Disclaimer: Like I said in my previous novelizations, I don't own Super Mario Bros. There is a Toad name here, though, that I do own.
Author's Note: Well, you've probably been waiting for this fanfic ever since I announced it at the end of "The Toad Warrior". It's a novelization of my favorite Super Mario World cartoon episode, "Send In The Clown", which was the third episode of the series and was written by Martha Moran, who is in my humble opinion the best writer ever for the Mario cartoons. It was my favorite episode of that Mario cartoon, as it was the closest the show ever came to adaptating the game. Martha Moran wrote a few Mario cartoon episodes like "Quest For Pizza" and "A Little Learning". So now, the fic you've been waiting for - the "Send In The Clown" novelization!
One night in Darkland, the
Koopatrol guards at the front gates of Bowser's Castle were
unable to fall asleep on the job. Actually, anyone inside
Bowser's Castle weren't able to get any sleep at all. That was
because King Bowser Koopa wasn't in a very good mood that night.
"RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the Koopa King roared as he stomped up and down in his throne room. "I hate, HATE, HATE THOSE MARIO BROS.!!!!!!"
As he was screaming, his youngest Koopaling, Bowser Koopa Jr. entered the room.
"Something wrong, papa?" Bowser Jr. asked.
"Wrong?" Bowser said, clenching his fists. "My dear son, what makes you think something is wrong??"
"Well, I think that something's wrong on acounta the fact that you're stomping your feet and screaming so loud the guards can't fall asleep," Junior answered.
"Well, if you must know," Bowser replied, "it's that none of my evil plans ever work! And you know why?"
The little turtle looked around. "You never ask me to help?"
"NO!!" the big turtle screamed. "It's those Mario Bros.! I hate 'em! I don't understand how this whole thing got started. I hatch up these huge, elaborate schemes to take over the Mushroom Kingdom so foolproof even other villains would recognize it as top notch, and then those stupid plumbers take whatever they can throw it and send it to the junk pile! When I was in the hospital after my first loss to them, I thought they would only be a pair of minor setbacks. But every evil plan I've made has been foiled by them. It's so bad it's not even funny! From the bottom of my toenails to the tip top of my hair strands, I, KING BOWSER KOOPA, DESPIIIIIISE THOSE MINDLESS SUPER MARIO BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bowser then snorted a line of fire from his mouth. The fire landed right on the Mario and Luigi dartboards on Bowser's wall, burning them to a crisp.
"Papa, maybe you can defeat them if you take some suggestions," Junior pipped. "Namely mine."
"I don't know what I can do!" Bowser paced around. "Our takeover of planet Earth would have been perfect if Princess Peach hadn't stowed away on the Doomship, destroyed your brother Ludwig's Koopa Klogger, and left the warp pipes open for Mario and Luigi to come through. That television scheme would've worked if those Princesses and Yoshi hadn't lept into the stage. And I was charred for a week after I lost the Star Rod! But don't let me describe that one..."
"Well, papa, why don't you capture all of their friends? That way, the next time you put the Marios in a bad predicament, you won't have to worry about their friends helping them."
"I can't do that. The plumber bummers would most likely come to their friends' rescue before I could do anything to them."
"How about capturing the Mario Bros. and all of their friends? That could work!"
Bowser looked at his miniature lookalike. "Junior, what is this junk you're eating?" He pointed at the strange-looking snack Junior had been munching on during their conversation. "It looks like some sort of... tacho! I can hardly call it food!"
"This?" Junior held it up. "It's a naco, a taco with nacho toppings. I saw it on 'Kim Possible'. You know, that animated show you had Kammy and Kamek do a parody of during that Apook TV scam?"
Bowser snatched the naco out of his son's claw. "I don't give a hoot about what we were spoofing! I need some way to destroy those Mario Bros. and take over the Mushroom Kingdom once and for all!"
"But papa," Junior begged, "a naco is a popular foodstuff! It's given out at county fairs, baseball games, picnics, circuses..."
Bowser stopped him in midsentence. "Hold it! Circus..." He thought about it for a moment. Then suddenly, a lightbulb appeared above his head. "That's it!"
"The naco is it?" Junior asked.
"No, not the tacho!" Bowser said.
"Naco," Junior corrected.
"Whatever," Bowser continued. "Junior, get your brothers and sister together to draw fliers, and tell the Koopa Troop to set up a tent in the front room! Tomorrow, we're gonna have a circus right here in Darkland!"
The next morning, Bowser
and every one of his eight Koopa Kids stood outside his castle.
Ludwig Von Koopa, Lemmy Koopa, Roy Koopa, Iggy Koopa, Wendy O.
Koopa, Morton Koopa Jr., and Larry Koopa all held stacks of red
flier-sized posters, which read: "The Koopaling Brothers
Circus - The Greatest Show In The Mushroom World! Performing
tonight at Bowser's Castle." Under the logo on the poster
were pictures of a clown head and a Koopa Troopa with a funny
moustache. Bowser Jr. was the only Koopa Kid who did not have a
"All right, kids," Bowser assigned, "I want you to place all these posters all over the Mushroom World. That way, we'll be able to lure everybody from all over the Mushroom World to our circus! So here's your jobs for now. Wendy, Morton. Place your posters all over Toad Town and the surrounding areas. Ludwig, Larry. Go to the Lands' End to post your posters. Roy, Iggy, Lemmy. You put your posters on all the islands in Mushroom World. But whatever you do, don't let the Mario Bros. find out about this! I just want whoever resides where you go. Nowwwwww... GO!"
The seven poster-toting Koopalings headed for the nearby warp pipes. They jumped down the pipes that led to their assigned regions of the Mushroom World.
"Uh, papa?" Junior asked. "If you want to destroy Mario and Luigi so much, how come you don't want them finding out about our circus?"
"Their demise will come in good time, son," Bowser explained.
"Hey, how come I wasn't assigned to post up those circus posters?" Junior complained.
Bowser walked up to where he parked the Koopa Clown Car. "You're going to help me announce our circus as we fly over our unsuspecting victims. We'll tell them how to get to our castle!"
"Ah! I get it!" Bowser Jr. said, getting into the Clown Car with his dad.
Soon, the seven Koopa Kids
were leaving posters over all noticeable spots in everywhere.
Ludwig Von Koopa and Larry Koopa posted their posters all over
Moleville, Seaside Town, and Monstro Town. Then, when they were
done with that, they went to Sarasaland and did the same thing to
all the eye-catching places there. Meanwhile, Roy Koopa and the
twins, Iggy and Lemmy Koopa, had littered Yoshi's Island, Isle
Delfino, Lavalava Island, and even Kongo Bongo Island with their
In the meantime, Morton Koopa Jr., the most talkative Koopa Kid, and Wendy O. Koopa, the sole female of the siblings, were still putting up their posters everywhere in Toad Town and its surrounding areas.
Morton had just returned from placing posters in Koopa Village when he saw his sister posting a poster near Princess Peach Toadstool's castle. He walked up to her.
"Not here, Wendy!" Morton shouted. "Use your head for something besides make-up!"
Wendy looked at him. "Oh, what's the problem in advertising our circus where all the Toads are bound to look?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong with it!" Morton continued. "Those faucet-fixers might see it! They've got eyes everywhere! They've got ears too..." At this point in his speech, he began to speak in a lower volume. "...so keep it quiet! We don't want them at our circus. We just want the other people, like Papa Bowser said! Then the more, the better, and furthermore--"
But before he could finish, Wendy took the poster off the wall and stuck it on his face, muffling his voice.
"Aaah, shadup," Wendy grinned.
Mario Mario and Luigi Mario
knew nothing about Bowser's evil plan for the day. That's because
at the time, they were playing a game of tennis with Princess
Peach Toadstool and Princess Daisy of Sarasaland, in Peach's
private tennis court. On the sidelines, Peach's butler,
Toadsworth, stood behind a score table, while Yoshi looked on.
A Volcano Lotus stood behind Peach and Daisy's side of the court. It spewed out a fireball in the direction of Mario and Luigi's side of the court.
"Ha!" Mario laughed as he whacked the fireball with his "M"-stringed tennis racquet. The fireball flew into the Princesses' side of the court, and Peach whacked the fireball to the plumbers' side. Luigi smacked his "L"-stringed racquet and sent it right back at them. Then Daisy thwacked the fireball. It flew right past Mario.
Toadsworth flipped a "30" scorecard under the picture of Peach and Daisy on his score table. "Hey, 30-love, Princesses!" he called. "Offering that reformed Volcano Lotus from Monstro Town the job of a tennis serving machine sure was a good idea!"
"Thank you," Peach responded, pulling a Fire Flower out from her pocket. "I tried everything. Even Fire Flowers! The Volcano Lotus was the only thing that worked." She put the Fire Flower back in, and turned to the Volcano Lotus. "Serve!"
The Volcano Lotus served another fireball to the Mario Bros. Mario jumped up to hit it. But before he could, Yoshi stuck out his long tongue and slurped up the fireball, going "Yum!" as he did so.
Mario landed on his belly with a huff and a groan. "Errgh! Yoshi!"
"But I got the ball like you said!" the green Struthiomimus burped.
Mario sat up and folded his arms. "You're only supposed to get the ball after it's-a-out of play!"
"Yeah!" Luigi added, walking up to Yoshi. "Besides-a, ballboys don't-a-eat the balls-a. They pick 'em up-a!"
"What?" Yoshi stuttered. "I can't eat the ball?! You call this fun?!?"
The six of them suddenly heard the sound of nasty snickering coming from outside the court. Mario and Luigi turned around and saw their enemies, Wario Wario and Waluigi Wario, slapping their thighs and laughing at them.
"Well well well-a," Wario mocked them, "it-a-seems the four lovebirds in the Mushroom-a-Kingdom have-a-recruited Gluttonosaurus Rex to be the ballboy for their tennis dates-a!"
Waluigi held back a giggle. "We don't-a-need a ballboy to pick up tennis balls in our-a-court-a."
"Will you two clown rejects shut up-a?!" Luigi yelled.
"Hah!" Wario laughed. "We could-a-beat you in our tennis court-a, even if we're playing by the rules-a!"
"Forget it, Warios-a!" Mario pointed his tennis raquet at them. "We've already beaten you in a wrestling match-a-broadcast on live television!"
Wario and Waluigi looked at each other.
"Eehhhhh... what do you think-a, brother?" Waluigi asked.
"I think-a-maybe we should-a-sit-a-that out-a," Wario said. He and Waluigi walked away from the tennis court. "See you losers later!"
"Yeah?" Luigi shouted back. "Well, I hope later won't-a-be a tennis match rigged-a-by the Koopas!"
The Wario Bros. walked away
from Princess Peach's Castle, making comments about that previous
"Man," Wario said, "I don't-a-understand how those Marios can have less-a-gold and-a-still be more famous than us-a!"
"Yeah!" Waluigi said back. "I always thought-a-people could-a-get-a-famous by getting rich-a!"
The two nasties walked on for a little while, insulting all the Toads who crossed their paths. Then, as they were walking toward Rowf's Badge Shop, they noticed a red poster placed on the billboard where the Toad Town News was printed.
Wario looked at the poster. "Hmmmm-a. 'Koopaling Brothers Circus'. This looks-a-very interesting-a. 'Greatest Show in the Mushroom World'..."
Waluigi read the rest of the details on the poster. "But it's at-a-Bowser's Castle! I don't-a-know if we should-a-go there, considerin' he lied to us the last-a-time we went along with him-a!"
"I concur," Wario said. "But I've-a-never seen a circus before!"
"Hmm, neither have I."
Up above, Bowser and Bowser Jr. were in the Koopa Clown Car, flying high above Toad Town. Bowser Jr. was talking through a megaphone.
"Come one, come all," Junior announced, "to the Koopaling Brothers Circus! The Greatest Show in the Mushroom World! You don't know what a circus is? Then now is the time to find out! Plumbers, dinosaurs, Toads, simians, Piantas, Nokis, professors, worms, and ghosts, free of charge! Two, three, or sixty-four for the price of none! Such a deal! Hurry, hurry, hurry right this way!"
Wario and Waluigi listened eagerly to Bowser Jr.'s announcement, and like as if in a trance, they followed the shadow of the Clown Car. All the Toads in town also had eager ears and followed the Warios.
Bowser looked down at the line of people following his vessel. "Boy, this is easier than talking Wendy into a shopping spree!"
"Too easy, if you ask me," Junior said.
The Clown Car hovered above a blue warp pipe that led to Darkland.
"Right this way, boys!" Junior shouted through his megaphone. "You are about to enter this warp pipe and leap into a dimension beyond space and time."
Wario and Waluigi looked at the pipe, then jumped into it. The Toads behind them did the same thing.
Bowser watched them jump down the pipe. "Right into a mushroom pizza for my ravenous Reznors!" he said to himself and Junior.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" they both laughed evilly.
Back at Peach's tennis
court, Peach and Daisy had reached the set point, but Mario and
Luigi were still pointless.
"Master Mario," Toadsworth called out, "I suggest that you and your brother give up. The Princess and her friend are, how you say, whooping you bad."
The Volcano Lotus served the fireball a little too high. It flew over of the court and out of bounds, but Mario ran after it, holding out his racquet.
Luigi watched his brother run out of the court. "Yeesh! Forget it-a, Mario. It's outside-a!"
Yoshi ran after him. He bumped into Mario and they both fell over. The fireball came down and Yoshi slurped it up with his tongue again. "Yum!"
"Yoshi!" Mario shouted as Luigi, Peach, Daisy, and Toadsworth ran to help him up. "What did we just tell you?"
Yoshi fished for an answer. "Ummm... out of bounds means out of play. Am I right?"
"NO!" Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Daisy all shouted in unison.
After he got back up, Mario looked around. "Huh? Hey, where'd-a-everybody go? I knew Wario and Waluigi were leaving-a, but they didn't-a-say the whole town was too! It's-a-deserted!"
The six of them left the tennis court and walked around Toad Town, looking for everybody.
"Wario! Where are you?" Mario called.
"Waluigi! Where you hidin'-a?" Luigi called.
"Russ T.!" Peach called.
"Tayce T.!" Daisy called.
"Oh, it's no use," Yoshi kicked dirt after they stopped searching. "We'll never find them!"
"Maybe they went to plan a surprise party," Toadsworth suggested.
Luigi looked at the Toad Town News billboard. "Maybe not! Look at this poster! 'Koopaling Brothers Circus - The Greatest Show in the Mushroom World'."
"Oh no!" Mario groaned, reading the poster. "Bowser's at it again!"
"Master Mario, what do you suppose we do?" asked Toadsworth.
"There's only one thing to do," Mario answered, pointing up his index finger. "We'll-a-go to Darkland and-a-look for the Toads at-a-Bowser's Castle. This could be a Koopatastrophe!"
When the double-trio
arrived in Darkland, they were very surprised by what they saw in
front of Bowser's Castle. Apparently, the Toads and the Wario
Bros. weren't the only ones who were going there. In fact, just
about everybody in the entire Mushroom World had come to Bowser's
Castle. The Moles from Moleville, the people of Seaside Town, the
reformed monsters of Monstro Town, the Goomba Family who lived in
Goomba Village, the good Koopas and Bob-Ombs from Koopa Village,
the Boos who haunted Boo Mansion, the flower-loving folks of
Flower Fields, and the penguins from Shiver City, were all
walking over the drawbridge of Bowser's Castle. Even King Fret
and Prince Pine of Jewelry Land were among them. In addition,
there were also herds of residents from tropical islands,
including various colored Yoshies from Yoshi's Island and
Lavalava Island, the apes from Kongo Bongo Island, and Piantas
and Nokis from Isle Delfino. Not to mention even the Nimbuses,
the ruling family of Nimbus Land, had showed up.
"I don't know what Bowser has cooked up," Toadsworth said, "but it must be really big if it's able to lure everyone in the entire Mushroom World."
"Well, whatever it is that's seducing them," Mario said to all of them, "we have to stop them! They're going to their doom-a!"
They followed everybody into Bowser's Castle. Amazingly, inside the front room was a circus tent set up. A wooden sign pointing to it had painted on it: "To the Koopaling Brothers Circus".
Yoshi stared at the tent. "Oho, Bowser's evil plan for today seems definitely more fun than tennis!"
They walked up to the tent and looked inside. Everyone was getting seated in the bleachers set up against the walls.
"Take a seat," Mario said to the others. "We'd-a-better check-a-this out before we do anything rash-a."
They moved into the bleachers and sat in the very back. Peach sat between Toadsworth and Mario, and Luigi sat next to Daisy. Yoshi sat between the Mario Bros.
Outside, on the other side
of the tent, Bowser and the rest of the Koopas watched through a
peephole on the tent wall as the attendants gathered up.
"Wow!" Ludwig said, peeking out the peephole. "There's even more people here than at a Pokémon expo!"
Bowser Jr. and some Koopatrols were busy making nacos. "Man, it's a good thing nacos are easy to make," he said. "With everything here being free, I'm gonna have to make a lot of these."
Morton Koopa Jr. ran up to them, dressed in his ringleader suit. "I'm here! I'm here! Morton the ringmaster is here! How do I look?"
Bowser ignored him, as he was busy looking through the peephole himself. "Hmmmm... it seems that the Mario Bros. have come here anyway! Perfect."
"King Dad, I thought you..." Iggy Koopa started to say.
"...didn't want 'em to come." Lemmy Koopa finished it.
Bowser picked up the twins. "Let me be more specific. I don't want them finding out that our circus is really a ploy to feed everybody to the Reznors, and then take over the Mushroom World! Got that?"
Bowser looked at his watch. "Well, it's just about time for the opening act. Morton, you get out there when you see your cue."
The circus was only
starting up, but everyone had a good reason to clap their hands
and cheer at the opening act. Two of Bowser's football
player-like troops, the Chargin' Chucks, were participating in a
flying trapeze act. One Chargin' Chuck hit a ball with a baseball
bat to his partner, who caught it. Then they oohed and ahhed at a
Mecha-Koopa, a robotic Koopa Troopa, riding a bicycle on a
tightrope. And that was just the opening act!
"Well, I don't see any trouble here," Toadsworth said while applauding.
"I'm not sure if we can really trust that there's nothing to worry about," said Daisy.
After the audience finished their applause, Morton walked into the center ring, wearing his ringleader suit. He let out a long opening speech:
"Laaaaaadieeees and gentlemennnnnn, children of all ages, plumbers and treasure hunters, princesses and princes, blondes and brunettes, dinosaurs and bird-reptiles of all colors, kings and queens, butlers and chefs, gorillas and monkeys, alligators and crocodiles, frogs and toads, moles of all quarries, Hylians and Terminians, bounty hunters of all classes, Pokémon of all levels, Mews and Mewtwos, Lugias and Ho-ohs, Unowns and Celebis, Piantas and Nokis, Portrait Ghosts and Boos, Shyguys and Snifits, Pidgits and Albatosses, nimbuses and cirruses, pilots and copilots, users of all Gadd Science items! Welcome one, welcome all, to the Koopaling Brothers Circus! The Grrrreatest Show in the Mushroom World! Because of me, Morton Koopa Jr., the grrrreatest ringmaster of them all, the master-tamer of dangerous dinosaurs, the mastermind of the amazing Mecha-Koopas, lord of all he surveys, proveyor of..."
It was quite clear that Morton's speech was getting boring, as most of the Toads in the bleachers were yawning and falling asleep. So, when Morton described himself, Bowser came up behind and picked him up by the tail of his jacket.
"Time out on the tongue department, big mouth!" the Koopa King yelled at his blabbering son before dropping him.
Morton landed with a thud, got up, and brushed himself off. "Oh! Right. Anyway, on with the show!" With that, he ran off.
"Yeah, yeah," Bowser said to himself, following Morton. "Bring on the clowns!"
Close by, Iggy and Lemmy raised some curtains, and out came a quintet of clowns, driving a little car small enough to hold all five of them. Of course, nobody in the audience knew that the clowns were actually Rexes, blue dragon-like enemies, but that was all part of Bowser's plan. The five Rexes jumped out of their car, which then automatically shrunk.
Then one of the Rex-clowns took out a small flower pot, put it down in front of his feet, and watered it. The plant experienced a sudden growth spurt, and as it grew to reach the tightropes, the Rex went up with it. One of the other Rexes took out a tiny ladder and watered it. The ladder grew to a height high enough to reach the top of the flower. The Rex climbed up the ladder and reached his partner sitting on the flower. The flower-sitting Rex-clown's corsage than shot some water in the Rex's face.
Down below, another Rex-clown rode a tiny bicycle through a round loop. When he finished, he flipped the bike up and stood with a "Ta-da!" pose. He then caught the flying bicycle in his mouth, swallowed it, and burped the sound of the bicycle's horn.
In the back row of the bleachers, Luigi scratched his head. "Hmmmm-a, there's-a-something familiar about those-a-clowns-a, but what?"
Two other Rex-clowns came out from the curtains. One was hiding inside a cannon, and the other was pushing it up. The cannon-wheeling Rex stopped, then lit the fuse on the cannon. The Rex-clown inside blasted out, but his flight sent him careening right into the Mecha-Koopa bicycling on the tightrope. Morton happened to be standing below them at the time. The Rex-clown and the Mecha-Koopa above him fell down and landed right on top of him. The crash caused Morton's body to be squashed into his top hat. He tried to talk, but couldn't, as the hat was muffling his voice.
The audience laughed at the Koopa Kid's predicament.
"Morton Koopa Jr. with his mouth shut..." Mario observed between laughs, "now that's something to cheer about!"
Morton kicked the Rex-clown and the Mecha-Koopa away. Then he ripped his head and arms out of his hat.
"Large-brained clutzes!" Morton yelled. "I am not part of your stupid act! I am the ringmaster! The grrrreatest master of them all at the grrrrreatest circus of them all! I am your fearless leader! Your demanding boss! Your Bill Gates! Your master of hope and ceremony! I am to be treated with..." At this point, a Rex-clown tapped him on the shoulder. Morton turned around, only to have a pie fly into his face. "...uep, respect!"
He walked forward, wiping the pie out of his eyes. As he was doing so, one of the Rex-clowns got down on his arms and feet, and laid right in front of Morton. The Koopa Kid was just becoming able to see again when he tripped over the Rex's tail.
"Whoa! Aaah!" Morton let out as he landed on a trampoline. It bounced him up to the two Chargin' Chucks on trapeze. "AAAAHHHH!!!!" he screamed as the Chucks dropped him into a tub of green slime held by two Rexes below.
Nearby, Bowser and Bowser Jr. were laughing and clapping their hands.
"Ha ha," Bowser laughed, "I never knew Morton had such a sense of humor!"
Morton threw some slime at his face.
"Augh!" Bowser said.
"I don't!" Morton got out of the tub and started to chase the Rexes around the circus grounds. "Come back here, you pusillanimous perambulator! You negligent nudnik! You..."
In the bleachers, Bowser Jr. walked around, carrying a vendor's box full of nacos. "Nacos! Hot nacos!" he shouted. "Get your free nacos here!"
Mario, Luigi, and Toadsworth each grabbed one naco when Bowser Jr. walked up to them. Yoshi just slurped his naco up.
"Thanks," Mario said as he took his naco.
Bowser Jr. faced Peach and Daisy. "Want one?" He held up nacos to both of them.
Peach looked at him. "Um... no thanks! I can't trust food from a Koopa Kid."
Then Iggy Koopa walked into the center ring and announced on his own. "Well, while 'Moron' chases our clowns around, here's a little side dish for ya! My brother Lemmy will provide filler in the waiting time for our next act."
Iggy walked out of the center ring, and then Lemmy Koopa rolled in on his favorite circus ball. Two Hammer Bros. close behind tossed him their hammers. Lemmy caught them, and he juggled the hammers in the air while staying on his ball. The Hammer Bros. tossed two more hammers, and he juggled those. When he finished his act, he caught two of the hammers and took bows as the audience applauded. But he was suddenly knocked out with the other two hammers, and he fell off his ball. The Hammer Bros. walked up to him, picked him and his ball up, and carried them out.
Next, Gooper Blooper walked in, with Wendy O. Koopa riding on the top of his head. Wendy jumped off of the giant squid's head and into the center ring. Gooper Blooper exited.
"Now it's time you people enjoyed some magic from me, Wendy O. Koopa!" the female Koopaling announced. "Watch what this Magic Wand can do!"
She waved her Magic Wand three times, then struck the air with it. Instantly, an inner tube appeared magically.
"Ta-dah!" Wendy said triumphantly.
Just then, the bullyish Roy Koopa walked up to her. "Bah! What's so great about dat!?" he growled, pushing Wendy down. He then held up his own Magic Wand. "Dis here Magic Wand can change the color of anything it touches. Watch dis!"
Roy waved his Magic Wand three times, then struck it against Wendy's pink hair bow. Magically, the pink stiches on the bow transformed a shade of cyan.
"Ha!" Roy laughed, pointing at her.
"Grrrr..." Wendy growled. "I'll show you how to have magic fun!" She used her Magic Wand to produce an inner tube that wrapped around Roy, squeezing him.
"Oof!" Roy gasped as the tube choked his belly.
The two Koopa Kids got into a big fight, which resulted in stuff like Wendy snatching Roy's wand and using it to change the shading on his sunglasses. After a while, Larry Koopa entered behind them, carrying a long cane.
"All right, shut up, you two!" he commanded, pulling them back with his cane. "The show must go on!"
Morton was still chasing the Rex-clowns around the circus grounds. When the spotlight shone on him, he came to a screeching halt and faced the audience.
"Eh... sorry for the interruption, folks," Morton apologized. "But hey, everybody has their off days! Anyway, let's get back to the show. Next up is a rare act in this world. Well, maybe it's not so rare, considering it's from the race living in the Toad Town Tunnels. But, let's shake it up for the Boom-Boom comedy of... Mouser!"
Morton walked backwards, clapping along with the audience. The spotlight changed its direction and focused on Mouser, sitting on a stand-up comedy chair with a microphone next to him.
"Comedy? I can do that." Mouser stood up and took his microphone. "OK, Professor Kolorado leaves home so much, his wife has a lot of welcome home parties!"
Professor Kolorado, the archaeologist from Koopa Village, growled at the mouse.
"Uh, how about this one? The Wario Bros. are so ugly, that if one of them said 'Good morning, neighbor' to someone, he'd reply 'Good morning, hideous freak of nature!'"
"WHAT?!!" a steamed Waluigi shouted. "We're never ugly!"
"Where has he been?" Luigi said to himself.
"Here's a good one!" Mouser said. "How did King Fret of Jewelry Land get his name? 'Cause he has a lot to pine for! Get it? His son's name is Pine!"
"Now just a moment," Prince Pine objected. "I resent that remark."
"What about this?" said Mouser. "Why is Donkey Kong so obsessed with Candy? 'Cause he's bananas over sweets!"
"Hey!" Donkey Kong shouted. "That's wasn't very funny."
"Uh..." Mouser sweated. "Enough of my jokes about the good guys. Here's some of my Koopa jokes! What's up with Bowser Jr. naming his alter-ego 'Shadow Mario'? It bares a better resemblance to porcelain than dark matter. He should have called himself 'The Liquidarioator'! Get it? Liquidator? Mario lookalike? Wocka wocka wocka!"
"Hey!" Bowser Jr. said, as he was reloading the nacos. "Papa, your second-in-command has offended me!"
"How about this one?" Mouser said. "Bowser's only Koopette, Wendy O. Koopa, may be bratty and selfish, but she's also the stupidest of the Koopalings. I mean, who else believes that Milli Vanilli is for real?!"
At that point, Wendy walked up, ready to cream the mouse.
"Oops," Mouser stammered. "I think I've said too many jokes now."
Morton ran up and got between them. He pushed Wendy away, and had Larry pull Mouser away with the cane.
"That was the Boom-Boom comedy of Mouser," Morton said. "Now you girls had better hang onto your boyfriends, 'cause this next act is going to bowl you over, knock you out, and leave you crawling in the bleachers!!"
Morton walked away. In his place, Kamek, Bowser's cheif Magikoopa, appeared with a cloud of smoke.
"Thank you, thank you," Kamek addressed the applause. "Now in this next act, my partner Kammy will dive into..."
"Lemmie guess. A tub of water!" shouted Prince Mallow Nimbus, from the bleachers.
Kamek frowned at the cloud being. "No no," he corrected. "In the next act, my partner Kammy will dive into... a cup of Koopa Kola!"
As Kamek spoke, close by him, the female Magikoopa, Kammy, was climbing up a ladder to reach the diving board at the top. Kamek placed the cup of Koopa Kola under the high-dive and watched. Kammy reached the top of the diving board and prepare to jump. She jumped off the diving board, aiming for the Koopa Kola cup. As she fell, she took out her Magic Wand and miniaturized to the size of a Yoshi's Cookie. She landed safely in the Kola cup, which Kamek then picked up. He pulled her out, and she enlarged to her normal size. Both Magikoopas took a bow to the applauding audience. Then, both of them disappeared with clouds of smoke.
As the audience applauded, Luigi put his finger to his chin. "Hmm-a, what do you suppose Bowser is up to? He never does anything like this without a reason!"
"Relax-a! Enjoy the show-a," Mario urged. "We'll-a-find out-a-soon enough-a."
Morton walked over to where they had been standing. "Well, I hope you've all enjoyed, loved your nacos, and found them delicious. But there's more free snacks heading your way! And if you're a mathematical freak, you might enjoy it, 'cause it's the term used for 3.14! Yes, it's pie time! Clowns! Bring on the pies!"
Two Rex-clowns wheeled in a pie-throwing machine. But as they walked into the three rings, they tripped over a rope. They fell over, and the pie machine wheeled on.
"I'll take that!" Bowser caught the pie machine, stopping it from crashing into him. He then turned the crank, sending pies flying all over the place. The pies landed on everyone from Morton to the Rex-clowns to the Toads in the audience. Morton and the Rex-clowns ran around, trying to avoid the onslaught of pies.
"Look out!" Daisy yelled when she saw some pies heading towards her and the group.
Yoshi stuck out his long red tongue and snatched up all the pies heading for them, gulping them up and saying "Yum!" with each pie.
"Not-a-bad, Yoshi!" Mario complimented.
One last pie came, and Yoshi slurped it up.
"Yum!" he said, swallowing it. "Oh, not bad at all... deee-licious!"
Suddenly, a Rex tripped over a pie. Then, Morton walked all over him, causing his clown nose and wig to fall off. The Rex got up and growled at the audience, scaring two young Toad kids sitting in the front bleachers. The Rex licked its lips.
"Oh my god!" Mario shouted. "Those aren't clowns; they're Rexes!"
"And this isn't a circus at all," Luigi added, "it's a trap!"
All of the Rexes ripped off their clown costumes and licked their lips.
Bowser watched as the Toads jumped out of the bleachers and ran outside the tent, heading towards the Front Door.
"Thwomps!" Bowser commanded. "Block the entrances, quick!"
Thwomps came down in front of the Front Door, preventing the Toads from escaping.
Bowser pulled out Bowser Jr.'s megaphone and yelled "All right! Those of you who were in the cheap seats, get back in them! And the rest of you, do the same!"
The Toads who had tried to escape went back to their seats.
Seeing the Toads go back to their seats, Bowser put down the megaphone. "Now, as I was doing so..."
Bowser pulled a lever that caused the bleachers to fall flat on the walls. Everyone sitting in them immediately held on, screaming.
Then, the entire Koopa Troop walked up, standing next to Bowser. The seven Koopa Kids. Bowser Jr. Mouser. Tryclyde. Fryguy. Wart. Boom-Boom. Kamek the Magikoopa. Hookbill the Koopa Troopa. Tap-Tap the Red Nose. The Big Bob-Omb. Kammy the Magikoopa. King Goomba. The Ninjakoopa Bros. Petey Piranha. Gooper Blooper. They were all there.
"On to the next act, folks!" Morton, no longer wearing his ringmaster suit, announced. "There'll be lots of audience participation! Fun for all, and all for fun! The time of your life! The last time of your life!"
"The last time of our lives?" the half-witted King Toadstool asked, trying to keep his grip. "I have no idea what that means."
"It means that we're about to die soon, your mutton-headed majesty," answered his advisor, Wooster.
Morton pressed a lever which under the one that Bowser pulled. This second lever opened up a large pit in the floor next to the bleachers. Inside the pit was a cage big enough to hold everyone in the bleachers. Some of the spectators lost their grip on the bleachers and fell into the cage.
"OK, so you're going to drop us in that cage," Diddy Kong observed. "How is that going to kill us all?"
"Well, let me be more specific on this being the last time of your lives," Bowser explained. "The Reznors are having you for dinner - and not only are you all gonna come to dinner, you're all gonna be dinner!"
Morton waved as more of the prisoners fell into the cage. "Have a good time! Have a nice day! Sayonara! So long! Ciao! See you later, alligator! Ciao! Bon voyage! Hasta la vista! Be sure to write!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Bowser and Bowser Jr. cackled, in stereo.
After a while, Mario,
Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, and Toadsworth were the only ones
still struggling to hold on to the bleachers. Yoshi was keeping
his grip with his mouth.
"Boy," Mario said, "who would've-a-guessed that-a-Bowser would-a-lure everyone into-a-delec-a-tation, and-a-then trap-a-them at the last-a-minute-a?"
"I don't-a-know," Luigi said, "but I wish he could get us out, 'cause I'm-a-losing my grip-a!"
"I... I can't hold on!" Peach squealed.
"Neither can I!" Daisy shrieked in agreement.
The two princesses, Luigi, Yoshi, and Toadsworth fell into the cage, screaming. But Mario kept his grip on the bleachers.
From afar, Bowser and his kids watched their victims falling into the cage.
"Papa," Bowser Jr. reported, "all the victims have lost their grip, but that Mario guy is still up."
"Oh, that nuisance," Bowser said, slapping his own forehead. "Well, I'll handle him."
Mario was still hanging on when Bowser walked up to him.
"Are my Reznors in for a treat!" Bowser taunted, poking at Mario's belly. "You're kinda high in cholesterol, but I'm sure they can handle it! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
"No-a! Stop-a!" Mario cried as Bowser plucked his fingers off the bleachers one by one. But he was too late. Mario fell into the cage with a "Waaahh!" and landed with an "Ulh!"
"Food for the Reznors?" Daisy said. "We have to do something!"
"Yeah!" Donkey Kong agreed. "I need to get home. King K. Rool and the Kremlings might have already stolen the Crystal Coconut, or my entire banana horde!"
"Oh, puh-leeze," Bluster Kong scoffed. "We've only been gone a few hours. The chances of the Kremlings stealing the Coconut before we return are slim."
Cranky Kong bopped him on the head with his cane. "Shut up, Bluster!"
"Oh, I feel like really living up to my name," fretted King Fret.
Professor Elvin Gadd sighed. "Oh, I wish I had brought my H20-Expando Trampoline!"
Wario kicked dust. "I should've thought of bringing my Jet Hat!"
Mario stood up. "Well, I'm-a-not about to be barbecued at the prime of my career-a! Y'hear me, Bowser?! We're-a-gonna defeat you whether you like it or not-a! So learn to live with it, chump-a!"
Luigi stood up as well. "Yeah! What he said-a, chump-a!"
Bowser turned to the Koopa Kids. "Grrrr! They called me 'chump'!"
"Yes, they called you 'chump', pop!" Ludwig Von Koopa pointed out. "So vhy are you looking at us?"
Bowser took out a rope with a hook attached to it. "When people call me 'chump', they've gone off the deep end." He lowered the rope into the cage, and the hook picked up Mario and Luigi, bringing them back to the ground. "I've changed my mind a bit," Bowser said as he pulled the Mario Bros. up and closed the top of the cage. "You're too high in cholesterol. And besides, a circus isn't a circus without... a dinosaur-taming act!"
"Uh... how about an Igglybuff-taming act instead-a?" Luigi suggested as Bowser handed chairs to him and Mario.
Bowser ignored him. "Koopa Kids! Bring on the dinosaurs! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
The Koopalings ran up to another cage, this one covered by a tarp, sitting right near the one in the pit. Bowser Jr. pulled up the tarp, revealing a Dino-Rhino and two Dino-Torches inside the cage. Ludwig and Roy pushed the Mario Bros. into the cage, and Larry locked the door. The Dino-Rhino growled, and Luigi gasped as Mario held his chair at the dinosaurs.
"Take-a-that, you big lug-a!" Mario said. "You don't-a-scare me!"
"Speak for yourself-a," Luigi cowered.
The Dino-Rhino took a big bite out of Mario's chair. The Dino-Torches then spat out fireballs that burned up the rest of Mario's chair and all of Luigi's chair. As the two Dino-Torches cornered Luigi, the Dino-Rhino pinned Mario to the floor, drooling and breathing on him.
"Ew, yuck-a!" Mario closed his nose. "I guess-a-no one's invented-a-Dino-Rhino mouthwash yet-a!"
The Dino-Rhino licked his lips and put on a napkin, ready for dinner.
"How 'bout-a-sayin' 'grace'-a?" Mario pleaded. "A nice-a-long-a-one, perhaps? I'm-a-know! We'll get-a-Morton to say eet!"
Down in the pit cage, Peach hung her head. "Poor Mario!"
Wario chewed on his cap. "It-a-pains me to say this, but I feel-a-sorry for him too!"
Waluigi put his hands behind his back. "And I don't suppose I should be afraid-a-to say I feel pity for Luigi. I feel-a-sorry for those dinosaurs, too; they don't-a-know the indigestion they're in for-a!"
"Sarcasm really doesn't become you, Waluigi," Daisy warned. Then an idea hit her. "Wait! Peach, do you still have that Fire Flower?"
Peach brightened up. "Of course!" She took the Fire Flower out from her dress pocket again.
"Let me handle this." Daisy took the Fire Flower and tossed it through the ceiling bars of their cage. "Mario! Luigi! Heads up!"
The Fire Flower landed inside the cage that Mario and Luigi were in. Both plumbers put their hands on the flowers, and instantly, they gained Fire Power!
"Ha ha! Thanks, Daisy!" Fiery Luigi said.
"Yeah! Ha ha ha!" Fiery Mario laughed in agreement.
They both turned to face the dinosaurs, who were now bearing anime-style sweatdrops.
"You like-a-hot and-a-spicy? Try this-a!" Mario shot a fireball at the Dino-Rhino, and it evaporated into a Blue Coin.
The Dino-Torches spat more fireballs at Luigi, but he dodged them and shot them with fireballs, turning them into Coins. Mario then shot the cage lock, which melted it. Luigi kicked open the door, and they ran over to the cage.
"Get 'em, Mario!" Peach cheered.
"Good job, Luigi!" Daisy raised a fist.
Behind them, Wario and Waluigi stood, frowning, their arms crossed.
"Meh," Wario said under his breath.
"We coulda done that-a," said Waluigi.
"We'll-a-be right back," Mario called down into the cage, "as-a-soon as we find a Cape Feather-a!"
Unfortunately, Bowser saw them escaping. "Quick! Stop them!" he yelled to the Koopalings.
"Vit pleasure, pop!" Ludwig agreed.
"And you!" Bowser said to Junior. "Go with them!"
"Hhhhh," Bowser Jr. groaned, "yes, dad."
As Mario and Luigi escaped from the tent, the Chargin' Chucks gave chase from their flying trapeze, throwing baseballs. The baseballs hit the Mario Bros. and they lost their Fire Power. They ran into the main hall and entered one of the eight chambers.
In the first chamber of Bowser's Castle, Mario and Luigi climbed around fences hovering over a floor of spikes, with Larry Koopa following close behind. A fireball blindsided Larry, causing him to fall and hurt his tail on the spikes below. The Mario Bros. reached safe ground, but before they could continue onward, they were stopped by Mouser, who threw a bomb at them. The bomb landed in Mario's hands, and he tossed it to Luigi. The fuse about to finish, Luigi threw the bomb back at Mouser, and it blew up in the mean mouse's face, allowing Mario and Luigi access to the next chamber.
In the second chamber, they were attacked by Tryclyde and Fryguy, who both spat fire at them. Fortunately, the Marios both grabbed two nearby Mushroom Blocks. Mario konked out Tryclyde with his, and Luigi's Mushroom Block evaporated Fryguy. They continued through the chamber, dodging a Ball N' Chain along the way. But their path was blocked by Morton Koopa Jr. and four Chargin' Chucks. Mario and Luigi turned around and ran the other way, with Morton and the Chucks chasing them. They came face-to-face with a Grey Bowser Statue, which then spat out a fireball that hit the Chucks, causing them to collapse on top of Morton. Mario and Luigi ran right past him and headed for the third chamber.
In the third chamber, Mario and Luigi ran as quickly as they could to avoid being squished by spiked pillars coming down from the ceiling. Wendy O. Koopa was behind in close pursuit, but she wound up getting flattened by one of the pillars. Just as Mario and Luigi reached the exit of this chamber, Wart got in front of it. They couldn't get past him. Luckily, there were some vegetables nearby. Mario and Luigi both picked them up and threw them down the giant frog's throat. Wart croaked and fell down.
The fourth chamber was the darkest room of Bowser's Castle, and Iggy Koopa was in pursuit this time. As they ran, Luigi hit a red "?" Block that turned on a spotlight that focused on him and Mario. Close by, Kamek operated the controls on a Gold Bowser Statue, making it jump around, trying to land on Mario or Luigi. The way it turned out, he landed right on Iggy. Before Mario and Luigi could enter the next chamber, Boom-Boom got in their way, throwing his fists out. Mario jumped on him. Then Luigi jumped on him. Finally, both Mario Bros. took Boom-Boom out with a huge stomp on his head. Suddenly, Hookbill the Koopa Troopa attacked! But Luigi knocked him down by kicking him in the head, and Mario stomped on the giant turtle's belly.
The next room of Bowser's Castle was a very hot one, as it was filled with a lava pool in the center. Mario saw Roy Koopa on a Dry Bones, and Kammy on her broomstick not far behind. Roy commanded his Dry Bones to throw a bone. Mario and Luigi jumped over the bone. Mario landed on Roy, taking him and his Dry Bones out, and Luigi landed on Kammy, knocking her off her broom. This time, their path was blocked by Tap-Tap the Red Nose and the Big Bob-Omb. But they were nothing that the Mario Bros. couldn't handle. After being kicked in the groin by Luigi several times, Tap-Tap found himself sinking into the lava pool, and Mario tossed the Big Bob-Omb so that he couldn't get up.
The sixth chamber on the Bros.' journey pit them against Lemmy Koopa on Bowser's tennis court. Mario served his tennis ball so that it knocked Lemmy out. Then King Goomba showed up, accompanied by the Goomba Bros., Red Goomba and Blue Goomba. Mario and Luigi jumped over the net, bouncing off of the Goomba Bros., and toppling King Goomba, allowing them passage to the next room.
In the seventh passage, they were ambushed by Petey Piranha and Gooper Blooper. Luigi took on the former, and Mario took on the latter. Luigi knocked Petey over with a Trowel Stab and then butt-slammed the plant's belly while Mario stretched Gooper's mouth so far that the giant squid took off like a slingshot. They then continued to the awaiting drawbridge where Ludwig Von Koopa awaited them. The Bros. jumped over the kooky Koopa Kid and grabbed the axe on the other side of the bridge. The bridge was chopped, and Ludwig was left hanging onto the ledge.
In the final chamber of Bowser's Castle, Mario and Luigi hid behind a hanging carpet as Bowser Jr. came near. When he did, Luigi jumped on him to stun him. Then Mario picked Bowser's son up and threw him at the Ninjakoopa Bros., who were lined up like bowling pins. A crack opened up the wall behind them, and the Mario Bros. ran through, only to be chased by Mecha-Koopas, Chargin' Chucks, and Hammer Bros. throwing their projectiles at them. After a while, the Marios found a "?" Block. They smashed it, and out came a Cape Feather, which they both grabbed to become Caped Mario and Caped Luigi. They lunged at the enemies and defeated them with Super Spin Cape Attacks, sending them into the air.
Bowser and seven of his kids were walking into this chamber at the time, looking for the Mario Bros., when they suddenly looked up and saw the defeated enemies falling towards them. The Mecha-Koopas, Chargin' Chucks, and Hammer Bros. piled on top of Bowser. The Koopalings saw Mario and Luigi coming and made a run for the tent. Mario and Luigi lept up, opened their capes, and chased them back to the front room where the tent was. The Koopalings ran inside the tent. Mario and Luigi pulled on the stakes supporting the tent, causing it to come crashing down on the Koopalings, and also somehow bringing up the cage that everyone was still trapped in. Everyone but Peach and Daisy.
"We'll-a-have you out in a sec!" Mario got ready to unlock the cage.
Suddenly, Bowser's voice came from above. "I wouldn't do that, plunger-faces! Not if you wanna see your precious princesses again!"
Mario and Luigi turned around and saw Bowser and Bowser Jr. in the Koopa Clown Car... with Peach and Daisy in them!
"So surrender, and your girlfriends will be spared!" Bowser Jr. threatened.
"I guess we have no choice but to do what they say," Toadsworth suggested. "I don't want Peach to be hurt..."
"Guess again, Bowsers!" Luigi shouted, ignoring Toadsworth. "We're taking you down!"
"Fine then," Junior said. "Mecha-Koopas, attack!"
Two Mecha-Koopas jumped out of the Clown Car.
"Watch out, Mario!" Peach yelled.
"Watch out, Luigi!" Daisy yelled in unison.
Bowser turned the Clown Car upside-down and out fell a Big Steely, which rolled towards Mario. He jumped over it and landed on one of the Mecha-Koopas.
"You Mecha-Koopas just-a-got a new name: Mashed-a-Koopas!" Mario threw the Mecha-Koopa up at the Clown Car.
Bowser dodged the Mecha-Koopa, and then his Clown Car put on its angry grin. That meant it was going to stomp the ground, hoping to squish the Marios. It almost hit them. Mario and Luigi avoided it, but the other Mecha-Koopa wasn't so lucky.
"No more-a-clowning around, Bowser!" Luigi said, bonking the Mecha-Koopa on the head before it regained conciousness.
"Yeah, you're-a-Koo-put!" Mario tossed the Mecha-Koopa at the Clown Car. This time, Bowser got a direct hit on the head, and the Car spun out of control. It turned upside-down, releasing Peach and Daisy, who fell into their respective saviors' arms.
Daisy wiped her brow. "Phew! Nice save, Luigi."
"Hey, no biggie," Luigi said, setting her down. "It's-a-in the hero's job description."
"That-a-goes same for me," Mario said as he set Peach down.
Up above, Bowser and Bowser Jr. dangled from their upside-down Clown Car.
"You puny plumbers may have won this round," Bowser yelled, "but there will be others!!"
"That's right!" Bowser Jr. added. "There will be others!"
"Will you shut up?!" Bowser complained as they disappeared from sight.
Everyone cheered as Mario broke open the cage door with a Spin Attack. Except of course for Wario and Waluigi.
"Aaah, way to go, Mario," Wario congratulated reluctantly. "You sure-a-cooked his-a-casserole."
"I guess I can agree with that on you, Luigi," Waluigi added unwillingly.
"Don't be upset, you two!" Daisy shouted in the Wario Bros.' faces.
"Yeah!" Peach agreed. "And when we get back to Toad Town, we'll have a celebration!"
And a celebration was what
they had, in the form of a circus run by Mario and company. Mario
was the ringmaster, and Luigi took the liberty of handing out
nacos and ice cream.
"Bowser Jr. may be as-a-nasty as his father," Luigi said as he handed nacos and ice cream to Russ T., "but his-a-naco hand-outs sure were a good idea!"
Peach and Daisy did a team job of walking on tightrope.
"Give our-a-high-flying princesses a round of applause, folks!" Mario announced as Peach and Daisy finished their job on the tightrope. "And now... send in the clowns!"
Yoshi, in clown get-up, drove a tiny car into the stage, with a giant egg behind him. The egg cracked open to reveal Wario and Waluigi in very silly clown clothes. The crowd erupted with applause and laughter.
"Oh, please-a-tell me this will be over soon-a," Wario said to himself.
"Don't-a-worry," Waluigi reassured his brother, "I'm-a-sure we can soon go home and-a-forget this all happened."