considered fairly large by Vulcan standards," she said looking down at her chest for comparison. "I take that to mean her bust has been surgically enhanced? Does that apply to the male's genitalia as well?"
"I'm in the same boat as you," I confirmed. "I'm considered well endowed, but that thing is freak. She can barely get it into her mouth without suffering lockjaw. I don't think he's been 'enhanced', they simply searched for an actor with a genetic defect that causes an over-sized penis. Now the woman, she's definitely had a boob job or probably more like a dozen. They could probably find a woman with those things in natural size, but first she'd be looking like Jabba the Hut, since human breasts mainly consist of fatty tissue, and the things would be hanging around her knees.
"If you think back to the first experiment – Anna is about as stacked as human women can get without being ridiculously fat and she's going to pay for it when she gets older, as the tissue will slacken with age. Trust me, my XO is not looking forward to her fortieth birthday. "
"What about the sexual technique itself?" T'Pol asked, entering my explanation into her PADD.
"Well, for obvious reasons it's called oral sex. You'll see that a lot in those films, which suggests all women like that or it is a standard technique, but that's not true. First of all, it's a one-way street. It's sole purpose is to pleasure the man, so if anything, a woman performs that to specifically pleasure her partner, she doesn't get much out of it herself except a money shot."
"What is a money shot?"
"Well, the guy will eventually climax and his payload has to go somewhere. Either the woman takes it down her throat and swallows the stuff or she'll have it splattered all over her face and chest, which you'll see quite often in those types of movies. You'll have to ask Hoshi about a female point of view on that one, but I hazard a guess that most women will just swallow the stuff instead of being messed up, even though I've been told the taste leaves something to be desired."
"Would a female's desire to please truly be that great to perform this one-sided technique, especially considering that the conclusion seems fairly unsatisfactory from a female point of view?"
I scratched the side of my head, weighing up my answer.
"As I said, those films make it look as if every woman likes doing that, and it's not true. Not every woman would use that tenchnique in the first place. Of those that do, many do it because they want to please their partner, and there is an equally one-sided oral technique for the man to perform on the woman, so it can be a fair trade between partners. Some also use it as a practical measure. Even after only twenty-four hours a human male will climax quite quickly the first time, so if the women want their partner to hold out a bit longer, they use a blowjob, that's the more common term for it, to get the first one, the quick climax, out of the way. And while he recovers for the next round, the man can return the favor."
"Thank you for the explanation, commander," she said, putting her PADD away and restarted the movie.
"You can use the timing system to skip to the next scene," I advised her. "Trust me, you won't miss much of the plot."
She didn't answer, instead she intently observed the goings-on on the screen. When the scene had ended with the guy splattering a rather unrealistically huge load all over the fake Vulcan, she paused the recording and turned around to face me. Without an explanation she leaned in and started sniffing along my torso.
"Remove your remaining clothing please, commander."
With some bewilderment I followed her 'order', and she pushed down her yoga pants as well.
"Is that going to be what it looks like, subcommander?"
"You are correct. I could ask Ensign Sato for her opinion," she explained dead-pan while re-aligning the camera to the bunk. "Or I could try the technique myself. And if you are familiar with it, I would like to ask for a demonstration of the reciprocal technique as well."
It was the answer I had secretly hoped for, but I still looked at her somewhat flabbergasted when the naked Vulcan knelt down in front of the bunk and started stroking my semi-erect organ until I was ready for action.
"According to your explanation and the fact that you have climaxed once already, I do have some time to practice the technique, do I not?" she asked dryly and went to work.
"I'll be damned. That will entirely depend on your technique darlin'," I groaned and flopped back onto the bunk.