Author: Michmak

Dedicated to: The Under the Bridge gang / GrissomandSara[dot]com – and the funny, funny girls on the strip. You'll recognize some of these descriptions!

Summary: It's a Monday night, and the crew is trying to watch TV in the breakroom.


"I can't believe you watch this crap!"

"Nice, Sidle. Whatever happened to 'Hello, Greg? How was your night off?'"

Sara smirked at the younger lab tech, and sank down into the vinyl loveseat beside him, looking around the break room. "Where is everyone else?"

Greg shrugged, "No idea. But Nick and Warrick should be here soon with some pizza. They're gonna be upset they missed the beginning."

Sara snorted, "You know, people watch this and expect the police and the forensics team to solve a crime in less than 45 minutes. Shows like this one make it harder for us to do our jobs – everyone wants the case solved in less than an hour!"

"Talking about FI: Forensic Investigators?" Catherine chirped as she entered the break room, followed by Grissom.

"I hate that show!" Grissom interjected.

"Thank you!" Sara grinned, "So do I. Not only are the story lines insane, but that lead actor – the one who left that detective show New York Beats for the movies – he squicks me out."

"Squicks you out?" Grissom cocked an eyebrow at Sara, causing her to shrug.

"Yeah – you know, heebie-jeebies? He makes me shudder."

The smell of pizza interrupted the conversation. "What'd we miss?" Nick demanded as he tossed the pizzas on the table and started handing out paper plates. Warrick followed him with the sodas.

"Yeah, what's the case tonight?"

Greg grinned, "A case: Dead man found stuffed in the barrel of a stunt-cannon belonging to 'The Flying Fellini Brothers' – moments before their grand finale under the big top."

"Was it a Flying Fellini Brother?" Warrick asked. Greg nodded and grabbed a slice of pizza.

"And? What was Horace Gain's one-liner heading into the credits?" Nick questioned.

"He said to the Ring Leader, 'He almost went out with a bang!'"

Everyone started laughing except Grissom and Sara, who just looked at each other and shook their heads. "Who writes that crap?" Grissom sighed.

"Exactly. Which one is veggie?"

"Gee, Sara – forgot the veggie slices," Nick teased, pointing to the bottom box as he said it. "You know what I like about this show? The female ballistics specialist is a hottie – all that long blonde hair. And I like her accent."

"You would!" Warrick teased. "The female coroner would be sexy, but she talks to dead people. Could you imagine if Robbins did something like that? We'd all be walking around him on tiptoes."

"Can you discuss this later? It's on again, and I'm missing the introduction to the B Case!"

"Sorry Greg," Catherine replied. Everyone turned to the screen, Sara rolling her eyes at Grissom as she did so. Grissom muttered, "Alligators ate the body. Right."

After a few moments of silence, Sara whispered loudly "Would anyone really wear high heels in the swamps of Louisiana?"

"Don't look at me," Catherine protested, when five pairs of eyes swiveled in her direction, "I don't work in Louisiana. Besides, someone needs to glam this place up a bit. No offence, Sara – but those boots? Not feminine at all."

"The lead guy thinks he's God," Grissom remarked dryly after a few minutes of silence. "No respectable forensics specialist would rely so heavily on their gut. Whatever happened to following the evidence?"

Greg rolled his eyes at Warrick and Nick, before turning to Grissom. "It's just a TV show – it's not real! They need to make it interesting, or no one would want to watch it."

"Besides – they must be doing something right – it is the highest rated new show of the year!" Catherine added sarcastically. "Obviously, people are finding it interesting."

"You know what would make it interesting for me?" Sara muttered to no one in particular, "A different lead actor. Seriously. His face looks like cottage cheese with a red wig on it."

"I don't understand what's wrong with this guy," Nick jerked his thumb, "He's a good actor. Why don't you like him?"

"He looks like an evil Keebler elf," Sara replied. "He's like a demented leprechaun; or a red-headed vampire. So not sexy. Leading men should be sexy!"

"Who would you rather see in the lead - Brad Pitt?" Warrick smirked.

"No. Wouldn't be believable. What about that actor from Chicago – the one who starred in To Live and Die in LA? He's sexy."

"William Petersen," Catherine added. "Yeah. Whatever happened to him?"

"Don't know," Sara sighed, "But he had a really nice ass. You ever see Kiss the Sky?"

"That the one with the devil guy from American Gothic?" Greg asked. "Two middle-age men having a massive mid-life crisis? The one with the ménage a trios? That was a weird-ass movie."

"You watched it with a date, didn't you?" Warrick laughed, "It's a great 'gonna-get-me-some' date movie."

"Yeah," Greg nodded, "The girl I saw it with had a thing for William Petersen too. I kept telling her that he was old enough to be her father, but she didn't care."

"There's nothing wrong with older men," Sara retorted. "Besides which, William Petersen is hot."

"He's the same age as Grissom," Catherine added, smirking when Sara turned a fiery red and Grissom looked at his feet. "How does Grissom stack up against him?"

"Uhmuhh" Sara sputtered.

"You don't need to answer that," Grissom murmured. "After all, he's an actor. He has to look good. I'd look good too, if I had money for a personal trainer and didn't have to worry about working for a living…."

"I'm missing the show!" Greg whined. "If you want to fish for compliments Grissom, can't you do it in the hallway or at least wait until the commercials?"

"What are you worried about? It was the surviving Flying Fellini that committed the crime," Grissom muttered. "And the body in the alligator – accidental death. He was poaching and drinking, and he fell off his boat and ended up getting poached himself. Can we get to work now?"

Greg, Nick and Warrick glared at Grissom. "Killjoy," Greg muttered.

"How do you know what happened?" Nick whined.

"There's still twenty minutes left," Warrick added.

Grissom half-smiled and grabbed the remote control, clicking the TV off and shaking his head. "Greg – there's some DNA samples in the lab that aren't analyzing themselves. Warrick, Nick and Catherine – I need you to go over the evidence and presentation for the Fergus case tomorrow. DA's going to need you. Sara – you and I will go over the fiber evidence from the serial rapist case and see what we can find. Okay?"

"Fine." Greg grumped, grabbing a couple extra pieces of pizza as he schlumped out of the break room. "Next week, I'm taking Monday night off so I can watch in peace."

"I'll join you!" Catherine added.

"Count us in!" Nick inserted, as he and Warrick followed Greg out of the break room.

Grissom looked at Sara and smiled, "Okay – ready to -"

"Griss?" Catherine stuck her head through the door, "Really – how did you know the resolution to those cases?"

Grissom sighed, "It's a repeat, Catherine."


Author's Note: Just for fun. The usual suspects were involved. Please R & R. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental and totally tongue in cheek.

And yeah – WP does have a nice butt. Re-e-eal nice.