CHAPTER XXX: Muppet Madness

Leah had just been beginning to cope with the departure of Vindar, Isabelle, and Hoggle when something strange happened. Sitting on the throne that did not belong to her, she was thinking about how much she hated her life, when suddenly she found herself no longer on a plush throne, but in a leather desk chair with rolling feet. Quickly she surmised that she had been transported into an office of sorts. She looked down at the arm of the chair and saw a remote control for heating and massaging action. Suddenly struck by the whimsy of her situation, and feeling absurdly out of control over her own affairs, she decided to travel the road of her irony happily, and pushed the switch for a neck massage. Knobby things in the chair began to knead her neck. She relaxed into it while she pondered her circumstance.

It was a rather goofy-looking office. There were puppets and figurines strewn about. There was also a framed picture on the desk; she picked it up to analyze it.

It was a photograph of Jim Henson. She'd recognize it anywhere. "Hmm, a fan, I guess," she mumbled, trying to convince herself she had a grasp on what was happening, though she knew she did not.

To confirm the fact, a muppet opened the door, holding a bunch of paperwork. The muppet was in fact Kermit the Frog. Leah's jaw dropped.

"Erm, a, Missus Leah, I, uh, got some papers here for you to sign," Kermit said as he bounced over to the desk in his usual fashion.

Leah bent forward to see over the desk, and realized that Kermit was in fact unmanned; he was moving quite of his own volition.

That's when she realized that this day was going to be a bit much , even by her standards.

"Whoever came up with this is smoking something," Leah mumbled.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Kermit asked.

Leah looked at Kermit carefully, hoping that a good, long look would help her to realize she was hallucinating. Kermit just looked at her hopefully, in expectation of an answer. Leah sighed.

"Nothing Kermit. Just... go get met some coffee or somethin'."

"Sugar and cream?"

"And morphine, too, please."

Kermit worked his jaw around a bit before trotting off in search of a mind- numbing refreshment for the new CEO of the Jim Henson Company.

As he walked out the door, Leah saw muppets, puppets, and animatrons of all kinds milling about purposefully, making her wonder exactly how much of reality she had been taking for granted all this time.

But she knew, deep down, that the answers would not come until the sequel.


First Draft Completed January 24, 2002