Antisocial Behavior

A very disturbing Cinderella story

Chapter 5: Every Civilized Society Has Its Septic Tank


by Grey-X

Disclaimer: Cinderella and all other characters that appear in this story are the property of Disney. Including the Marvel Comics and Star Wars characters. If you still got a hair up your ass about that all these years later, go eat a bowl of dicks.


Here we go again, Drizella thought sourly as she glowered at her mother from across a table in the hospital's cafeteria. Meanwhile, her sister Anastasia was sitting beside her, still wearing what Drizella was certain was a face full of dread. Quite in contrast, their mother was calmly stirring her tea with the hand that ached less. Oh, she was still covered in casts and bandages, confined to a wheelchair. Yet getting a leg-up on her stepdaughter had done much to improve her mood. Despite still having a broken, battered body, Lady Tremaine now radiated the cold, dispassionate air of subtle savagery she was always known for.

Once upon a time, that suited Drizella just fine. But with one botched scheme to break Cinderella after another, which dragged Drizella into messes that always ended in disaster, she was starting to prefer when her mother was off her game. To say nothing of how Anastasia felt. While Drizella just wanted to steer clear of Cinderella these days, Anastasia actually had something of a bond with their stepsister.

Yet it didn't matter how differently the two of them looked upon Cinderella: the end result of their mother's scheme was the same. Now, Cinderella would think they were in on the plan to sic the Blob on her. Meaning no matter how much the two of them wanted to stay out of things, thanks to their mother, they were caught in the middle of her feud with Cinderella yet again.

And as Drizella kept scowling at Tremaine from across the table, she had no doubt that was exactly the way her mother wanted it. Force them to stick with her again, out of fear of Cinderella. Drizella had to suppress a snort. More scared of CINDERELLA than her mother? What was their corner of the mulitverse coming to!?

"Now now, dear, try not to wear such an unladylike expression in perpetuity, lest it stick," Tremaine drawled suddenly, right before sipping her tea.

That smugness Tremaine had been exuding all morning… Drizella did her best to bear it, but now she was at her breaking point. Slamming her hands against the table as she rose up, Drizella shrieked, "Does it look any less ladylike than, say, oh I dunno… Having it so it looks like Anastasia and I planted a GRENADE in a pot of chowder!?" This turned a few heads, but Drizella didn't care. Maneuvering like this to ensure she and Anastasia were firmly in her camp again… Tremaine had gone too far this time.

Not rattled in the least, Tremaine slowly set her cup back on the table. "As I keep trying to tell both you and Anastasia, appearances matter a great deal," Tremaine said smoothly. "But if you're so certain that your stepsister can see past appearances, as so many are quick to assume, you're free to try to make your case."

Drizella looked over across the cafeteria, along with her sister. There, at a table at the far end, was Cinderella, still looking winded from last night's ordeal. Drizella still wasn't quite sure HOW Cinderella got that quarter-ton of blubber off her tail. She had heard something about this 'White Queen' or whatever working with Shego to distract and knock out that tub of lard. But Drizella also heard that the Blob had chased Cinderella for hours before then. Whatever sleep Cinderella managed to get, doubtful it would do much for her exhaustion and aching arms.

Drizella heard Anastasia whimper a little. Unsurprising, since she actually cared about her stepsister. Drizella just wanted to steer clear of her. But that was no longer an option, was it? No, given how worn-out Cinderella looked… Once she recovered, there was a good chance the princess would want payback, leaving Drizella little choice but to flock back to her mother's side. Tremaine had played this perfectly, just when it seemed Cinderella had gotten the hang of playing her mother's game.


It was nothing short of a miracle, how Cinderella forced herself to tail her stepmother to the cafeteria late this morning. What with the way her arms felt like they were about to fall off, even after a few merciful hours of sleep following Fred Dukes's rampage. Thankfully some decided to intervene, even if it was after hours of that agonizing chase. Emma Frost couldn't change back to flesh and blood just yet, thus her telepathy was useless. But between her strength and Shego's weird pyrokinesis, somehow they got the Blob to back off. They took their sweet time doing so, but better late than never.

However, Cinderella didn't dare let herself believe her troubles were over. Oh no, quite the opposite was true. There was no getting around it: Lady Tremaine had played her for a sucker. Cinderella figured she had every angle covered, planned for every contingency. Instead, her stepmother found the perfect way to flank her, guaranteeing hours of agony and a tarnished reputation as far as Disney-Marvel relations went.

And so, Cinderella had followed Lady Tremaine to the cafeteria, even though she was still too sore and exhausted to really think about food. All she had gotten for herself was a can of orange soda; maybe the sugar high could put a bit more spring in her…spinning wheels. No, she was here to keep tabs on her stepmother, plain and simple. Sure, she could have surreptitiously had Jaq and Gus take care of it. But after her attempt to bait Tremaine blew up in her face (or rather, made something blow up in the Blob's face), Cinderella felt the need to take matters in her own hands. That, and make a show of strength to her stepmother, let her know that such antics wouldn't work. Even if, again, she felt ready to fall apart at the moment.

Looking over to Lady Tremaine's table, Cinderella saw that her stepsisters were still seated with her. They briefly glanced over in her direction, then quickly snapped their heads back when they realized she was looking at them. The anxiety bordering on terror was unmistakable. No doubt this was part of Tremaine's ploy, too. Make them believe they have no choice to side with her again, fearing this was one slight too many from them, Cinderella thought sourly. How overconfident could Tremaine be, believing she wouldn't see through that? Any more overconfident than you believing you covered every angle when it came to your stepmother's retaliation? Cinderella reminded herself.

It pained Cinderella to see her stepsisters so terrified of her. Not only was it pathetic to be petrified of someone stuck in a wheelchair, but she had been truthful before. Anastasia was almost a friend now, and Drizella… just wasn't worth getting worked up over. No, it was Tremaine she had to focus on. Which meant that she couldn't waste time looking for an opportunity to assuage her stepsisters' fears. Watching Tremaine's every move was key. Still trying to steady her breathing, Cinderella's gaze narrowed as she watched Tremaine sip her tea again. Yes, keep an eye on her stepmother whenever possible. And as long as Jaq and Gus kept an eye on Lucifer…

And just as Cinderella's confidence was starting to recover based on that notion, she suddenly heard an enthusiastic "Cinderelly!"

Eyes widening, Cinderella glanced down to see her mouse friends standing atop one of her wheels. "What are you two doing here?" Cinderella demanded through gritted teeth. You're supposed to be tailing Lucifer."

"Lucifee…gave us the slip," Gus admitted sheepishly.

"But we snagged something for Cinderelly that'll tip the scales," Jaq added.

Cinderella's hopes were rekindled, a little. "What is it, then?"

Jaq reached into his vest and pulled out what looked like a bit of chocolate candy. "Ex-Lax! Extra-strength!" Jaq said with a smile. "Say the word, Cinderelly, and us mice-mice will go drop it in Tremaine's tea. Won't be able to cause much trouble when she's on the can for hours!"

Cinderella would have facepalmed if she wasn't worried her arm might fall off from the force. "Guys, we pulled that trick off already with the gunpowder. Stepmother will see that sort of ploy coming," Cinderella whispered irascibly. "Besides, we need to get creative, not recycle the same old stunt." Sighing, Cinderella reached for her soda can, pulled the tab, and her face was suddenly doused in sugary, orange-flavored wetness.

For a moment, Cinderella was frozen in place from shock and humiliation. As orange soda dribbled down her face, Cinderella slowly turned to gaze at her stepfamily's table. As she suspected, Tremaine was grinning smugly. "Oh dear, it looks like someone shook up a can of soda. Well, I do believe I saw my daughters coming out of the kitchens right before arriving for breakfast…"

Cinderella's gaze shifted to her stepsisters, who looked as if rosebushes were stolen from the Queen of Hearts's gardens, then planted in front of Maleficent's fortress, and someone told BOTH villains they were responsible. They shook their heads furiously, as if they actually thought she would fall for it. No doubt this was what Lucifer got up to after giving Jaq and Gus the slip, Cinderella reasoned as she wiped the soda off with a napkin. And Stepmother, you obviously have yet to learn there's such thing as overplaying your hand. Especially when it would trigger a reprisal unconsidered otherwise. Her stepsisters were not the target, only Lady Tremaine. And if her stepmother thought this would distract her… Still glaring over at her stepfamily, Cinderella hissed down at the two mice through gritted teeth. "Laxative. In tea. Now."

Cinderella heard their skittering as they clambered down the wheelchair and across the cafeteria, and so she kept glaring over at them. Make her stepmother focus on her, and thus be less likely to spot the mice. Her ploy worked. Cinderella forced herself to suppress a grin as she saw Jaq drop broken-up bits of laxative into Tremaine's tea, then skitter off with her none the wiser. It still bothered her, the fearful looks on her stepsisters' faces. No time to spare regarding that, however. Tremaine was still all that mattered. And she had to have something ready once she was done crapping her guts out. Again.


Drizella never thought that she'd be more terrified of Cinderella, the girl once forced into their servitude, than her mother. But here she was, on the far side of a cafeteria and stuck in a wheelchair, and her gaze online filled her with dread. And the worst part was, Drizella wasn't sure WHY. Was she afraid that, after recent events, Cinderella might come after HER? She was a princess now, and had power. Cinderella never stooped to such petty shows of force before, but perhaps now… Or was it just how this prank war she was fighting with Tremaine threatened to suck in her and Anastasia with the force of a black hole? The latter was certainly looking like a sure bet now.

We've got to find a way out of this craziness, Drizella thought to herself, desperation welling up within her. Which came from knowing she'd have to do something desperate, and soon, before this prank warfare got out of hand.

At last, Cinderella wheeled herself away from her table and out of the cafeteria. Soon after she left, Tremaine prepared to do the same. Oddly, she didn't bother touching her tea again. Anastasia, however reached for it, only to receive a slap from their mother.

"Don't," Tremaine snapped. "I heard the little pitter-patter of rodent feet as the princess tried to stare us down, and now I detect the faint aroma of chocolate wafting from the cup. The fool girl thought I'd fall for that trick again, did she?" she grumbled acerbically as she began to wheel herself away, motioning for her daughters to follow. "Seriously, who would be stupid enough to fall for such a ploy?"

Drizella and Anastasia obediently and nervously fell in behind their mother. Shortly after they left, however, someone else stumbled upon their table, and what was left on it.

"Oooh! Someone left their coffee behind!" said the Blob jubilantly, and downed the cup in one gulp.


With another intestine-liquefaction-inducing incident for Lady Tremaine narrowly avoided, one might be tempted to think that things would be relatively quiet for…well, a few hours at least. But of course, hoping for that would be foolishness on par with expecting Ariel to keep her hoarding habit in check. Oh no, with the ire of these two aroused beyond anything they've ever experienced before, neither were ready to give an inch.

And that went double for their animal companions. As Cinderella and Tremaine went to plot their next moves, their faithful friends sought to keep their respective rivals off-balance. In Lucifer's case, the opportunity came when Cinderella retreated to that courtyard once again to clear her head and formulate a new plan. The beauty of those gardens, and especially the flowers in full bloom, would ease her mind and help her focus, or so that was her hope. Unfortunately, Lucifer found a way to turn that against her, thanks to some contraband confiscated from a poor soul just admitted to the emergency room. Which meant that the flowers Cinderella took the time to sniff…had been sprinkled with powdery crystal meth beforehand. So instead of clearing her head, Cinderella wound up in a drug-induced haze, as she sped around the courtyard at top speed in her wheelchair with wild abandon.

Not that two certain mice were any less devious or brazen. Soon after single-handedly creating Disney's newest anti-drug PSA, Lucifer returned to their hospital room and snuggled up on Tremaine's bed. Tremaine herself, learning that her stepdaughter would be…indisposed for a few hours at least, decided to let a little more rest. Soon, both of them had drifted off, which gave Jaq and Gus an opportunity. With Gadget's Gyro-Tank in perfect working order once more, they used it to adhere to the wall, right behind Tremaine's bed. Anchored there, Gus reached out with a long peacock feather to gently tickle Tremaine's nose. Eventually, he succeeded in making Tremaine slap her own face. Only, instead of shaving cream being put on Tremaine's hand, Jaq had slipped a joy buzzer on her finger. So when Tremaine involuntarily facepalmed, she gave Lucifer and herself a good million-volt wake-up call, one that made their skeletons briefly become visible. Once the shock subsided, they just looked ahead blankly as smoke rose from their soot-covered bodies.

Needless to say, once both women recovered from these affronts, total chaos would erupt when they clashed again, threatening to engulf a good number of other patients. And two dreadfully anxious family members on top of that.

"Oh, what are we gonna do NOW!?" shrieked Anastasia as she paced around the hall. "Once Mother and Cinderella recover, they'll be at it again. And no matter who wins, we're SCREWED."

Fighting the urge to slap her sister silly, Drizella grumbled through gritted teeth, "We've still got time to figure something out until they're ready to start trolling each other again. So do us BOTH A favor and try to think of something instead of panicking!"

To Drizella's surprise, Anastasia finally stopping pacing, steadied her breathing, and looked to be doing just that. "OK OK OK, got to think, got to think… Oh, but we're in uncharted territory here! We both know Mother will never let a grudge go, and now Cinderella's getting just as bad! It-It-It's like the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object here, and we can't keep them apart. S-S-S-So maybe…"

For a moment, Drizella actually was hopeful her sister had some sort of plan. But from her facial expression, it was clear her thoughts were drifting elsewhere. "Anastasia, what is it?" Drizella barked acidly.

"I'm not sure," said Anastasia. "Do you hear…some sort of moaning?"

"We're BOTH going to have a lot to moan about once Mother drags us into a new scheme, and Cinderella comes after us all with a vengeance!" spat Drizella. "So if you've got an idea for helping us avoid all that, let's hear it!"

"Well, that's just it. Nothing we do can keep those two from locking horns again," Anastasia finally continued. "So…we just let them."

Drizella just stared blankly back at Anastasia, that urge to slap her rising once more. "We…WHAT!?" she demanded incredulously.

"We make sure they butt heads again, but WE arrange how and when," said Anastasia. "They'll be so focused on trying to outwit each other, they may overlook what we try to do. Mother, in particular, figures you'd never DARE cross her. And Cinderella, well, sort of trusts me, and…"

The idea was crazy, plain and simple. But maybe, just maybe, it was crazy enough to work. And anything was preferable to sitting around waiting for their mother and stepsister to recover and drag them into this insanity all over again. If they were forced to dive into their madness, at least let it be on their terms. So Drizella marched forward and grabbed Anastasia by the wrist. "Come on. We got some more planning to do."

"Oh, OK then," said Anastasia timidly as her sister dragged her away. "But I swear, Drizella, I heard some sort of weird moaning back there…"

And indeed, it was more than just Anastasia's imagination. For they had been standing in front of a door to the men's room, one a certain Fred Dukes had lumbered into moments before…


Biting her lower lip, Anastasia looked down at her stepsister, who was ready to peel out in her wheelchair. Seriously, that stunt Lucifer pulled with those drugs… It was abundantly clear that the physiological impacts had yet to taper off. Cinderella's eyes were still bloodshot, and she looked as if in the throes of a sugar rush. On the bright side, having Cinderella's mind clouded in such a fashion made it easier for her to be suckered. Cinderella was no Moira MacTaggert, but at the same time she was no fool, either. In fact, Anastasia suspected that it might have been impossible to coax Cinderella into this without Lucifer's earlier antics.

"So, that's it?" Cinderella demanded anxiously, hands on her wheels, ready to burn some rubber. "Lady Tremaine's down this hall, being the lookout as Lucifer tries to tamper with the medication dispensing cabinet thing?"

"Uh, yeah," said Anastasia, terrified that something – a slight inflection of her voice, some telltale facial movement – would give her away. There had to be some distrust lingering after that catastrophe with the Blob. Yet Cinderella was barely looking up at her, staring intently down the hallway leading to the nurses' station instead. "So… You got everything you need?"

"Alright, equipment check," muttered Cinderella as she reached behind her for her…primary weapon. "Super-Soaker 300 filled with Hawaiian Punch, check," said Cinderella as she pumped it up. "Boxing glove gun courtesy of Jessica Rabbit, check." Now she pulled out a comically huge revolver that somehow made her look gangsta. "Lasso made from the new girl's hair, check!" A fancy brown lasso that indeed looked like it was made out of absurdly long human hair whipped about above Cinderella.

More and more 'care packages'. This better get the both of them to back off each other. Or at least Drizella and I, Anastasia mused silently. Out loud, she said, "Then that's everything. Go get her, for both of us!"

Cinderella hardly needed any encouragement, wheeling away at an insane velocity down the hall, not even sparing her stepsister another glance. Which suited Anastasia just fine. It could only mean Cinderella still didn't suspect a thing. But that was only half the equation here.

Slowly, ever so cautiously, Anastasia stepped backward as Cinderella sped away, until she was sure her stepsister wouldn't look back and see her ducking down another path. Hiking up her skirts, Anastasia darted down her route, hoping she wasn't too late.

For once, it seemed luck was with her, for soon she ran into Drizella, who was also clumsily running in her dress. Soon, the two of them came across another scheming figure stuck in a wheelchair. As usual, her gaze held her usual calculating coldness, but other aspects of Tremaine's appearance… That zapping delivered courtesy of those rodents must've been a big one. Not only was their mother's hairstyle comically poofed out, there was some weird facial twitch she was exhibiting as well. Anastasia could only hope a few billion electrons addled her mother's brain as much as the crystal meth messed up her stepsister's. "It's about time you two showed up!" Tremaine snapped acerbically. "So, what's the emergency?"

Anastasia felt her throat closing up due to terror, but thankfully, Drizella came to the rescue. "Anastasia was just talking to Cinderella, and the idiot let it slip that she's going to have those vermin mess with your medications while she distracts the nurses, "Drizella said quickly.

Their mother could only glower up at them for a moment, but when she spoke, a fiery hatred as great as ever lurked underneath that cool, silky voice. "Oh, she does, does she? It's a good thing I'm here then. No time to wait for Lucifer to arrive, and you two… Leave this to me, no room for screw-ups!" Then she dug into the seat of her wheelchair to check on a couple of items. Cinderella wasn't the only one getting 'care packages' in anticipation of an escalating war. But Anastasia couldn't keep herself from widening her eyes as she pulled out one of the Queen of Hearts's FLAMINGO CROQUETS from her wheelchair!

"Croquet mallet, that crossbow from that one vulture boy, the captain's spare hook… Yes, I do believe your stepsister is about to run into…COMPLICATIONS." The venom in that last word sent shivers up Anastasia's spine, but thankfully, just like Cinderella, her mother didn't spare her another glance as she headed for the nurse station. When Tremaine finally rounded a corner and was out of sight, Anastasia exhaled forcefully, not even realizing she was holding her breath.

"Well miracles do happen. They both fell for it!" Drizella exclaimed, their plan finally coming together.

"Where…was she hiding the flamingo?" was all Anastasia could get out.

"Who knows? Who cares?" Drizella shot back. "The important thing is, now they'll be so laser-focused on each other, no time to drag us into anything!"

That, at least, brought a smile to Anastasia's face, and they fist-bumped in triumph. A triumphant feeling that was short lived, as doubts still plagued Anastasia. "But Drizella, you sure there won't be any…fallout?"

"Fallout schmallout," Drizella spat dismissively. "What's the worst they can do over there?"

Drizella got her answer as the lights flickered a moment, the exact same moment that blood-curdling screams of terror echoed from the nurse station. But none of those voices belonged to Tremaine or Cinderella. And if they were screaming bloody murder at each other, their voices were drowned out by crashing sounds, more electronics shorting out, and what sounded suspiciously like drywall being smashed through. And then, all of a sudden, ominous silence.

A silence reciprocated by Anastasia and Drizella themselves for a moment. "D'you think, we should go check on them?" Anastasia suggested delicately.

"Uhh, sis, the idea was to get them OUT of our faces," Drizella reminder her. "C'mon, let's go get some dinner."

And so, the two of them left the disaster area, not sparing their mother nor their stepsister another thought. They also didn't think too much about the moans STILL coming from a certain men's room passed along the way…


Dead silence lingered at the nurse station for a considerable stretch, but that was hardly surprising since Cinderella and Lady Tremaine were the only ones hanging around there. And what is meant by 'hanging around'… It's in the most literal sense possible. Seriously, Johnson & Johnson needs to cut a deal with a soon-to-be Disney Princess inductee regarding whatever she uses for her hair. The lasso she formed with it for Cinderella… At the moment, it had looped around several sprinkler units in the ceiling. And now, both Cinderella and her stepmother were out of their wheelchair, trapped and suspended by the hair lasso, twirling about uselessly with faces full of impotent rage.

That wasn't all. Cinderella also had an arrow and a hook lodged into the cast of her right lower leg. Neither penetrated too deeply, but some blood trickled out. Lady Tremaine, meanwhile, on top of being drenched in some red liquid that fortunately wasn't blood, was getting what would certainly be a nasty black eye by the evening. And to add insult to injury, one of the… items she brought to this battle of wits, the flamingo, was busy licking at her Hawaiian Punch-soaked hospital robe.

And so, the two of them kept dangling from the ceiling like piñatas for quite a while. Sparks flew from some of the computers, showering onto a plethora of overturned carts and scattered documents. Until, finally, Cinderella broke the silence in what was perhaps the most irascible tone anyone ever heard from the princess. "You know stepmother, I do believe there is sufficient evidence for the theory that we were both snookered."

"Indeed," replied Tremaine tonelessly as she feebly tried to kick the flamingo away. "We were so focused on each other, we never anticipated treachery from those we believed firmly in our respective camp. But on some level, I do have to give my daughters some credit for their brazenness. I never thought they'd BOTH have the courage to cross BOTH of us."

"I think we can agree they learned from the best," Cinderella said sharply, just as she was turning in midair to come face-to-face with her stepmother again. "So what now? Do we call this escapade in the hospital a draw, or is this just a temporary setback for both of us in the overall war?"

"Hmmmm, when blinded by pride, one typically doesn't contemplate the totality of mutually assured destruction until it's staring you in the face," Tremaine said thoughtfully as the flamingo kept lapping away.

"Well, I've already let my own newfound vindictive streak go a tad too far," Cinderella fired back. "But where we're hanging now, it's hard to imagine things blowing up in both our faces any worse…"

And on cue, right after tempting fate in such a blithe manner, the nurse station, no the entire hospital, had an ominous rumbling go through it. Cinderella and Tremaine could only stare at each other in confusion as they continued to dangle uselessly from the ceiling. Which meant they were helpless to save themselves from karma catching up to the both of them (and screwing over everyone else) in the form of the hospital's septic tank going completely FUBAR. Which resulted in raw sewage exploding everywhere throughout the facility. And considering the two of them were hanging around sinks at the nurse station, a considerable amount geysered up under them, drenching the both of them in unspeakable foulness.


"So that's it?" Vanellope asked incredulously. "The whole thing ended in a stalemate after things LITERALLY went to [TRUCK HORN] at that hospital?"

"Language…" chided Melody under her breath.

Figuring her goal was accomplished, given that all the children had been enraptured by her tale up until its very end, Cinderella had no problem answering in the affirmative. "Well, after the two of us inadvertently set off the domino effect leading to the obliteration of the hospital's septic system, the staff was QUITE eager to discharge the both of us the following day."

"So yeah, stalemate. Neither of you really won? That's kinda a…disappointing ending," said Cubby.

"So that means nothing was settled between you and your stepfamily, right?" asked Nibs.

"It's…hard to say," Cinderella admitted. "The last time we all saw each other was during the screening of our live-action reboot movie. And it was weird. It was as if my stepmother was trying to be supportive in her own way…"


Just over a year ago, at a red carpet screening of their live-action movie, Cinderella had deigned to sit next to her stepfamily, with Jaq and Gus on her shoulders. By then, the memories of how she had been beaten to a pulp, consumed with petty resentment, and reeking of ass from getting blasted with untreated sewage, had mostly faded. Lady Tremaine, for her part, finally seemed reluctant to bring up old grudges as well. And to Cinderella's astonishment, when Tremaine's ire did flare up, it was not directed at her, or even her counterpart on the big screen.

"Good heavens, how did the production team get away with such horrid CGI design for those rodents!?" Tremaine suddenly bellowed at the movie screen. "You can easily tell those vermin aren't real! Why are we the only ones who have to put up with the indignity of such putrid CGI models for rodents, and…"

Tremaine was cut off when a slice of pizza struck her in the back of her head, making Tremaine curse under her breath and Lucifer growl in her lap. Cinderella and Tremaine both looked up to the upper levels, and immediately saw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles glowering down at them. Cinderella could only blush with embarrassment, and Tremaine could only utter, "Oh, point taken…"


"Turtle power, indeed," said Melody dryly.

"So again, what was the point of all that?" asked one of the twins. "You get stuck in a hospital, play some pranks on each other, then call a cease-fire and both go your merry way?"

"Yeah, I thought there was a moral to this story," added the other twin.

"Obviously, the moral is that if you try too hard to fit in with what a changing world seems to force you into becoming, you set yourself up for pain. And parts of a giant robot falling on you," Melody offered. "And when you let anger you thought you had under control consume you, well, no one wins."

"Long story short, you start [TRUCK HORN] for no reason, the [TRUCK HORN] finds its way back to you," Vanellope summed up for Melody.

"Language!" bellowed all the other children.

At this point, Cinderella didn't care how much foulness rolled off the young princess's tongue. At least Vanellope seemed to get the point, even if her summation for the others was a bit too simplistic. So Cinderella decided to elaborate. "In essence, Vanellope is correct. I and so many others feared that by the Marvels becoming part of our world, our old attitudes and beliefs no longer had any relevance. So I pushed too far, got myself hurt, and then because of a changing world, I felt I had to restart old fights. Leading to a war neither side would really win. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I believe I've emerged the better for it. And as a reminder, I had a painting made of a certain photograph." After pointing to the far wall, all the children turned to see a huge painting depicting Deadpool taking a selfie with a certain flummoxed and battered princess.

"I wonder, did anything with those Star Wars guys get as messy as what went wrong in that hospital?" Tootles suddenly asked.


As fate would have it, Baymax had gotten hold of a lightsaber, and the poor robot seemed baffled by the device. He examined it up close, shook it around, but then realized there was a button on it, so he pushed it. Unfortunately, with the way one end was pointing, right toward his abdomen, which ensured Baymax was…


"Let's just say that not as much hot air was blown around, but some still was," Cinderella said quickly with a look of exasperation. "So then, children, any other questions?"

Vanellope brightened up, which instantly made Cinderella a little anxious. And that anxiety proved quite justified, for she then asked, "Yeah, do they still do that princess boxing thing?"

Cinderella's face fell all over again. "Unfortunately, yes," was all Cinderella could mutter.

"Aww, don't sound so down about that," said Melody. "After what happened the night you stepped into the ring, how bad could any other bout be in comparison?"


Perhaps Melody would get her answer sooner than anyone thought, for at the House of Mouse, the next such bout was already underway. Deep into the seventh round in fact, and the frizzled red hair and braided red pigtails were flying. Turnout hit a record high that night as patrons from across multiverses came to see Merida and Anna pummel each other's faces into mince. And so far, neither were disappointing. Goofy, still the ref for the bouts, kept a considerable distance as the princesses let each other have it. Merida got in a couple good jabs into Anna's face before the latter could bring her gloves up to block the punches. The freespirited Scot kept up the flurry of punches as the princess of Arendelle desperately kept her guard up, but then Anna found an opening, delivering a vicious body blow to Merida. Staggering back, Merida was wide open for more, and Anna unleashed a whole barrage of punches that had Merida up against the ropes. But unfortunately for her, the bell sounded to end the round and Goofy broke them up.

Both princesses retreated to their respective corners. Still groggy from such a vicious pounding to the face, Anna staggered as she fell back into her chair. Olaf was there with her spit-bucket, while Kristoff massaged her shoulders. Likewise, Merida's parents were there for their daughter in the other corner, prepping her for the next grueling round. But alas, where were those carrot-top triplets that are constitutionally incapable of not causing trouble, or a certain Snow Queen the world just can't seem to get enough of?

In the case of the latter, Elsa was actually seated at a private table quite close to the ring, not looking as interested as one might expect, considering her little sister's face was getting tenderized like a slab of beef. But hey, conceal don't feel and all that. However, it looked as if Elsa would soon have bigger concerns anyway, considering Harris, Hubert and Hamish had just snuck under her table. As Elsa took a big gulp of soda, they were setting up a portable heating unit. Given how Elsa's dress was woven from ice, well… Suffice it to say, it looked as if a good many fanboys' dream was about to come true.

That is, if the last person anyone would expect to thwart such a prank hadn't intervened right then and there. Appearing as if from nowhere, Deadpool swooped under the table. With one thrust of his katana, he slid the blade through the triplets' outfits in such a way as to be able to hoist them all up without slicing their backsides, and stab through the heater to boot. And before Elsa could grasp what was going on, the merc with a mouth moved in, slinging his free arm over Elsa's shoulder while still dangling the triplets over the floor with his katana.

"Greetings, my dear frigid royal," said Deadpool as he nuzzled his head close to Elsa's, who was still holding onto a mouthful of unswallowed soda. Her anxiousness from Deadpool's dismissal of the concept of personal space was a palpable thing, so she probably didn't notice the bell for the eighth round going off. "Yeh yeah, I know. Surprised I decided to forego the chance to see how pointy that ice dress really makes your nipples? I can do without. Personally, I'm more enticed by the idea of you impaling my cancer-addled carcass with those ice stilettos someday in a Marvel vs. Capcom sequel. Provided those suits at Disney DON'T NIX ALL THE X-MEN CHARACTERS!" exclaimed Deadpool, pointing right at the viewer as he said that. Elsa still just sat there with Deadpool looming so close, the soda still in her mouth. "Anyway, let's get back to a night of seeing your sister get a black eye or two, Your Highness," Deadpool added, followed up by what was supposed to be a friendly slap on the back.

Unfortunately, that friendly gesture caused Elsa to down that mouthful of soda in exactly the wrong way. Elsa's eyes bulged out, followed swiftly by her hands flying in front of her mouth. Ultimately, she was forced to let a certain something go. A hiccup escaped Elsa's lips, followed by a loud belch, one punctuated by an uncontrollable burst of icy power blasting out of her mouth, right at the ring. Merida and Anna were busy beating each other's faces in again. But the bout was interrupted by an icy stalagmite erupting from the center of the ring and splitting it apart, making both princesses stagger back and fall flat on their asses.

For a moment, Anna could only look up at the pillar of ice jutting up from the ring, a dumbfounded look on her face. When she pulls her gaze away from it, her expression changed to one of dull disbelief. Elsa's hiccups weren't stopping, and each one caused her to belch out one icy blast after another. "Oh really, we gotta to go through this AGAIN!?" she cried out in exasperation.

And the entire House of Mouse was forced to evacuate, patrons screaming and fleeing in terror, as one gigantic, spiky pillar of ice after another erupted from within to punctuate one hiccup-belch after another.


Think that's the end? Well, technically, it is. But there's one last thing to get across, and ironically, the place it happened is a certain Snow Queen's personal getaway spot. Yep, Elsa's ice palace was still standing, and the front door slowly creaked open. However, instead of Marshmallow or the Snowgies coming out, instead we see, of all people, Deadpool. And in typical Deadpool fashion, he looked right at the viewers, fourth wall be damned.

"Surprised to see me?" Deadpool asked coyly. "Don't be. Turns out a certain Snow Queen rents this place out as a vacation resort or something to a similar effect. Just glad I bought my pass before Sodaghazi. And hey, those little snow-booger things provide better room service than you may think."

For a moment, Deadpool just stared at the viewers in profound silence, before picking up with the mile-a-minute chatter again. "Anyway, care to explain why the [TRUCK HORN] you people are still here? Why do I gotta keep telling you to not expect teasers for the next whatever? Seriously, you expect the author to have a follow-up for THIS!? This one-shot gagfest that was literally inspired by a Sylvester and Tweety cartoon? It's a minor miracle that Cinderella got one official sequel, let alone TWO."

And with that, Deadpool went back into the palace, and the front door almost slammed shut. But at the last minute, Deadpool poked his head back out. "But as for what this author would like to do next… Well, I can spill a little secret. Turns out he's had an idea for a Sailor Moon/X-Men crossover percolating for about a decade, and 2017 is when he's finally resolved to start it. I'd grill him about taking his sweet time, but hey, look how long it took for yours truly to slice and dice his way to the big screen. No word yet if yours truly will be mingling with those fuku-clad schoolgirls get. But I can be…persuasive," Deadpool said, pulling out a Desert Eagle to emphasize his point. "In the meantime…"

Deadpool was interrupted by a sharp, commanding cry from deep within Elsa's palace. One that would sound disturbingly familiar to Disney aficionados. "WILSON! Get your charred and scarred butt back in here at once!"

"Coming, Maleficent!" Deadpool called back before turning back to the viewers one last time. "No need for touching myself tonight. Boom chicka wah-wah," he proudly declared as he raised his eyebrows. And then the palace doors finally slammed shut.