Lost and Found
Authors note: I own nothing. Oh characters are property of JK Rowling.
Summery: Severus Snape has always been a bitter man. What made him so? This is a tale marked by betrayal and tragedy when the child he gave birth to disappeared. But 9 years later when an exceptionally gifted student is brought to Hogwarts early due to numerous instances of accidental magic, perhaps things will start to look up for the man who lost so much. Warnings: angst, Mpreg in the prologue, abuse, some descriptions of self harm. James bashing.
Prologue: Sewing the Seeds of Bitterness
No four words can cause greater anxiety than "We need to talk." So Severus Snape, needless to say, had a lump in his throat as he stood by his favorite tree by the black lake. It was a cloudy day in the late autumn, being the middle of October, and the wind tore through his clothing like knives, but rather than stinging cuts, they left a searing cold in their wake.
The seventh year Slytherin stood before a seventh year Gryffindor, both having to speak to the other on matters of importance regarding their relationship, but suffice to say, it was for entirely different reasons. James had spoken those four words before he had a chance, and Severus knew better than to interrupt him. Their relationship had always been a strained one, marked in the beginning by relentless bullying, harassment, and hardship all directed at the noir haired 17 year old. It had only escalated further in their 6th year into a strained sexual relationship. It couldn't be called a romance. It was more akin to James releasing his frustrations on the slightly younger student that led to mutual gratification. It wasn't uncommon for violence to happen between the two both outside and inside the bedroom, and just as often as magic, physical blows were used to settle disagreements between the two. The relationship, most briefly summarized, was James taking out his physical and sexual frustration on Snape, who allowed Potter to do so in exchange for pleasure.
Which is what lead him to the current conversation with his would be lover.
"I'm done with you Snivellus. You were nothing to me but a hole to fuck." James spits. Severus was far from surprised.
"While I can't say this was unexpected, may I ask why now, when in fact, you have had ample opportunity to end this silly game?" He asks.
"I have your best friend now. She's far better looking than you. Your nothing to me. I've found something better." He says, a smile not leaving his face as he leers down at Severus before giving him a shove against the tree before turning tail to go back inside.
Snape was relieved though. He had no reason to inform James of his current condition. The thought of which caused his hand to unconsciously rest on his still flat stomach.
It had began, poppy predicted, six weeks prior with one of their many tousles and this one hadn't even been between the sheets. This put the due date around June third. It wasn't romantic. Had been the only time they had sex that month and the only time since, so far had their intimacy deteriorated. Instead, after care of magical creatures James had said he needed Severus and they found themselves behind the greenhouses, Severus bent over and bare as the day he was born, and James only with his zipper down. There had been no lube or preparation. Just animalistic fucking that left the Raven bruised with the brutality of their fornication.
It was three weeks later that he began to display symptoms. He had been more exhausted than normal. The insomniac Slytherin was now able to sleep a full twelve hours as opposed to two to four at a time. His head had a dull throb as often as not, which may have in part lead to his irritability. He was liable to snap at anything that rubbed him the wrong way. But worst of all was the throwing up at the most inconvenient times. It was after a week of this he payed Madam Pomphry a visit.
Being raised in the muggle world, Severus hadn't any idea he could conceive a child due to his magic creating an artificial womb, but it had happened. He had a child growing within him. During the first week he had panicked. He wasn't sure what to do and the nurse graciously went over his options with him. Termination was risky due to the artificial womb drawing directly from his magical core. He didn't want to become a squib, or worse yet die, because of James Potter. This was all his fault.
It had been during the following week that he carefully considered his two remaining options. Adoption or raising the infant himself. It was as he was reading a book on pregnancy that he made his decision. He read that during this week the baby had a nose, ears, eyes and a mouth, it was beginning to grow limbs, it had a heart beat. It's blood was circulating. It was beginning to form the lungs, intestines, liver and pancreas. He was half way through his first trimester. He put the book down and his hand drifted to his stomach. That was his baby. And in 34 more weeks it would be ready to face the world. It had a heart beat. It was alive and it was his. And with that, his decision was made. And now, he was spared having to tell James about it. It had been what he was going to talk to the Gryffindor about that day. But now that there was nothing between them there was no reason. Severus Snape was keeping his child.
The next six weeks progressed quickly with unusual cravings for things such as pizza, mozzarella sticks, quesadillas, and pretty much anything that featured cheese, slathered in hot sauce. This of course led to heart burn, and he was unable to decide weather giving into temptation was worth it. He had gained a total of 5 pounds, his baby was capable of moving, had fingers and toes, grown bones, developed the brain at the astounding rate of 250,000 neurons a minuet, learned to practice breathing and developed the reflexes to wiggle around, though he had yet to feel it.
During this time Albus Dumbledore was informed of his pregnancy by Poppy, who was obligated to inform the headmaster. It hadn't gone over well at first, with Severus being scolded for how irresponsible he had been, for how he should have thought about the possibility, and how he expected him, of all the students, to be above getting pregnant as a teenager. This of course led to his emotions coming unhinged, explaining that he didn't know he could become pregnant since he was raised in the world of his muggle father and it's impossible there, for a man to conceive. The older man, having a new understanding, comforted Severus and asked who the other father was. He elected to keep James' role a secret, and told the headmaster it was a delicate situation and it would be for the best if he took that information with him to the grave.
The following trimester his child learned to suck it's thumb, formed all its organs, grew hair to keep it warm which would fall off prior to the birth, learned to make facial expressions, continued to form even more bone, plumped up and grew sweat glands. The half way point in this trimester the baby could hear him speak and could be startled by loud noises. Two weeks later marked the half way point. It was during this week he discovered he was having a son. He developed his sense of touch, his skin became more opaque, he grew eyebrows, and the dark hair could be seen on the scans. The brain and lungs continued to develop. It was during the 24th week that he felt the first kick during herbology. The inner ear developed so the baby could tell weather he was upside down, sideways, or right side up. By the 25th week he felt a constant fluttering in his belly. He had a distinct pattern of when he was asleep and when he was awake, and he was lucky enough for them to follow his own activity patterns. His second trimester ended with the baby getting the hiccups.
Severus had gained a total of 21 pounds by now and was grateful that the cold weather had him and everyone else bundled up, which made it easy to conceal his growing belly at first, but by the end of that trimester he needed to cast a glamor in order to maintain secrecy from the student body, and therein keep the pregnancy from the father. He had come to accept the fact that his relationship with James had been abusive. Potter had manipulated him, harmed him, and used him without any regard to his needs. He had no right to be a father to his son. Severus wouldn't trust him with the child. This child who was only a predicted 12 weeks from being in his arms. His son. His last family now that his parents had passed. And that baby was so alive, responding to his voice, to sounds, whenever something brushed against his belly. He couldn't wait to hold his child. Little did Severus know that James had seen his books on fetal development and what to expect during pregnancy.
With the next trimester his baby boy could open his eyes. He noticed a distinct preference in music as the part of the brain that dictated personality and intelligence grew more complex. He had a distinct taste for classical music, as it would put him to sleep and calm him down, whereas Author Weasely's god awful muggle country made the baby start flailing about inside him and kicking him until he could have sworn his organs had been permanently rearranged. By week 30 the baby was gaining half a pound a week. The kicks were more infrequent as there was less space. By the 32 week all the major organ systems save the lungs were fully functional and it was more than likely that his son, even should he decide to come early, would survive. Under his glamor, he felt like a whale, and he couldn't wait to meet his son, but he wanted him to stay in a while longer so he would be healthy when he came out. It was during the 34th week that the baby started to turn. As inconvenient as it was, it was during his newts, and there was a constant pain in his side at this point. Half way through his 35th week, his son was finally facing down, ready to be born. By week 36 he was ready to feed on his own and only a projected 4 weeks until his due date. Only 4 more weeks until he could hold his baby. Week 37 gave his son plenty of antibodies to protect him when he was born. He could hear and recognize Severus' voice. He was able to grab his toes, and his eyesight was developing.
By week 38 the baby would be considered full term and Severus was now getting everything ready for his son. His home at spinners end had the guest room refitted into a nursery by his house elfs and Severus and Albus had arranged for him to go home as soon as his son was born. Newts were completed and so were his 7th year finals. At this point it was just waiting for graduation and his inability to attend could be explained away by a ruptured appendix.
The following week on the 26th of May, around 7:00 in the evening Severus Snape went into labor. Poppy and Albus were both present to help him during his long delivery. He had chosen to go to St. Mungo' where there was less chance of the students discovering him in labor. He had elected to go pain killer free since they may relieve pain but they slow down labor. It was slow enough as it was. It wasn't until the 16th hour he felt the need to start pushing. It took another hour and forty five minuets for his son to exit the birth canal and start to cry. He was on the small side, being 6 pounds and 4 ounces, but he was healthy. Severus had gained 35 pounds during his pregnancy and was completely healthy. His son, who had been cleaned and he was now holding in his arms exhaustedly, had a full head of jet black hair and dark hazel eyes. His skin was pale like his own, but had thankfully been spared the prince family nose. Severus gave his hungry son his first bottle whilst trying to choose a name for the little guy. As he fed him, Severus felt a love for his son stronger than anything he had felt for another human before. After feeding and dressing him, Severus fell asleep, exhausted after a nearly 18 hour labor.
When he awoke it was to alarms sounding, placing the hospital on full lock down. The doors to the maternity and neonatal wards were sealed. Forcing himself to his feet, he made his way across the cold tiled floor into the hall where he managed to ask a nurse what was going on. The nurse had informed him that a new born had disappeared from the nursery. He's told he has to go back to bed. That he's in no position to be up and about. He didn't care and pushed his way past the nurses, running to the nursery despite the pain and the fact he reopened his wounds from labor. When he gets there he looks through the window for that unmistakable baby boy with a button nose, pale skin, and jet black hair. As he scans the rows he grows more and more frantic, but as he combed through the last of the bassinets, his son was nowhere to be found.
He falls to his knees in devastation, not caring about who heard the inhuman cries he made. Other new mothers and the staff attempted comfort, but Severus was inconsolable and rightfully so. His new born son, this baby who he hadn't yet a chance to name, yet he loved more than anything else in the world, was gone sooner than he had arrived.
Nobody had noticed the boy in the invisibility cloak slip in, take the new born, and leave. He had apparated to a muggle town called Wick Scotland and dumped the child in a waste container and shut the lid tightly before returning to Hogwarts like nothing happened. He recorded what he had done in a journal that was enchanted so that only he could see. He left Snivellus' son to die on a rainy night in the north of Scotland, never to be seen again.
For the first year Severus searched frantically for his son. The year he turned 18, he continued to search, though there were no new leads and he feel into a deep depression. As the bitterness grew he heard the news that Lilly was expecting a child. Potter got to have a child while his son had vanished before he even got to name him. That year he had been approached by Lucius, who promised to help the search for his baby in exchange for his service to Lord Voldemort. An offer he seriously considered until the Halloween of the following year when James and Lilly were killed. Their one year old son, his own child's half brother, being the sole survivor. It wasn't fair. Potter's son lived while his own was probably long dead. The following year he began to teach. At 21 he was a bitter man, having lost his son, who would be four years old now, while the son of his rival lived his child's half brother. It was though it was only to make him miserable. On his child's 5th birthday he did the same thing he did every year. He left flowers at a bench in the gardens of St. Mungo's that had been placed in memory of his son. There was no body so no grave stone had been set. This was the closest he had. He cried for hours, and drowned himself in fire whiskey. During the year that followed he looked into the faces of his students, wondering what house his son would have been sorted into. What subjects would his precious child have excelled in? Would he have been athletic like his father? Perhaps have been a seeker as well? Or would he have been the bookish type like him. The year he discovered Jame's journal and how to remove its enchantment he was livid. James had taken his son, the boy that he had helped conceive, and left him to die. His son was probably nothing more than dust at a land fill at this point, and then went on to have Harry two years later. What made the other child so much more special? He wept for days at the seeming confirmation that his child was dead, and the ministry of magic could do nothing to bring him and his son justice. The 8th year he was more depressed and bitter than he ever had been. His students feared him. The staff avoided him, and the world shunned him the way he shunned it. It wasn't until he was nearing th 9th year, now 26 years old and a very lonely and bitter man, that he was called into Albus' offices to investigate a muggle home with high sparks in accidental magic. The child was young, but powerful enough to merit an early trip to Hogwarts to begin education. And nobody was available to look into the matter but the most forbidding teacher in the whole school.
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