I can't tell you where I'm from.
I can't tell you whether I'm in the past or the future.
All I know is this - the one I love is dead.
My life from now on is lost, incomplete, and vulnerable to the realization of loneliness.
Everything I have known has seems to have left my memory - leaving me alone.
Leaving me with that feeling that I have always known.
Returning to me like an old friend.
Only I wish this friend would have stayed far away from me.
It followed me, lurked my shadows, and supervised my freedom.
The type of supervision that gave me the feeling as if I was not allowed to experience any type of happiness again.
I have lost him.
I will never be able to accept the fact that he will no longer return to me.
He is gone.
All that is left is a cloth of his appearance, and a broken heart.
Now I sit here kneeling against the ground, head in his humungous jacket, tears flowing and leaving trails down my cheek.
The red coat.
Holding his trademark within my arms, I remembered how this same kimono used to protect his rugged frame from the extreme winds, bizarre temperatures, and the occasional heavy rains.
I only wondered now - What would happen to me?
I soon felt that same water line trickle down my face again, causing my face to explode into oblivion.
I looked up to my fellow companion, my beloved summoner of Besaid, with defeat and agony dwelling in my pupils.
My green eyes continued to fill up with the memories of him and slowly dropped to the ground, in hopes that they would leave me to my painful future. They only began torturing me again by reoccurring in my head, playing devilish mind games with my emotions.
"I-I'm sorry Rikku" the summoner apologized, her voice trying to flow waves of comfort within my troubled soul. It was no use though; as much as the summoner meant not to cause any harm within her circle of friends, she began to lose her own sense of being herself.
Those words that she had said began to ring and repeat themselves constantly throughout my head. I breathed heavily, panted out and quivered words in hopes to contain my true anger. My mind contorted into a thousand different feelings and thoughts, not joining together truthfully to combine a peaceful resolution.
I continued to sit there on the skin of Sin, bewildered beyond belief. How could she dare to say that after everything that has just happened?! How could someone just forget about a person who has deeply affected your life, deeply affected your mind and soul? Have they not experienced this type of connection before? Was I delusional to them, or was this what I was supposed to feel?
My glance left the sight of the heavy red jacket and panned over to Tidus, and returned my shocked expression to Yuna. As much as I loved my gentle summoner, I could not accept her actions. -How could you Yuna? Why? - ran thought my mind, trying to find the impossible answer. As I sat there in Sin, I felt a new feeling run in my veins- envy. I envied Yuna, my loveable cousin and companion, for the simple fact that she still has him, the one person to wipe away her tears and heal her minor wounds.
Was it me?
Maybe Sin's toxin?
Was it his ghostly presence inside of me?
The tears just poured out of my eyes again as I thought about his voice and his touch, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't control it.
"Why Yuna, why?" I asked her, anger ragging out of my mouth. This new feeling, this envy, created a monster so horrible and so dark, that not even Yuna herself could possibly cure. I could feel the envy beginning to take its place within my brain, beginning to attack all of my precious memories, erase them, and create new and evil thoughts unlike ones I have remembered. Now, I slowly forgot everything, and mostly who I was. I glared up at Yuna, my new enemy, hearing the envy laughing at me inside of my own head. I staggered to my feet in attempt to strike her, my new fiend.
At that very instant, Wakka had sprinted over to my small body from behind Yuna and tackled me to the ground, protecting the summoner from my devilish plans. He held me tight against his chest, trying his hardest not to let me go.
"Rikku!" Wakka screamed, holding me tighter, "Yo, relax! Calm down, it's not worth it!"
I struggled harder in his tight death grip, but it was no use. I was just as helpless as a fish was in a huge bear's jaws. Finally, I slowly began to come back to my senses and felt the evil inside me seep out of my body. Wakka looked down at me and when he felt my body beginning to grow weaker, he loosened his grip. Looking around at everyone, I began to cry again because of how I tried to harm my own flesh and blood. Wakka looked down at me and then wrapped his arms around my shoulders, hugging me for comfort as I sat in his lap and wept.
"It's ok Rikku" he soothed me, putting his head against my blonde hair. Although he was trying his best to calm me down, all I could do was cry. Honestly, I didn't care what everyone else thought of me, on how much of a cry baby I might be or how I was being totally immature about the situation.
They never had this type of experience before.
They never knew their life has one big threat, their lives being hidden in the darkest of shadows.
They never lived their life as an Al Bhed.