Disclaimer: I own neither RWBY nor it's characters.


"Welcome to Beacon..." murmured a tired and depressed Ruby Rose as she laid her head on the ground.

Students swerved by her prone body as they tried to avoid her. She could hear their whispers as they walked past.

So far she had gotten abandoned by her sister, got talked down to by some snooty girl, and got lectured by some other snooty girl.

That all happened just as she had gotten off the airship. Not even an hour later and it already seemed like she had more enemies than friends.

The sun above her was almost insultingly sunny to the point she had to close her eyes from it's bright happy rays.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

She could still hear the sounds of numerous footsteps going past her until there was all but one source left.

Step. Step. Stop. Step. Step. Stop.

The sounds of the footsteps grew louder as they moved closer to her until they stopped right next to Ruby.

"Hey, I'm Jaune."

She opened her eyes a tiny smudge, the sunlight still strong, to see the silhouette of someone reaching his hand down.

To help her up.

"Ruby," she replied, a warm growing feeling in her chest. It was nice to know that there were friendly people here.

Without hesitation and still a bit blind, Ruby grabbed the arm of who she hoped to be her new friend and used it to pull herself up, completely missing the stranger's strangled gasp.

When eyes finally adjusted, Ruby could finally see what this Jaune looked like.

Blonde. Blue eyes. Oddly pale complexion. He had armor on his chest and both of his arms.

His face also looked like he was holding something in or was constipated.

"Aren't you the guy who threw up on the ship?"

It had sorta just came out of her mouth. It was a mere observation. She didn't mean to insult or belittle the only person who had been friendly to her.

She was about to follow up with an apology of some sort when she got the oddest response.

"Can you, um, let go."

Ruby blinked before realizing she was still holding his arm, which was oddly low.

Wait.

Both of his arm were at his side .

So what was she holding on to?

Her gaze turned to the arm that was still holding on to something. Then it went down. And down. And down. Then past her side until she even had to turn her head behind her to see the end of the arm.

Well, no, the small databank of knowledge not related tonweapons informed Ruby's brain. told her. That's not an arm. Arms don't grow down there. Or that long.

Meanwhile, the rest of her body was too busy short circuiting to care.

Jaune could only watch as the seemingl nice girl he met turn an impossible shade of red before going right back to pale.

After a minute of waiting, he then realized, she had fainted on the spot, still standing upright.

He gave an experimental tug.

Nope, even if she wasn't able to wrap her tiny hand around his thing's diameter, her grip on it was solid.

He didn't want another Vacuo incident so he had no choice but to wait for her to regain consciousness.

As he sunk his face into his hands, Jaune couldn't help but mumble, as well, what the girl, Ruby was it?, had said.

"Welcome to Beacon, indeed."


So, yes, Jaune Arc had a gigantic penis.

How long? As long as it wanted to be. Sometimes, it was just arm's length, long enough that he could barely reach for something. Sometimes, it was taller than he was. There were even times when it seemed like a regular foot long penis, but those were far and in between.

He had heard that he had almost lived without one because they doctors had thought it was his umbilical cord.

It was honestly tough.

Everyone would make fun of him. He would often be held up by security because they'd think he had a weapon of some sort. It also made it hard for him to train.

The worst part was, due to it's sheer mass and limited blood supply, he's never had an erection in his life. At most, he could at least get it off the ground so it wouldn't be dragged against the floor.

Still, if there was anything Jaune was, it was being positive or at least tried to be. He had hoped that, when he'd get into Beacon and become a hunter, things would start looking up.

He had even made a new friend who, ironically, did everything but look up.

"So, all I'm saying is that motion sickness is a much more common problem then people let on."

The girl, Ruby, just nodded and Jaune was delighted to find someone willing to listen to his rant.

However, Ruby was doing everything but listening as the whole time, she was basically just staring at...it.

Now, Ruby was a fifteen year old girl who was naturally curious about things. Sure, she may not have thought she was interested in those sorts of things or maybe she even didn't know she wanted to be interested in those sorts of things but that it couldn't be helped.

But right now, it was like leaving a fifteen year old boy in a strip club. It didn't matter how mature or immature that boy was, it was gonna end up messy one way or the other.

"Um, Ruby? You listening?"

"Huh?" Ruby looked back up to Jaune's face. "Um...yeah...sure. It was just the first thing to, uh, come to mind."

"Oh yeah?" countered Jaune. "What if I call you crater face."

"Yeah...sure." Ruby could honestly not follow the conversation as her gaze kept going bacl down.

The way it bobbed up and down was almost...hypnotic.

Fortunately, or maybe stupidly, Jaune never noticed any of Ruby's stares, thinking she kept looking down because she was shy.

"Well, the name's Jaune Arc! " Jaune said thinking it was a good time to reintroduce himself. "Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue - ladies love it!

"Do they?" Ruby honestly asked, her mind on other things. Was this what people considered short? Did they really have taste? She did remember Yang once mention something about rolling one's tongue when her sister had been bragging to a friend.

Ruby Rose was in the middle of puberty and it was about to hit her like a giant penis to the face.

Thankfully, she was able to jump over it as Jaune turned to her.

"They will!" Jaune insisted. "Well, I-I hope they will. My mom always says that... Never mind."

A comforable but sort of awkward silence fell over the two as they both continued their walkto Beacon.

Jaune was silent as he gazed in wonder at the mysterious sight in front of him. He had never seen anything like it.

People his age with varying weapons and attire passed him. A huge castle of a school that looked like a fortress was intimidating.

It was a whole new world for Jaune Arc. On where he hoped e could fulfill his dream of becoming a hero.

Ruby was silent as she gazed in wonder at the mysterious sight in front of her. She had never seen anything like it.

Was...was that thing normal? Was it even possible for it to fit into her? She's already had the talk on the birds and the beesbut now it seemed like she had grossly misinformed on how it was more of a tree rather than a pistil.

It was a whole new world for a young Ruby Rose. A crazy, messed-up world known as puberty.

It was then Ruby suddenly had an idea. She's seem pictures and diagrams and stuff but so she knew there was no way something like that was possible.

Maybe, it wasn't actually a part of his body but something else!

"So...I got this thing." Ruby suddenly spoke up as she brought out her baby, shifting it into it's scythe form.

For no reason whatsoever, she held it in front of her with both hands.

Jaune was clearly surprised as his eyes widened at the weapon. "Woah! Is that a scythe?"

Ruby cocked a smug grin. It was always nice showing off her baby. "It's also a customizable high-impact sniper rifle!"

"Wha-?"

"It's also a gun." Jaune's expresion went from surprised to impressed, mutterring how cool it was.

While that was all good and nice to see her baby getting due credit, Ruby turned her gaze to what she assumed to be Jaune's weapon, her mind already going through the possibilities on what kind of enormous weapon he had in his pants.

"So, what you've got?" Ruby asked as she eyed the hidden package hungrily, unconsciously licking her lips.

She could already imagine it as some sort of anti tank or air gun. Maybe, even something with a positron canon?

"Well," Jaune awkwardly reached to his side to bring out a simple sword. "I got this."

Ruby flickered her vision between the weapon in his hand and the weapon in his pants.

"Is...is that it?"

"Yeah. It's also got a shield, I guess." The blonde then attached what looked like a sheathe to his arm which then expanded to become a large shield.

"So what do they do? Do they have some sort of super special form?" asked Ruby, desperation almost evident in her voice. That thing had to be a weapon or some sort of gun.

Jaune just retracted the shield back to sheathe form. "Well, the shield gets smaller so if I get tired of carrying it around, I just put it away. Pretty convinient.

"Does..does anything else get smaller? It...it just looks really heavy so I'd thought you would be able to put it away."

"Well, I could put my sword in it which is sorta cool, I guess."

"W-what about a gun? You have to have had a gun, right? It can't be only that, right?!" Jaune hadn't noticed but the girl's breathing next to him had gotten much heavier.

"Well, it's a family heirloom. That's all it could do. No gun form or something."

Jaune actually looked pretty dejected and, while Ruby was going crazy trying to understand the thing in his pants, she cared more about making friends.

It was then that she decided that, whatever Jaune had, she would try her best to look past it.

"Sorry bout that." Ruby apologized and, for the first time, tried to keep her gaze to his face. "I'm just sort of a dork when it comes to weapons and I just expected more. It's cool though, you have to appreciate the classics."

"Yeah, the classics." His smile back on his face, Jaune sheathed his sword.

"So why'd you help me back there?"

"Well, my mom always said that strangers are just friends that you haven't met so I decided why not."

Jaune's honest answer was something Ruby could get behind him in, mainly because she was honestly scared at this point of being anywhere in front of him.

"Hey, Sis!" Suddenly, Ruby heard Yang's voice call her from a far.

Ruby turned her head and spotted her sister waving from a far as they both had somehow arrived in the front of Beacon even though, she at least, hadn't bothered to look where she had been going.

She had just sort of followed Jaune's thing.

Was it...was it some sort of compass? Did those work that way? She remembered overhearing some upperclassmen at Signal talk about how it was easier for longer ones to reach a spot? Was it a compass or something?

"Oh, that's my sister! Sorry, I gotta go."

Without wasting anytime, the girl then ran off to her sister, her mind full of questions that needed answers.

A lot of questions.


AN: This was supposed to be a huge long one-shot but I decided short chapters would be better as I want to get used to writing short stuff.

Also, you can only write so many dick jokes so expect short chapters.

This is basically what I'm writing as I rewatch the series as season 1 is such a slog. So don't expect much quality in it as I'm basically just gonna rewrite some scenes.

I already have the next few scenes written out and planned anyways, so whatever. Or maybe I'll make this an AU and switch up the teams as I have yet to do one of those stories.

You know, I haven't written any Knightshade yet. All the really good authors are doing it, and while I'm not saying I am one, maybe I should try it out.