Okay, so my mother has done it again. Using her evil Jedi mind tricks or whatever, I find myself once again at Dwight's "oasis". And watering the lawn. For her. Stupid china shipments. Maybe she used her Jedi mind tricks to get the china to come at the exact time that she would need to water the lawn. I wouldn't put it past her when she wants to get out of something. Not that I hate her or anything, I love her to death, actually. But this place, it kind of gives me the creeps. The giant Tiki head with the huge red tongue? Not a pleasant sight.

"Five o'clock at the oasis.." Singing clocks. Okay, yeah, it's cute, but creepy at the same time. Like a dog who stares at you for a little too long.

Okay, so all I have to do is water the violets, turn off the sprinklers, and I'm out. Phone ringing. Uh oh. Dwight didn't say to answer the phone. But then again, he didn't say not to. Of course, he could have some special way of answering the phone. Mom has her "Nicky's whore house. When you need a quickie, just call Nicky." That really ticks off grandma. Maybe Dwight has some special phone answering spiel. "Dwight's Oasis. We've got board games that you didn't even know exist." Or maybe "The Oasis. Our fish are plastic, but our passion for the tropics is real." No sense in possibly screwing it up. I'll just let the machine get it.

"Dwight? Hi, it's Doris. Doris, YOUR WIFE!! REMEMBER ME?" Okay, so now I'm getting scared. "THE WOMAN WHO WAS ASLEEP IN BED WHEN YOU SNUCK OUT THE WINDOW LIKE A SPINELESS LITTLE WORM!" I don't think worms can sneak out windows. "HOW DARE YOU SNEAK OUT LIKE THAT, YA SNIVELING LITTLE POND SCUM SAMPLE? I SHOULD CALL ERIN BROKOVICH TO BRING A LAWSUIT AGAINST YOUR PARENTS, YA STEAMIN' LUMP OF TOXIC WASTE!" Oh wow, this is just sad. As well as very frightening. I wonder if she's going to reach through the machine at any second. This woman should never have seen Erin Brokovich. Or The Shining. "You really thought you could get away from me?" Oh my god, what is up with this woman? This machine is like a car crash. You don't want to listen but you just have to! "I would have found you sooner if I had BOTHERED TO LOOK, but now I have, I've found you and all I can say is this: I WANT MY BOARDGAMES BACK!" And I suddenly see why they were married. I wonder if we can convince Dwight to give her the Tiki head too. "I WANT THEM BACK, AND I WANT THEM BACK NOW!" Yeah, now I just have to get away from this woman. I can't blame Dwight from running away from her. I'm scared of the phone message. "I will hunt you down to the ends of earth until I get them back. ESPECIALLY THE TRIVIAL PURSUIT!" And I am SO out the door. Dwight is going to have a pleasant message waiting for him.

Okay, turn off the sprinkler then run very far away. It's almost like I'm half expecting Dwight's ex-wife to show up at any second. She might kill me. I wonder if blood is good for the lawn. Okay, turn the spigot thing and- WHOA! WET! Okay, so maybe I twisted it the wrong way. Nope, still got LARGE AMOUNTS OF COLD WATER coming at me! Doris, using your evil powers to spray me with water is NOT the way to get back at Dwight! I'm not strong enough to do this! Note to self: after saving lawn from drowning, start using the weights mom has been using as paperweights. Maybe I do need cardio salsa. Now the water has gotten to my brain. Ugh- thanks to my extensive private school learning, I know that water plus dirt makes mud. Ewwww. GROSS! Okay, I've had enough. Time to call in the boyfriend.

"Dean, please have your pager with you. Please. Come on!" Stupid beeper! Stupid pager! "DEAN! Damn you and your Unabomber tendencies!" Well without, the whole scruffy beard. Though, with the rate his hair is growing, he could just have a mane. Okay. Time to stop thinking about Dean as the Unabomber. Time to find help for the lawn. Quick. That will require running. "Aw man!"


Gotta run. Okay, though it is no where near New Year's, the resolution is to start running everyday, just in case of emergencies such as this. Though I hope that Dwight will be leaving us alone after this. Maybe Doris will get him. And his lawn too. Ouch. Oh great. Out of everyone in this town, I would have to run into Jess. Though the momentary contact was kind of nice- BAD RORY! You're mad at Jess! And you want to save the lawn. You also want to kiss Jess. No no, KILL Jess. Stupid water.

"Whoa whoa, watch where you're goin'"

"Just get out of my way." Walk fast, avoid eye contact. And he's following me. I can feel him right next to me even before he says anything. My neck feels all tingly when I feel his warm breath. So close---BAD RORY!

"I like the new look. Very 'Blue Crush'." And he's comparing me to a surfing girl movie. Not a great compliment.

"Hilarious." I could mention how you remind me of Mr. Rogers with the whole sweater thing going on you have there, but I don't trust my mouth with you around.

"What's the matter?"


"You're walking pretty fast for nothing." Damn your observant tendencies. If you were Dean, you wouldn't have noticed. If you were Dean, I wouldn't be running around this town. If you were Dean, I wouldn't be suppressing the urge to kiss you now---BAD RORY!

"Well our president says exercise, and I am very patriotic"

"And completely soaked." I sweat a lot?

"Where is everyone?!"

"Who are you looking for?"

"No one."

"Rory, stop!" He touched my arm. It's all warm now. Okay, I'm feeling like a REALLY bad girlfriend here. "Other than the fact that you're obviously out of towels."

"This guy moved in across the way from us, and we said we'd water his lawn, and the grass can only be watered in ten minute increments otherwise the lawn drowns and the..." what the hell is it called? ".thing." Very good. Nearly made sense there "is stuck and it won't turn off and I have to find someone! Luke, or Taylor," Eww, Taylor wet. Dirty! "Or-where are you going?" And he's gone. Obviously the rambling has frightened him off. "JESS!"


"You don't have to do this!" My god, does he run everyday or something? I'm out of breath but he seems just fine. Stupid people who are in shape. "I didn't ask you to do this!" You hear that Dean? I don't know, maybe you're hiding in the bushes. With the alarmingly increasing rate at which you seem to be taking up stalker-like habits with me, you never know. "I can just find someone else to do it!" Ha! You try and turn it off now, bad boy! Oh. You can. Damn.

"You made it look so easy."

"Ah it was loose. You just had to press down and give it good twist, that's all." Oh my god, he's even hotter wet than he is dry.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Wow, that sweater is really sticking to his skin. I see a six pack. Oh my gosh and his hair is all wet and there's water and I-I.I'm kissing him. I take one step forward and I'm connected to him at the lips. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. This is incredible. Water? What water? What oasis? What Stars Hollow? His lips are so soft and warm just like I remember them and he's holding me so close. If I wasn't so busy thinking about HOW AMAZING THIS FEELS I'd worry about him breaking my ribs. But what a way to have them break...OH MY GOD! DEAN! SHIT! Pull away! Pull away! Abort mission. His eyes pop open. His lips are kinda swollen. Sexy.BAD RORY!

"Oh my god."


"Oh my god."


"I just kissed you."


"I'm with Dean, and I just kissed you. Oh my god."

"RORY!" And I look at him. And he looks so serious. Wait, when did he get my hand? Obviously I've been trying to run away, because he has a pretty good grip.

"What?" Barely above a whisper. This can not be good.

"Are you going to run away again? Because I don't think those saddle shoes are appropriate for the amount of running I know you're going to do."

"I-I kissed you."

"Yeah. Again. So are you going to tell me what is going on, or should I just turn on the sprinklers and let you keep ignoring what's happening, and let bagboy come to the rescue?" He still has the handle in his hand. I can't do this anymore.

"I kissed you again. And I'm with Dean."

"So I'll just be going then." He lets go of my hand and starts to turn on the sprinklers again. The water is coming down around us, and I'm about to let him go. Again. I know there won't ever be another chance.

"Wait, Jess. I'm with Dean, but" I take a deep breath "I don't want to be." He stares back at me. I'm sure I must look absolutely ridiculous. Dripping wet school uniform, mud on my stockings. My hair must be a mess, too.

"Then what are you going to do?" As if on cue, my beeper goes off. Dean. Well, I guess this problem is going to be solved rather quickly.

"Who is it?" He asks. I debate whether to tell him or not. I could say it was my mom. But then again, when Dean shows up, I think Jess will notice.

"Dean. I paged him earlier to help with the sprinkler thing."

"Oh." Awkward silence.

"Look, I need to talk to Dean. But come by the house later. Okay?" Jess smirks slightly but turns around. Dean is coming around the corner, but I don't think he can see Jess. Dean, we've gotta talk.


Well, it's over. I should tell mom to burn the "Mrs. Rory Forester" needlepoint pillows. We don't actually have any.at least not as far as I know. Mom is going to freak. She is going to yell. I know this. So, I brought her a peace offering: coffee.


"In the living room! Rory! Come sit down, Trading Spaces is on and that ridiculously old dude whom we both know is gay, is on! Come on! He's got his hands on some orange fabric and he's talking about a 'masterpiece'!" Oh mom. So unsuspecting.

"Actually, mom, um, we need to talk." Mom switches off the TV and takes a cup of coffee.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"What? Why"

"Well, that's how most break-up conversations start. But if we're getting a divorce, I want custody of the kids."

"Mom, we don't have any kids. I'm your daughter. That's physically impossible. Not to mention very disturbing to consider."

"True. So we need to talk about what? I'm sure we already had the whole 'where do babies come from' speech."

"Yes, and now I know that I came from a magical duck in the sky who delivers children in sparkling sequined blankets."

"You were six! I panicked! But you got the whole Sex Ed thing later, so I know that you're all straightened out."

"Yes, it's a magical stork."

"Very good."

"So, back to topic. Mom, I have some very bad news and I don't want you to hate me when I tell you, so please don't yell and just listen to me all the way through before you start talking about how you're going to disown me or send me to military school or sell me to Michel and-"

"Rory, focus. I'm listening. And nothing you do could merit selling you to Michel."

"I broke up with Dean." I say quickly. Mom's eyes are as big as saucers. As big as they were the first time she saw the prices at Starbuck's.

"And I am proven wrong yet again."

"Mom, wait, you have to listen to me why."

"I thought you said this thing with Jess was gone. Done. You were going to make things good with Dean."

"I know what I said, mom! But I couldn't do it. And I..I kissed Jess."

"Yes, at Sookie's wedding. Thanks for the re-cap."

"No, I mean I kissed him today."

"Where?" And there's the vein in her left temple making a surprise guest appearance.

"Outside of Dwight's house."

"And obviously we know nothing about romantic setting."

"Look mom, you have to understand, Dean and me, we weren't right for each other. He didn't read any of the books I read, he didn't understand the power of the written word, and-and-and he didn't like Willy Wonka"

"I thought we were going to work past that."

"I tried mom, really I did. And don't think this was any easier on me than it was on him. Oh god, I almost started crying. But mom, you have to understand why I did this."

"For Jess? For the guy that broke you? For the guy that has been wreaking havoc in this town for the past few months? Who broke up Rory and Dean: the town couple?"

"Mom, you don't know him."

"He hasn't made a real effort for me to want to know him."

"I know mom, but you haven't made an effort to know him. Please mom, you trust me. I know you do." I give her the puppy eyes. She can't resist them. Mom is quiet for a few moments, staring into her coffee cup like all of a sudden a way to get Dean and me back together will appear. Finally she takes a deep breath. Here we go.

"Look, I am not happy that you just broke up with Dean without talking to me beforehand. This is not to say that I wanted you to get permission from me or whatnot, it's just that I wish I had had more time to prepare. Also, I do trust you. I know that you wouldn't throw away what you had with Dean just for some guy who was going to be a two-week thing. I've taught you that you need at least a three-week thing." She smiles a little at me. "But seriously, I want you to be careful about this thing. And I want you to take things a little slower than you did with Dean, for my sake. And finally, and the absolute most important thing: tell me how good a kisser he is!" I groan and mom starts jumping up and down on the sofa. She better call out for Chinese, because it's going to be a long night.