Title - Extra Mega Crossover
Authors - the deranged Julesmonster
Date - 18/11/00 - 22/11/00
Disclaimer - there's too much to disclaim...... basically I own crap all,
cept Rat the Cat that is.
Summery - ummm I got bored and combined almost every show I ever liked in
my entire life....
Authors notes - aww hell.. where do I start? I'm bored... its Saterday arvo
and I've been reading/watching way to much Rat-X-Files-Voyager-All Saints -
etc etc etc fic and shows for my own good. Heaven help us! Also.. side
note.. will never happen but... for the sake of this fic....all these shows
are on at the same time...

Extra Mega Crossover

Detective Senior Constable Rachel Goldstein was bored. And when she was
bored she usually did one of two things. A) watched telly or B) cleaned.
Since the house was generally clean, the kitty box done, the shopping
packed away and the house looking generally spiff, Rachel sat in front of
the box with her cat, flicking through the channels of the TV.
" Ahh good aussie telly!" she sighed as the wailing of an electric guitar
followed by a sexy sax blasted from the telly. She'd always liked aussie
drama's, specially those set around Sydney and Police Rescue was no
exception. Rat the Cat on the other hand had a different idea. Pouncing
onto the coffee table he landed on the remote control, changing the
channel. The strains of a lone trombone signalled the start of a totally
different program. In instant later people in pajama suits were wandering
around a spaceship of some kind.
" Commander.... I think we should explore this T class cluster... you never
know what we might find in there"
" I agree Captain, I'll assemble an away-team immediately"
" Thank you Commander"
Rachel groaned audibly, like hell they'd let a woman command a spaceship,
and NOT where something totally revealing to amuse the blokes. Leaning over
she picked up the remote, scooted Rat off the coffee table and changed the
channel again.
" Mulder.. I don't think aliens inhabit this planet and are on a personal
mission to get you"
" But Scully.... why don't you BELEIVE??"
" Give it a break!" Rachel yelled at the telly again, gez, why don't
American's get some taste and realise that they don't in fact rule the
world and aliens wouldn't bother to try and infiltrate them. Sighing... she
changed the channel again.

" Mrs Mc'Clowd unfortunately our test results are conclusive. You do have
cancer." the handsome young doctor said, trying to keep the emotion from
his face. The elderly woman sobbed openly and was just about to .....

" Fire Photon Torpedoes!"
" Aye Captain!
" Report!"
" Structural integrity 54% and falling.... the hulls' going to breach in 30

"RAT!" Rachel screeched as she missed the emotional climax of All Saints.
She didn't want to watch spaceships or aliens or other science fiction
garbage.... she wanted her aussie drama! Rat however had other ideas.

" Mickey... over there!" Georgia pointed at the car dangerously close to
falling off a cliff, its two occupants trapped inside. The two rescue
officers harnessed up and started to make their way towards the wreck.
Mickey had just started to climb inside while Georgia cabled to car in
place when the car started to slid, Mickey was flung forward and just as
the car was about to disappear over the cliff....

"Mulder... fire damnit!" Scully called over the din. They had chased the
weirdo looney bloke to a set of abandoned apartments and they finally had
him cornered when Mulder seemed to freeze, alien shadows playing across the

" Bugger this for a joke" Rachel thought angrily as she turfed Rat off the
remote control again and onto the floor. In her anger though she picked up
the wrong remote, leaving the telly on The X-Files. Not looking at the
gadget she held in her hand she pressed a button, realising too late that
it was not the TV remote, but the reality controller, and she had just
pressed the 'zap only' button.

Zap Flash what the f**k?

" Mulder, did you just see what I just saw??" Scully asked as the same
woman as before just materialized in front of them... with a cat.
" bloody hell" Rachel swore as she saw the reality controller in her hand.
This was gonna be fun, noone was in the control room and she wasn't really
sure how this remote control thingo worked, although, if she ended up on
another date with Robert Redford......

" Hey you're that chick from Down Under arn't you?" Mulder smiled in
Rachel's direction.
" ummmm yeah.. I.. ah.. picked up the wrong remote.. and.. ahh... ended up
here..." Rachel stammered fumbling with the controller trying to figure out
what the mink to press to get her away from the eyes of Fox Mulder.
Dropping the remote she knelt to retrieve it from under the table when Rat
pounced on it first.

Zap Flash What the F**K?

" Mrs Mc'Cloud....I'm very sorry, would you like me to... What the HELL???"
Dr Mitch Steven yelled as the person in front of him disappeared and
someone new took her place.
" oh shit" Rachel groaned, where the frig was she now? Looking around she
recalled the surroundings... All Saints! Mitch had exited the room calling
for security when Rachel decided now was the best time to take off. Finding
herself only in a hospital gown she grabbed the remote control and tucked
Rat securely under her arm while she bolted out of the room and down the
corridor. Slamming through the big double doors of the ward she ran
head-first into the security personal. Swearing again Rachel quickly
reversed course and dashed back INTO the ward, much to the horror of the
nursing staff. Dodging beds, patients and pans she scampered onto the
balcony and pressed a handfull of buttons on the remote control just as the
security personnel grabbed her...

Zap Flash What the F**k??

" Commander I want a full sensor sweep on that area.. search for Borg
signatures....we can't afford to... Who the Hell are YOU??" Captain Janeway
yelled as she stood infront of the person who just materialised on her
bridge.. with a cat.

" Wait a minute... didn't you come here last time with that group of 20
century humans?" Paris said, giving Rachel the eye. Glaring back at his
direction Rachel pondered the thought.
" Yeah... yeah I think so.. I'm Rachel Goldstein....Detective Rachel
Goldstein." Rachel introduced herself, seeing the blank looks the bridge
crew were giving her.
" Ms Goldstein.. are we to expect any more...visitors?" Janeway asked,
wondering wether she should go and hide in her ready room now before
someone else zapped themselves onto her ship.
" Nah.. not this time I think, its just me and the cat" Rachel looked
around her... and down at her attire.
" SHIT!" she exclaimed, finally realising why one Thomas Eugene Paris was
giving her the eye...she was still in the hospital gown from the previous
" Captain.. why don't I escort Rachel here to some guest quarters so she
can change?" Tom suggested from his post at the helm. Janeway thought for a
second before nodding.
" Good idea Mr Paris.. Mr Chakotay can I see you in my Ready Room?" she
said before hi-tailing it to the readyroom for some 'fun-time' with her
favourite first officer.\

Meanwhile Tom and Rachel were chatting merrily in the turbolift. Or more
accurately, Tom was happily chatting UP Rachel, who was in fact, glowering
at the world and everything in it, while Rat was having fun climbing up and
down Tom's pantleg. Shortly after they arrived at the quarters Janeway had
hastily reserved for Rachel. Tom stood in the main room while Rachel
retreated to the bedroom to change.
" So this is the new fashion of the 20th century?" Tom laughed as she made
the dash for privacy. Realising that these people probably don't have a
clue about her time Rachel thought she may as well lighten up and spill the
beans. This place might not be so bad after all.
" Nah.. this is from the previous Zap...the bloody remote must be buggering
up again." she started to explain "I somehow got hold of this... like.. its
a remote control thing.... and it controls reality. SO like you can travel
through time.. or go onto TV shows like they were reality and...."
" Tom Paris! Get your eyes OFF that thing!" B'Elanna Torres, Voyager's
cheif engineer and Tom's honeymunchkin yelled as she finally located the
whereabouts of her loverboy. Rachel shrank back into the corner, trying to
hide the fact they she was only dressed from the waist down, unfortunately
B'Elanna noticed.
" Oh I get it.. first 20th century woman on the ship and you immediately
try to jump her? That's it Thomas Eugene... you're on your own.. no TV
set... no extra replicator rations, nothin! Its OVER!" B'Elanna stormed out
of the room, leaving Rachel frantically trying to figure out how to
replicate a bra and Tom dashing after the angry Engineer, who just happened
to be a half klingon.
A rather long time later Rachel was seated at a table in the
messhall, having gotten sick of trying to work out how to use the bloody
replicator thing. She'd managed to get it to make her some clothes, half
decent ones in fact, but food was another thing entirely. The silly thing
didn't even know what pastie was!
Neelix, the talaxian cook was very kind to her, loading her plate with all
kinds of exotic delicacies, unfortunately the didn't taste quite as good as
they looked.
" Welcome to the Delta Quadrant! Full of horrible foodstuffs and weirdo
alien beings" Tom announced his presence and pulled up a chair beside her.
" Ugh... how do you eat this stuff?" Rachel grimaced, poking at something
that looked like a purple potato mash that tasted something like curried
" You get used to it... trust me. I'm gonna have to get more used to it
since Be' threw me out. Damned Klingon temper of hers." Tom prodded, trying
to get an invite so he could stay the night in comfort without telling the
Captain that B'Elanna had thrown him out....again.
" Oh right.. I get it... you can sleep on the lounge!" Rachel said as he
scooted closer. This was definately going to be an interesting evening!
As the day turned to night (simulated of course!) the two became closer,
sharing thoughts on many topics. What's life like on Voyager, who the mink
are the Sydney Water Police and so on. Things were getting rather heated
between them, Tom making the first move and gently bringing his lips down
on hers. Rachel's mind whirled, who the mink WAS this bloke.. and why the
FRIG was he kissing her! Nonetheless he was bloody good and she felt
herself responding to his touch. They rolled, landing in a heap on the
floor when...

Zap Flash What the F**K???

" Bloody hell!" she screamed, why did something always happen when things
were just getting interesting? She was back in her apartment, so was Rat,
nothing was amiss...the TV was on.. showing the last credits of Police Rescue.
" Gawd I'm glad I didn't end up there" she sighed, once again picking up
the cat and the remote. Heading towards the bedroom she stopped by a framed
picture, moving it slightly and opening the safe behind it. Placing the
remote control inside and twirling the combination she once again resuming
her journey towards the bedroom. She was asleep almost before her head hit
the pillow, dreams of a certain young Starfleet officer floating through
her mind. Yes playing with reality does get rather tiresome!

yep.. thats it.. no more.. till I get inspired again...

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