AN: First Lost Girl fic. One-shot, in-depth Bo POV of S5E07. (Canon through S5E06.) Doccubus first, last and always.
DISCLAIMERS: I own nothing. These aren't my characters - I'm just borrowing them for awhile.
SYSTEM DOWN IN 90 SECONDS.
Back when I was a girl, living my days in the tiny speck on a map that was Grimley, I thought I had all the time in the world. Time moved so slowly then, and it seemed like I'd always have plenty of it. I had so much time on my hands, it nearly drove me crazy, especially that last year before I ran away - the long, lazy summer that went on forever while I waited for school to start up again. The fall of my last year of high school, counting the days until graduation, until I could get the hell out of Grimley, and go see the world.
Of course, looking back, it seems like it was all gone in the blink of an eye. These days, time is slipping through my fingers so fast, I couldn't hold on if I tried. I can barely stop to catch a breath. There's no time anymore because there's always some urgent catastrophe - a new bad guy, another horrid prophecy, one more impending apocalypse that will just kill another of my friends if I don't fix something. And usually that some thing is one I have no idea how to find or use, or some stupid ritual I've got to deal with. Or -
Almost five years of this shit, and though you'd think I'd have learned something useful, but it's never the same thing twice. I've gotten the hang of nothing but fucking heartbreak. "Chosen One", my perfect ass.
Back in Grimley, I actually wanted to be special. I wanted to be noticed and have all the attention and win all the contests and someday be prom queen. I wanted all the girls to be my friends, and all the boys to smile at me. Who am I kidding? I wanted a couple of the girls to smile at me, too. And when I smiled first with my trademark dimples, they sure as hell smiled back, but that's as far as it went.
Except for Kyle.
Now? Most days I want to be invisible and not set some terrible fate in motion just by getting out of bed. I would give almost anything to go one freaking day without being the damned Chosen One. Seriously. Who comes up with this shit? Chosen. The Dark Queen. Blah freakin' blah. Because no matter what anyone says - not even Trick - none of it matters. It doesn't change who I am - not really.
And it sure as hell doesn't change what I've done.
I have killed 291 people. Two hundred ninety one human beings - I have ended their lives, killed their hopes and dreams, left those who loved them without answers, wiped them from the face of the earth so that I could keep living a little while longer. For ten years, I moved from place to place, running from what I'd done, trying not to feed but not able to keep myself from doing it - and starving myself just made it worse.
And even worse than that? Loving how good it felt while I fed, and hating myself so quickly afterwards. Contemplating suicide, but holding on to the belief that one day, some impossible day, I'd be able to stop. Deciding to live, to keep trying…only to kill again when I got hungry.
I am a killer, and it doesn't matter that I needed to kill to survive. I still killed each and every one of those people.
That body count is just the ones I remember. I know there are a few I've forgotten, from those nights when I tried to drink or drug myself into oblivion because I was so scared and lost.
I try not to think about it too much. I'll go mad if I do. Oh, there have been a few times when I've come damned close to losing my mind. On those days, I feel like I understand my mother's craziness a little better. Wouldn't it be great to not remember all I've done? To not have it hanging over my head every damned moment of every damned day? To be insane and not feel the weight of it all the time?
Not to mention what it can do to a girl's brain to wake up with corpses most of your adult life. Then again, it was better to wake up with a corpse than to stay in the nightmares that were far, far worse.
In my entire life, Dyson was the first person I fed from who lived to tell the tale. A girl can't forget something like that. There is a place in my heart for him forever. And I know that, for as long as I walk this Earth thanks to my twisted Fae extended lifespan, Dyson will be a part of my life. And I do love him.
But I am not his. I belong - I will always belong - to someone else.
I belong to Lauren.
I wish I could say it was love at first sight, but it wasn't. Hell, the first time I saw her, she was just the least threatening person in the room. What a mindfuck that day was. But the first time I held her hands in mine, and looked into those honey-brown eyes, something moved inside me and has never moved back. Not when she tried to get me to join the Light, not when she slept with me on the Ashhole's orders, not when she sold me out to Trick and kept me from saving Kenzi - not even when she broke my heart. I am hers.
How can I not love her? She sees me. All of me - the good that I want to be even if I was born in Hel and don't claim a side, the Dark that runs in my blood and calls to me every day though I try to resist, the small town girl who just wants a happily ever after, the Blood King's grand-daughter who is trying to do the best I can in this twisted Fae world with what I've got even if I don't understand half of what's going on - all of it. She sees every good thing I've done, every mistake I've made, and the way she looks at me never changes.
She knows I'm a killer, and knows how much I wish I didn't have to be. She is the only person I know besides Kenzi who really knows who I am, and who I want to be. She was the first to show me what kind of person I could become.
But now? Well, now she's ruining everything. Every tiny chance we've had, something blew it, but this time, it's all on her. Do I really need to recount all the ways that she's screwed up this relationship? I'm not saying I'm any better, and I'm trying not to hold it against her. Again. No, really, I'm trying, but….How can someone so smart do so many stupid things? Sure, she's human and she thinks that limits her choices, but it doesn't, really. We would be so much stronger together, but again, by her choice, we're apart.
Why? Because Lauren Lewis now works for the Dark.
Gods damnit, I wish this thing would -
"..shut the Fae up!"
MY Lauren, who begged me to join the Light, who freaked out at the very possibility that I might be Dark, is now working for the damned Morrigan. Ok, Evony is human, but that's not the point. She's evil, through and through, that one. And Lauren is freakin' responsible for her. Sure, technically, I was Dark, too, but no one actually believed that, right?
Now, even though she's wasting precious time with Dark Fae bullshit, I am still here, trying to keep her safe from the countless idiots who want to kill her. How do I know they're idiots? Because the whole Fae world knows this woman is mine. Shit, even Dyson knows, and he's stubborn as -
Well, he's as stubborn as I am, but that's not my point. The point is that Lauren is wasting what little time we have, and it pisses me off, but I still can't walk away from her. Not really.
So. I'm in this stupid lab, trying to secure this stupid freezer box, or whatever the hell it is, trying to keep her safe from whatever crap Evony is about unleash on us. But it's us, together, side by side, ready to take on whatever comes out of that container, and I'll be damned if I let that thing hurt one hair on Lauren's beautiful, Dark-employed head.
Except there's nothing to take on. The container opens, and there's nothing there. It's empty. We've evacuated the entire building for no reason. Once again, Evony has played us for fools, but this time, it grates on my fucking nerves. Why is Lauren even here? What hold does the Dark have on her? Does she want something from Evony that I don't know about? She belongs with her family, with us - with me - and the longer she's away from me, the more that I'm scared to ask why, and that makes me even angrier.
Why are we on opposite sides? Why is she working for them, for her? Furious, I finally call her on it.
The anger fizzles out faster than it arrived as Lauren puts her arms around me, and starts to whisper the truth in my ear.
That this lab is her dream. That she's not really working for the Dark and that she has no intention of making Evony Fae again. That this is all part of her plan, and that she wants my trust.
Part of me hears every word and soars, relieved to hear that she isn't really Dark after all. That she isn't lost to me forever. That she hasn't forgotten her family, and is still one of us.
But another part of me could give a damn about any of that, because she's in my arms, and as each second passes, her aura burns brighter. Her hair falls against my cheek, her scent is all around me, the air warm and heavy with the air conditioning off thanks to the blackout. Her hips are pressed closer to mine than I think she knows. I can feel her heart rate increase, I can smell her arousal - always present when I'm this close - I can taste her breaths coming faster and faster across her lips. She pulls her body back, the brief almost-pretend-but-not-quite dance forgotten, and the kiss that follows is as almost as sweet as the first one was, so many years ago.
Lauren Lewis is fucking delicious. I'm addicted to the taste of her kiss, the taste of her, and I will never, ever get enough.
I pull away to look in her eyes, and I can see the truth, even if she won't say it. Damnit, Lauren, I know you love me. None of this other bullshit matters. Why are we wasting time?
"Are you done hiding how you feel about me?" I ask her, only half joking.
"Jesus, Bo," she whispers, no patience left. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm yours?"
Well, evidently, just one more time.
"I didn't know, Lauren." I look over to the lab - I thought I heard something, but I don't smell anything - well, nothing more odd than all her damned chemicals. "I thought all this lab stuff for the Dark Fae was, I don't know, real -"
She sighs, and it pulls my eyes back to her.
And I'm a goner. Her eyes soften, her lips quirk just a bit, and she raises a hand to my face. One long, elegant finger brushes across my lips, and I can't hold back anymore.
Eyes closed, my lips touch hers, and I'm once again filled with the summer-warm scent of her. God, she smells so good. There's this one spot on that long, gorgeous neck that drives me crazy. Her lips open as I deepen the kiss, and I am seconds from losing my fucking mind. My hands are too hot, and I'm holding back the need to find skin to brush my fingers across, to push my will into her body with one touch so she'll bend to my every desire. I need to wait - there's a better use for that touch.
I'm so lost in her kiss, her skin, that I don't notice that she's unzipped my top until I feel her hands warm against my breasts, and I know I moan. Because this woman is like fucking magic in my arms and no one and nothing on earth calls to me like she does, with her scent, and her taste, and her touch.
Opening her lab coat to get my hands under her shirt is like opening a Christmas present. What is it about this coat? How can a freaking lab coat turn me on? It doesn't matter anymore as I push it off her shoulders, and make fast work of getting her topless, and then I swear I lift her clean off the ground and carry her over to the exam table with her legs wrapped around my hips.
Soon enough, though it seems to take forever, we're naked - Lauren on her back on the exam table, me stretched out on top of her - and I feel every inch of her body against mine. It's like there's some electrical spark wherever my skin touches hers, and it makes my heart race. There's a high-pitched ringing in my ears, I want her so bad, and a thrumming in my blood when she touches me. It's feels like fire and ice at the same time in my veins, and I shiver, though I'm damned sure not cold. It's been too long since I've touched her like this, and I'm on fire and I'm not going to be able to wait, not if I'm going to resist feeding off her, and I don't want to feed, that's not what this is about -
"Lauren, I can't -"
I feel her hand move down my body, push confidently between my thighs, and I'm shocked to hear a growl that I think came out of me.
"I've got you, lover," she says with a soft smile, and she does. I'm always wet - it's a perk of being a succubus - so it's fast work for her to stroke and move against me as the coil starts in my guts and then explodes through all my nerve endings. I've barely drawn a breath after that first abrupt orgasm when her fingers fill me, hard, and deep, and I'm about to ride high on another orgasm if she keeps fucking me like that.
I look up, and see the reflection of my own eyes, now blue, in hers, and she has that look of loving pride on her face, like she welcomes me - all of me - into her arms and her body, like she's won something. I'm not one to talk about souls, but when we're together like this, just her and me, I feel something in me connect to something in her, and it's unbreakable.
My heartbeat drums in my ears.
I spread my legs to kneel over her, the insides of my thighs pressed against the outsides of hers, and raise myself up on my arms. She thrusts harder, using my strength for leverage by grasping the back of my neck with her free hand and pulling her whole body up as she pushes deeper into me.
"Lauren," I warn her.
"I know, baby," she says, not breaking eye contact, and thrusting faster.
"Lauren, I mean it."
"I'm not stopping, Bo," she says, matter-of-factly, and she doesn't stop, even though she knows I might lose it, and could start to pull her chi if I cum as hard as it feels like I'm about to.
It didn't used to happen like this - this crazy burn that rakes over my entire body. When we were first lovers, it would take hours to get here, if ever, to this point where I worry I might lose control. In those days, I was so scared of killing her that I would slow things down as much as possible while we learned each other. I never, ever forget that she's human.
But now, she knows just how to touch me, just where to push to drive me mad, just how to call out every wicked, delicious succubus trait I have, and this time, it's drawing out that part inside that scares even me. Not that I want to admit it. Yet with everything that's happened, all the ways we've hurt each other, and the stupid outside world that pulls us apart, when it's just us, like this, I feel safer with her than I ever thought possible.
I know that I would never, ever hurt her - but oh, if she keeps this up, I'm going to make sure she doesn't walk right for a few days.
"You're going to get more of me than you've planned if you keep this up, woman," and I'm surprised to hear my voice come out of my mouth in split octaves. Ok, that's new...
"I think I can handle it," she says, not without effort, as she puts that delicious arm to work.
She can't let go of my neck without giving up her driving pace, so she kisses me deeply, and then drops her head to draw her teeth across one taut nipple.
I growl, I moan, I curse, and right when I'm sure I can't hold back anymore -
"Give it up, succubus," my mild-mannered lover whispers, and I nearly roar when the orgasm sears my body. The ringing in my ears is louder, my arms shake from holding myself up through every spasm that fills me with fire, light bursts behind my eyes and the feeling of being full in so many ways makes me feel invincible.
Ever the over-achiever, she still doesn't stop, and I cum twice more before I finally come down.
When I can think again, my hips are already moving into hers, my hands tight in her hair, and I'm kissing her like I will never taste her again. Now, I don't hold back my pulsing touch as I brush glowing fingers across her breasts, breathing in every gasp from her lips.
I raise my head to look at her as I move my fingers down, splaying them across the perspiration on her tight belly and muscular thighs before sliding them through wet heat, and when her eyes roll back into her head, I push my pulsing fingers inside her.
I slow down, because I want to feel every single moment of this, and she moans in frustration. I let out a low laugh. "Thought you said you could take it?"
She swallows, tries to speak once and fails, then tries again. "No comment."
Gods, I love this woman.
Kisses across her collarbones, a lick to her perfect chin, and now I have to make love to her beautiful breasts, while I thrust and pulse within her, knowing this slow build up will pay off amazingly. She's clutching to my back, whispering my name, urging me to keep going, moving slow and sweet beneath me, and I resist the urge to move faster as -
Bloody hell. Tamsin. Oh, shit.
With all the chemicals in here, my nose is off. I can't smell her, but I can hear her. I pause for a moment, possible answers racing wildly through my head - the I'm sorrys, the it's not you it's me, the I didn't mean for you to find out this way, that I still need Lauren, that I still want Lauren, that I love Lauren more than I could ever love anyone.
Lauren tightens her grip on me, interrupting my nearly panicked thoughts. "Don't you dare stop," she says in that low, quiet voice that makes my guts seize. Apparently, I've paused too long. She can't hear Tamsin in the next room, and doesn't know someone is watching, so I'm the only one who hears the choked sob that cuts off abruptly.
I think of doing just that, stopping, but it's Lauren, finally, in my arms, under me, right where I've wanted her for so long, and I can't stop now. She raises her hips to meet my thrusts, and I damned near lose it right then.
Another slow, deep, twisting thrust, and Lauren moans so low I can feel it resonate through her whole body. That sound reaches into me, calling to me and the dark monster inside me, and I will not stop. Tamsin will forgive me or she won't, but Lauren is here, skin so warm against my tongue, so hot around my fingers, and I will not let this moment go to waste.
In another moment, Tamsin is gone.
Lauren cries out, then pleads in whispers for more, and I'm happy to give it to her. I lose myself in her, wanting to both break her down and raise her up at the same time. My eyes are tightly closed against the distracting glow of her aura around her skin, my forehead pressed against her heart, but she never lets me slip away from her. Strong, sure hands grip my head, fingers tighten in my hair, and she suddenly raises my head so she can look in my eyes, her body shaking beneath me.
"Here," she whispers breathlessly, as every muscle in her body tightens, her back bows, her eyes glaze over. I watch every moment, living in it as if it's the last I'll have on this earth, meeting her gaze with every unrelenting thrust inside her. Her hands fall to my shoulders as I feel the seizing pulse inside her over and over again until she briefly shouts and holds tightly to me like I'd dare pull away.
I draw it out as long as I can, until she begs me to stop, and even then, I pulse her with my fingers still - unmoving - inside her.
Then comes the calm. I forget when I'm away from her for too long, about how calm I can feel in her arms. The quiet peace of being with her, after. When my eyes are still closed, and we're spent and still, and all I can hear and smell and feel is her.
She makes something inside me lay down, curl up and - stop. For just this one moment, I don't have to be anything or anyone but Bo, the woman who belongs to Lauren.
Gods, I want to stay here. In this quiet, annoyingly hot corner in this stupid laboratory, wrapped in her lab coat, my cheek resting on her belly, rising and falling with each of her still rapid breaths. To forget the things that keep us apart - the Light, the Dark, my newfound fucking crazy ancient relatives, Dyson, Tamsin, Trick's foreboding warnings of impending doom, my father...
Jesus, my father -
I want to forget all the things that keep us apart, that are not the best of me, because the best of me is what's hers.
Her fingers comb through my hair, soothing the places she tore and scratched, gentle and completely unnecessary apologies in her touch. I wonder if she can feel my smile against her skin.
"I've never stopped loving you, you know," I say in the quiet.
"Me, either, Bo, but love wasn't really our problem."
She's got a point, one my dream Mama Tina would agree with. What's love got to do with it? It was never love that was keeping us apart. But what I've got to make her understand is that I've got no guarantee of anything. Not a long fae life, not safety for any one of my family, not one single thing I can be sure of. I know this much - if I can lose Kenzi - twice - then I can lose anyone.
But loving each other has to mean something. Lauren broke my heart, but I will always forgive her. Even when she drives me crazy, even when I'm so angry I could kill someone - someone else, because I could never hurt her. Because I love her, everything about her - her bravery, her intelligence, her passion, her drive – even her present stupidity, since she thinks she's doing the right thing.
And here's a scary thought: even the Dark Queen, who I hide somewhere in my body and my blood, loves her, will fight for her, and has killed for her. And between the two of us here in my skin, we will kill anyone foolish enough to try to take Lauren's life or freedom away from her.
Gods help my father if he tries.
She's babbling something in French about I don't know what, kisses me, and gets up, and I wonder how long it'll be this time before I can hold her, and love her again. Now that I know she's not working for the Dark - she has to know we belong together; maybe, this time I've gotten through to her.
Maybe this time she'll see that it doesn't matter how slowly or quickly time moves, or how short or long our lives might be. It's not about how much or how little time we have left.
All that matters is that I love her. And all we really have is now.
AN: Hope you liked it! Your reviews would be most welcome. ~VB517