"I think," Roxanne says, watching avariciously as he tears the last doughnut in half for them to split, both of them lying naked in her bed, "that we should elope. What do you think?"
"Uh," Megamind says, handing her the half with most of the jelly, "you—you mean, like—like now?"
"Immediately after we finish this doughnut," Roxanne says firmly. "Is that a good time for you?"
Megamind smiles so wide his face hurts and kisses her in answer.
"Minion!" Megamind says, using one hand to button the shirt that Roxanne has loaned him, her cell phone in the other. "Roxanne and I got married!"
Roxanne, getting dressed on the other side of the room, chokes a little—the sex is the ceremony, jesus christ.
"No, Minion, this isn't an April Fool's day joke! We got married! Yes. Yes, I'm serious."
There is a moment of silence, and then she sees Megamind roll his eyes.
"Yes, yes," he says, "I'm aware that it doesn't mean the same thing to humans! Yes, I did in fact explain to her—yes, of course I explained before we got married! Minion! Stop lecturing for a moment and listen! We're getting human-married now! Eloping! Is the word! And I need you to be my best man!" There's another pause and then Megamind says, "Hold on, I'll ask her." He covers the speaker with his hand. "Minion wants to know if he can make you a dress."
"Can he—finish a dress in the time it's going to take us to drive to Vegas?"
"Yes," Megamind says, sounding absolutely certain.
"Yeah, okay," Roxanne says, "What are you going to wear, though?"
"Well, not this, certainly," Megamind says, gesturing at the shirt he's wearing, "it's yellow; I look ridiculous."
Roxanne laughs again and he grins.
"Would you be terribly opposed to my usual clothes?" he asks. "Or I could wash what I wore earlier, but that's going to take a while—"
"Usual clothes are fine," Roxanne says.
"Minion! Roxanne says you can make her a dress, and I need you to bring my clothes, too—no, I haven't been wandering around naked! I wore something else, but it got ruined. It's a long story; I'll tell you later, just bring my clothes—"
"And Spikeless," Roxanne tells him.
"And Spikeless," Megamind repeats. "Yes, Spikeless! Of course I'm sure, Minion! Spikeless was a very good bot for Daddy, today, and Roxanne wants them there! Yes, we're at her apartment. All right." There's a pause as Megamind listens to something Minion is saying, and then he blushes. "Ah—yes. Thank you," he says, and hangs up the phone. He clears his throat and pops the collar on the yellow shirt he's wearing. The effect is—even more ridiculous. "Is there—anyone else you think we should bring along?" he asks.
"Er—hey, guys," Wayne says, sounding confused, "what's—going on?"
There is a man with an expression of frozen terror half-hiding behind him; judging from the fact that he's wearing a uniform and a name tag that reads Todd, Megamind guesses that he must work here. He narrows his eyes. Hmm, yes, Todd appears to be clutching a nail file—this must be the 'manicurist guy'
Todd whimpers when Megamind narrows his eyes at him, but he doesn't scream. A good sign, Megamind decides. Metro Man should definitely keep this one around.
Roxanne, seeing the way Megamind is glaring at the poor man, rolls her eyes and smacks him on the arm.
"Hello, Roxanne, dear," Lady Scott says vaguely, then blinks at Megamind. "Oh, but it isn't Mother's Day."
"No," Megamind says, "not this time."
"I didn't think it was," Lady Scott says.
"Sooo," Wayne says, with a subtle air of what-are-you-doing-here-I'm-trying-to-look-cool-in-front-of-this-guy-and-you're-ruining-it to his manner, "what's—what's up?"
"We're getting married," Roxanne blurts.
"—wait," Wayne says, "—is this the joke? From before?"
"No," Roxanne says quickly as Megamind starts to bristle. "We're getting married—eloping, and I was wondering if you wanted to be one of the witnesses."
"Oh!" Wayne says, "everything makes so much more sense now!"
"—does it?" Todd says underneath his breath, sounding close to hysterics.
"That's why there were all those flowers in front of your apartment!" Wayne says. "That's how you knew he wasn't evil! Oh, man, no wonder you were both so freaked out about the smoke thing before Halloween! Roxy, why didn't you just tell me you guys were dating?"
"Uh," says Roxanne.
"Congratulations, dear!" Lady Scott says, beaming and—
—patting Megamind on the arm.
Megamind goes perfectly still.
"Of course we'll come to the wedding," Lady Scott continues, and Roxanne gets ready to elbow Megamind in the ribs before he says something like you're not actually invited, but—
"—thank you," Megamind says, quietly to Lady Scott, his eyes a little shiny, "I'd—I'd like that."
Lady Scott turns a surprisingly sharp look on Todd.
"Why don't you come along, too? I'm sure my son would be glad of the company."
Wayne goes red.
Megamind cackles evilly at his expression, just a little, under his breath. Roxanne shoots him a warning look, but there's a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she does.
"Megamind," the Warden says, as Megamind turns off his holowatch. "This is a change of pace, at least. Usually you're breaking out of this place, not breaking in."
"'Change of pace'," Megamind repeats, then laughs, more than a little awkwardly, "you—have no idea." He presses his thumb to the ring on his finger (the Warden sees the move, Megamind observes the way the man's eyes flick down.)
"I've resigned from villainy," Megamind says abruptly, "I'm—going to—be a—" he feels his face pulling itself into an expression that—even he doesn't know what it is. "—a superhero? I guess. Metro Man seems to be serious about that…also, I'm—" he's smiling now, he can't help it. "—I'm getting married. Today. And. I wanted to see if you—this is—an optional kidnapping. I—I wanted to see if you…wanted to come? To the wedding. That I'm having. My wedding. I wanted to see if you wanted to come to my wedding." he trails off into silence. "This isn't actually a joke," he adds after a long moment.
The Warden stares stonily at him. Megamind feels his heart fall in spite of the way he'd told himself that he wasn't hoping—he told Roxanne, he told her that the Warden wouldn't believe him, wouldn't want to come anyway, even if he did.
"Never—never mind! Of—of course you don't—I'll just—" Megamind says, backing for the door, "I—I'm sure you have much better things to do than—"
The Warden's face softens.
"You're really serious about this," he states.
"I—yes—I really am," Megamind says, eyes wide and uncertain.
The Warden rubs a hand over his face.
"Just so we're clear," he says tiredly, "Miss Ritchi did actually say yes, right? You can't kidnap the bride, you know."
"It's not a kidnapping!" Megamind says, offended, "It's an elopement, and she's the one who suggested—uh. How. How—did you know it was Roxanne?"
The Warden gives him a look that makes Megamind flush.
"Yeah, okay, fair enough," Megamind mutters. "I'm obvious! I get it!"
"Not just you," the Warden says. He sighs, lips twitching into a smile beneath his mustache. "Optional kidnapping, huh?"
"Let me get my coat."
The back of the invisible car is—fairly crowded when Megamind ushers the Warden inside, although Metro Man has, at his mother's urging, elected to fly Todd to Vegas on his own.
Still, it's pretty full: Minion, two bolts of white fabric, Spikeless, Lady Scott, and—
"Lou," the Warden says carefully.
"Warden," Lou says, just as carefully.
"What the hell happened to you?"
"Long car ride," the Warden observes.
Lou makes a noncommittal, pained noise.
"—oh, yes, that fabric is just lovely," Lady Scott says to Minion, who takes a moment from frantically cutting and basting to smile in a slightly flustered manner.
"Bowg," says Spikeless, eyestalk on Minion's scissors, clearly longing to pounce but not quite daring to. (Daddy told them to be on their best behavior! And they were the only bot allowed to come along! The others will be so envious of them! They will be a good bot. And then maybe Designation: Roxanne Ritchi will pet them again! Ohhh, but those scissors look delicious—)
Both the Warden and Lou are silent for a moment.
"Our boy's getting married," the Warden says, voice studiedly casual.
"Yep," Lou says, and then adds, in an identical tone, but raising his voice slightly so that Megamind, sliding into the driver's seat, will hear, "Proud of you, kid."
"Yep," the Warden says, matching Lou's volume. "Me, too."
Roxanne, in the passenger seat, watches as Megamind flushes and sort of twitches involuntarily.
"Thank you," he says in a rush, and then quickly closes the metal panel between the two halves of the car.
"Ugh!" he groans, and leans his head on the steering wheel.
"Are you okay?" Roxanne says, torn between amusement and real concern. "Are you sure you—want both of them along? I mean—one of them is your prison warden and the other one tried to shoot you today…"
"Yes," Megamind says, head still on the steering wheel, "I'm fine. It's just—family. And. And people being—people are being really nice to me? I don't really—that's not—"
"Megamind," Roxanne says, voice soft. Megamind makes a strangled noise and she switches tactics. "Seriously, do you call this a kidnapping?" she says, making her voice as flat and unimpressed as possible. "You haven't even put me in the back of the car." Megamind turns his head, peering up at her from where he's still leaning against the wheel, an expression of bemusement on his face.
"Are you—being mean to me to make me feel better?" Megamind asks.
"Is it helping?" Roxanne asks.
"Really, Megamind," Roxanne says, huffing a put-upon sigh and gesturing, "you haven't even tied me up."
"Whatever was I thinking," Megamind murmurs, sitting up, a smile at the edges of his mouth.
"Clearly, you weren't," Roxanne says, "I mean, I could just—go anywhere I want to."
She climbs over into his lap.
"See what I mean?"
"A terrible oversight," Megamind agrees, definitely smiling now. "I'm appalled at myself."
"Besides," Roxanne continues, "I really don't have time for the whole kidnapping thing right now, Megamind."
"Oh?" he says, hands settling at her waist. "Plans for the day, Miss Ritchi?"
"Terribly important ones," Roxanne says, sliding her hands beneath the collar of his cape, palms against the skin of his neck, watching his eyes go half-lidded in response.
"Really? Do tell."
Roxanne leans forward and runs the tip of her tongue over the rim of Megamind's ear, then whispers, "I'm getting married today."
Megamind makes a soft noise and moves his hands from her waist to the curve of her ass—
A loud knock on the dividing panel makes them both jump.
"Not to interrupt whatever's going on up there," the Warden says in a dry tone, muffled by the panel, "but Minion's wondering when we're going to get on the road. He says we'll have to stop soon so Miss Ritchi can try on her dress, and he'd like us to at least have the car started by then."
Roxanne snickers and climbs back into her own seat.
"Nagging fish," Megamind mutters, a high flush on his ears, making them turn pink.
He starts the car.
The wedding party is definitely one of the weirder ones that Carl, the Elvis impersonator/minister at the 'Lil White Church has ever seen, which is saying something.
But really: a blue alien dressed like a heavy metal singer, a woman in a white dress and a spike crown, a flying robot, a fish in a mechanical gorilla suit, a man built like a bodybuilder who constantly hovers several inches above the ground, a mustachioed man in a conservative suit, another man (who Carl is pretty sure is a gangster) with a bandaged hand and a limp, an impeccably attired society lady, and one very bewildered manicurist named Todd.
At least the bride and the groom seem happy and—actually quite in love. They're already wearing their rings; when he gets to that part of the speech, they both fumble to pull them off, hand them to each other, and then put them on each other's fingers again.
"—you may now kiss the—oh. Uh. Well. I guess you're—already doing that," Carl says, then clears his throat. "Anyway—"
Megamind breaks the kiss, picking Roxanne up and spinning her around, both of them laughing.
Even Carl's deeply cynical Las Vegas heart is touched by the looks on their faces; he quietly snaps another picture.
(He already took one of the whole party, earlier: standard package at the 'Lil White Chapel only includes one photograph, but. Well. He figures he can hand out a freebie just this once.)
"Thank you, thank you very much," he says, not really minding how nobody's really listening.
They leave Lou in Vegas (plenty of crime in Vegas, kid) and Minion rehydrates the hoverbike for Megamind and Roxanne to use before driving the Warden and Lady Scott (and Spikeless, who tries to hide behind the hoverbike) back to the city. Todd elects to fly back with Wayne again—evidently the date hadn't been a complete disaster.
Minion pushes a small package into Megamind's hands before hugging him.
"Ah—yes—I—ahem." Megamind says, a flush lighting up his face. "Thank you."
Megamind and Roxanne take the hoverbike to a small town outside of Vegas.
(Roxanne jokingly suggests they go to that Area-51-themed town of Rachel and really blow the minds of the people at that A'Le'Inn hotel.
"Veeery funny," Megamind says dryly. "but—I'd imagine me getting attacked by a mob would probably put a damper on the honeymoon.")
Neither of them know the name of the town they do end up at, but the hotel is nice and, although the woman at the front desk does give them a strange look, there is certainly no attacking mob.
"I," Roxanne says, "am going to take a bath."
She more than half-expects Megamind to suggest joining her, and is fully ready to accept the offer, but he merely nods.
Roxanne goes to drain the water from the bath after she's done, and then pauses and reconsiders. They're—already married (married; she's married to Megamind; she finds herself smiling and is quite unable to stop) but the—point—of the bathwater probably still stands, doesn't it?
He can always drain the bathwater if he doesn't want to use it.
(He does use it, a warm glow in his chest spreading outwards as he sinks into the water—Roxanne knows what this means now, and she still—he wraps his arms gleefully around his chest. Married. He's married to Roxanne.)
He steps out of the bath and drains the water, dries off, and opens the package Minion gave him.
He looks at what's inside and takes a deep, shaky breath.
Okay, he can do this.
Roxanne sits on the bed in the nightgown she'd managed to stuff into her bag while Megamind wasn't looking (the light blue one, with the black lace—she bought it in a weak moment a week after Valentine's Day and hasn't ever been self-indulgent enough to wear it before now).
She smooths the lace over her thighs (again) and tells herself (again) that it is ridiculous for her to be this nervous.
Megamind has already—they are married, for—
(married, she thinks, heart fluttering)
She takes a deep breath, which is probably for the best, because in the next moment the bathroom door opens and Megamind is standing in the doorway and Roxanne—
—absolutely stops breathing.
He's wearing a white shirt, made out of the same, gauzy material as the top layer of Roxanne's wedding dress, and absolutely nothing else but his wedding ring. The cut of the shirt is similar to the one she'd loaned him that he'd called 'very nearly not clothing at all'. This one is even less like clothing; the hemline reaches halfway down his thighs but the translucent material leaves—really almost nothing to the imagination, and the neckline is wide enough that it's slipped entirely over one shoulder and very nearly over another, all of his neck and his collarbones exposed.
Megamind pauses in the doorway in a way that Roxanne—isn't entirely certain if it's an intentional pose or not; Megamind has always known how to make an entrance but—
She looks at his face; his expression, as he's looking at her—
He looks just as awestruck as she is.
"What—what are you wearing?" Megamind asks. She's—Roxanne is dressed in his colors: a sky blue close to the shade of his skin and black lace and god she is so very—
"—me?" Roxanne asks, "What about you?"
"Ah," he says, with a quick, uncertain movement of his hands, "well. It's. Traditional? Sorry, this is probably really—I'll just—"
"Don't," Roxanne says softly, and he stops backing away. "I want to look at you."
He freezes, eyes wide, as she does.
"Traditional, huh?" Roxanne says, after a long moment of looking at him as he blushes even harder.
"Uh, yes?" Megamind says.
"That shirt I gave you before," she says, "really was incredibly suggestive, wasn't it?"
"So, um," he says, "this. Is this okay?"
Roxanne's heart is—so full of love that it feels as though it's spilling out of her into the air.
Is this okay? Oh, you foolish, foolish man—
She holds out her hand to him and the blue stone in the middle of her ring catches the light.
"Come here, love," she says, smiling.
He smiles back at her, slow and wide and filled with joy—
(…these two fools live happily ever after)
notes: Thank you for reading! And thank you for all of the lovely reviews; I appreciate them so much! I had so much fun writing this, and I hope you all enjoyed it as well.
there is an excellent piece of fanart by AnimeFreakKatie at my tumblr, where I also go by setepenre-set.
(I would link, but FFN has a no-link policy)
My tumblr is primarily Megamind-themed; you are all welcome to follow me there!