To the Blade
Do you think there was no meaning, in anything that I did?
My time, my devotion, my acceptance, my love, all of it just for you to side with the enemy? Our enemy. The man next to you, how dare you stand with pride next to him like you did for me. He speaks, but my eyes and ears are on you, waiting.
What? Are you suddenly a master of disguise and keeping silent? I know you better than that, better than him. You would never allow your voice to be spoken by another. Especially by one you call your brother. I'm still waiting for you to turn your head and blade towards him. Tell that unsightly clothed man behind you that you are not pledged to him, to that family.
We are your family. Your ties are knotted with us. You belong to us. I am your big brother.
You belong to me.
That man behind you is nothing but your past. Do not long for it to come back for it is long gone. Whereas I am your future, I can give you glory, happiness. Your smile will only come standing by my side. There's something very strange about you listening to him, as if you are actually taking him and his words to heart – now how could that be any weirder?
Finally you speak, but your words are like a serpent's venom. Poisonous. Painful. The war has brought me nothing more cruel than your words.
"I've decided to fight for the Kingdom of Hoshido!"
You cry with such gravity.
Not my precious Kamui.
I won't allow it.
You belong to us.
You belong to Nohr.
To the Dark Dragon.
"Come back to us, Kamui!" I cry back.
You're blinded, I can see that now. You have listened to the wrong brother. He has fed you something toxic to your mind. I speak to reason with you, to remind you all that we have given you. The very clothes on your back is because of Father. Your home, your family, your strength, everything that makes you you is thanks to your true king, our father!
Have you really packed your bags, or have they packed them for you?
Despite my words you still refuse to listen to me. Since when did you turn your back on what I say? You always took your dear big brother's words to heart, now you back away from me like some coiled viper. Afraid, yet ready to strike at a given moment, and you do so by calling Father evil.
Of all the things to say…
How dare you.
He loved you just as much as any of us, and your thanks to him is a sharp blade pointed towards his kingdom? Never before have you brewed such a rage within me. You must not be my dear sibling. There is no way Kamui would say such things! Are you an image, a dream? No, not a dream. A nightmare. Whether you are, or you're not, I still have one question.
Are you living dead, or is this some sort of possession?
To turn your back on Father would be the worse of your sins thus far. Why is it now you call him a liar, a piece of dirt?! It was him who welcomed you into our family. He was the reason you were brought to us, the reason we love you.
My dear sibling, it was him who brought you to me.
I'll never forget that stormy night, for it changed my life drastically. Through the doors he trudged with you in hand. Your entire body was soaked from the rain, yet as he drew you closer towards me with a determined glint in his eyes, I could see it was tears that bathed your face.
I didn't understand the reason behind your sobbing then. It took me time, for I was still young, still stupid, to see you were afraid. There was never any reason to be though. Maybe it was the storm that shook your heart, maybe it was because you were so much younger than me, much more stupid. Still, as he threw you into my arms, it was never any harm we both sought to put you in. His words sealed this fate even more so.
"Watch them," he said. "They are your younger sibling now."
That was it. He had given his orders, and as loyal as I was to him I accepted them without question. You were his now, Nohr's, ours.
Though, I will admit, I didn't quite understand what to do with you then. As I walked the hallways, taking your hand in mine, I did notice your tears stop at least. Was my cold hand some sort of comfort? By then it had wielded a blade many times, so my fingers was rough and worn. At that time I allowed nothing but a weapon in my grasp, that's why my skin was so cold against yours. Even now, I don't comprehend the comfort it could have brought you. Whatever reason though, you did find comfort in it, in me, and that itself was a warm feeling. I was as reluctant to let go of you that night as much as you were of me. Even when I tried to pawn you off on my sister. Our sister.
"You are so cute," she cooed once meeting you, folding your face into her hands.
"They are our sibling now," I said without hesitation. "Father's words."
Camilla simply smiled to this. Like me, she knew Father's wishes were law and embraced them, and you, without a second thought.
"My dear younger sibling, I'll take care and watch over you from now on. Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?"
Even as I stepped back, letting go of your hand, it was still me you reached for. I was your comfort then. Whether I wanted it or not, you were mine starting then.
"Fufu~ It's your bed they wish to share with tonight," Camilla giggled, noticing this too.
I remember the odd sensation in my heart at that moment. It was my first time feeling it, but it certainly wouldn't be the last. A warm, light feeling. You were suddenly dependent of me. You wanted your big brother that night. Your feelings were rightfully put because like you, the Kingdom would someday need me. I gripped your hand a little more tighter then.
You were so quiet that night, but you didn't shy away from my embrace in bed. Instead, your tears returned, even with your hand in mine.
"What is the reason for your tears?" I asked.
You didn't have an answer, perhaps just as unsure as I. So, I instead wiped your tears, and a soft kiss upon your forehead was all you needed to dry your sniffles.
"You're royalty now," I said, as if that was somehow words of consolation. "So, don't cry little one. Father will watch over you. Your siblings too."
You found a voice then.
I nodded with a smile, I remember it perfectly well.
"Especially your Big Brother, so why not give him a brightening smile?"
Even through the dark, I could see your smile match with mine. You obliged without question.
"What is your name?"
Father had taught us well. To take care of those precious to you, and to cherish things that you hold so valuable to your heart. I decided then, seeing that heartfelt smile, that my blade would always be pointed perfectly towards your enemies.
Your timid nature and shy voice that night had only been a facade, I found out not long after. You were happy, friendly, energetic, and curious. So, so curious of the world beyond the Citadel. I didn't understand why at first. Surely that bleak world of war should not be something your shining eyes should look towards to. Death would surely spoil your pure heart, I thought. I wanted to protect you so much from that.
Luck was on my side when watching over you. Again, Father had been gracious. He protected you with tall, stone walls.
Soon, and much to my dismay, you let go of my hand. You had forgotten the comfort I once brought you and instead invested your time with the new faces inside these walls. Like me the help, and your other siblings, sought for your affection. They flocked to you like hungry birds, and you gladly showered each of them with your time and kindness.
They cherished you so much. Will they continue to do so after today?
Unlike them though, I never sought you for such things. Instead relishing in what you had already given me, and always happy when you interrupted my work for a brief hello. And no matter how many times I came and went, you were always there, ready to greet me – or beg me not to go.
"Do not leave me, Big Brother!"
You cried once, clinging onto me. Your wet tears running down my armor.
"I cannot bear it! Stay here with me."
I said nothing. I couldn't promise you the one thing you asked of your precious brother. Instead, I stroked your soft locks, one thing that calmed my rattling nerves – and what I hoped did the same for you. You were still too young, too naive.
You didn't understand what your brother was doing for this kingdom. For you. Down in my beast heart, I was helping to build a glorious empire. Even if you tried to blind me of this glorious dream with your sad tears, my wild eye was open.
It is always open.
That was my strength to turn and walk away from you. Your screams of protest fell to everyone's ears but mine. This was war, it tore people apart. That was the sacrifice Father had made starting this fight, so... I out of everyone had to walk away from the very person I cherished most at the moment. There was never any doubt in me that I wouldn't return to you though.
Whether it was weeks, or months, through the Citadel doors I came marching back to you. While I didn't seek you out like others, it was your smiling face I thought of every time I returned here, and it was always only a few steps in before you came rushing towards me.
Our silent understanding. Before anything else, I knelt to you and embraced you as you threw yourself into my outstretched arms.
Why did a hug returning to you feel so much more better than one that bid you farewell?
I'll admit. These were my favorite moments.
Through our time together or apart, our love for each other grew. You belonged to me.
You had been one of Father's most wisest decisions.
But it would be you also that made me question Father, and his choices, for the very first time.
"Train Kamui with a blade."
It was no surprise he asked this of me one day. It was not shocking to me that a time would come where you would take up arms alongside your siblings. This moment had come for all of us. For Nohr. For our Father.
Yet, doubts rang through my head then.
You were still so young. So pure. So Happy. So kind.
The spoils of war were not always glamorous. I couldn't bear the thought of you being tainted by shedding another's blood. A small part of me had always wished your time during this cruel battle would be spent behind these fortress walls. Or that I could end this war before your time to enter it came. I had a small hope Father meant to keep you here for a while.
Inside these walls, I could watch you.
Out there, any blade could claim you.
Father's orders had come to me late into the night. This news needn't be shared until morning. Yet, an unknown force brought me to your quarters. I felt torn inside while entering your room, seeing your small figure sleeping soundlessly on the bed made me quake. I shook as I looked down at you, as if you were going to be sent off to fight in the morning.
I shouldn't have been afraid. You were royalty, your training would come from the best, from your big brother.
Father is never wrong.
You stirred in your sleep.
"Kamui," I couldn't help but whisper.
My dear, sweet, kind, trusting, loving sibling. Tomorrow, I would begin wearing down your hands like mine already were. Your fingers would eventually freeze from the grip of a cold blade rather than the comfort of a warm hand.
There was a fear of losing you, I couldn't even bare that thought.
But there was also a silent dread of you changing. Killing another took a toil on ones heart – and war was nothing but that.
You were just a lamb.
I am the lion.
Down in my beast heart, I'm building an empire. Whenever I'm blinded, I open my wild eye.
You stirred awake as I sat on your bed, stroking your beautiful hair. It was smooth, clean, and shining under the moon's beams. It brought me comfort. Would war change this? Change your appearance? You couldn't take care to detail out there.
Would it still bring me comfort?
You whispered back with a smile.
My mind was elsewhere, eyes past you, the hand on your hair had fallen.
Could Father be wrong… just this once? I couldn't lose you. I couldn't have my precious sibling kill another. I couldn't have them change for the sake of Nohr.
Kamui was mine, I should have the final say.
Still so small, you had to rise to your knees to meet with my face. Your smile was sleepy, but still so ever bright. You dragged your fingers across the bags under my eyes.
...Why were your hands wet?
Another silent understanding, our love. You showed it me once more by placing a gentle kiss upon my forehead.
"I love you, Big Brother Marx."
Those words you said that night always ring in my head, even when I am at my worse. Your embrace into my arms, your head and hair resting against my shoulder, it was everything I needed that night. Thank you for allowing me to cradle you.
Our obligation was to take care of one another, for that is what siblings do. My job as your big brother was to keep your smile strong. I was going to form a kingdom for us.
That night I realized all the more then how much you were mine.
Yet, I understood too at that moment that I was just as much yours.
"Try your best to understand it. Try your best to understand the world. I love you too, Kamui."
I love you so much.
You are mine.
So, save your words. Save your breath.
Save your love. Do not waste it on that sad, sad family that you're suddenly bound to. It is mine anyway, and I will take that back too.
I will not be your prisoner, anymore than you'd want to be mine. But I will steal you back, Kamui. I will tighten the lock on the Citadel once I've put you back there. Those cold, stone walls will be higher now because of your ignorance. Father was wrong, war is not for you. You are just too loving, too naive. I really trusted you, I thought you were Nohrian. And we even called you our next-of-kin.
In your hand should be mine, not a blade.
I will take you back with me. I will pin you down under me if you still refuse what I know is best for you, and I will force you to choose me. I will make you stare into the darkness that is my eyes, the truth there should eclipse any light you're holding in yours. You'll never question again who it is you belong to.
Yet, I will not wait for you if you do not choose me over them, even if there is a reservoir between us. Looking at you with my wild eye, I hear a death rattle within my blade.
These eyes only see you now as a plague on the horizon. If you do not come to me, refuse me still, then I will come after you instead with a weapon. I, Marx, First Prince of Nohr, will not allow you to form a tie with Hoshido. You are only mine, even in death.
My blade is straighter than an arrow, pointed at a target in my heart.
Even if this sword is my anger, it is you, Kamui, that has brought this cursed time.
If you make me, I will drive it deep into your heart. It will be only me once again. Your final gaze will be on my wild eyes. I will make you feel my love through the cold, cold blade that will pierce your heart. Your pain, I will tell you, is the same I felt when you so foolishly chose another over me. If you're lucky, I may just hold your hand while you take your final breaths. It brought you comfort since the first time we met, did it not? Big Brother can at least give you that.
My blade will never look so beautiful, painted in your tainted blood.
You're bounded to a family, rather than to me, because of the blood you share with them? Then allow me to drain said blood, dear sibling. Maybe then you will realize…
Just how much I love you, Kamui.
A/N: How could you not make this based onii-san your husbando? Unf~